Pigeons , the bane of the city worker......

pittsburgh, as i have said in the past, is a twisted little city. we dont get credit for anything good that happens here but we do catch hell when it goes bad. well pittsburgh, i'm pitchin' and your catchin'. yesterday the city was put in lockdown. a sniper was holding the city ransom and swat teams and cops scoured the city searching for the hardened criminal. all the tv stations were covering it. in pittsburgh this isnt big news........ its huge news. it must have made national news because a friend in madison wisconsin called me and asked when i was coming down off of the roof. i , politely, explained that i wasnt going to go sniper crazy for at least another year and a half. after all this build up the criminal was found. it was some guy with a pellet gun who was shooting pigeons at the behest of his boss. thats right the hardened criminal was just some schmuck who didnt even realize that he was doing wrong. welcome to my world. now i must admit that when i thought it might be a real sniper i implored my boss to send our bookkeeper (who only has a job because a helper monkey is way to expensive) down to pittsburgh in a bullseye coat to report back to us. he consulted with our lawyers and insurance company and (even though he felt it might have been the best idea i had yesterday) decided against it. this is what amounts to drama in this cowtown. people will talk about this for years. this guy will get a "where is he now" segment on the local pbs station in ten years.

oh well, it could be worse. hey its thursday....get to work.

Child molesters and nfl players.............

maybe pennsylvania has it right. a bill was sponsored to make all convicted child molesters over 18 who preyed on children younger than 13 to wear a global positioning ankle bracelet. it would alert police if the person got close to a school or a daycare or a park....etc. i think you get the picture. this in conjunction with a mandatory 25 year sentence might make these sick bastards think twice. i'm torn because even though i like to see child molesters suffer i can see this being used unfairly by people in power. oh well, i guess i hope it goes through.

speaking of lowlifes, terrell owens signed with the cowboys. this puts three of the biggest douche bags (to, jerry jones and bill parcells) together for what i hope is the swan song for at least one of them. the cowboys will get one good year out of to. ok, maybe most of one full year then he will implode and take the team down with him. bill parcells is one of the most overrated coaches ever (what has he ever won without belichek)and i hope that this signing brings him down. the cowboys arent close to a super bowl but they are close to their own personal armegeddon courtesy of t.o. jerry jones is an asshole and you really cant tarnish his reputation. i feel bad for whoever coaches that team after this year. you know that jerry jones will throw parcells under the bus as soon as t.o. goes in the tank. you like t.o.? go ask the 49ers and eagles about what a great guy he is. hes a clubhouse cancer but when you know that and you still sign him you get what you deserve. americas team my ass.

good luck everyone....its hump day.

First she masters the world then the nfl.......

paul tagliabue is stepping down as commissioner of the nfl. this after he mediated the last cba for the league. under his tenure the nfl has continued to be the most well, and therefore richest, run sports organization. there were a number of names thrown out to replace him but the one that struck me as the most bizarre.....condeleeza rice. shouldnt she be more concerned with the world? arent we paying her to do something just a hair more important? i understand that people think she should run for president. note to condy.....the commissioners job pays a whole lot more. that is actually a shame. maybe if the job of president payed more then we would get someone worth a shit in the office. actually the nfl job used to be easy. the owners understood the concept of the golden goose and werent so anxious to kill it. the new owners are a different breed. its me me me all the time. after getting the job condy might think that fixing the mideast isnt such a daunting task. do you think tagliabue might have realized that the next cba is going to be a bloodbath. asshole jerry jones, little napoleon daniel snyder, kraft in boston....ther are all a bunch of assholes. they will be the death of the nfl. good luck to the next commish. your job is going to be a nightmare.

keep moving toward the end of the week kids. it will be here soon.

Too close to home...........

thats right, some things hit too close to home. just ask isaac hayes. hes the voice of chef on south park. he has been a mainstay for years. nothing offened him before. masturbation, murder, intolerance....everything was just ducky. he even stayed with the show when they made fun of christians, muslims, jews....etc. you getting the picture? what would make isaac leave the show? what breech of etiquite could possibly tip him over? well when they made fun of scientology (which isaac is a big proponent of) that was the last straw. thats right, making fun of the worlds funniest religion was what pushed him out. what a time to suddenly get religiously sensitive. as a reverend i can assure you that getting mad over religion is like fucking for virginity. it makes no sense. also because i have gods ear he says that scientology is a joke. he told me that you cant just make up a religion. hid did waver slightly when i pointed out that he had done that long ago but then he promised to smite me if i continued with that line of questioning....so i stopped.

well my ncaa brackets is just hanging on. george mason vs wichita state? did anyone really have that on their bracket? call it home town bias but i had pitt going to the final four. sure i needed them to put together a run like they did in the big east tournament but i was scared of a game like they had against bradley. i still have three out of four in the atlanta sectional. my final four team is gone from the oakland sectional. all i have left from the washington sectional in connecticut....but i had them going to the final four so i'm still good there. in minneapolis i have villanova, bc and florida with bc going to the final four. well i'm still in the running but it looks shaky to me. leets hope i can hang on to the thin lead i have now.

monday , monday. cant trust that day.

Iran, your next...................

in speeches this week to justify staying in iraq president bush is blaming iran for insurgency and ied's that have been found. this doesnt bode well for iran. our president has a history of invading countries that dont roll over for him. now dont get me wrong, i think iran is a country that could use a good spanking but i think the rest of the world is getting a little tired of the us of a just attacking. i know someone is going to tell me that they dont care what the rest of the world thinks....but we better start. the world isnt as large anymore as once thought. we need a global economy for america to flourish and we need to have some civilized dialogue with the rest of the world. daddy bush was a little smarter regarding these matters. he got thew world together and agreeing on what needed to be done then we didnt look like the bad guys......which we a starting to do now.


on a lighter note, march madness is upon us. having filled out my bracket i am going head to head with the sales manager at work (hereto refered to as john). after one day i am leading ten to nine. the big east is screwing me heartily at this moment but thanks to uw-milwaukee i am holding a slim lead as of right now. a whole $5 is riding on this.

happy saint patricks day. remember everyone is irish today (except the jews). i kid , i kid.

The older brother effect..................

While biologists look at hormones for answers about human sexuality, other scientists are looking for patterns in statistics. And hard as this is to believe, they have found something they call "the older brother effect."
"The more older brothers a man has, the greater that man's chance of being gay," says Bailey.
Asked if that's true, Bailey says, "That is absolutely true."
If this comes as a shock to you, you’re not alone. But it turns out, it’s one of the most solid findings in this field, demonstrated in study after study.
And the numbers are significant: for every older brother a man has, his chances of being gay increase by one third. Older sisters make no difference, and there's no corresponding effect for lesbians. A first-born son has about a 2 percent chance of being gay, and the numbers rise from there. The theory is it happens in the womb.

this was stated on 60 minutes last sunday. i have a couple of problems with this. namely...ron, mark and scott. according to their calculations i am 100% gay. now anyone who really knows me knows that i am maybe....28% gay tops. i have a friend who has six older brothers and i'll bet hes suprised that hes 200% gay (the rest of us arent though). i guess the bottom line is look at your family and see how gay you are. i have three older brothers and i havent gone brokeback yet. if my brother scott reads this ...remember your 66% gay you fag. how am i going to break this to my wife? hell, how am i going to break this to myself? oh well, i guess i'll just go home today and be gay with my wife and kids.

almost the weekend. lets finish strong.

Pat robertson, intolerance at its finest.......

pat robertson is up to his old tricks. he proclaimed on his show that islam is not a religion of peace and that radical muslims are satanic. his comments came after he watched a news story on his christian broadcasting network about muslim protests im europe regarding the cartoons of muhammed. he said the the outpouring of of rage elicited by cartoons jusy shows the kind of people we are deling with.he said these people are crazed fanatics and he believed they are motivated by a demonic power. he said its satanic and its time we recognized what we are dealing with.

ok pat, lets look this over. first off he formulated his opinion after seeing a report on tv. his network in particular. i'm sure the christian broadcasting network would give the muslims a fair shake...right? thank god you saw that pat or you would never be able to make a decision. as for crazed fanatics that are motivated by demonic powers he should stick to what he knows best....christianity. what kind of person would call for the death of someone who says something he doesnt agree with. a muslim? well pat called for the murder of the president of venezuela. what kind of god would be lauded for giving a man a stroke. islam? well pat said the christian god punished the israeli prime minister with a stroke. anyone here see a problem with this. if muslims kill someone over their religion then they are crazed fanatics. if a christian does it hes just doing gods will. terrorists arent only in the mideast. abortion clinics and doctors now need protection. from who? christians. i guess you could call them terrorists but in america we refer to them as christians or martyrs or.....well, you get the drift. christians dont want to abort a fetus in the first trimester but have no problem aborting a doctor in the ...lets say.......120th trimester. think the press isnt biased...think again. now as anyone who reads this blog knows i dont agree with the muslims...but i dont agree with the christians either. actually i dont agree with any organized religion. they all spew hatred and intolerance wherever the flourish. the neo-nazis believe they are doing gods work too. if you have any questions why muslims dislike america then maybe this might answer a few of your questions.

hump day you bunch of crazy kids.

