Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Coming to a window near you.....

apparently the world is in better shape than we think or at least god isnt worried. taking time out of his busy schedule of miracles and damnation jesus appeared in a window in fort worth, texas. as crowds flocked to see the image jesus was heard to say "come back for the ten o'clock show. its completely different". god is starting his red state tour in texas seeing that he had a big part in putting texas' favorite son in office for a second time. god will continue his tour in kentucky where he will appear in a bottle of bourbon and then later this week in new mexico where he is scheduled to appear in a tortilla.

in geneva, illinois a genius named dean craig set his home on fire. there is alot of crazy reasons he could have done this, but in his defense, he picked the craziest. seems dean wanted his guests to leave and because they were having such a good time they refused. dean taught them a lesson by pouring rubbing alcohol (which he might have been drinking) on the floor and setting it ablaze. this got his guests to leave but forced more acquaintances to show up...namely the firemen and police. dean is now a guest of the state on a 25k bond. oh , and when i say it was deans home i meant he lived there.....his mother is the owner.

in tennesee a mom is guilty of caring too much. seems anette pharris, 34, decided that her son, landon, needed a little something extra for his sixteenth birthday. i mean, hes been such a good boy. mom hired a stripper. she did a good job and mom snapped some pics so landon would have a momento of this occasion. then she tried to get them developed at a local drug store. anette was indicted by the grand jury for 1. contributing to the deliquency of a minor and 2. involving a minor in an obsene act. by that state sure is tough. why what loving mother wouldnt do that for her son. look anette, these stories always turn out bad. your from tennesee anette just stick to giving your son a hand job like everyone else from that backward , inbred state.

i'm trying to get my shit together after the long weekend.............it doesnt look good

Friday, May 27, 2005


try to wrap your brain around this one kids

in campobello, south carolina cory michael williamson , age 17, was arrested for buggery. whats buggery you ask? well his neighbor reported him to the police after witnessing him having sex with a six month old puppy. thats right.... A SIX MONTH OLD PUPPY. right now your friend and mine cory is a guest at the spartanburg county detention center. if that seems a little extreme for someone who might have been having consensual sex with his pet lets look into this a little further. seems cory was arrested last year for criminal sexual conduct against a FOUR year old girl and a thirteen year old girl. seems cory has al little problem here. this kid is a sexual predator. he needs to be eliminated. i know his lawyer will say hes only seventeen, that he can be rehabilitated.....etc. he cant. make no mistake about this......he cant. anyone who thinks this kid is worth saving should be forced to live next door to him with their kids. that'll seperate the believers from the non-believers. my prediction......he is going to kill a child before hes put away. you read it here first.

in georgetown, texas a man was given a life sentence for his EIGHTH dwi conviction. i know you big drinkers might think this is a little harsh but imagine this drunken bastard wiping out your family and then belching out "did i hit something officer". i'll forgive the first but after that you just aint gettin it. maybe public whippings and stocks might jar his memory but do we really need to resort to that. and i can only imagine what this drunken fucks car insurance must cost. gary dibbs, 49, is a country western singer so he will be real entertaining in the cell block where the song "stand by your man" takes on a whole new meaning. i do have good news for mr dibbs.....he is eligible for parole in thirty years (you thought i was going to say i saved alot of money on my car insurance).

on a lighter note britany spears had to give her pet chihuahua away because it kept biting her new husband kevin. the only person in the family with common sense and she gave it away. what are they going to do when the kid talks back? i cant believe that mr spears can call the shots like that....he is her employee. kevin is quoted as saying that hes delighted his ankles are safe and that there is alot less poop laying around. poop which is said to litter their malibu home (britany has two other dogs). does this remind anyone of the beverly hillbillies. how long before they have a car up on blocks in the front yard, a gaggle of kids running around naked......etc. god help malibu.

gotta run folks. enjoy the long weekend. hope your weather is good.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

The hot new vacation spot.....

paris? dead. new orleans? history. no, the hot new vacation spot will be in northern kentucky. the creation museum. created by a gentleman named ken ham. it will offer hams views that the earth was created in six days and is only 6000 years old. that the grand canyon wasnt created by millions of years of erosion but in a couple of weeks by the big flood. that noah had dozens of unique animals on the ark including a t-rex. he came to the age of the earth by tracing biblical genealogy (the bible being the definition of complete accuracy). mr ham says that "people will get saved here. if nothing else it will get them to question their own position of what they believe". i guess it might get some religious fanatics to change but i hope not normal thinking americans. is it any wonder the world is passing america in education. i cant wait to go. how kooky will this be. i need that bumper sticker on my car....now. actually i would just like to hang outside and see the misfits that flock to this steaming pile of shit. lets go back to the middle ages for our science.is it any wonder the world is passing america in education. when you fall for this crap we will then explain how the sun revolves around the earth.....god wouldnt have it any other way. every time a christian points out that there cant be life anywhere else because god created us in his own image and we are perfect i point out that if humans are the best god could do then he aimed very low and settled for very little.

