Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Another thing i cant stand......

two weeks ago a pitcher for the st louis cardinals was killed in an accident. seemd the young man was drinking and then got into his car and was racing up the highway where he encountered a car getting ready to be put on a tow truck. the car was in one of the lanes because thats where it broke down. he hit the broke down car at approximately 70 mph. sure it is tragic but to me heres the really tragic part. his dad , who is taking care of his estate, is sueing everyone. lets put the list in order for you....
1. the bar where he got drunk
2. the owner of said bar
3. the bartender
4. the owner of the tow truck
5. the driver of the tow truck
6. the owner of the car being towed
his dad will probably sue me if he sees this. the bar , bar owner and bartender i can see but the tow truck driver and the guy who owned the car being towed....thats ridiculous. if this doesnt make you hate lawyers then ....well.....your probably a lawyer. i would love to see the car owner sue his estate, his wife and his children for wrecking his car. imagine the pain and suffering of not having your car. there must be something punitive in that. if i was the driver of the tow truck my back might start hurting right sure it crazy but not any more crazy then the estate sueing those poor people.
in this day of nobody wanting to accept responsibility for anything this all makes sense. i'm sure the owner of the bar kidnapped the ballplayer and took him to the bar and forced him to drink. any goodwill i had for this man is now gone thanks to a greedy father and some equally greedy lawyers. heres hoping they get what they deserve.....nothing.

this is shoes....over and out.....

Thursday, May 24, 2007

I can only hope........