Alot can happen in 17 hours............

pennsylvania is an odd state....politically speaking. its odd in any number of ways actually but for the sake of this post we will stick to the politics. joe hoeffel was going to run for lt. governor. lt. governor is like an assistant to the governor or the vice president or for lack of a better example like the runner up in the miss america pageant. be ready in case something happens but in the mean time just stand around and look pretty. he announced he was going to run and then seventeen hours later he threw in the towel. why? maybe it was because he didnt have the cash flow to do it. no? maybe he didnt think he would have the support. no? it was because the governor told him to. the governor is from philly and so is hoeffel. the governor thought it wouldnt help him (meaning the governor) in the western part of the state if both men were from eastern pennsylvania. remember pennsylvania has philadelphia in the east, pittsburgh in the west and in between is arkansas. inbred hicks and farmers mostly. so this got me to thinking (which can be devastating) about whos the best man. shouldnt the best man be allowed to run regardless of where hes from? shouldnt the people of this peculiar state want the best man regardless of where hes from? is this election fixing? whatever happened to our parents and teachers telling us that anyone could be president when this man isnt being allowed to run from asst. governor because the party wont support him? our governor isnt very popular in pittsburgh right now because of slot machine gambling. the rights are up for grabs but the fix is in here in pittsburgh because of donations to his campaign and we will lose our hockey team because of it (not that the penguins are worth keeping this year anyway). the governor doesnt want to rock the boat in this part of the state any more than he has to. this might cost him his job as governor. to whom you might ask. fair question. to lynn swann. is lynn swann a man who has toiled for the public and understands how to get things done? no. then what are his qualifications? good question. hes a former steeler(as in football player) not like our governor who is a current stealer (i thought that was pretty witty kids). how does this qualify lynn as governor? it doesnt...but remember this is a peculiar state so how qualified do you need to be.

its only tuesday....but it seems like a second monday to me.

How does your city keep its streets clean..........

theres a small town outside of piitsburgh called ebensburg. when i say small town i mean like mayberry. 3100 people tops. this is really small town america. they got a big government grant and fixed up the downtown area. new brick crosswalks, old timey looking gas lights...the works. there is just one small problem. the small amish community drives their buggies through town. now dont get me wrong the people of ebensburg like having the amish around. its great for the farmers market and it reminds them of times gone past but its the horses they mind. seems those animals have no respect for the revitalized downtown and have a nasty habit of leaving some road apples around for the fine people of ebensburg. so what do we do to solve this problem? diapers. thats right kids ...diapers for the horses. alright, maybe this town lacks creativity. they probably havent had cable as long as you or i have. luckily enough the town fathers (and i'm sure a few mothers) decided against this plan. seems the people of ebensburg are tired of losing court cases to the amish. apparently the amish arent so far behind the times that they cant pick a good shyster lawyer when needed. the took the amish to court to make them put the large reflective triangles on their buggies..... and lost. whats safety when you have a time tested belief of having some of your people run over yearly. so with that in mind the diapers were defeated. not because it was a ridiculous idea (and make no mistake....it was) but because it would impinge on their religious beliefs. and that my friends is the story of how god, in defense of horse shit, defeated the hated diapers. read the book of shoes, chapter 5, verse 22.

go on now....theres nothing more to see here.

Can 102 irish priests be wrong..........

the roman catholic church controls alot of places. south america, pittsburgh, ireland. well things havent been going so well in ireland. the church in ireland admitted that 102 of its dublin priests ,past and present, are suspected of abusing children. this disclosure comes a week before the government convenes a probe into how church and state authorities conspired, by negligence and design, to cover up decades of child abuse within the dublin priesthood. since 2003 the archdiocese has been going over the records of 2800 priests who have worked in dublin since 1940. the conclusion: 102 are suspected of abusing children, 32 have been sued and 8 have been convicted of criminal charges. the archdiocese has already paid out over 7 million and the archbishop has said that they will need to sell of property to meet looming bills for 40 (again i say 40) unresolved lawsuits and claims from hundreds more. the government probe is reminiscent of a probe done in the diocese of fern where they found one priest who had molested a group of first communion girls on the altar......but was never punished.

well isnt it reassuring to know that it isnt just the catholic church in america that covers up the "unpleasantness". when you cater to men who decide they dont ever want sex again you are going to get some of these kind of men. its just not natural to not want sex. to sum it up i'm not mad at the church for having pedophiles. there are alot of pedophiles that arent priests running around out there. when you ask men to take a vow of chastity then guys who are off kilter are going to join your group because they think it will set them right. it wont. what is so heinous is the coverup. not only the coverup but moving these known pedophiles around so that they could molest a whole new group of kids every couple of years. the church to them was a kind of pedophile smorgasboard. for that act alone they deserve the huge lawsuits and it will be a happy day for me when they have to sell some church property. lets call it paying for your sins. of course they wont sell off property because the devout will ante up an even larger part of their income to the church. in essence they will pay for the sins of the church. all of which was done to save face for the church. isnt vanity a sin.

well i'm glad i could get you into youre weekend with such an uplifting story. start drinking now everyone.

Bill o'reilly "american gasbag"........

John Amato: O'Reilly sends FOX Security-threatens police action for mentioning Keith Olbermann's name

Many of you are aware of the feud between Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly. Keith has been highlighting distortions in Bill's arguments for months now and has honored O'Reilly with the "Worst Person of the Day" award several times. Finally-O'Reilly responded by sending a letter to NBC chairman Bob Wright saying:
"Therefore, in an effort to rescue MSNBC from the ratings basement and to restore the honor and dignity of Mr. Donahue, who was ignobly removed as host three years ago, we ask that you immediately bring Phil Donahue's show back at 8:00 PM EST before any more damage is done."

On his website he has a petition posted for his Factorette's to sign. Olbermann responded by signing the petition on-air along with some of his colleagues. O'Reilly, the narcissist that he is now won't let callers to his radio program even mention Keith's name without cutting them off and calling security. Here's a transcript of the call.:

O'REILLY: Orlando, Florida, Mike, go.

CALLER: Hey Bill, I appreciate you taking my call.

O'REILLY: Sure.

CALLER: I like to listen to you during the day, I think Keith Olbermann's show --

O'REILLY: There ya go, Mike is -- he's a gone guy. You know, we have his -- we have your phone numbers, by the way. So, if you're listening, Mike, we have your phone number, and we're going to turn it over to Fox security, and you'll be getting a little visit.

HILL: Maybe Mike is from the mothership.

O'REILLY: No, Maybe Mike is going to get into big trouble, because we're not going to play around. When you call us, ladies and gentleman, just so you know, we do have your phone number, and if you say anything untoward, obscene, or anything like that, Fox security then will contact your local authorities, and you will be held accountable. Fair?

HILL: That's fair.

O'REILLY: So, just -- all you guys who do this kind of a thing, you know, I know some shock jocks. Whatever. You will be held accountable. Believe it.

Soon after a few callers received phone messages from the head of security at FOX-threatening them:
"I got the call on the phone I used to call him from the head of Fox News security. He said that harassing phone calls were coming from my phone. I asked him how many? He did not know. I asked him what was said that was harassing? He said that he did not know but that it did not have to be what was said, but how many calls were being made. He tried to make like I made 20 phone calls instead of one, and that I cursed O'Reilly out. All I said was that I was grateful to O'Reilly for turning me on to Olbermann.
Then he hung up."

Bill is obviously losing it and trying to harass callers for disagreeing with him. Isn't that part of the job description of a talk show host? And why is FOX security calling people when Bill is broadcasting on Westwood One? I know there's a lot of screening that goes on, but trying to intimidate callers because they mention the name of someone you don't like is ludicrous. As Susan Filan, a former prosecutor said on Countdown last night-the one person that might have a legal problem is O'Reilly himself. I called the head of FOX security who has been contacting callers for comment, but he hasn't returned my call so far. Stay tuned. Maybe the falafel police will be knocking down my door because I dared to ask a few questions about O'Reilly cowardice.

(John Amato is the main man at Crooksandliars.com)

Billy O'Reilly is Looking For Callers to His Radio Show
Let's help him out, here is the number, 1-877-966-7746. Call from noon to 2pm EST. Ask him why he wants Keith Olbermann fired for low ratings when two conservatives on MSNBC (Joe Scarborough and Tucker Carlson) get lower ratings than Keith does. if you feel that billy is a douche bag then by all means call him. you dont have to listen, in fact i encourage you not to listen to him, but by all means please call and mention keith olberman. only call once...we dont want to harrass him.

ok, now get to work. lets finish this week strong kids.

Barry bonds uproar..............

well, seems like your friend and mine, barry bonds, is back in the news. a book is coming out that says it has substantiated proof that he did hard core steroids since 1998. hell thats not a revelation. i could have (and did) tell you this for some time now. actually this is all just heresay until you get a positive blood test or he admits it. dont get me wrong, i dont like barry at all. i pray every day for a debilitating knee injury that ends his career. barry says hes not going to read the book, which is all fine and well, but unless he comes out and sues or holds a huge press conference and refutes all of this his image is even further tarnished. his records wont and shouldnt be removed from the books but it just proves that he couldnt carry hank aarons jock. steroids wont make you hit the ball. its no suprise to anyone that he can hit. he always was a good hitter. that hand and eye coordination wont be enhanced by steroids. what will be is the length of fly balls. what would have went to the warning track is now over the wall. maybe twenty a year? please dont hit me with the bullshit that the steelers of the seventies were all doing steroids, that was before people knew the full ramifications of what doing this drug would do to your health later in life. i've also heard people say that kirk gibson was on painkillers when he hit the famous homerun in the series and that brett favre was on painkillers while setting records for continuous games played. those guys werent trying to enhance their performance, they were trying to get onto the field. its different. barry is going to tell you that its because of his being black that the press is out to get him. bullshit. the race card is tiresome. quit playing it. a fine example this week is kirby puckett. he was loved by the media, his fellow players and his fans..........and he was black. nobody would have a problem if kirby puckett would pass babe ruth and then aaron. hey barry, you want to see the problem? look in the mirror. you being an insufferable prick to everyone your whole life is catching up to you. does the press have a vendeta against you? maybe. but you cultivated it. keep poking the bear with a stick and ultimately its going to snap and then it will remove your tattoos by pulling your arms off. and if the book is to be believed its nice to see the chink in his armour. barry always plays it off like he doesnt care what others think but now we know better. his envy of mark mcgwire (i hope that spelling is correct) will lead to his downfall.

at a worst case scenerio barry will be the third leading homerun hitter of all time, a seven time mvp, perrenial all star and a hall of famer...........and a liar and a cheater. he will always be tainted.