my hope is that everyone reading this blog knows what the government means by faith based initiatives. for those that stumbled here by accident(and didnt immediately turn off their computer and go light a candle for me after the last story) let me explain. it is government speak for funneling your tax money to religious groups that offer social services. those groups can then do anything they want with that money. rick santorum (nazi senator from pa.) thinks this is a great idea. he doesnt think a seperation of church and state is such a great thing. let me explain further.....this allows these groups to get around equal opportunity laws that say you cant discriminate for religious reasons in your hiring practices. you think a catholic church is going to hire a very qualified jew? guess again. do you think christians congresspeople are going to share the money equally with muslims, jew, mormons ...etc? guess again. countries where the religious control the government do real well.....just look at iran and iraq (fuck it just look at the whole middle east). the founders of this country understood the seperation of church and state which makes you realize how smart a bunch of farmers can be and how we are being sold out by the idiots we have in office.

as bad as organized religion is i must admire l. ron hubbard. dont like the religions you see....start a new one. i just dont understand how he got so many famous people to by into that bullshit. there was a post that said he had gay film of tom cruise and john travolta getting it on with young men but that seems a little far fetched to me. this all leads to the question ...do we really need another religion? shouldnt we be shutting down a few of them? at least he doesnt go door to door like the mormons. that saturday morning knock really pisses me off.

ok, i'm going to go jerk off thinking about the lottery.....you folks do whatever you want.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Ok. we made a mistake on this kid

anyone remember lionel tate. he was the 12 year old that in 2000 killed a 6 year old and was sentenced to life in prison. his lawyer argued at the time that he was only mimicing the wrestling moves he saw on tv. his conviction was overturned in 2004 and then he pleaded guilty to second degree murder and was allowed to go home with his mother to serve a year of house arrest followed by ten years on probation. i know, you'd all like a happy ending here but alas its not to be. the little boy has grown to an 18 year old criminal. he was arrested in fort lauderdale for the second time.....this time for holding up a pizza delivery man with a gun. he is currently being held in broward county jail on charges of armed burglary with battery, armed robbery and violation of probation. when do we admit our mistake and throw him back in the slammer for life. who will this societal misfit have to kill to get put away for good. its time to cull the herd folks. this kid will never be rehabilitated. he will be a major drain on society on top of ruining some families lives by killing someone they love. by the way his lawyer ,richard rosenbaum, said "lionels not guilty. he just needs a chance to change his life". didnt he get that when they overturned his life sentence. he should be let out and made to live right next door to his attorney. lets see what richie rosenbaum says then.

while we are at it lets point out the inequities of christianity. the saint jude educational institute in montgomery alabama did not allow honor student alysha cosby to go to commencements because she got pregnant to another boy in the class. yes, he was allowed to go to commencements. she did end up going and sitting in the audience. after the last name was called she stood up announced her name and walked across the stage....after which cosby, her mother and her aunt were escorted from the church by police. now this girl could have had an abortion but being a good christian she didnt....and the church punished her anyway. and in typical church fashion nothing happened to the boy. she was told not to come back to school. she was allowed to finish her work at home. the school said it had safety concerns even though her doctor gave a written note that said she could go to school for six more months. this is so typical of organized religions. first, they dont want you to have an abortion but they want nothing to do with you when you decide to have the child. the next time the church will care about that child is when it gets a job and is able to give them money....then that child will be welcomed into the fold. and lets blame the girl for everything. if you dont want her in school because it advertises promiscuity then the boy should be tossed too. its only fair...he had a hand in it. you know if people quit giving money to churches they would dry up and blow away .....and our lives would be better.

a pimp named jason itzler has got caught pimping and has thrown out a name of someone famous to get some attention. who'd he throw under the bus......adam duritz of counting crows. he states that adam spent ten to twenty thousand to have four or five women for a night. first off adam can afford it. its his choice. what man wouldnt want four or five great looking call girls for a night. he doesnt need a realtionship he just wants wild sex and what better way to get it. no dinner, no drinks, no games. come to my room, have sex with me and then leave. it is said that you dont pay a hooker for sex your paying her to leave. and make no mistake these arent common crack whores they are high class call girls. their clean, smell good....a class act all around. on the other hand a pimp by any other name still smells as bad. this jason itzler is an asshole for spilling a name. have fun adam....live it up

ponder those for awhile and see how your day goes

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Shoes...tell us a story

all right kids sit back. i have a couple of good ones. in sacramento california police raided a cock fight and saved over 800 birds. while most people fled into the woods one man threw down four grand and was still caught. ok, maybe your all into peta and care about some cocks (i'm trying to get as many cock references into this story as i can) or you dont like the illegal gambling aspect of this or your just into sheriffs, thats not any of my business. the really funny part of this is that what tipped off the cops was the ten foot tall chicken they placed outside the door. i guess the neon "cockfighting tonight" sign was out of order. people like this should go to jail, not for the crimes stated above, but for gross stupidity. any bets that this was a bunch of illegal aliens running this show?

