Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Coming to a window near you.....

apparently the world is in better shape than we think or at least god isnt worried. taking time out of his busy schedule of miracles and damnation jesus appeared in a window in fort worth, texas. as crowds flocked to see the image jesus was heard to say "come back for the ten o'clock show. its completely different". god is starting his red state tour in texas seeing that he had a big part in putting texas' favorite son in office for a second time. god will continue his tour in kentucky where he will appear in a bottle of bourbon and then later this week in new mexico where he is scheduled to appear in a tortilla.

in geneva, illinois a genius named dean craig set his home on fire. there is alot of crazy reasons he could have done this, but in his defense, he picked the craziest. seems dean wanted his guests to leave and because they were having such a good time they refused. dean taught them a lesson by pouring rubbing alcohol (which he might have been drinking) on the floor and setting it ablaze. this got his guests to leave but forced more acquaintances to show up...namely the firemen and police. dean is now a guest of the state on a 25k bond. oh , and when i say it was deans home i meant he lived there.....his mother is the owner.

in tennesee a mom is guilty of caring too much. seems anette pharris, 34, decided that her son, landon, needed a little something extra for his sixteenth birthday. i mean, hes been such a good boy. mom hired a stripper. she did a good job and mom snapped some pics so landon would have a momento of this occasion. then she tried to get them developed at a local drug store. anette was indicted by the grand jury for 1. contributing to the deliquency of a minor and 2. involving a minor in an obsene act. by that state sure is tough. why what loving mother wouldnt do that for her son. look anette, these stories always turn out bad. your from tennesee anette just stick to giving your son a hand job like everyone else from that backward , inbred state.

i'm trying to get my shit together after the long weekend.............it doesnt look good

4 comments:

gabsmash said...

shoes you made me spit my coffee this morning. OMG...I think Jesus' image is appearing in the splatter.

Daedalus said...

well, it's about time jesus has appeared himself. he's been sending his mom all over the country for months!

As always... Rachael said...

I'm so happy to have found this site... I find the news tedious... thanks for making it fun and keeping me a bit more informed!

madison's favorite son said...

today's gem- "...where he is scheduled to appear in a tortilla."