Nfl = wtf.................

whats up football. are you trying to become baseball. the union and the owners turned americas passtime into a second rate sport that fights with hockey and basketball for ratings. football has a lock on americas attention right now but it looks like some greedy owners want to kill the goose who lays their golden eggs. for once in america the sport isnt being torn apart by the owner/player relations. this time its a civil war between millionaire and billionaire owners. the haves dont want to share with the have nots. somewhere wellington mara is spinning in his grave. he could have put a lock on football like the yankees have on baseball but instead he understood that the health of the game was most important. he decided that sharing revenue with green bay would benefit the game and thereby benefit him too. snyder (redskins) and jones (cowboys) dont get it. they have alot of cash that didnt come from football and are willing to blow it on players to buy a title. the owners were always able to squash the players union because of their solidarity but nothing benefits the players like the owners being seperated (just ask baseball players). the players vs owners is just an interesting sidelight to all of this. the players want a bigger cut of the pie (dont they always) and the owners dont want to give it to them (dont they always). i could argue this either way. the owners take all the risk with stadiums and equipment and insurance and etc...... but the payers are the game. did anyone watch the super bowl this year because of the rooneys? i didnt. i do think the players should get bigger cuts because the biggest expense for an owner is paid for by the taxpayer....stadiums. football better get its shit together or they will be lumped with baseball very soon.

you read my rant now back to work.

Oscar talk.............

ok, i admit it. i watched the oscars last night. i was really only watching to see jon stewart host but i must admit (and god help me for telling you this) i liked the show. i thought it was done well. now i must admit that i didnt see any of the movies that were nominated (none of them having an animated dinosaur in them) but i was pulling for brokeback mountain to win. i'm not sure why. maybe it was because it would piss off most of the red states. maybe it was because it was something completely different. maybe it was because of all the press. hell, i dont know. i did think that E had a pretty funny thing before the show when they said they were going to interview a group from middle america (some place in kansas that is in the geographical center of the u.s.). it turns out that the group was a bunch of old women. i mean old kids. it looked like late 60's to 80's. they were all willing to badmouth brokeback mountain though none had actually seen the movie. isnt that typical. even though none of those hags vote it didnt help brokeback at all. it still got upset by crash. i also never agree with the critics off the womens dresses. looking in the burgs little podunk paperi see their list of good and bad. ok, i'm a guy. maybe i'm looking at other things but i know what works for me and what doesnt. what works.....jessica alba in her halter dress looked hot though shes anorexic like everyone else in hollywood. i thought sandra bullock looked good (even though the paper didnt). on the other hand the paper loved keira knightley and charlize theron. to me its more than just the dress. i dont understand how kiera knightley is ever considered attractive. shes pale as a ghost, her hair looked like shit, shes anorexic and has no breasts. now dont get me wrong, everyone doesnt need huge breasts but she has less than me. to me she looks like a meth addict that someone slapped a gown on. charlize (who i really think is hot) was wearing a dress that i didnt get. it had a huge bow on her shoulder. i mean huge...the bow was bigger than her head. salma hayek (who i think is smokin hot) had on a weird dress. it really showed off her funbags but the one strap that went to her shoulder made her look like she had one and one half huge breasts. as for the men......who cares. wear a tux and you really cant go wrong. well thats my half assed look at the oscars. i'm glad clooney and reese witherspoon won. i'm sorry joaquin phoenix didnt win only because hes really unstable mentally and his speech might have been memorable.

well enough is enough. lets get the week rolling along.

Mind your own business...............

read this quote:

"You start with Harry Potter, who comes across as a likeable wizard, but you end up with the Devil. There is no doubt that the signature of the Prince of Darkness is clearly within these books. By reading Harry Potter a young child will be drawn into magic and from there it is a simple step to Satanism and the Devil."

- The Roman Catholic Church's chief exorcist, Father Gabriele Amorth

wow, do you think the church is starting to see their grip loosening on kids. i mean if its not harry potter then its the davinci code or rock and roll....etc. of course after seeing david copperfield get a supermodel maybe that whole thing about magic and satanism has some credence after all. is it just me or anything that doesnt scream "go jesus" is just evil in the churches eyes. maybe, just maybe, they should worry more about the child raping priests or the fact that the russians were trying to knock off the pope years ago. i think what bothers the catholic church is that as the civilised world starts actually thinking about organized religion and is less inclined to fall under its spell the church aims its sights at the third world. south america, africa...those are the new markets. take some uneducated, poor people and fleece them of what little they have. sounds like the recipe for success.

friday everyone. crack a beer and celebrate.

Port of call, terroristtown...................

ok, so we almost had the ports of america given to the same countries that brought us the men who flew into the world trade center. our president tried to sneak that one by us but alas the whistle was blown. i like how his press secretary said that the president didnt even know of the deal. that he heard about it from the media. its nice to know our president is staying up on world politics by watching the news. no need for those pesky meetings with his experts when abc will hook you up with everything in an hour. does anyone actually believe this? anyone? no? ok. you know hes pissed because if this doesnt go through he, his family and friends will have to give back the blood money from the dubai government. dubai , being such a fair country, has all packages checked at their ports. i mean all packages...every shipment. why you ask. so that no product from israel enters their country. could you see america turning away everything from say...china? or germany? and these are the people we are going to turn our porrts over to. i thought israel was our friend in the mid-east. oh thats right, bush is from texas and oil is the only thing that matters.........and israel has no oil. sorry israel, you lose.

along that same line, is anyone shocked that tapes show that the president knew about katrina before it all went down? anyone? ok, i guess you can lump new orleans in with israel. no oil....no help. sorry guys. bush and his friends are the biggest profiteers in the world today. i know that it was easy to put down kanye west when he said bush doesnt care about black people as being simplistic but maybe, just maybe, he wasnt that far off. its getting harder and harder to spin the bullshit coming out of washington. i always felt the award for having the largest set of balls when telling a lie should go to clinton when he said he smoked dope but didnt inhale but dubya is quickly trying to catch him. listening to things that come out of washington is not unlike being alice and going through the looking glass and then being told she had to believe twelve unbelievable things every day.

quit shaking your heads. you right wingers arent going to able to spin this and everyone else is just getting dizzy. back to work.

Civil war, 21st century edition.....

anyone still think the war in iraq is going well? anyone? i'll bet our president does. of course he may only be finding out about like he did the port scandal...by watching the news. this is an all out civil war and there is nothing america can do to stop it. we dont have enough soldiers over there to lock down the entire country. can you say quagmire? i knew you could. i wonder if most of those people think saddam was such a bad guy now. this war is spiraling out of control and i know that there is no plan in place for getting us out of this mess anytime soon. as much as america hates to admit it its time to call the u.n. and ask for help. i know that will cut down on profit to halliburton and the bush family and friends but really, havent they profited enough off the blood of our soldiers. i think its high time to suit up the bush girls and send them off to fight for our country. every seator or congressman who is all for this war should have their children sent over and put in a combat unit immediately. i think the attitude would change pretty quickly. please dont tell me i dont support our troops. thats bullshit. nobody supports the troops as well as i do. i think they should have the proper equipment, i think more countries should be in there helping us....etc. i just dont have the rose colored glasses on.

well our president is running off to asia so its up to us to keep the country going. please work harder.

the fcc, americas conscience......

wow, i guess i didnt realize how wonderful it is to have the fcc looking out for me. without them i might have made a rash decision. i might actually have seen a breast on tv and then who knows where my degradation would end. god forbid that people on tv actually talk like people do out on the street. the fcc is in a bit of a quandry though. the fines keep getting larger but people are still becoming more depraved. what will we do? lets unbundle your cable package. not familiar with this little bit of language? then let me explain. you pay your cable/satelite bill and get to watch the service. within that service you get so many channels. some good...a majority are bad. they are bundled. you have to take some of the bad to get some of the good. its a way to keep advertising rates up. rates are based on how many homes the ad goes into. now we all know that nobody watches bet but when you bundle that with hbo then you can say its into many more homes. get it? the fcc thinks that once you can buy your tv ala carte then good americans wont be getting the violent and sexual tv shoved down their throats. now the reality is is that you wont have the diversity on tv that you have now. some stations will hold up but most will bo bye bye. the station that pisses the religious right off the most will do great. hbo wont be bothered a bit. and since we are allowing people to pick only the ones they want then we should have swearing and nudity on tv. you dont have to pick those staions if you dont like them. the reality is that if that happened then say goodbye to your family oriented stations. i'm not sure if its all bad or all good. i tend to think it will fall somewhere in the middle. people have shown a willingness to pay for whats good. when cable came along everyone said it would fail. that nobody would pay for tv when they can get it for free. well all the good shows are on cable and people paid. cable paved the way for shows like er, nypd blue...etc. everyone said sattelite radio would fail. nobody would pay for what you can get for free. well it a burgeoning industry so far and i only see it moving forward in the future. what do both pay per view tv and sattelite radio have in common? no fcc rules. say what you want and show what you want. its what america wants.


ok back to work. the week is still young.