remember kids if your real good in school, pay good attention and dont talk back to the teacher maybe just maybe you might get laid. with that in mind mary kay latourneau got married to the kid she was screwing when he was a sixth grader. she married vili fualaau in a very private (no shit) ceremony on saturday. whats the over/ under on the length of this marriage. shes 43 and hes 22. i'm sure to the little foreigner a white american chick seem like the be all to end all but thats going to wear off soon. i guess the one big factor is that shes batshit crazy and how sane can this idiot be. he married his first piece of ass. congrats to the happy couple.

in the lovely city of new york, new york (the city so nice they named it twice) a woman weighing 407 pounds needed to get an mri. she was refered to the bronx zoo because no place had a machine for a HUMAN that large. the zoo, on the other hand, deals with larger mammals. she , as you might guess, is offended by this. she says she feels she was treated like an animal. i'm sure thats only because she eats ands smells like an animal. hey lady, heres a clue . your 407 pounds. you are not fat.......your obese. your back and legs hurt...no shit. you dont need an mri , i can diagnose this case from here. drop 300 pounds and you wont be in as much pain. just wait...shes going to sue someone. you can bank on that.

and last but by no means least a stem cell research bill will come before the house this week. it has a possibility of passing.......and it should. our president though , who is too stupid to understand the research, has sworn to veto it if it passes. i hope every religious fanatic who voted for bush gets a disease that could have been cured by this research. i actually hope the bush family comes down with something also. apparently religious fundamentalists (the folks keeping fun and mental in religion) are afraid of the imaginary guy in the sky who will punish them for making life a little better for others. on another front the south koreans have announced the creation of eleven new custom made cloned stem cell lines....from the skin cells of child and adult patients. the religious right is going to push this country back behind the rest of the world and then wonder why there is a depression. this is really the nazi party come back to life. thank you red states.

ok story time is over....now its nap time

Monday, May 23, 2005

Maybe mom needs a sex ed class

thre sisters in the uk ages 12, 14 and 16 all got pregnant within three months of each and the funny part is that mom blames the school. before you come to any conclusions lets hear a little more regarding this family. the 12 year old gave birth first...to a son....named t-jay. say no more. the 16 year old , who has had two miscarriages and one abortion previously was next and gave birth to amani. are you starting to get a better picture of this family. they live in a three bedroom home supplied by the government but mom is complaining that its a little too small for their needs. mom blames the lack of good sex education in the schools. well mom, heres some facts. your daughters are little sluts bordering on little whores. wouldnt it have been cheaper getting them all on the pill. maybe you could have taught some sex ed at home instead of leaving it up to the incompetant schools. the problem with people today is that nobody want to accept responsibility for their actions. its easier to blame someone else. stick around , i'm sure mom will be sueing someone soon.

the question comes up every year......should old people be forced to retake the drivers test. the answer is yes. in birdsboro pennsylvania a 90 year old man wrecked his car during a funeral procession. you know how fast the funeral processions go and how you really need to make split second decisions. he had on a new pair of shoes and said he thought he was hitting the brakes. i've driven in different shoes and have never made that mistake. what did he have his feet on backwards.remember these are people who have trouble working the remote control. he should have his license pulled. old people should have to be tested yearly after 60. that seems to be the magic number when they start to be a hazard on the road. most of the old people never kill themselves but seem to knock off others at an alarming rate. the problem is that old people vote and old people are in office so it will never happen.

in a last gasp for insanity a st, louis mo. man named oran ambus wont have his dog nuetered. his dog got out of his yard and was picked up by the dog catcher. the law there says to get him back he needs to be nuetered. oran doesnt want that because...........his dog wont get into heaven. thats right....heaven. laugh if you must but go and read leviticus chapter 22 and you will be schooled. apparently an invisible man in the sky will get mad if you alter the dog. missouri...wasnt that a red state. thank god the republicans are catering to the religious right. this is the kind of man who should be picking our president.

good luck thinking today with this shit rattling around in your head.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Do your job....leave god out of it

again a pharmacist in texas (that red state keeps popping up) wouldnt fill a prescription for the morning after pill to a young girl who was raped. apparently god doesnt like him doing that and wants this young lady to have the baby. i say he should be fired immediately. your job isnt to dispense moral lessons its to dispense the drugs that are prescribed. leave you religion at home jerkoff. you can pull it out when your not at work or on sundays. this is happening all over the country and should be stopped before someone gets hurt. sure the religious right says its birth control pills but what if the kook pharmacist decides his god doesnt want you taking your heart medication.

in east orange new jersey a woman named marlene kess has been found to have the rotting corpses of 200 cats in bags in her back yard. she had another 48 cats in her house (alive). now you might be saying "hey shoes, whats so funny about that". well let me tell you. she runs kitty-kind, one of the only no kill shelters in that area. you think some of those cats wouldnt have rather taken there chances in the back room of the humane society. i guess her house wasnt a no kill shelter.