Tenth Circle Added To Rapidly Growing Hell

CITY OF DIS, NETHER HELL–After nearly four years of construction at an estimated cost of 750 million souls, Corpadverticus, the new 10th circle of Hell, finally opened its doors Monday.
The Blockbuster Video-sponsored circle, located in Nether Hell between the former eighth and ninth levels of Malebolge and Cocytus, is expected to greatly alleviate the overcrowding problems that have plagued the infernal underworld in recent years. The circle is the first added to Hell in its countless-millennia history.
"A nightmarishly large glut of condemned spirits in recent years necessitated the expansion of Hell," inferno spokesperson Antedeus said. "The traditional nine-tiered system had grown insufficient to accommodate the exponentially rising numbers of Hellbound."
Adding to the need for expansion, Antedeus said, was the fact that a majority of the new arrivals possessed souls far more evil than the original nine circles were equipped to handle. "Demographers, advertising executives, tobacco lobbyists, monopoly-law experts retained by major corporations, and creators of office-based sitcoms–these new arrivals represent a wave of spiritual decay and horror the likes of which Hell has never before seen," Antedeus said.
Despite the need for expansion, the plan faced considerable resistance, largely due to the considerable costs of insuring construction projects within the Kingdom Of Lies. Opposition also came from Hell purists concerned about the detrimental effect a tenth level would have on the intricate numerology of Hell's meticulously arranged allegorical structure. In 1994, however, funding was finally secured in a deal brokered between Blockbuster CEO Wayne Huizenga and Satan himself.
Prior to the construction of the tenth circle, many among the new wave of sinners had been placed in such circles as Hoarders and Squanderers, Sowers of Discord, Flatterers and Seducers, Violent Against Art, and Hypocrites. Hell authorities, however, say that the new level, the Circle of Total Bastards, located at the site of the former Well of Giants just above the Frozen Lake at Hell's center, better suits their insidious brand of evil.
Frigax The Vile, a leading demonic presence, is one of the most vocal supporters of the new circle.
"In the past, the underworld was ill-equipped to handle the new breed of sinners flooding our gates–downsizing CEOs, focus-group coordinators, telemarketing sales representatives, and vast hordes of pony-tailed entertainment-industry executives rollerblading and talking on miniaturized cell-phones at the same time. But now, we've finally got the sort of top-notch Pits of Doom necessary to give such repellent abominations the quality boilings they deserve."
Pausing to tear off the limbs of an Access Hollywood host, Frigax added, "We're all tremendously excited about the many brand-new forms of torture and eternal pain this new level's state-of-the-art facilities will make possible."
Among the tortures the Corpadverticus Circle of Total Bastards boasts: the Never-Ending Drive-Thru Bank, the Bottomless Pit of Promotional Tie-In Keychains, and the dreaded Chamber of Emotionally Manipulative Home Shopping Network Products.
The Circle also features a Hall of Aerobics, where condemned TV-exercise-show personalities, clad in skin-tight Spandex outfits soaked in flesh-dissolving acid, are forced to exercise for centuries on end, covered in vomit and prodded with the distended ribs of skeletal, anorexic demons, accompanied by an unending, ear-splittingly loud dance-remix version of the 1988 Rick Astley hit "Together Forever."
In a nearby area, corporate raiders are forced to carry the golf clubs of uneducated Hispanic migrant workers from hole to hole for eternity, withering under a constant barrage of verbal abuse from their former subservients as crows descend from trees to peck at their eyes. In one of the deepest and most profane portions of the circle, unspeakable acts are said to be committed with a mail-order Roly-Kit.
"In life, I was a Salomon Brothers investment banker," one flame-blackened shade told reporters. "When I arrived here, they didn't know what to do with me. They put me in with those condemned to walk backwards with their heads turned all the way around on their necks, for the crime of attempting to see the future. But then I sent a couple of fruit baskets to the right people, and in no time flat, I secured a cushy spot for myself in the first circle of the Virtuous Unbaptized. Now that was a sweet deal. But before long, they caught on to my game and transferred me here to the realm of Total Bastards. I've been shrieking for mercy like a goddamn woman ever since."
His face contorted in the Misery of the Damned, a Disney lawyer said: "It's hell here–there are no executive lounges, I can't get any decent risotto, and the suit I have to wear is a cheap Brooks Brothers knock-off. I'm beeped every 30 seconds, and there's no way to return the calls. Plus, I'm being boiled upside down in lard while jackals gnaw at the soles of my feet. If I could just reach the fax machine on that nearby rock, I could contact some well-placed associates and work something out, but it's just out of my grasp, and it's out of ink and constantly blinking the message, 'Replace Toner Cartridge, Replace Toner Cartridge, Replace Toner Cartridge.'"
He then resumed screaming in agony.
Grogar The Malefic, a Captain in Hell's elite Demon Corps and supervisor in charge of admissions for the new circle, said Hell's future looks bright, thanks to the new circle.
"Things are definitely looking up," Grogar said. "We're now far better equipped, and we're ready to take on the most Unholy Atrocities humanity has to offer."
"We're really on the grow down here," Grogar added. "This is an exciting time to be in Hell."

i love the onion and this is a great piece from there.....

this is shoes, over and out.......

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Censorship gone wild..........

if you havent heard of opie and anthony ......dont fret. your one of many. they are a couple of sydicated shock jocks from nyc and are on free fm and xm sattelite radio in the mornings. think of them as howard stern light. of course the show on xm is a little racier than the one on free fm because the fcc doesnt control the sattelite radio airwaves....and they shouldnt. its just like cable tv. if i pay for it i should be able to see whatever i want. that was until this week.......

May 16, 2007 -- SHOCK jocks Opie & Anthony were suspended - with pay - from XM satellite radio yesterday for 30 days in a new wrinkle on the Condoleezza Rice "rape" controversy.
XM officials yanked the pair claiming the shock jocks had not taken the incident seriously. Last Friday, Hughes and Cumia apologized for their comments from last Wednesday's show during which a guest named "Homeless Charlie" told the deejays he wanted to have rough sex with Rice and First Lady Laura Bush.

is what was said horrible? yes, if it wasnt a comedy show but it is so it should be taken for what it was.....a bit. think their job is easy? you try entertaining people for 5 hours a day 5 days a week and see how easy it is. Opie & Anthony make a good point that radio doesnt have any parameters on content. wouldnt we take it differently to hear chris rock drop an n-bomb as opposed to mike wallace on 60 minutes? we should. ones a serious news show and the other is a comedy. we should handle whats said on family guy differently than if the same thing was said on the nightly news but alas radio is different. everyone is held to the same standards. its regoddamndiculous.