England swings.................

well dont they have a different idea in england. apparently its against the law to say some ridiculous things there. for example they jailed a man for saying that there were no gas chambers at auschwitz. thats right he challenged the holocaust and was jailed. its an interesting idea but one i dont propose for the us of a (regardless of what the religious right would like). sure it would be fun to toss all the little nazis in jail. thats one group the world could do without but what if the powers that be decide that your opinion isnt good enough for the general public? what if they decide that your group...lets call them the rotary....arent good for public morale? or your religion? regardless of what the current administration thinks the bill of rights is a pretty good thing. amazing what a bunch of uneducated farmers could conjure up over 200 years ago, huh? theres a reason we should put the bill of rights on a pedestal.........its a supreme work of art. genius. and it was all done by men who couldnt get elected now .....no matter what. think about that.


happy f'n monday everyone. i hate the cold.

Barry bonds is quiting......

could it possibly be that barry bonds is going to hang it up. in a perfect world it would be true but alas this is an imperfect world. you know that malingering piece of shit is going to hang on until he gets the record. i guess its rude of me to wish for a debilitating knee injury early in the season. there are many reasons to dislike this piece of shit. first he lies about steroids. he says he never knowingly took them.........liar. look at him when he first came up from the minors and look at him now. its like looking at david banner and then looking at the hulk. thats why hes injured so much these last years. the steroids are causing his body to break down. he blames the media for people not liking him. hey barry, your a prick. its not the medias fault. everyone hates you because your a hateable guy. when he played for the pirates he would not sign a ball that was going to be auctioned off for charity. the pirates had to buy a barry bonds signed ball and have the rest of the team sign it. i wouldnt piss down barry bonds throat if his heart was on fire. hes a deplorable person and always has been. all the scouting reports of him from high school to college to the minors are the same "incredible talent...incredible pain in the ass". barry, heres hoping you never break hank aarons record...hell i hope you dont pass babe ruth....hell, i hope you join babe ruth in death soon.

ok, i've spewed my hate for barry long enough....back to work.

Entertainment weekly, turkey edition......

i know that our muslim friends are up in arms over some cartoons. i personally feel that they are going a little overboard but then again i'm not muslim. my thoughts on this seem to go to the extreme that you cant make fun of anything they seem to hold dear but they can do anything they want. case in point. the turkish have made a feature length film with a ten million dollar budget. the subject of the film you ask? well its about some american soldiers who kill/capture muslims and sell them to an israeli doctor who harvests their organs for the needy jewish folk. ok, so most american films about terrorists show middle eastern men and i guess the americans do fight alot of wars in that area lately so the stereotypes run both ways. lets call that a wash. what shocks me the most is that the movie stars billy zane and gary busey. wow, ten million doesnt get you what it once did. in one scene the americans bust into a wedding and pump a five year old boy full of lead in front of his mother then after killing the groom they haul off the survivors to abu ghraib for the organ harvesting. in another scene the doctor (played by gary busey) is pissed off at the troops for killing so many of the hostages on the way to prison...you cant harvest organs for those blood thirsty jews if the good muslims are dead. can you people even imagine this. no, not the bullshit of the movie but that someone would cast gery busey as a doctor. i'd fire that casting director right now. what a disgrace. i know that the muslims are pissed off at the danish and so the are on a rampage of destroying kfc's all over the mid east.....hey why dont you try destroying something danish. isnt there an ikea anywhere close? or at least a bakery. oh well, i guess i have to do something drastic now. i am calling on a ban of all turkish taffy coming into this country. that should cripple their economy. of course we could blow up all their poppies and destroy the burgeoning heroin industry but then you would have super models that look like kirsty alley...and we cant have that here.

almost the end of the week kids....lets finish it out in style.

Mondays revelations...........

i know, its wednesday. i'm a little slow from the flu. as i layed around monday on my dead tired ass i came to a conclusion and an observation. first the conclusion.

1. daytime tv sucks. no, i dont mean that its a wasteland that will rot your brain, i mean ...it just sucks. theres nothing on to watch at all. the olympics? yeah, i wanted to watch eight hours of curling and luge. i could watch sportcenter again but seeing that i memorized it from the night before it seems pointless. hey i like law and order. its been on for about 100 years but i swear if you took a week and watched tnt for eight hours a day you could see every episode. they run that shit back to back all day long. at least change your station from tnt to lao. another station was running si swimsuit specials all day long. beautiful women in exotic places wearing hardly anything..if that. there is nothing more boring than watching those chicks get photographed (with the exception of the little bio's on each girl). if those chicks arent making out than thats a waste of film as far as i'm concerned.

the observation is a little different. i having not eaten since saturday at about 5pm took some immodium ad on sunday to try and stop the previously mention shoosting from my anus. immodium ad are these little tiny green pills that are supposed to bind you up (not that there was much left in me to bind at that point). my wife, having gone to a party on sunday, brought me home some food from the party. these tiny little creme puffs that were delicious. i powered those down on monday morning. now remember those are the only solid (and they were barely solid) food i've had since saturday at 5pm. at about ten o'clock i had the feeling that it was time to go...if you get my drift. grabbing a book i sat upon my throne and the funniest thing happened. my ass became a hot foam dispenser. i'm not making this up. i swear on my kids a light green foam came out of me. it floated upon the water like little puffy clouds. as poop goes it was quit pleasant looking. it was the most peculiar thing ever. this has never happened to me before. immediately upon flushing i realized that i had the digital camera and i didnt get a picture of that. it was a pleasant dump but not at all satisfying.


ok now back to work. someone has to keep the economy running.

I hate the flu.......

apparently (if i can believe anything the weather channel has to say) pennsylvania has an overabundance of the flu. i'm willing to ship it all to texas to help them out. they deserve it...i dont. after four days of laying on my back, wracked with cramps the ceased only long enough to allow me to throw up, or the alternative, liquid shoosting out of my ass. as a famous comedian (ok so it larry the cable guy give me a fuckin break) said i could have shit through a screen door and not hit a wire. i've learned a few things during this. first, if you want lose weight this is your ticket. i'm down fifteen pounds in four days. screw you atkins. ok, so its not healthy but beggars cant be choosers. secondly, wendys fries might not be good thing for you even if your healthy. my wife picked me up a burger and fries from there and sixteen hours later i threw up the fries. now the fact that my wonderful body has streamlined the gorging to expelling process like a hundredfold those were the only thing my body said no to. germs...this way to the colon. every fuckin thing else i ate...right this way. wendys fries...hold on now. apparently my colon has some standards but of course it being closing time ...well, you dont have to go home but you cant stay here. my body decided that not being able to admit them the normal way well lets just toss them out the front hatch. third, how can you be freezing cold and sweating at the same time. here i am laying in bed, goosepimples galore. i was colder the barbara bushs' vagina and yet i'm sweating like hitler at the pearly gates while saint pete reviews his transcripts. i was sweating like meat loaf in concert. i didnt just sweat through the sheets, i didnt just sweat through a pillow...i sweat through a mattress. the floor was wet even underneath the bed. fourth, you can tell how sick a man is by his ability to masturbate. women , it has been said, are like the cockpit of a 747. men , on the other hand, are like a simple wooden box with an on/off switch. our two drives in life are to eat and procreate, neither of which we need a woman present to enjoy. here i am, all alone and i had no desire to rub one out. that aint like me...or most men really. thats how my wife knows i'm really sick and consequently when i'm getting well. the last thing is that even though i havent brushed my teeth in four days i relish the fact that each tooth has its own little furry angora sweater that i can lick off and chew up to kill the taste of the burps i am leaving. each burb makes me wretch due to the fact that it smells like a sewer is backing up in my throat.

so i'm sorry that i didnt post for awhile but get over it and be glad your not me last weekend

My donation went where?...........

ok, so as i read the pittsburgh post gazette (the only paper in this one horse town) i see an add that says the eight ways to tell that jesus is coming soon. of course i'm intrigued so i read on. its really just a some half-assed predictions that people use for everything. you know the type..."many natural disasters will happen" or "people will become morally loose" or "cats and dogs will cohabitate"....you get the drift. i would like to see some ads a little different, for example 8 ways to tell that hell is full (we could use this administration as an example) of "what would jesus do? what wouldnt he do?" those would be good ones. it also occurred to me that i wonder if the people from that religion realize that their money is going to an expensive ad (remember there is only one paper in this cowtown). i do some advertising for my work and i knoiw what the rates are. shouldnt these people be doing something for the good of mankind. shouldnt they use the money to feed the hungry or clothe the poor or heal the sick? isnt that what jesus would do? maybe jesus would run some ads but being the son of the divine creator i would hope that he could spring for a full page ad (he wouldnt sanction a 1/3rd page ad....how embarrassing). maybe he could title it "8 reasons why i'm back" (by the way if he does use that i expect some compensation). so if your ever wondering where your donations are going , check the paper. it might be right there in black and white.


ok so the big question is.....what would jesus do, for a klondike bar? now get to work......he's watching.

The maclaughlin report..........

at least i think thats what the name of the show is. in pittsburgh its shown on saturday morning. there is one tired old man (who i assume is maclaughlin) and four other dopes with varying opinions who sit around commenting on whats going on in the world today. the only constant is that the old guy cuts everyone off mid sentence...especially if they dont fully agree with him. i dont know what they get paid but i know that about the third time he cut me off i would stand up and punch him in his 800 year old face. yesterdays show had my friend, pat robertson. he is the supreme dope of the group. the topic of muslims and cartoons came up (lets be honest, the muslims on the news are stereotypically cartoonish anyways). one idiot said he wouldnt comment because they couldnt protect him. look, just admit your too stupid to come up with a thought or your too much of a pussy to say what you think. how much protection would an 800 year old man be anyway. pat robertson, on the other hand, had no problem spouting off. in a typically muslim approach he blamed the newspapers. hey comrade, ever hear of freedom of speech, the bill of rights..any of that stuff....nyet? ok pat lets explain it. your right to freedom of speech allows you to say that the leader of venezuela should be assassinated or that god was getting even with the leader of israel by giving him a stroke. in a typically muslim (or should i say religious) approach pat thinks that freedom only pertains to religion. see, he can badmouth anything he wants (including other religions.....he is an expert dont forget) but you cant say anything bad about religion. pat understands that once he allows you to badmouth one religion that you might point out how ridiculous christianity is(along with all the other organized religions) and that the splatter might soil his garments. remember , your not the expert pat is. see in my eyes organized religion is a big steaming pile of shit and once you smash that with a mallet (not unlike gallaghers act) all the religions in the front rows get hit with some excretement. pat dressing as nice as he does with suits bought with your donations doesnt want the extra trip to the dry cleaners.

hump day kids...lets get humpin.