and in a related story...derik wilhelm of huron ohio, a part-time police officer was arrested for throwing kittens out of his car window. thats not such a bad thing in and of itself BUT his car happened to be going 70 mph when he did it. he must be the pride of the huron ohio police department. look if you wanted to get rid of the kittens do like everyone else...put them in a bag with a brick and toss it into some lake. thats the american way.

ok, its sunday. go and pray for my soul.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

the middle east just doesnt make sense !

so newsweek said that some guards flushed some qurans (jesus christ i hope i spelled that right) down a toilet to piss off some prisoners. there is just so much wrong with this that its hard to keep all my thoughts in some kind of order. first off, in my house things just dont flush that easy. now i'm pretty sure that if i tried to flush a whole book that i might possibly clog the plumbing of not only my house but the entire neighborhood. dont tewll me that cuba has better plumbing than my neighborhood. secondly, its prison. it's not supposed to be fun. if it was fun we would be calling it funtown and not prison. so we fushed a quran....get over it. i guess it is way worse than the radicals in iraq sawing the heads off of prisoners. maybe if we did that they muslims wouldnt be so mad. isnt it odd that supposedly very religious people can get mad about something you do to a book but could care less about what they do to humans. so in summing this all up lets flush all the qurans down some toilets....and then we can continue on to bibles, the book of mormon......etc. lets get rid of organized religion and the world would be a better place. john lennon got it right, i think.

goldie hawn haas caught some grief from womans groups because she said the reason her marriage to kurt russell has lasted so long is because she wears sexy clothes, spends time away from him and lets him enjoy other women from time to time. what a wonderful wife she is. some women should take a page from her book and start living by it. i knew i liked goldie...she gets it.

lindsay lohan, who now looks like a skeleton, has told teen vogue that compared to other teen stars she fat. hasa anyone seen her lately. she looks like a bobblehead doll (tiny body, huge head). i liked her way better when she had some curves. now she looks like she trying to get a part in the remake of schindlers list. she says she been working out with a trainer. i wonder how that workout goes.....
1. binge
2. purge
3. take some laxitives
i believe her trainers name is heroin. on the upside, when her career goes down the tubes (and it will) she will quit acting crazy, put some weight back on and be in playboy before she 32. i cant wait

well kids , its too nice to be sitting inside reading this. go out and do something

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Are we back in the seventies still ?

a theater in kentucky (another red state ?) has banned the movie monster in law because, get this, jane fonda is in it. you might guess that it is because of poor acting by her co-star j-lo (somehow i dont think she'll be getting an academy award this year ) or janes dried up features but no its because of things she did during the vietnam war. wasnt she there in the late sixties or early seventies? most of the people who were alive then cant even use a computer. alright mr. theater owner...you showed her. way to teach her a lesson. what a goddamn idiot he must be...but dont forget , this is kentucky. they liked bush so reality there is really just a concept. and i just love these people who blame vietnam on jane. sure shes an asshole...just like you and me. if you care to blame anyone blame our politicians who dragged us into that swirling, sucking eddy of despair or our military leaders who would go and bomb those people back to the stone age or lbj who didnt have the balls to get us out because it might make him look weak and left the pow's there to rot. dont blame jane fonda...thats just stupid.

ellen degeneres has now said that she was molested when she was 17 by a stepfather. i wonder if that will affect her relationship with men later in life at all. i think i could have told you that story and i dont even know her. i think alot of lesbians have had some bad expirence with men in their younger days. now dont get all huffy...i didnt say all of them. i love lesbians. i think i am a lesbian personally. ellen also said that anne heche broke her heart. well she seems to have gotten over that. portia de rossi will have that effect on you. de rossi is like ellen's trophy wife....and what a catch she is. you would be hard pressed to find a broad that hot. i really dont think that i'm the only one who would like to ellen and portia do a duet on the vibrators.......am i?

theres alot of talk regarding national id's lately. i dont like this idea. its big brother and 1984 happening right before our eyes. this isnt really going to stop terrorism. the same unmotivated screeners at the airport that dont check your id and bags now wont do it with the new id either. the republican party is quickly becoming the nazi party in this country. i dont want my government to tell me what i can watch on tv or hear on the radio. hell , we are about a month from book burnings. red states beware....once the government takes away hbo and howard stern they are going to go after screwing sheep and marrying your sister (thats hitting you right where you live guys).

two funny blogs www.ifuckedanncoulterintheass.com and www.backinanncoultersasssaddleagain.com . i hope i got those right. funny stuff there and i am hoping those titles are prophetic too.

well the days young and i'm not so time to get to work. you should too.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Lindsay's tits are too big....says who?

