Friday, April 29, 2005

Funny headlines

1.Three 15-year-old special-education students are charged with raping a classmate

Cleveland, OH - ... Investigators said a 17-year-old boy told them the younger boys attacked him three times in the last two weeks. The teen told police he was raped in a bathroom, a locker room and at the school's track.

Well at least he's popular. i guess the first two times were enjoyable. i dont know what they did the last time. try more foreplay next time. make him feel special

2.Woman attacked by four tigers ... in Minnesota

Florence Township - ...Allison Asher of Minneapolis was apparently helping care for the cats when they attacked her about 4:45 p.m. Wednesday. She suffered wounds to her leg and neck, said Kris Weiss of the sheriff's office.

Who the hell wants to live in minnesota anyway. the weather sucks. summer there is july 7th through the 9th. and on top of that steaming pile now you have to worry about makes you long for the days when all they did was die of heart attacks shoveling 16 feet of snow off of their driveways.

3.Brother lives with sister's dead corpse for over 2 years Tucson, AZ - ...On April 5th, Tucson police made a welfare check at their home. Nothing prepared them for the gruesome discovery. The badly decomposed body of Brenda Burton was found in a bedroom with quilts piled high on top of her.

Whats the old joke......didnt you know she was dead? i though she was english. he apparently was using her as some sort of potpouri.

4.Owner of tiny Yorkshire terrier demanding investigation after postman accidentally squashes it UK - ...Last night, Vicky, a flight attendant, called for an investigation. She said: 'It seems hard to believe that a dog could die by someone tripping over it."

Who of us hasnt wanted to squash one of those little yapping fuckers. if given a chance i couldnt squash enough yorkies. all those dogs do is shake and piss anyway...he should be given a medal

5.Teenager stabs himself in the heart after his girlfriend demands he give back the keys to her apartment Wales - ..."Sian said she had come home to find Christopher in her flat. She told him she would need the keys back and was concerned what the neighbours would think. Christopher seemed to be happy about it but left the room and came back in with a knife sticking in his chest."

Well that'll show her tough guy. she will be sorry when your gone. the guy shes screwing right now will probably hear this story after coital bliss. i hope hes getting turned down in hell too. by the way how good was that girls pussy to make a guy kill himself. if i was her i'd brag about it

alright thats enough for one night. believe me i could have put 400 headlines in there. the world sucks. i'm glad we can all get together and laugh at others misfortunes.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Cletus and Lurlene hook up.......oh dear god

Pa. Cousins Try to Overcome Taboo of 'I Do'
To Bypass Ban, Relatives Wed in Md. After Years of Seeking Acceptance
By Fredrick KunkleWashington Post Staff WriterMonday, April 25, 2005; Page B01
Love comes in at the eye, the poet William Butler Yeats wrote, and so it was for Donald Andrews: One look, and he knew that he was in love, intensely in love.

"We just wanted to be together," says Eleanor Amrhein, with her first-cousin husband Donald Andrews Sr. at home in Altoona, Pa. "We knew what we were going to have to go through." (By Katherine Frey -- The Washington Post)