i'll bet this wouldnt have been a big deal if the guy refered to ......lets say......lindsay lohan and paris hilton instead of condy rice and laura bush. do you think xm did this with an eye toward their impending meger with sirius? isnt this why you pay for satelite radio so you can get it without censorship. this wasnt an fcc thing this was done strictly by xm. one school of thought is that xm is going to let them go to cut costs. xm has the most subscribers but they are losing ground to sirius rapidly. sirius has stern so they dont need opie and anthony and this is a good way for xm to purge some salary. regardless this is another stupid case of censorship. every radio has a control for just such things....its called an on/off switch.

this is shoes....over and out........

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Ding dong the witch is dead......

i really dont like to go after people who died (hell i didnt slam anna nichole) but there are just some people who i havent liked forever and i just cant be nice.

so enters jerry falwell. there may never be a man in history who has done more to hurt this country than him. he founded the moral majority ,which in retrospect should have been called the immoral minority, and bullied lawmakers into running like scared puppies instead of standing up to schmuck. "I shudder to think where the country would be right now if the religious right had not evolved," he said when he stepped down as Moral Majority president in 1987. yes, a country full of compassion and understanding would be a terrible thing. The 1980s marked the religious conservative movement's high-water mark. In more recent years, Falwell had become a problematic figure for the GOP. His remarks a few days after Sept. 11, 2001, essentially blaming feminists, gays and liberals for bringing on the terrorist attacks drew a rebuke from the White House, and he apologized.Falwell had once opposed mixing preaching with politics, but changed his views. The Moral Majority grew to 6.5 million members and raised $69 million as it supported conservative politicians and railed against abortion, homosexuality, pornography and bans on school prayer. i'm sure the money and power were what changed his mind.....god was an afterthought. In 1999, he told an evangelical conference that the Antichrist was a male Jew who was probably already alive. Falwell later apologized for the remark but not for holding the belief. A month later, his National Liberty Journal warned parents that Tinky Winky, the children's TV character, was a gay role model and morally damaging to children proving that he was just good at stirring up the pot. if he didnt like being a lightning rod than he shouldnt have said ridiculous things. With Falwell's high profile came frequent criticism, even from fellow ministers. The Rev. Billy Graham once rebuked him for political sermonizing on "non-moral issues". this goes back to my thoughts that churches should be taxed.

"Dr. Falwell was a man of distinguished accomplishment who devoted his life to serving his faith and country," said Sen. John McCain, a GOP presidential contender who during the 2000 primaries referred to Falwell and Robertson as "agents of intolerance." McCain has since distanced himself from those comments. i guess that makes mccain a flip flopper doesnt it. it just shows what some politicians will do for a vote.

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, a Mormon whose own faith has become an issue during his run for the presidency, said Falwell "built and led a movement based on strong principles and strong faith," and "the legacy of his important work will continue through his many ministries where he put his faith into action." romney is another asshole politician who sucks up to get votes. hey mitt, he didnt like your were competition.

Matt Foreman, executive director of National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, extended condolences to those close to Falwell, but added: "Unfortunately, we will always remember him as a founder and leader of America's anti-gay industry, someone who exacerbated the nation's appalling response to the onslaught of the AIDS epidemic, someone who demonized and vilified us for political gain and someone who used religion to divide rather than unite our nation." like him or not matt foreman is a gentleman. much more than i am but hes right on the money with what hes said. falwell stood on his soap box and in a very christian-like manor (but in reality totally against everything jesus stood for) put down everyone who wasnt exactly like him. if you were brown, gay, foreign, from another religion....then you were the enemy...unless you were giving him money. to steal a line from a movie ...jerry falwell had no answers, he was good at telling you what was wrong and who was to blame, but thats all.

well heres a toast to jerry falwell. i hope that if there really is a hell of which you spoke then i hope there is a very special room there for you.

this is shoes ....over and out......

Friday, May 11, 2007

Love is in the air.......