well apparently disney does, thats who. disney is using the computer to pull her breasts back a bit. i dont know, the last picture i saw of her she looked skeletal. she's on that hollywood diet thats all the rage right now..you know it...binge , purge, snort. heroin must be great for diets. look at what it does for all the supermodels AND keith richards. he doesnt have an ounce of fat on him. dont get me wrong i like thin girls with incredibly large cans but some chicks go too far. i cant wait for lindsay to be in playboy. you know its going to happen. all these young girls will racew to playboy when their careers fall apart.

texas is definately a red state. thank god those people love god and gw. but those people have really gone off of the deep end lately. two recent implosions are just wonderful little stories that i find fascinating. one guy got his truck shot up by another driver. while moving, because.......he looked at the other guys girl. if i had a dime for evertime i have done that well.........anyways another man ran over a woman for........survey says............rejecting him. i guess that part of the bible belt has a different bible than i do. who are their role models? robert blake? oj? remember these people voted en masse for bush. need i say more.

in orlando fla (isnt another bush someone soecial there) a gentleman named bob zuckerman put a train in his yard and had the neighborhood kiddies over to ride it. as it always goes the parents didnt really look into this and he is now under arrest for sexual battery of two and possibly four children. who'd have guessed. anyone who has been around old people (and pittsburgh is loaded with them) know they want nothing more than to be away from young children. that couldnt have been any more predictable if his god given name was actually chester the molester. do people really need a red flag to go up before they start to open their eyes.

in another tribute to texas francisco ruiz 75 (agian its texas and old people) was caught screwing his golden retriever. its not the first time he's done it and not the first dog he's done it with (regardless of what he told the dog over dinner). i guess when you find something you like you stick with it. good for you francisco. another proud republican.

well my head just exploded so i guess i will just try to find all the pieces and glue this thing back together and get to work.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Clowns, clowns and more clowns

in riverside california a man dressed as a clown assaulted two girls ages 12 and 14. when are we going to realize that men dressed as clowns (with the exception of the shriners) are dangerous? what man wants to put on all that makeup? i'll tell you who....a molester. when are we going to learn this lesson? how many serial murderers and rapists do we have to put down? i keep my kids away from clowns unless i know them. and when are we going to catch on to the fact that men who assault children CANNOT be rehabilitated? every single time you hear about a kid being assaulted or raped or kidnapped or killed its always by someone who served time for the same thing before. cut thier nuts off, fry them...hell i dont care what we do as long as we do something. people who prey on children and the elderly must be dealt with severely.

now that we found out where the finger in the wedys chili has come from can we put this behind us and get down to the rela problem here....LAWYERS. if it wasnt for these two legged leaches there wouldnt be half of the frivilous lawsuits you see. they go on tv and tell people that" they dont have to pay upfront" and that "we'll get money for you". companies settle with these assholes because they drag it out and it is not cost effective to fight them. more companies would fight if the complaintant and their lawyer had to pay court fees if they lost. i think wendys should file suit against the lawyer who brought the suit against them over that finger. i think the lawyer should have done some sleuthing before bringing the suit and costing wendys so much with the bad publicity.

dave chappelle says hes sane. that he is only relaxing in south africa. WHAT? what black man goes to south africa ever much less to relax? when did south africa become a haven for the black man? isnt that the country that brought us sun city? the resort for whites only. sure dave, your not crazy.

demi moore said ashton kusher is a little too fast in the sack. this is the funniest news ever. i wish i knew him so i could cll him up and jerk him around. its like he was punked by demi. damn i wish i could do a episode of punked on his ass. imagine the shit he's taking right now over this little tidbit. if ever you could condone a little abuse this would be the case. this has robert blake and o.j. shaking their heads. those two killed women and they never questioned there sexual prowess. and somewhere bruce willis is laughing his ass off. she never said that about him. i hope every time people see ashton they call him quicky.

ok, i've taken enough of your time. thanks for reading. i actually wonder how many people read this blog anyway.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Lottery titties

well the headline read "uk lottery winner buys all her sisters titties". i have pondered this for a couple of days mostly because some of the headlines seemed like they were puting this woman down for doing it. after much deliberation i cant find a problem with what she did. look around you right now. how many woman wouldnt look better with a whole new rack. i happen to love big ol fake titties. i love to say "big ol fake titties....hell i like to type the phrase for that matter. i know its popular to say that real are better but thats rarely true. hell i wish someone would buy me some thin. if one of my brothers won and got me some lipo...i'd be tickled. i think this women is doing the world a service by making a number of boobs (including her own) look better.

keeping in this vein, nichole kidman wants to get pregnant because she would like bigger boobs. what a goddamn idiot she is. she got the money to by some big ol fake titties. just do it already. actually i think shes so hot that is all she needs. and i'm sure this child would get alot of love. thanks for the titties, what you want to nurse, i hardly know you. just looking at her, she does not give you the impression that she has alot of love in her. lets ask tom cruise how loving she is.