"I just could not stop looking at her," Andrews, 39, recalled, sitting in the late-day shade of a cafe umbrella he set up in the yard of his mobile home. "I just kept thinking: 'I'm going to get her. Someday, I'm going to get her and marry her.' "
He also knew, even as a mere lad of 14, that this never would be just any romance, because the object of that rapturous gaze happened to be his cousin Eleanor. And not a distant cousin, located somewhere in the far branches of the family tree. Their mothers were sisters. They knew their attraction -- she had felt it, too -- was taboo, and they kept it more or less a secret. That is, until last month, when they decided it was time to marry.
Turned away from the Blair County Courthouse because Pennsylvania law prohibits first-cousin marriages, Donald W. Andrews Sr. and Eleanor Amrhein, 37, crossed into Maryland to wed. Before they could think about a honeymoon, the newlyweds became the butt of jokes on the late-night talk shows.
But their marriage also cast a light on conflicting state laws surrounding the practice, and on such groups as Cousins United to Defeat Discriminating Laws Through Education (C.U.D.D.L.E.) and , which cite new research to encourage acceptance of such unions.
"In God's eyes, we're all brothers and sisters. You can't tell your heart who to fall in love with," Amrhein said.
The incidence of consanguineous marriages has fallen in much of the industrialized world but remains common in some parts of Latin America, the Middle East and Asia. Maryland is one of 20 states that permit it, as does the District. (Six more allow such marriages only under certain conditions.)
Muddassir H. Siddiqui, shaikh of the All Dulles Area Muslim Society in Herndon, said the prophet Muhammad encouraged Muslims to marry non-relatives. But the practice of intermarrying remains in Islamic societies where tribal systems are strong, and it sometimes carries over to new immigrants in the United States. But not for long.
"The kids who are growing up here in America don't like it. They say, 'I'm not going to marry my cousin,' " Siddiqui said.
In general, studies bear out the taboo's wisdom, suggesting that marriages between people related by blood -- known as consanguinity -- produce a higher risk of genetic disorders in their offspring. It is especially true among closed or isolated communities, such as among some Arab communities in the Middle East, Hindus and others in southern India, Ashkenazi Jews in Eastern Europe and the Amish in North America.
Yet a recent study suggested that though the relative risk of birth defects is higher among the offspring of first and second cousins, the absolute risk remains small in societies where inbreeding is rare. The study, published in the Journal of Genetic Counseling in April 2002, found that the risk of birth defects ran about twice as high -- about 6 to 8 percent -- for cousins, compared with about 3 to 4 percent for unrelated couples. In absolute terms, however, that still translated into odds of better than 90 percent that a child will be born without problems, the study found.

i once heard during some election coverage that pennsylvania is easy. you have philly in the east, pittsburgh in the west and arkansas in the middle. this couldnt possibly be more true. for anyone not familiar with pennsylvania altoona is in that middle part. these are the same people that think bush was a good candidate to lead this country, iraq really was a threat to the usa, that the republicans really care about americans.....etc. need i say more. this group isnt bad enough with the welfare and the trailers and, they need to inbreed. "hey cletus, isnt this a great gene pool"? "you got most of your teeth". the problem with theses hicks is that they are just like roaches....there is never a shortage of them. between shopping for a new double wide and watching fox news for all their info they really have no time to date so its just easier to hook up with cousin clem. well it least the lucky couple have something in common.....they both like the same chew.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Some good news............

well i will now go against a previous post and talk about my NEW baby. he was born on tuesday april 26th @ 1:28 am. everyone is doing fine with the exception of myself.......i couldnt be more tired. ok now on to other things.

we are handcuffing small children at an alarming rate in this country. at first i thought this was crazy but after hearing more of the story i think they ought to handcuff these children and force them to sit there while they beat their parents senseless. send these children to me for two weeks and you will never need to call the police again. i will either give you back a new respectful child or i will kill them.

i keep reading these sites that have weird news from around the world. why is it that in africa and india they are always killing someone horribly for witchcraft, to help the crops or whatever fucked up reason they got. what is wrong with these people. could another sunami there be so bad. just because you live somewhere that has cable and magazines dont think the whole world is right there with you. its still the middle ages in alot of places. for christ sakes afghanistan still has war lords. please god more fire and brimstone there.

can sexual predators actually be rehabilitated. more and more i think the answer is NO. it seems anymore that every time a child is murdered its done by someone who has seerved his time for the same crime. i really think we need to cull the herd.
thats it for today. i'm too tired to write more.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Are they really sports

after a tough night of bowling my mind was racing to think of games that arent really sports.

1. FOOTBALL. this is a real sport
2.BASEBALL. this is a real sport
3.HOCKEY. i dont know if this will ever really be considered a real sport again. who knows if this will ever be played professionally. they called off a whole season. actually baseball should look into this idea
4.SOCCER. not a sport. the only equipment you need is a ball and a pair of shorts....sorry
5.BOWLING. not a sport. a sport is not something you can do while drinking and smoking
6.LACROSSE. not a sport. this is only played by snobby rich kids in prep schools that are too big a bunch of pussies to play football.
7.RACING. not a sport. for christs sake i can drive a car. four lefts fucking hard can that be. just another reason for rednecks to get drunk and screw their sisters.