Happy valentines day.........

is there a day on the calendar that strikes more fear into men than this day. some guys start preparing for this the day after xmas. young men everywhere think that this is the key to getting laid. everything has to be just right. you have to do something different than any other guy shes ever been with has done yet it cant be overproduced....it has to seem like you just whipped this up for her. oh, and by the way, everything has tripled in price. roses that are still going to die in less than a week will cost you a weeks pay. the table you like at that resteraunt (you know, the one with the view) well, you better be prepared to tip mighty high to get it....oh, and book it weeks in advance. better have some balloons too...and maybe a teddy bear. now remember that you are going to have to outdo this next year....so keep that in mind. better get a couple of hallmark cards too. and candles. and now you can start praying that its not that time of the month....thats a deal killer. dont drink too much at dinner...nothing kills a mood like a puking girlfriend. i , on the other hand, have been married 16 years. i'll pick up the kids from school and the baby from the sitter. when my wife walks through the door, tired from work, i'll be sitting there in my sweats and t-shirt (baby puke drying in a nice pattern). i'll hand off the baby on my way out the door to take my son to karate class...leaving her to share a romantic meal of mac and cheese with my daughter. i'll have lit a candle but its really just to hide the stench of dirty diapers. its a fun night all around.

so happy valentines young men. remember that after everything you do you probably wont get laid. i, on the other hand, will. now get to work.

Darwins birthday..............

as i glance through the paper i see that some christian churches are going to celebrate darwins birthday. this is supposed to show us just how progressive they are. seems they have this crazy notion that evolution and religion can be viewed together and not counter each other. what it shows me is that the christians dont want it bad enough. you dont see the muslims backing down do you. draw some cartoons, get your head cut off. now those people know how to be zealots. with christians holding what seems to be the political upper hand right now i cant believe they would even give evolution this much of a break. no matter, i still dont trust them. my favorites are the ones that say the world is only 6000 years old or that god put fake bones in the earth to fool the scientists. is it any wonder american children are falling well behind the rest of the world in education. look around the world and it seems that the minute god is fully in a persons brain all thinking stops. actually i may not be giving god enough credit for his sense of humor. hiding bones. what a novel approach to being a deity. i always thought the platypus was his only joke...shows you what i know.

well happy birthday darwin. i'm with you on the whole evolution thing. i hope the rest of you are. now back to work.

A smart man............

i like to think of myself as a smart man. sometimes life affords me the opportunity of seeing how others see me. my son has always wanted to take up karate. having a karate studio a two minute walk from my house, we went up to talk with them. he sat in on a class and still wanted to join....so join he did. after watching him for two classes i joined the adult class myself. i've been in it for about four months now and enjoy it very much. last saturday was a little different. the saturday class is open to everyone. so here am i with a bunch of 7 to 12 year olds working out. they have stamina and are without beer bellies so i'm already at a disadvantage and even though i quit smoking well over a year ago i'm still about 2000 packs ahead of the cute little bastards. the kid who runs the saturday class is about 20, 5-9 140 lbs and solid as a rock. as he puts us through our paces he doesnt sweat.....ever. i, on the other hand, am sweating like madonna at the pearly gates. one of the cute little bastards keeps mentioning that he isnt sweating so the kid running the class ramps up the workout a little more. keep in mind that i'm six times older than some of these kids. so after an hour and a half of a heavy cardio workout he decides that we should spar. the only other guy who showed up is my age, four inches taller than me and eighty pounds heavier. hes a friend of mine from the adult class, lets call him....mike. well i was doing ok against mike. i was smaller and quicker and even though i wasnt crushing him i was landing more shots than him. alot more! then as i was dancing around he caught me with a hook to the ribs. it rocked me. after our match was over i was having some trouble sucking wind. i went and had the ribs looked at and one , maybe two, ribs are cracked. the doctor was very funny. he mentioned how smart i must be to start something like karate at my advanced years. after making some real funny comments about the clicking in my ribs just being the cartilage and that their wasnt anything he could do for my ribs he laughed and wished me well. i need to catch his 10 o'clock show....i wonder if its any different than the 8 o'clock one. when your suffering in pain the last thing you want is a really smart assed doctor. its been a rough week but let me say that even with cracked ribs i made both classes this week and will be going to saturday class.....mike didnt.

ok kids, you got your troubles, i got mine. back to work.

More muslim cartoons

for your viewing pleasure

Muslims shouldnt dictate policy.......

i have read alot lately about the european newspapers running cartoon of muhammad. some have been for running them and some are against. let me say that i am on the side of running the cartoons. screw the muslims. the dictate policy to other countries. you can keep your women in burkas but not the rest of the world. these muslims are such hypocrits. muslim papers run cartoons about christianity and judaism but thats ok just dont run about their god. well kids whats good for the goose is good for the gander. muslims are appalled about a cartoon but cutting the head off someone isnt a big deal at all. blow yourself up and get 70 virgins....hey your the ones that turned your god into a cartoon. let them boycott businesses from the european countries. i personally am going out to buy something from ikea today. i dont know if thats the right country or not but its as close as i can get. religion should be outlawed not cartoons. al this rampage and murder over a fictional character but of course thats what the inquisition was for. talk about fighting for your country, alot more people have been killed in history over religious disputes than in any war over territorial disputes. so to all you muslims who might possibly see this lousy blog, pound off. we have a little something called freedom here (even though our president is trying to end them), freedom of the press. as thomas jefferson said "our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost".

alright kids i've vented enough about this topic.

From the home of the world champions......

lets go steelers. i musy admit it wasnt a great game from either team. the extra week put some rust on both teams. the officiating was poor but thats been a season long problem. the fans of the seahawks are saying it was a fix and that the refs took the win from them but it doesnt explain some things like......

1. why the seahawks punter put the ball in the endzone five times when he could have pinned the steelers back in their own end. didnt anyone talk to him at all. 50 yard punts with 30 yard nets.

2. why the seahawks tight end was wearing catchers mitts on his hands. tight end..sure his sphincter tightened up. the steelers were in his head all night.

3. why the seahawks qb and coaches wasted so much time at the end of the first half. they let so much time go off of the clock and wasted a timeout while making their kicker try from 54 yards.....which leads me to the next point.

4. nice kicker. lotta leg, no aim. can you say waivers.

the bottom line is the steelers capitalized on their opportunities and the seahawks didnt. the seahawks controlled most of the first half and still went into the locker room losing. contrary to what the talking headds on tv were saying that favored the steelers. the steelers knew tat they had played their worst half of football all year and were still leading. if they came out in the second half and played only half way acceptable (and they did) they would leave detroit as world champs (which they did). this proves that running up gaudy stats against weak opponents during the season wont help you in the big game. you beat up a weak division in a weak conference. the seahawks played washington in the first round, a team that won their first playoff game despite having 124 yards of total offense. let me repeat that 124 yards of total offense. then the seahawks beat up a carolina team without any running backs. might as well of been playing the cardinals.

so seahawk fans quit complaining about the refs. celebrate a season that got you farther than anyone expected.

not enough sleep last night...i'm going to rest.

Christians are stupid too...........

Dear [Retard?],
NBC, fresh from giving us the anti-Christian The Book of Daniel, has decided to hit back at the Christian community by presenting an episode of Will and Grace which mocks the crucifixion of Christ.

On the April 13 edition of NBC's Will and Grace, Britney Spears will appear as a Christian conservative sidekick to Sean Hayes' homosexual character, Jack, who hosts his own talk show.

Jack's fictional network, Out TV, is bought by a Christian TV network, leading to Spears contributing a cooking segment called "Cruci-fixin's." To further denigrate Christianity, NBC chose to air it the night before Good Friday.

Click Here to read the Associated Press article.

NBC does not treat Jews, Muslins or other religions with such disrespect. Yet the network demonstrates a deep of hostility toward followers of Christ.

TAKE ACTION

1. Call your local NBC affiliate and ask them not to air the April 13 episode of Will and Grace. Ask others to call. Click here to find your local NBC station.
2. Click here to send a letter to NBC Chairman Bob Wright. Ask your pastor to run a notice in your church bulletins and newsletters and request members to go to www.afa.net and send the email to NBC Chairman Wright.
3. Click here to print out a petition(pdf) asking your local NBC affiliate not to air the April 13 episode and distribute it to your Sunday School class and fellow church members.

Next, and this is very important, please forward this to your friends and family today!

If you feel our efforts are worthy, would you consider making a small donation to help us in this effort. Click here to make your donation.

Thanks for caring enough to get involved.
Sincerely,
Don
Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
American Family Association
P.S. Please forward this e-mail message to your family and friends!


the afa is just about 13 housewives that send endless emails at the request of this jackass and then donate money so he can live large. just so everyone knows i called the nbc affiliate in pittsburgh and asked that this episode be played on a continuous loop all day easter sunday with a disclaimer that reads "god is dead".

ok, everybody get back to partying and preparing for the steelers to kick some serious ass in the superbowl.....my prediction steelers 37 - seahawks 21.