the war in iraq is quickly spiraling out of control. 25 us sevicemen died needlessly this last week alone and litterally dozens of iraqi citizens. car bombs are going of at a rate we havent seen. condie rice can spout the the republican party line all she wants but she cant spin this one straight. as i have said before its easier to beat up some half assed army that it is to occupy another country. my heart goes out to all the parents of those servicemen and women that died so bush's friends can make more oil profits here at home. i hope that if there is a hell that there is a special place set aside for the bush family.

alright, i'm tired of talking to you'all. go and get to work

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Cops, cops and more cops

i love the show cops. if you have seen it (and i cant believe anyone hasnt) it is a must see. it points out all the good and bad of that job. first and foremost you see alot of the crap that cops put up with on an everyday basis.you just know that sometimes after they have been led on a car chase, had the little assholes jump out while the car is still moving and then have to chase them that they wish the cameras werent there. i'm sure some of these jerkoffs would resist a little more....if you get my drift. the show is wonderfully predictable. all the men are wearing wife beater t-shirts. everyone smokes. the really bizarre part is that all these people sign releases to show their faces. nothing is more attractive than large, sweaty people are taken down, tazered and then cuffed. look ma , i'm on tv. god bless america. i really like when afterwards the cops all stand around laughing at the people the just caught. the best are the prostitution stings. people who drive nice cars throug the worst part of that city and when the cops pull them over throw out every lame excuse they can.
cop... "what are you doing down here? you dont live anywhere near here."
perp.."i'm visiting a friend."
cop...."oh yeah, wherres he live."
perp.."i cant remember."
this is how it goes over and over. i feel like going there and beating those people with a night stick. i think every high school kid should have to watch this just so you know how to act to a cop. trust me , it will save you a rodney kinglike beating down the road.

which leads me onto this topic,while we are here. there are entirely too many police chases anymore. they are so common that some cities televise them (l.a.). heres the solution. herd these criminals onto a highway and have a sharpshooter blow them away from an overpass. get them to where ever you have blocked traffic and cleared out civilians. then boom ,you kill them. i know , boo hoo, i'm such a bad man but these assholes are driving three ton dangerous weapons around...running lights, going the wrong way....etc. KILL THEM. you probably only have to do this a couple of times and people would quit running. the only reason they run is they know they can get away with it. when the cops say pull over.....DO IT!

cops.......you may not always like what they do or how they do it but when you in trouble who else you going to call.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

The rolling stones on tour........oh great

well it appears that even though they havent been relevant for a couple of years the rolling stones are going to go out this summer on their amercan tour (money grab). really, is this needed? they arent what they used to be folks. just get yourself a greatest hits album, put on your headphones, get your spliff and enjoy that. you know the seats are going to be priced outrageously. have you seen the boys lately. mick and keith look like my grandmother. they are do dried out and wrinkled that it looks like someone stuck a straw in them and drained them. dont get me wrong i like the stones but they havent made anything good in years. retire gracefully boys...your already in the hall of fame

is tupac really dead? this guy puts out a new cd every year. he was this prolific when he was alive. if his success continues rappers will be killing themselves like crazy to boost sales. of course biggie hasnt done so well in death so maybe the afterlife isnt a great sales venue after all.

cops in this country are tasering people like crazy. dont get me wrong, i think most people deserve it. i dont carry one for just that reason. i would taser people all day (my kids included). you dont want to be tasered? then heres some rules. when a cop says stop...stop. when a cop tells you to pull over.....do it. there are two appropriate answers when speaking to a cop.....yes sir and no sir. thats it. the answer to the question "you think that badge makes you tough" is YES. if you are going to act like an asshole you better carry your camcorder 24/7.

now go and be happy. the weeks almost over. dont make me take this belt off kids

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Is god a republican?

when you hear some of the stories it seems so. at the east waynesville baptist church in waynesville n.c. they kicked some democrats out of the church. in case you havent guessed n. carolina is a red state. they actually should be red with embarassment. the pastor announced, during a service no less, that if you arent voting republican then you cant be a member of that church then just lately they tossed eight people who voted democrat. can the government start taxing churches immediately please? well it wont happen because bush and the republicans have their noses firmly imbedded in the religious rights asses (so far up actually that they can tell what they had for lunch) but it should happen. there should be a seperation of church and state and if churches want to start making political statements then they should be taxed. churches have it pretty sweet actually not being taxed. the catholic church has so much money they make microsoft look like paupers. so to sum it up....if jesus came back now he would probably still hang out with lepers and prostitutes but not democrats. well at least we can applaud the east waynesville baptist church for acxtually showing their true feelings instead of hiding them like most "true" christians.

two items that explain why common sense is lacking in young people. in bow, new hampshire a senior will not get her diploma because she is one gym credit short. i know that kids try to get out of gym (hell most of my friends did in h.s.) but lets look further. this girl plays in the band and letters in three sports. doesnt she get some gym credit for the letters.
in columbus, georgia a student was suspended for talking on his cell phone and not hanging up when told to. i know those pesky cell phones are a distraction and shouldnt be in schools but lets look a little further at this too. the kid was talking during lunch and he was talking to his mother who just happens to be serving thisa country in IRAQ. who knows when this kid will speak to her again (if ever).
the reality is kids arent seeing alot of common sense from the adults they are surrounded with.

