Friday, April 29, 2005

Funny headlines

1.Three 15-year-old special-education students are charged with raping a classmate

Cleveland, OH - ... Investigators said a 17-year-old boy told them the younger boys attacked him three times in the last two weeks. The teen told police he was raped in a bathroom, a locker room and at the school's track.

Well at least he's popular. i guess the first two times were enjoyable. i dont know what they did the last time. try more foreplay next time. make him feel special

2.Woman attacked by four tigers ... in Minnesota

Florence Township - ...Allison Asher of Minneapolis was apparently helping care for the cats when they attacked her about 4:45 p.m. Wednesday. She suffered wounds to her leg and neck, said Kris Weiss of the sheriff's office.


Who the hell wants to live in minnesota anyway. the weather sucks. summer there is july 7th through the 9th. and on top of that steaming pile now you have to worry about tigers...it makes you long for the days when all they did was die of heart attacks shoveling 16 feet of snow off of their driveways.

3.Brother lives with sister's dead corpse for over 2 years Tucson, AZ - ...On April 5th, Tucson police made a welfare check at their home. Nothing prepared them for the gruesome discovery. The badly decomposed body of Brenda Burton was found in a bedroom with quilts piled high on top of her.


Whats the old joke......didnt you know she was dead? i though she was english. he apparently was using her as some sort of potpouri.

4.Owner of tiny Yorkshire terrier demanding investigation after postman accidentally squashes it UK - ...Last night, Vicky, a flight attendant, called for an investigation. She said: 'It seems hard to believe that a dog could die by someone tripping over it."

Who of us hasnt wanted to squash one of those little yapping fuckers. if given a chance i couldnt squash enough yorkies. all those dogs do is shake and piss anyway...he should be given a medal


5.Teenager stabs himself in the heart after his girlfriend demands he give back the keys to her apartment Wales - ..."Sian said she had come home to find Christopher in her flat. She told him she would need the keys back and was concerned what the neighbours would think. Christopher seemed to be happy about it but left the room and came back in with a knife sticking in his chest."


Well that'll show her tough guy. she will be sorry when your gone. the guy shes screwing right now will probably hear this story after coital bliss. i hope hes getting turned down in hell too. by the way how good was that girls pussy to make a guy kill himself. if i was her i'd brag about it


alright thats enough for one night. believe me i could have put 400 headlines in there. the world sucks. i'm glad we can all get together and laugh at others misfortunes.

2 comments:

curmudgeon said...

I agree with way too much of your shit here. So I added you to my roll too.

Have a weekend!

thorngrubber said...

Yes, we can all laugh together (and really cry to ourselves).