Phys-Ed Teacher Accused Of Sexual Assault Of Student

Teacher makes deal over affair with boy

School staff accused of giving booze to students

Naked teacher pics sent to students

Teacher Busted for Alleged Sex With Student

HS softball coach arrested for sexual battery of a minor

these are some of the headlines that i've seen on the internet in the last two weeks. some are male teachers and some are women. some of the students are male and some are female. it seems like an epidemic. i guess i was just born at the wrong time. none of my teachers wanted to have sex with me. i cant think of any i wanted to have sex with anyway. i just know that if i was tapping a hot young teacher i wouldnt have told anyone....ever. that would have been my little secret for all of my school years. i would still speak fondly of the women to this day but alas i wasnt good enough. being a scrawny , ugly kid didnt help me any either.

go check out some of these stories...the teachers are hot. just giving you a little something to think about over the weekend.

this is shoes.......over and out........

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Foot in mouth disease......

seems like everyones favorite jerkoff, al sharpton, put his foot in his mouth...again. hes debating an atheist and when asked about mitt romney running for president al said something to the effect of "the christians who really believe in god will see that he doesnt become president". i'm sure thats not an exact quote but it gets his point across.
now there are many problems here...
1. a debate with an atheist? who wins here? i imagine neither one. i would love to see that debate. i love when people argue about a belief. make no mistake....religion, any religion, is a belief. show me something signed by god. please, dont bring up the bible, it was written by man. god wasnt using them like a steno pool.
2. one religious guy badmouthing another religious guy. this was done in the truest christian sense. its " my religion is right and your wrong if you dont agree". if god did show up what would he have to say about this.
3. a preacher (supposedly) badmouthing another religion. see above

in a typical al sharpton move he blamed romneys people for reading it the wrong way. i guess the mormons didnt understand that his implying that they didnt believe in god was meant in the nicest christian sense. now lets make no mistake...the mormon religion is ridiculous but no more than any other. ok, so its the only religion that makes scientology seem plausible but when compared to christianity its no more crazy.

this does take me back to my belief that all religions should be taxed. organized religion is moving right into politics and if anyone thinks thats a great idea then just look at any country that is run by a religious leader.......oh, lets just pick......iran. its pay to play kids. you want into politics then pay up just like everyone else.

some people have said that al sharpton should be run out of town like imus. see the problem here is that imus had a job...sharpton doesnt (at least he doesnt if you dont count extortion). what are you going to get al sharpton fired from? being a loudmouth? as long as credence is given to him them networks will use him for sound bites. romney should have just come out and said that they consider the source and al's proven that he just spouts off for attention.

ok kids back to work. this is shoes...over and out......

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Utah, do we really need it.....

utah is such a weird little state. what have they given us? mormons (great the religion that makes scientology seem plausible), the osmonds (the jacksons without rhythm)...etc. we really dont need them do we?
they do have some ideas for the country though. they seem to know just what the problems facing our country are and exactly who to blame. According to The Salt Lake Tribune, Utah County District 65 Chairman Don Larsen has submitted a formal resolution to oppose the devil’s plan to destroy the country -- to be discussed this weekend at the Utah County Republican Convention.
thats right kids if you really want to blame someone for trying to destroy the United States, point the finger at… Satan? And Satan’s apparent weapon of choice: Allowing illegal immigrants to cross the border.
i knew that my dislike of mexicans was well founded. i reemeber that from the bible where it is written "and god spake unto moses and said, "keep the darkies out", and moses then carried the message unto the people". dont press me for what book thats in i just remember the passage.
as don likes to put it....“In order for Satan to establish his ‘New World Order’ and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the scriptures, he must first destroy the U.S.,” Larsen’s resolution states. “[It is] insidious for its stealth and innocuousness.”Larsen’s proposal to defeat Satan? Close the borders to illegal immigrants to “prevent the destruction of the U.S. by stealth invasion.”
lets make all of america as lilly white as utah. lets all just put on our bobby socks and play our pat boone albums while standing around deciding who gets the boot next.

to answer the first question....nobody. lets throw utah out. lets just split up the state among the surrounding states and call it a day. 49 state is ok. if your stuck on the thought of 50 the lets just make puerto rico the 50th. most of them are already in nyc.

ok, back to work kids. this is shoes.....over and out.......

