Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Remember when..............

i loike the history channel. its one of the few tv channels that you can actually learn something by watching. one of the things i like is watching old powers fall. you have to wonder what happened to england and france. they once ruled most of the world but now........eh, not so much. this last weekend pointed out alot about those countries that i see as having been directly related to their fall.

first is the british open. oh i dont care that tiger went right through them what gets me is it was played off a golf course that looks worse than my back yard. sure i have been lax in picking up the dog shit and i only mow it once a week but it still looks better than the course at the ancient and wonderful (or whatever they call it) club at liverpool. that match looked like someone held a golf outing at an airport and they were playing off of the tarmac. why dont we hold the next tournament in a mall parking lot. now i know that all courses dont look like lush tropical lawns like american courses but that was pathetic. the worst part is that the course is right along the irish sea. its called irrigation....look into it. people have been irigating since before christ. how do you expect to be a world power when you cant even bring water fifty feet to a golf course. needless to say your not a world power. sure you get to go to the meetings with the other world powers but thats only because your friends with the usa. its like being friends with the star football player in high school......sure you get to tag along to all the great parties but that doesnt mean you'll be sleeping with a cheerleader tonight.

next is france. they hold the tour de france. before you start thinking thats a really special name that must be important remember.......its a bicycle race. its like nascar.....only slower. they were so proud that for years americans never did well in it. we didnt win it for like the first seventy five years but lately...well, we own them. americans have won eleven of the last twenty one and the last eight in a row. thats not the worst part. the american who won it this year needs a hip replacement. that needs to be repeated........a hip replacement. how can a guy who needs a hip replacement win the most prestigious bike race in the world. i'm going to enter my mother in law next year, she needs a hip replacement too. i wonder where te guy in the wheelchair or the guy in the walker finished. oh well needless to say frnace isnt a world power either. they can rant and rave on the world stage and withhold snails from us but in reality.....they really dont count. i did find their treelined streets to quaint but i understand those trees were planted mostly so the nazis could march in the shade. thanks to us you frogs arent speaking german right now.

well there it is kids. all of my observations from the weekend. another proud moment in my families history. enjoy your tuesday.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Hi, remember me..........

i'll be your host for this post. sorry , i felt i needed to take some time off from this blog. my head is just reeling with everything going on in the world today. i cant decide whats more important right now....

1. world war three starting in the mid east
2. stopping stem cell research
3. allowing gays to have rights
4. the rapture

well lets just jump in with both feet. first, it just shows how screwed up the world is right now when israel is mad at hezzbolah, which is funded by syria and iran , and it makes sense to me that they are blowing up lebanon even as we speak. the longer this all goes on the better nuking them all and starting over sounds. wasnt one of the byproducts of the war in iraq going to be lower gas prices. when does it become time to go after the guys that are really the bad ones. why dont we blow up iran and syria and tell the rest of the ragheads to shut up or their next. when are we going to learn to drill sideways so we can suck the oil out from under them and take away their trump card. in what well run universe would the nuttiest people be given a lock on the most important substance in the world. god mad a mistake here.

second, thank god we arent allowing stem cell research. who the hell would want a cure to diseases that have plagued mankind forever. you know the pharmacuetical companies dont want cures found and i guess god doesnt want them found either because he talks to our president and he vetoed it. hes worried that they may find the cure for stupidity and he will be cured. watching senator brownback explain why it shouldnt be allowed is like hearing my daughter discuss jet propulsion .....without the good logic that is. please , can we just stop religion from taking over our government. if they promise not to bring up god while making decisions i promise not to go think in their church. deal?

third, these would be the big stories if it wasnt for those pesky gays wanting their rights that they were promised in the constitution. i can understand the founding fathers not wanting to give rights to brown people or , god forbid, women but why discriminate against the gays. the didnt work in the fields. they didnt have to raise the kids. whats the big deal? i'll tell you what the big deal is. if you give gays their rights then everyone will want them......and we just cant have that....can we? thank god our legislators are wise enough to put things like the war going poorly, gas prices going through the roof, the stock market dropping like a stone..etc. until these pesky gays are put in their place.

which brings us to the final thing ........THE RAPTURE. its happening kids. look around. tsunamis, earthquakes, heat waves, hurricanes, bush in the white house....er, strike that one. well you see my point. everything points to god being pissed. lets look a little more closely at this. why did god give the oil to the caziest people, why did he make gays, what kind of well run universe is this? these are questions that we need answered. i used to think that god is delegating too much. in the old testament he was always kicking ass. he doesnt come around anymore. we are like a toy he got tired of playing with. back in the day a country like iran would give good god fearing christians and jews the willies and next thing you knew ........fire and brimstone. problem solved. where is that today? maybe god has outsourced his work to india. you have to admit that explains alot. is it too farfetched to believe that the people who are fucking up dells help desk could be fucking up the universe.

oh well, i'm just glad to be back. leave a comment, let me know your still reading. enjoy your weekend everyone. i wont be posting friday because i'll be golfing.