starbucks wont sell bruce springsteens new cd in their stores because (as i understand it) it has a anal sex reference. i'm sure bruce is shaking in his boots over that. i guess that cd will go platinum 10 minutes later than expected now. if anyone is affected its someone like me. someone who buys all his music at starbucks. i was going to go to one of the thirty starbucks on my block and buy it as soon as it came out but i guess that plan is screwed now. hey starbucks, stick to what you know.........overpriced, OVERRATED coffees sold to h.s. kids.

one a final note to send you on your day the right way ....12 penguins died in a california zoo......from chlamydia! and you think your day was bad

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

How fast food will save detroit

well the mayor of detroit wants to inpose a tax on fast food to help out the city budget. ok, lets go over this whole thing . first the city is 300 million in debt.....how much can you make off of that tax? how much fast food does that shithole of a city eat? they already have a restaraunt tax and now they are going to add on more. that city is so dead. why dont they just billdoze it under and start over. if anyone has ever been there you know what i mean. you begin to understand why the residents want to burn that city down every time they win a sports championship or its devils night.

i used to go onto the site www.t-shirthell.com all the time but those pussies have taken off about half of the shirts. they say it wasnt over pressure but thats some bullshit. cmon guys did you find god or what? they had the best shirts ever on there. sure , they were horribly racist but everyone i showed that site to (white or black) just laughed their asses off when they saw them. these were shirts you really couldnt wear outside but they made you laugh in their absurdity. cmon guys bring them back.

kelly osbourne has blamed her drug problems on her genes. because ozzie and sharon are dna losers she is genetically predisposed to be an addict. this little bitch should shut the hell up. first off it wasnt for ozzie being talented you would be living in a trailer somewhere being a fat little angst ridden goth chick. if it wasnt for ozzie nobody would know your name. hooked on codeine lolipops....what the hell is that? she is typical of so many people today that blame everyone and everything else for their problems. well kelly heres the facts. you have an eating disorder and a drug problem and you were albe to combine the two with drugged candy. go away you little bitch....your 15 minutes are up.

look what you've done to me. i hope your all happy now

Monday, May 09, 2005

Is there nobody who would love a lawyer.....

the answer to that is NO.i'm not sure their families even love them. lawyers are like leaches. they are parasites. they create nothing in our society all they do is live off of the dischord they sow. they are the ultimate scumbags. defense lawyers are some of the worst. how can you defend someone who you know is guilty. please, dont say that they dont know...you and i both know that in most cases they do. if someone ever hurt my family and i went off i would have to consider going after the lawyer that got him off. lawyers are like rats ...the world will be better with less of them. on the other hand if people were more honorable and stood by their word we wouldnt need them at all.

is there anything better than seeing the yankees lose. the pittsburgh pirates have a better winning percentage then the heralded yanks. for anyone who loves baseball they are the antichrist's. george steinbrenner makes more money than anyone in the league. his tv contract pulls in more than any other team in the league by far. his throwing money at players means that teams like pittburgh, k.c., tampa have no shot ever. i used to have a partial season ticket plan for the pirates but i didnt renew and sent them a letter telling then to call me when deck isnt stacked. maybe then i'll go again. so good for you george, i hope your team doesnt make the playoffs this year. oh, and i'm glad your horse didnt win at the ky derby.

eight more american soldiers killed in iraq. does anyone know what that makes the count now. this war is going horribly wrong and doesnt seem to have any hope of getting better. nice fuckin job gw...even your dad knew better than to try and control a country. its one thing to beat the shit out of a second rate army but its another to occupy a country. how many american soldiers will die before this ends. you dont see anyone ffrom the bush family over there but then they have a long history of dodging military service (as does everyone in this administration).

ok, i'm done for today. read it and weep kids

Friday, May 06, 2005

Dave Chappelle....what happened to you dude.

the chappelle show was put on hold by comedy central. my understanding is that chappelle, who is a muslim, is now having some remorse over some of his skits. can this possibly be true? if so, i have lost respect for him. i really liked chappelle for his ability to point out all the screwed up shit about whites AND blacks. most of the time, like chris rock, he tells it like it is. NOW hes getting religious! cmon dave your too smart to fall for that religious shit. what they wouldnt let you do cabballah. and not only that but he finally has a chance at a big payday and he blows it. dave, come back to your senses. religion is make believe. put down the spliff and start to think .

along that same line, according to the pittsburgh post gazette, darwinism is under attack in kansas. who wants to bet that kansas was a red state. i would like to seal that whole state in a plastic bag until everyone suffocates. i know, your worried for me because someone from kansas might read this and get mad at me. not to worry. i'm not sure anyone from that state is smart enough to read (except maybe the bible). this is so insane. wasnt this settled in the forties. that state is two years from trying to vote back slavery back in. i wonder how many people from kansas think that the earth is flat and that the sun revolves around the earth. i hate organized religion.