Thursday, May 03, 2007

oh really.......

the price of a college education is really going up. i guess one way parents can cope with that is frivoluos lawsuits to earn money. with that in mind i take you to a hotbed of forward thinking that is Bentonville, Ark. a dad there is i seeking $20,000 from the city after his two teenage sons found a book on lesbian sex on a public library bookshelf. He also wants the library director fired because not only is he mad at the problem but hes mad at the cause.
Earl Adams said his 14- and 16-year-old sons were "greatly disturbed" after finding the book, titled "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book." Adams said the book caused "many sleepless nights in our house." no shit earl? many sleepless nights? i imagine hes run through 20k in kleenex and hand lotion.
Adams said the book is "patently offensive and lacks any artistic, literary or scientific value," according to a letter he faxed to Mayor Bob McCaslin. He said the teenagers found it while browsing for material on military academies. what section were they searching in earl? were they looking for lesbian military academies and what do you think your chances are of getting them into an all male military academy now that they have seen the lesbians? i'm guessing not very good.
In an e-mail Thursday, Adams said that "God was speaking to my heart that day and helped me find the words that proved successful in removing this book from the shelf."
He said he would fight any effort to put the book back on shelves.
"Any effort to reinstate the book will be met with legal action and protests from the Christian community," Adams wrote in the e-mail. i guess all the gay things in the bible arent that bad. if this book comes off of the shelves then the bible should have to come off also.

well my advice earl is to just forget about and go fold your kids sheets with a hammer.

well, back to work kids. this is shoes...over and out......

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Let the taxing begin.......

heres a story for you.......

The Roman Catholic Church on Sunday called on doctors in Mexico City not to perform abortions and lamented the city's decision to legalize the procedure in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. The church has vowed to continue its anti-abortion campaign even through it is under investigation for possibly violating Mexican laws forbidding the church's participation in politics.

you know if theres one thing mexico needs its more mexicans. they cant take care of the ones they have now. they are all coming here...but thats no concern of the church. all they care about is having more catholics because even in this third world country these people cant give their money to the church fast enough. no food for your kids? give money to the church and god will take care of you. no money for medicine? give more money to the church and god will heal you. its such a scam. theres really no need to go after the church for getting into the politics game just start taxing them. they own enough property, you could solve alot of problems that way. you want to be involved in politics then ante up like the rest of us. its pay to play guys.

ok, back to work kids. this is shoes...over and out......

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Just how stupid can you be.......

when do you admit you made a mistake...but dont tell anyone? if nobody saw it it didnt happen. write it off and move on with your life. nobody likes it when everyone knows you screwed up. thake the japanese for example.......
seems that in japan a poodle goes for big bucks. i'm talking 4k and up. those japanese really like western things and what is more western than a poodle. well it seems thousands of Japanese have been swindled in a scam in which they were sold Australian and British sheep and told they were poodles. thats right kids...sheep. Flocks of sheep were imported to Japan and then sold by a company called Poodles as Pets, marketed as fashionable accessories, available at $1,600 each.
everyone likes a bargain.
now the question is how was this discovered. The scam was uncovered when Japanese moviestar Maiko Kawamaki went on a talk-show and wondered why her new pet would not bark or eat dog food.She was crestfallen when told it was a sheep. ok, anyone can make a mistake. we all know, from our own homegrown movie stars , that they arent rocket scientists (hell, most of them are scientologists). but alas, then hundreds of other women got in touch with police to say they feared their new "poodle" was also a sheep. One couple said they became suspicious when they took their "dog" to have its claws trimmed and were told it had hooves. well, that would give it away.....well, that and the fact that it went baaaaaaa.
can you imagine if this happened here in america. we would be making fun of these people forever. this is comedy at its finest.

well unlike doctors these people can eat their mistakes.

ok, back to work kids. this is shoes...over and out....