let me know if there are any other sports you want me to look into.

can someone explain all the casino blogs to me. as i go from blog to blog i find a buttload of these sites that just ramble on nonsensically and highlight the words online casino. i cant tell if they are really for or against though against would be my guess. looks like something a group of baptists would do to show their outrage at gambling. as i recall from my catholic grade school teachings jesus got ripped off at the luxor and then said gambling was bad. i learned thast along time ago so i could be a little fuzzy on the details....forgive me. so i leave a really horrible message in the comment sections of these sites and actually people have posted the same back to me. of course i leave me name and those religious cowards always comment as anonymous. so if you come across one of these sites please leave a really foul message for them...i know you can uses the prayers they will say for your soul. that is unless you really have some karma you need to work off.

hey i really must have struck a chord by saying i hate blogs not written in english. i have had a few of my spanish friends comment back to me questioning my parentage. isnt it funny that their blogs are written in spanish but the comments to me are in english. JUST WRITE YOUR BLOG IN ENGLISH . hell if you want to make me crazy comment back in spanish.

Sunday, April 24, 2005


it was like 75 degrees last sunday and today its snowing. i had to go turn the furnace on again. i thought mother nature had thrown in the towel for another year but once again i am proven wrong. well at least the second day of the nfl draft is on so if i have to be stuck in the house it is a little more bearable. i think the steelers have done very well in this draft and i look forward to another great season this year. well its time to venture forth to my bowling league. i find bowling to be the worst form of therapy. it should be so damn easy and yet i suck. at least i made the all-drinking team for the fourth year running. is bowling really even a sport. can anything you do while eating , drinking and smoking be considered a sport. your right...probably not.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Draft day

well its saturday the 23rd...which makes it nfl draft day. i cant believe you didnt know pittsburgh its a national holiday. what are we going to do watch the pirates. i dont know why i like the draft so much.... but i do.

i realize that my incredible intellect is going to waste in this godforsaken shithole of a towm i live in so with that in mind i'm going to bestow upon the few readers of this blog a great gift. you may ask me any question , about anything, and i will give you the answer you seek. i've been wasting it on me so why not waste it on you.

people who have colds and are lucky enough to have sick days should use them. at my work i have two guys who brag about not missing a day in fourteen years....etc. no they bring their sickness to work and cause others to miss days. they have no kids at home (hell the one guy barely talks to his wife). the phrase "i'd rather be miserable here than at home" is said often. hey douche bag if i get sick i'm taking it home to my wife (whos like 8 months pregnant) and two kids. i guess i see how sick days are to be used. when everyone else gets sick i'll just call off well. "boss i'm too well to come in today". i'll use that excuse and see how it flys.

we had a customer come into my work yesterday who smelled suprisingly like a skunk. no, not the cute little descented ones i'm talking about a full blown hit by a car and sitting the sun for days until your musk sac explodes kind of skunk. i'd have given this guy five bucks to rub an onion all over his body. maybe it was the hair piece he was wearing. i guess that could have been a skunk at one time. so heres a new rule...if your going to rub cat urine on all your pulse points...STAY HOME.

and lastly if your going bald just go bald or spend a few bucks for a hair transplant. christ the last couple of times i have seen guys with hair pieces they dont even match the other hairs color. it looks like their wearing a velcro wig. who are you hair jordan? you cant possibly look worse bald than you do running around with a skunk on your head. you think everyone will stare when your bald...start looking around. those whispers behind your back arent women telling other women how damn foxy you are its the rest of us wondering how they shaved a coyote.