Muhammad takes one on the chin......

seems your crazy muslim factions arent scaring people the way they used to. in europe an author complained because he couldnt get any artists to illustrate a book about muhammad under their own names. seems islamic law says you cant draw any depiction of muhammad or they will ....well....you know.....stone you or burn you...whatever. it all started when a danish paper then asked twelve of its artists to draw caricatures of muhammad and then papers all over europe started to carry the pictures. muslims are up in arms over this. a french theologian admonished the papers by saying "one must find the borders between freedom of expression and freedom to protect the sacred. unfortunately, the west has lost its sense of the sacred". well i guess cutting off peoples heads and blowing them up by the hundreds are a much better way of holding on to your sense of what is sacred. one of the pictures shows muhammad as a terrorist with a bomb in his turban. good stuff there. i need to see that. actually i need to post that picture. ok, i did post that picture. good for europe. its the first sign of balls from them in ages. i think everyone needs to stand up to the muslims and tell them to get with the team. i'm very tired of taking shit from a bunch of religious kooks (pay attention santorum). in a related story a pakistani group has put a bounty on the cartoonists head. apparently muhammad hasnt heard of the phrase sticks ands stones.....etc. another crappy religion where their god has infinite wisdom and compassion but wants everyone killed who doesnt agree with him. dont laugh christians, you arent that far behind them. john lennon was right when he imagined a world without religion being a better place.

alright folks move along now...get to work.

I'm gonna ramble a bit..........

you heard it right. dont look at me that way. i'm gonna freestyle it today. no seet topic.

the super bowl is definitely taking up alot of my resources. this town is going crazy. a woman in pittsburgh has convinced her doctor to induce labor early so that she will be home for the big game. what kind of mother does this? hell, what kind of doctor would allow that? a pittsburgh mother and doctor thats who.

having just got my first tattoo saturday i have a whole new appreciation for people who get their whole bodies done. if someone tells you it doesnt hurt at all they're a liar. it hurt a ton at first. i cant tell if it didnt hurt as much after a while or i just got used to the pain. sick as i am i might just have gotten used to it. now in kansas city a guy was going door to door selling his tattoo service. tamra eason descibed his tool as homemade but still agreed to pay for a tattoo. she wasnt the only one to be a ficking moron that day. all the women that got a tattoo have an infection in the area and have been told to go and get tested for hiv and hepatitis. they should also be advised to go and get lobotomies.

for those of you who enjoy having smoke blown up your ass while being told your a chimney then last night must have given you an erection. the state of the union tied up most tv for the night. as bad as tv normally is its got to be better than watching our president lie right to our faces. i would much rather watch reruns of will and grace than that drivel though someone pointed out an interesting drinking game to me. every time dubya mispronounces a word or uses it wrong you must do a shot. good luck on getting through a speech of his. there would be a run on liver transplants after that.

well i have much to do so its back to work for me..as for you people...eh.....do whatever you want.

Super bowl insanity

if you have never had the pleasure of living in a city whos team is in the super bowl then you have missed some odd things. as i have pointed out in previous posts pittsburgh has some issues when dealing with football. to say that we take football a little too seriously is akin to saying that paris hilton might be a little confused by the dewey decimal system. the nightly news has gone crazy. we now get the weather forecast from detriot before we get the one from pittsburgh. no matter what happens in the world news from detroit comes first. the pregame show in pittsburgh started about eight o'clock on saturday. want to wear black and gold to work but your company doesnt allow that? go online and download a permission slip from the county commissioner. there are fly by night guys showing up on every street corner selling bootleg t-shirts, car flags, stickers.......etc.etc.etc. you will be hard pressed to find a restaraunt open after 5:30 this sunday. with all thisa said i love it. i have missed this feeling and would love to have it every year. it makes me feel sorry for people in arizona that have never had a winning team.

ok enough of this chat. i have to rip off a scathing letter to the editor of the post gazette. everyone else....back to work.

Ongoing trouble in the big city......

pittsburgh probably isnt any more screwed up than alot of american cities but its still screwed up and heres some reasons why. the city is in financial trouble and has been for awhile. some reasons for that are.....
1. our former mayor tom murphy. he bought the last election (the last i heard the government was looking into tom on this) by giving certain unions great contracts. the firemen in this city have what amounts to a no-cut contract. while the police have had to lay off officers and beg men to take an early retirement the firemen have no worries.
2. overtime. due to understaffing because of hiring freezes and some alledged shady dealings the city is paying out a bundle in overtime. the city charter says that the mayor is supposed to be the highest paid employee but last year our mayor was the 143rd highest paid employee.
the new mayor seems to want to fix this problem. its better to have two people making 50k than one making 100k. i tend to agree. lets hope he can do it. this is the other end of the union spectrum. i believe in unions because it protects wages and jobs. without unions we would all be working at wal-mart for minimum wage. without unions companies would just screw the worker without any fear of backlash. why do you think wal-mart closed a store in canada as soon as a pro-union vote was taken but then unions go overboard like the firemen in this city. dont get me wrong i think firemen do a wonderful job. its a tough vocation that i wouldnt want to do and we should all thank god every day that there are men willing to run into a burning building to save us but their union sold out the city and the other unions (see the police).

ok, i've ranted enough for one day...get to work.

Beam me up scotty..............

bill shatners selling his kidney stone on ebay. you think those trekkies are going nuts. thats way better than seeing his bloated corpse at some convention. kimmel said it best. its the ultimate star trek collectable. its like owning a dilithium crystal. you better buy quick folks because theres not much left of bill. his pride and dignity were sold off years ago. the devil got his soul in exchange for giving such a no talent hack a long career. listen to the others from star trek and you can see he was never given any compassion. now dont get me wrong, i like bill. hes a great guest on stern. denny crane might be the best character on tv right now (though i'm not convinced hes even acting there...thats really bill). that part was made for him but who the hell sells something like that on ebay. maybe his mom needs an operation. maybe the devil requires a little more. who knows? i'd put an offer in but with my luck i'd win. who the hell wants that? what the hell would i do with that in a jar on my mantel.

gotta run kids, i need to illegally wiretap some phones for our president.

Gonzales defends wiretapping, no shit......

attorney general alberto gonzales argued that the requirements of a secret intelligence court are too cumbersome for a rapid pursuit of suspected terrorists, repeating the administrations position that warrentless wiretapping authorized by president bush does not violate the constitution or federal law. let me say it again....no shit. who didnt see that coming. he was hand picked for the job by dubya. do you think that was because he had different opinions and that dubya enjoys the witty debate the have over pressing issues? people who didnt see that the patriot act was just going to erode your rights are beginning to see the light. and who would expect the man assigned to legally protect the constitution to actually do it. the constitution is a really neat idea until bush wants to step all over it. the patriot act (while it seems like a good idea) is just a way to steal our rights from us. there is a man who has been held without legal representation, without seeing his family, without being charged...all of which are our rights. this is the stuff that this country was founded upon and this administration has just ignored it. there are no checks and balances right now. the republicans have the presidency, congress and soon will have the supreme court.

oh well, someone tell me how to fix it until then keep working.

A football town with a drinking problem.........

ok, pittsburgh takes its football seriously. maybe.....a little too seriously. seems a teacher at an area high school went a little overboard when one of his students wore a denver broncos shirt to school last friday. the kid expected to get some shit from other students but then the teacher chimed in. when the kid (who by the way is an honor student) came into class the teacher (according to the student) wouldnt let him sit at a desk. the teacher said he owned the desk and the kid couldnt sit there. he made the kid sit on the floor in the middle of all the students. the kid had to lay on the carpet and do his TEST. that wasnt enough. the teacher then handed out paper to everyone in the class and told them to pelt the kid with wads of paper....while he did his test. one girl said she wouldnt do that and the teacher picked up the paper he gave her and hit the kid in the back of the head with it. now this is the kids story and we havent heard the teachers version but because he hasnt come out and said this is complete bullshit it leads me to believe that he did it. i'm sure he thought it was all in good fun but he went too far. the kid said he couldnt finish the test because he was shaking with rage. that teachers lucky this kid isnt some trenchcoat wearing psycho that can get his hand on a gun. this also goes to the point of picking on a kid because hes different. you want to know where kids learn this.......well, look at this kid and maybe as parents we should all look in the mirror. the kid knew he would get some shit from other kids but a free thinker like this was prepared for that...knowing that he would see these kids later in life as he passed them in the middle but of course in america these days you dont want free thinkers. god forbid a kid have an original thought. i'm not saying this kid would cure cancer some day but this type of thinking is what will hold ameriva back. in a follow up that isnt free thinking (and you all knew this was coming) his parents have hired a lawyer. this kid might get a free college education because of this idiot teacher. hey, the bottom line is ...if this teacher did it then he better start apologizing quickly and sincerely or he should be fired.

i rant, therefore i am......now get workin.

Criminal goes splat................

pittsburgh has alot of problems. one being that we took prime riverfront property and built the jail there. not just any jail but an 18 story high rise jail......right on the waterfront. sure its stupid but it does have some advantages. seems one of the convicts, who was placed on the top floor because he was an escape risk, decided he had enough of the accomodations. the convict pried off a special security window, pushed away a heavy metal screen and pried away a vertical metal bar to get out the window. sheets were tied together but it seems he didnt work on his grip enough and 187 feet later......well......as the title of this blog implies......splat. i'm sure that relatives of this convict will be sueing somebody very soon but lets just say that he had it coming. the best you can say is that this might not have been his most well thought out escape plan. i guess you cant please everyone. he had a high rise apartment, on the river with a view. oh well. its one mistake that worked out well in the end.

keep your windows closed and get workin.