and in another incredible show of stupidity benton harbor superintendent paula dawning has stopped the band from mccord middle school from playing the song louie louie at a parade or some such nonsense. first off no one in the world is exactly sure of the words in that song and those middle schoolers sure didnt know them....but they are looking them up now. nothing intrigues a young adults interest like a good banning. hey paula , you better be on the lookout for elvis and beatle songs. god forbid these kids start swing their hips or growing long hair (goddamn hippies). kids dont play louie louie....it might warp your little minds. now go home and turn on mtv2. those rappers seem like such nice men.

well my brain just exploded. its friday kids...my advice is to start drinking heavy now.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Paula Abdul what were you thinking?

ok, correct me if i'm wrong . as i see it paula was helping some guy on american idol....as well as boning him. so she gave the kid some advice its not like he won. shows you the quality of her advice. whats really funny is that needy bitch was putting the full court press on this guy. she was sending cars to bring him to her home. she gave him a cell phone and told him not to give out the number.....it was theirs. what a romantic she is. what advice did she give him really....sing a shitty steve perry song? big deal. didnt she used to date celebrities? now shes screwing some kid from the ghetto.

katie holmes is running around with tom cruise and then has herpes. nice job tom. shes now katie homely. it couldnt happen to two nicer people. i wonder if rosie o'donnell is still rubbing her fat hairy cooch and thinking of tom. actually i always imagined her fat hairy cooch looks like katie holmes face does now.

i dont like china. i'm refering to the country not plates. everything you buy in this country is now made there. why not, they undercyt our prices by paying their slave...er....i mean....employees about a buck and a half a day. we, as americans, cant get enough of that cheap shit into our homes. we should have nuked them back to the stone age when we had the chance. by the way , china is just a subsidiary of wal-mart. thats the single worst company in america. they dont like america or americans ...regardless of what they preach. if they liked america they wouldnt chase jobs overseas and if they liked americans they would pay their employees a livable wage and give them some hours and benefits. sure they OFFER benefits but when your working 28 hours a week @ $6/hr who can afford them. wal-mart had one store in vancouver vote to go union last month......wal-mart closed that store immediately. quit shopping there everyone they are bad people.

ok, you've read enough. now go do what i told you to.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Whitney and Bobbie.............a love story

whitney houston was so hot when she was young. she had energy and life to her. THEN CAME BOBBIE BROWN. i blamed him for sucking the vitality right out of her. what a drain on a life force he is. but now as time goes on my mind is changing. who would have guessed that it would take a girl like whitney to bobbie look normal. she now looks like the most hagged out crack whore in the whole project and comes across aas the sympathetic husband that you feel sorry for. as for their poor daughter well........lets just say that she got all of bobbie's good looks. lets hope she didnt get whitneys personality flaws to go with that.

i wish the fcc would just be disbanded. do we really need someone to tell us what we should be listening to or seeing. are we so screwed up that we cant make up our own minds. hey, if small children are around then put on something appropriate but when your alone you should see or hear what you want. its ridiculous when E has to tile over tits on the howard stern show. its insane that they cant swear on tv. walk down the street and people are dropping f bombs like its hiroshima. nypd blue couldnt curse.......well that makes sense, i'm sure there is no cursing in a ny police staion. the religious right is taking over this country and if we dont fight it your tv will spew hee haw and pat robertson 24 hours a day.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Runaway bride.....?

runaway bride my ass. psycho...ok i'll except that. now i think we all can agree that there is something just a little off kilter with this woman. what, you couldnt just tell him you dont want to get married. every guy that i know who is getting married gets the same talk. "dude, if you leave now i'll give you ten minutes and i'll walk out and explain. you can even use my car. sure some people will be pissed forever, some for a little while but in the long run people will forget and you'll have a great story to tell". see how easy that is. no one has ever got mad at me for bringing it up (a few are mad for not taking me up on the offer). shouyld this woman get charged with something....of course. she had a whole city looking for her. she should at least be forced to see a shrink regarding her unstableness.

the one who intrigues me though is the boyfriend. dude , dont tell me your going to marry this broad. this is the kind of woman who kills the kids for attention. this is the kind of chick who just up and leaves you and the kids. are you that needy? is her pussy that good? you come from money . there has got to be chicks lining up to take half your shit in five years. look, let me save you some heartache. find a woman you hate and buy her a house at least then you cut out the lawyers fees.

this is a good lesson for all men. a marriage contract is the worst deal for a man ever. lets put this in persapective. if your best friend came to you and said he wanted you to sign a contract saying you would be his best friend forever but if you ever decided not to be his best friend you had to give him half of everything you have would you sign that? of course you wouldnt but pussy makes men do strange things like change their religion or get married.....etc.

let me leave you on this note. remember, no matter how hot she is or how smart she is or how rich she is ...somewhere....theres a guy whos glad shes gone.

now go ...and sin no more.