well thats it for now. go do something with your lives. what are you doing on a saturday reading this anyway.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Blogs i hate..... part 1

this is just a rundown of some of the blogs i hate. if yours looks or reads like one of these then fix it...please.
1. not in english. english might not be your language...i respect that. i just dont care. its my first and only language. change yours.
2. pictures of your pets. please, who wants to see your mangy old animal anyway. they dont love you. they are just shitting machines that we keep around. holy christ , if i had to go around cleaning up my grandmothers shit i couldnt wait to put het in a home (even if she shit in a box of sand).
3. pictures of your children. (see above)
4. poetry. please your kidding me. you think this crap is good....think again. i cant possibly hit the next blog button quick enough.
5. teenage angst. poor me. wah, wah, wah. what you need is spanked. actually you need to see how bad some teens actually have it. you would race home to kiss your parents square on their fat oprah watchin asses. now wash that black makeup off your face, take that shitty black nail polish off, get the black dye out of your hair and for christs sake get rid of all those black clothes.
6. pictures of couples. a year from now you wont even be together. will you get rid of the it will just be sitting out there in cyberspace constantly reminding everyone how the two of you fucked each other over.
7. blogs regarding casinos. what is up with all of these blogs. i cant even fucking tell if they are for or against. quit doing this.

if this doesnt change then i'm going to start naming the actual sites. i called this part 1 because i'm sure there are more that will upset me.

Pete Rose and the hof

well as i understand it pete rose getting into the hof is all up to bud selig. i know this doesnt look good to pete because bud selig hasnt done anything good for baseball ever. hes arguably the worst commissioner baseball has ever had. as i understand it if bud doesnt reinstate pete by november than he doesnt get on this hof ballot (his last chance). pete then has to go through the veterans committee who i understand has said it will never let him in. heres some news for pete. you broke the one universal rule in all of sports. you cant gamble on your sport. there are signs in every lockerroom in the country from college through the pros. then he lied and wouldnt own up to what he did. had he just admitted he did it he might be in the hof right now, but no, pete's way too proud for that. well pete, your arrogant ass is on the outside looking in. my god i hope he never gets in. finally baseball might be doing something right (and that doesnt happen often). you may ask "greg, what do you know about baseball, having lived in pittsburgh and not seeing a professional team in 12 years". ok fair enough. let me tell you that i have followed baseball my whole life and hate to see the mess it has become. i dont go to games anymore, not because the pirates suck but because the playing field isnt level. the small market teams really have no chance. sure a minnesota will slip in once in a while but thats an oddity. salary cap, profit sharing...these are things baseball need to get back to normal. football has it right. let it be said that when baseball was looking for a commissioner i sent my resume in (suprisingly enough i never heard back from them). i could have fixed baseball. so the bottom line is pete rose is going to be out and i'm glad.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Dont be anonymous

well i knew it had to happen some day. i visit alot of blogs in my spare time and i leave comments on most. some i really like and i tell them that and i put them on my faves list and visit them. others suck....and i tell them that too. ok, lets be honest...most suck. this one probably sucks too. like i fuckin care what you think BUT if you are going to leave a comment saying such then have the balls not to do it under the guise of anonymous. what a cowardly thing to do but then this is such a cowardly medium what can i expect. i can at least hold my head high in the fact that i always leave my name and blog so someone can see what i write and comment back. so if you read this then by all means please comment but at least give your blog so i can see what wonderful things you do on the net.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Women and the catholic church

why would a woman come within fifty feet of a catholic church. listen up ladies .....they dont particularly like your kind. the church has done everything in its power to hold women back. original sin......your fault. hell, thats just the start. doesnt the bible read that god created everyone in his own image....well....why arent women good enough to be priests (at least you can commiserate with the gays). lets see a church run by all men is against abortion and birth control.....who would have guessed. wise up ladies , tell them to pound off. if you think its going to get better with the new pope then think again. this pope doesnt only look like he was born in the sixth century......he thinks like that too.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Oh great.....a new pope

well what a special time for the world. forgive me if i'm not overly joyed by all this bullshit. if i have heard right our new pope was in the hitler youth and was a guard for a nazi concentration camp. now bear with me on this. i understand that he was young and was blinded by what the nazi's force fed those people but i was young when i got my divorce and within the catholic church i CANNOT be forgiven. of course he can be forgiven...i mean...cmon ...he only guarded camps where people were exterminated so i can see where my sin is so much worse. look, i really dont care what he did as a youth (i'm not jewish so my forgiveness of the young nazi's might be skewed) but i just want to point out the hypocrisy of the church. why shouldnt the church pick an old man...they are still thinking in the sixth century anyways. tomorrow i think i will point out more hypocrisy within the catholic church.