Your in steelers country now................

you had to know this post was coming. her we go steelers, here we go. right to detroit. ok, so detroit sucks but what are you going to do. sundays game was a masterpiece of football beauty. the steelers controlled on both offense and defense. they never took their foot off of the broncos throats. on off ense it all started with the qb. he played, not like a second year kid, but like a seasoned veteran. ben is going to make people forget about marino, elway and montana before hes done. we might not have the prototypical number one reciever but we got five number twos...and that aint bad. ben completed passes to seven different receivers. they looked like waterbugs scampering through denvers secondary, pulling in passes and sustaining drives. the line held up like blocks of granite...even when the vaunted denver blitz came. no pressure = picked apart. at one point the steelers were 10 of 12 on third down.....that says it all. on defense it was like men playing with boys. the broncos couldnt run and they couldnt pass. that doesnt bode well for your winning percentage. the broncos with their two 1000 yard rushers couldnt get 100 yards total on the ground yesterday. they went over twenty minutes without a first down. the steelers blitzes did work and jake (the rattled snake) plummer was sacked a number of times and ducked out of at least four more. lelie caught a couple of nice balls once the game was over and the steelers were laying back but the rest of their receivers did nothing. turnovers....we got em and they didnt.

this team was primed for this run. the last five games of the year were like playoff games. they got healthy and gelled at the right time. they are the first team to win three away games to make the super bowl and ben will be the second youngest qb to start the game. lookm at this team roethlisberger and polamalu are both in their second years.....this team will be good for a long time. isnt it nice that bettis will get a chance to win the super bowl in his hometown in what will probably be his last year. its also a chance for cowher to get the monkey off of his back about winning the big game. this team has exercised alot of its demons this year.

alright lets get to work

Things you dont report...........

in cincinnati a pizza delivery man says he was assaulted by " five very young girls". he, the 21 year old pizza guy, says they were waiting for him when he showed up and tried to take the pizza from him. they ended up knocking him to the ground. ok, nobody like to be assaulted....but.....there is no way a guy reports this ever. he is immediately a sissy. actually i would love to be assaulted by five young girls. i hope they are still wearing their cheerleader outfits when they do it. they could take me as long as they were gentle. there is no way this story should get out unless it starts with "dear penthouse, i never thought that this would happen to me" and ends with "name and address withheld by request". guys will understand what that means (and so will some of you ladies....and thats hot).

there are other things you shouldnt say because they get reported like "i want to turn my city into a chocolate city". thats a stupid thing to say. things like "god gave (a countries leader, a terrorist, your enemy.....etc) a (stroke, heartattack, restless sleep...etc) because he (split up gods land, hes gay, he dates your daughter....etc)" those always seem to come back and bite you on your ass. the guys whos sueing antonio davis's wife for assault should ask his friends if thats a smart move. the friends should explain that getting in court and admitting a woman (scares you, can kick your ass....etc)isnt a wise move. that guys buying drinks at the bar forever.

alright i've made fun of enough people for a whole week, now its back to work and let me add .......GO STEELERS.

New orleans is really screwed...............

ok, i was really indifferent to mayor ray naggins. i didnt blast him for the debacle in new orleans because well, what would any of us have done when we saw our city swept out to see. he seemed to be doing the best he could under horrible circumstances. he seemed rather intelligent to me and i had hope that he would pull that city together but then he had to go and spout off on a religious rant. at as mlk gathering he said that god might be punishing new orleans because god is mad at the usa over the war in iraq. god also might be mad at blacks because of social problems in the black community. ok ray, are you insane? can anyone actually believe that any god worth his weight would act like that. its nature ray. it happens. new orleans has been hit with hurricanes before and will again. it has nothing to do with the usa or blacks or muslims or the price of gas or.....well, anything. i hate people who use god as an excuse. this is the kind of thinking that is dragging this country down. no use trying to wrap our feeble little minds around a concept like science when you can use the all-purpose god excuse. just look in the mirror at your head and think to yourself "well, i wont be needing this anymore". if what the mayor is saying is true then god is a very petty ....well......god and if its true then why isnt there a shitstorm in the mid-east where it seems like there is a high concentration of douche bags. i dont know, maybe its me but i seem to give god a little more credit that the religious right. could it be that i'm a better christian? i am a reverend. the bigger question would be "do i want that to get out"?

ok, back to work. when i speak to god i'll ask him who hes mad at so we can get a line on where the next natural disaster will occur.

Rick santorum takes on freedom of the press......

in a speech last week at valley forge military academy rick santorum, national dickhead, blasted the media for reporting the number of american military deaths in iraq. apparently the war going poorly is hurting his party and hes mad. how dare they reporrt what is actually going on. what were those liberals thinking when they upheld one of our rights. dont they know it just inflames our enemies. this isnt like our government putting false reports on iraqi tv....this is america. quit reporting the on the war and start slamming gays like your supposed to. rick strikes me as the guy at nuremberg who sttod up and said "what about all the good things hitler did". rick should stay away from the constitution and stick to what he knows....vacilating on issues to get his numbers back. the only way he doesnt lose the next election is if the democrats in this state start putting up too many candidates and split up the vote....which is what it looks like they are doing. see the democrat front runner is from western pa and all the folks in philadelphia dont think they are going to get their share of pork. cmon dems , get it together. lets get santorum (or as we like to call him hitler jr.) out of office. i'm tired of paying a salary for someone who doesnt represent me in any way. actually all rick represents is his own beliefs (thats if dubya allows him to). hes a pawn of the religious right and will sell his soul to the highest bidder. remember this is the guy who got a big campaign contribution from accu-weather and then started a bill to disband the national weather service. hes got to go. sooner rather than later.


you've read, you now know and now you can work.

Must be harder than it looks............

maybe i dont put enough effort into this blog. i look at other blogs. some are worse...most are better. i guess i never looked at this blog as hard work but maybe it is. maybe i'm really good at this and it just comes easily to me. i come to this conclusion after so many bloggers are calling it quits. grampapinhead and madison have chucked it in and the blogosphere is less for it. they were great blogs but apparently they spent too much time on writing it or coming up with ideas or whatever. blogging shouldnt be work. i enjoy doing this. it doesnt seem like work to me but honestly work doesnt seem like work to me.


along these same lines a guy in pittsburgh had a heart attack during the steeler game when jerome bettis fumbled. holy christ, how into the game are you? what did you bet on this game? your house? your kids? they interviewed this guy on the news and all he talked about was the game....nothing about the heart attack. he did mention that he had a history of heart problems so a drinking in a smoky bar was probably the best thing for him. luckily for him two firefighters were in the bar and performed cpr until the paramedics got there. they had to shock the guy five times (count'em five times) befire his heart would restart. he intends to watch the next game at home this weekend. i'll post his obit on monday.

get to work. you've wasterd too much time here already.

One horse down, one to go............

you read it here last monday when i explained why the steelers would win. did you believe me? well? oh how the hell would i know, you probably didnt. no one did. nobody gave the steelers a chance in hell of winning this game. not against the vaunted colts. those bastions of offensive trickery have had everyone scared all year ....that is until san diego came to town. the blueprint was laid for how to beat the colts. with a little pressure peyton manning is a very average quarterback. he was dancing in the pocket like he was getting lessons from arthur murray. he never looked comfortable. its unbelievable from someone who should be enshrined in canton immediately. did marvin harrison even play. i hardly heard his name called. the only time you heard his name was when manning overthrew him. i know the colts entire offensive line should be in the por bowl and it looks like they went to hawaii before yesterdays game. they had no answer to the blitz package. as for calls for de-fense, de-fense they might as well have been yelling de-caf, de-caf. they got pounded. our wide recievers pounded on them, our backs pounded on them and the offensive line pounded on them. they really had no chance. so even though the refs tried to give the game to the clots they couldnt beat the steelers. officiating in the nfl is a joke. if polamalu didnt catch that ball then nobody has ever caught a ball. the replay took forever but people forget that it takes some time to invent a new rule to help the home team. it was nice to watch the colts crying in their locker room after the game. it was nice of peyton to throw the offensive line under the bus. his words...."i confess, they did it". of course he did preface that by saying he was trying to be a good teammate.

i said it would take an almost perfect game by the steelers...and they came through. the game wasnt as close as the score would lead you to believe. having not played a meaningful game in almost a month the colts proved that rust never sleeps. now its off to denver to decide which team will have the honor of kicking the shit out of the nfc representitive. this should be a good old fashioned knock em down and drag em out kind of game.

A movie turned me gay...............

ok, theaters in utah and washington arent going to show the film "brokeback mountain". i understand utah but not washington. utah is full of mormon inbred polygamists that are worried that they wont be able to stay away from a movie about gay cowboys and would, in all likelihood, out themselves. the theater in salt lake city (power base of gay mormons) cancelled the first viewing two hours before it was to be seen because....get this........the owner just found out what the movie was about. what, is he living in a hole (or a closet as the case may be). there has been buzz on this movie for a year. seems to me like the religious right scared him. the theater had no problem showing other r rated movies like grandmas boy and the hostel, but alas, they didnt have gay cowboys. i'm always amazed that young people arent running screaming from utah.

in a similar crazy religious item how many times are the muslims going to stampede on the way to mecca. this seems to happen every year. this year 345 people were killed when they got stampeded. you just dont hear about that here (other than a who concert). you really have to go back to the times of cowboys and cattle. i guess god is calling you back to mecca and he doesnt care that you trampled someone to death. what a thin line between the muslims (which we all badmouth) and the religious right in this country.

gotta run kids, i'm banning brokeback mountain in my neighbors house.

Islamic law, santorums dream...........

an egyptian cleric's controversial fatwa claiming that nudity during sexual intercourse invalidates a marriage has spaked a rift among islamic scholars. well, no shit. according to the religious edict issued by rashad hassan khalil, a former dean of al-azhar university's faculty of sharia (or islamic law to you and me), "being completely naked during the act of coitus annuls the marriage". this might be an indictment on the beauty of mid-eastern women. dont be looking for playboys "the women of al-azhar university" spread anythime soon. this has tearing up the airwaves in the mid-east and during a live televised debate, islamic scholar abdel muti dismissed the fatwa: "nothing is prohibited during marital sex, except of course sodomy" (a bad break for camels everywhere). for his part al-azhars fatwa committee chairman abdullah megawar (megawar......get it) argued that married couples could see each other naked but should not look at each others genitalia and suggested that they cover up with a blanket during sex. again i will say that we should leave the mid-east immediately, leaving behind computers, penthouse magazines, xboxes, pepsi and twinkies. let those kids get a taste of life and they wont give a shit about any fatwa. trust me if a kid can see claudia schiffer naked hes going to be staring at her genitalia and there wont be any sheet over him while he rubs one out. this does strike me as just what rick santorum and his friends are trying to acheive in this country. nothing represses women like some good old time religion and men.

well i have to run. rick santorum and i are deciding how to get all women to wear burkas.

Will the religious right never learn.......

when things get slow you can always count on our favorite religious kook pat robertson to liven things up. pat has piped up and said ariel sharon's stroke was gods wrath. it was divine punishment for "dividing gods land". robertson said "god considers this land to be his. you read the bible and he says 'this is my land' and for any prime minister of israel who decides he is going to carve it up and giver it away, god says, 'no this is mine'". he also linked it too the assassination of yitzhak rabin. way to shit on the peace process pat. only pat robertson would think that trying to acheive peace would piss god off. pat robertson has a political agenda for the entire world, and he seems to think god is ready to take out any world leader who stands in the way of that agenda. his arrogance and insensitivity is matched only by our current administration.

and in a real stunner an oklahoma pastor, who has spoken out against homosexuality, was arrested for propostioning a male undercover cop. rev. lonnie latham, 59, said he was set up. he was just in the area pastoring to police. pastoring huh? so thats what they call it these days. looks like lonnie would like to administer his own sacrament to some males. maybe he wants to baptise a few of them. nice job lonnie

well i have to go and impose my moral beliefs on others.

Rick santorum- national dickhead.........

rick santorum joined conservative christian leaders at a black church in philadelphia on sunday during something called justice sunday III. this little get together is broadcast over christian broadcast stations and church telecasts to point out that the country is slipping away from them because of "liberal activist judges". you might remember the liberal activist judges. they're the people who think you still have rights. they think that the religious right doesnt own the rights to everything moral because they read a book of fiction (the bible). santorum said "extreme liberal judges are destroying traditional morality and creating a new moral code". hey rick, no one wants you to change your morals. no one is inviting you to the orgy just dont imprint your morals on me. one of his buddies on the dias was rev herbert h lusk who leads something called greater exodus. in the spirit of christians beating down everyone and everything who dont agree with them he railed against gay marriage, abortion and what he termed as christian-bashing, and warned that those who trifle with "people of god will face consequences. "dont fool with the church" said rev lusk "because the chirch has buried many a critic, and all the critics we have not buried, we are making funeral arangements for". yes ,rev lusk, the church has buried many a critic. the inquisition was a real win for christianity. anyone get the feeling that rev lusk is done debating and ready for a good crucifiction or, even better, burning someone at the stake. these men along with jerry falwell were there to expound the virtues of judge alito and pray for his confirmation. thats all i need to know about judge alito. i pray that he doesnt get in because of these men. with men of this quality standing behind him the country doesnt need him.

keep your religion out of my life and i'll stay out of your church.

Steeler monday................

who dey? we dey. thats who.

ok, i would have much rather the steelers beat the bengals with carson palmer but a win is a win. the game was chippy from the start but that was not a cheap shot on palmer. it was unfortunate..........but not cheap. i dont know if the outcome would have been different but it would have been a different game. the loss wasnt kitnas fault regardless of what all the comment boards in bengalland say. kitna is actually a known steeler killer. that being said the steeler defense took it to the bengals in the second half. as our linemen drove the bengal guards back into kitnas lap the secondary had their recievers covered like a rug. kitna was running for his life and still couldnt find anyone open. big ben played a great game. only 19 passes but they all meant something. last year he was played out by the time the playoffs rolled around but this year is different. hes a leader. i guess the bungles will have to wait another year to claim the afc north.

now comes indy. we played indy on a monday night with a makeshift offensive line, big ben coming back after being out three weeks and still not healthy and a depleted linebacker corp. they still didnt run up a huge score on the steelers. they got an early lead but settled for alot of field goals. the steelers couldnt run because of the line and ben had to pass alot and indy tee'd off on him. ok, marvel smith is back. he isnt a rookie. we will run on indy and that will set up the play action pass. look for ben to have a better game than the first time. on defense, farrior and porter are healthy. the secondary has had that much more time. indy's starters have had three weeks off. this sets up as the right time to get the colts. dont get me wrong, the steelers will have to play their best game and the colts will have to give some up, but it can be done. the pats have owned them and the steelers need to take a page out of their playbook.

i hope palmer comes back, he and ben should war for years.

First murder of the year............

it didnt take long for animals in the burg to kill one another this year. scum bags beat a guy to death with a brick. actually its hard to tell in this one who the scum bags are. the dead guy is a relative of our new mayor elect. he apparently quit high school football to take up boxing. thinking he was a tough guy he jumped out of his car at some perceived slight and got his head caved in. his parents said that he couldnt have been the aggressor because thats not in him (you know how calm those boxers are). of course on the other hand the parents of the four boys that were arrested are standing behind their children (after seeing what they did to that kid behind them is safest) and saying that their children were only defending themselves but do you look at your little baby differently now that he killed someone. i'm sure the truth lies safely in the middle of the two sides but i wonder if his friends think that it was worth it now.


i like the steelers this weekend because they are hot at the right time and healthy at the right time. the first time we played cincy, at cincy, we were healthy and ran all over them. we controlled the ball and gave them a good old fashioned beat down. in the second game ,in the burg, the o-line was injured and the steelers couldnt run. we had to go into a shootout with cincy and big ben got intercepted three times and still cincy won by a touchdown. well, the o-line is healthy now and the backs are healthy and cincy's defense has played like a sieve lately. i think those factors combined with the fact that only ten bungles have playoff expirence (only five of those guys start) and the fact that the reports out of cincy say that the team is so tight that if they swallowed some coal today they would shit a diamond about game time will lead to a steeler victory. 35-13 steelers...thats the prediction.

back to work guys. we can talk again monday.

Vacation in iraq, why not..............

nice job douche bag. got some extra cash? lets take a trip to iraq without telling the folks. seems like an intelligent thing to do. this kid is no rocket scientist. first the news is filled with all the horrors going on over there. what was he thinking? was he only going to the nice spots in iraq? are there any nice spots in iraq? and you know how those people are known for their hospitality toward americans. i dont need to see any more videos of beheadings to tell me i'm not going there on vacation. that kid should have played the lottery. he used up all his good luck in one swoop. his parents should have just smiled for the camera and then beat his ass as soon as the front door closed. and finally, what makes this kid think he can understand their suffering by being there for a weekend. hey ghandi, your an american. sure you may be a little darker complected than some of the rest of us but they will kill you just the same. you want to help with the suffering, do it here. this country needs some help too. had he gotten himself killed this country would have been up in arms...but he would have deserved it.

ok, i got to run. i'm booking my vacation to bosnia right now.

Miners..................

i always feel bad when i see a story like the one going on now about trapped miners. its especially bad this time of year but it does lead me to wonder about some things like why do we still have miners. this job has hung on since the middle ages....with not alot of increases in safety. cant we find a way to have robots do that. some jobs faded out with time (like being a knight)and we found another way to do the job. heres another idea. if you live in west virginia and this isnt a commercial to keep in school and go to college then you deserve to be buried two miles down. if your thinking of quitting school and your only job prospect is miner....then start crackin those books. for christs sake the jobs at mcdonalds have got to look better than this. the fuckin army reserves is safer. could there ever be a kid whos dream is to grow up and climb down two miles into the earth and dig around for coal. if we must use coal and we must dig it up isnt it about time we find a better way to get it out. now it seems as though someone jumped the gun and told these families that the miners were found alive only to tell them three hours later that they were dead. i have no idea how this happened. i'm sure someone didnt do that on purpose but that someone is going to be crucified now. this has got to be a front runner for the strangest story of 2006.

ok, i've got to run. i'm having my armor polished.

Back from the edge................

well, its my first post since before xmas....so here goes.

let me just start by saying that xmas was great as always. i bought my own gifts, wrapped them and then opened them with great suprise on xmas day. its always great to hear my kids ask their mother what they got me as i open the gift labeled from them.

anyone who stayed up and saw dick clarks rockin new years eve had to be saddened by the fact that dick clark is finally old. his slurring of words were sad (sure i laughed and made jokes about it)and at times i couldnt understand what he was saying but then again i only watch the show to see what the young broads are wearing. that being said mariah carey looked hot. the other rappers in her group are wearing fur coats and shes running around with a dress that barely covered her ass and those gigantic fake boobs hanging out. people say shes fat but i think shes great. my wife did point out that the gigantic boobs are fake....who cares. they're magnificent. it also points out that ryan seacrest is gay. he couldnt get away from her fast enough. i guess that being in the studio with all the guys around is more of his element.

well, i have to get to work. i am waist deep in work after taking a week off.