Saturday, June 25, 2005

The supreme court screwed us........

as i think about the supreme court ruling this week i cant help but think how the bill of rights has been trampled these last six years. i really dont want to come across as totally on the left because i'm sure the democrats have been sticking it up my ass and snapping it off but it just seems lately our rights have been taking it on the chin alot more often. this ruling on eminent domain is truly unbelievable. if your fight for a bearable life can be fought and lost in your backyard then what has this country gone wrong. i understand what they are saying when they defend this decision but the reality is that people with wealth and political clout will be able to land grab unlike anything we have seen the west was young. see you have your house and maybe it was passed down through your family and you've lived there all your life. been a good person...paid your taxes BUT the government where you lives decides that your property can pay more taxes if say.....a hotel were there.......then they can grab it. robin hood in reverse. take from the poor and give to the rich. the problem i run into is that as i talk to people about this they arent bothered because " it wont happen to me" or the ever popular " they can have my house". well lets look at both those statements.
1. it wont happen to me! i work in a very depressed part of pittsburgh (lets be honest this whole city is depressed) and one of my co-workers said they should do that to every house around here. ok thats fine but what if someone with more money than you decides they want your house because once they clean out all these old homes your area will look depressed and then they come after your property.which leads us to our next issue......
2. they can have my house! sure they can but there is no guarantee that they will give you what its worth. and maybe your old house was paid you'll have a mortgage because what they give you in a "depressed" area wont buy a home anywhere else.
starting to see the problem kids? this goes hand in hand with the patriot act , the war on drugs...etc. everything that erodes your rights just a little more. the bill of rights has stood for a couple of centuries now and we should leave it alone. those farmers really were much smarter than we give them credit for. no one wants to talk about these things until it affects them. the old i dont care about censorship , let the fcc go takes on a whole new meaning when your house id being taken. why should someone stand with you oer this injustice if you wont stand with them over theirs. if we dont all stand together soon there will be the super rich and the rest of us and it wont be far from china.

i hate to make you think on a saturday but............

Friday, June 24, 2005

Karl Rove ......spinmaster

sorry i didnt post yesterday........did you miss me?

karl rove is at it again. figuring that enough time has gone by since 9-11 he insinuated that the democrats (or liberals as karl likes to say) did not get behind the president. well...i remember. it was actually one of the only times in the last twenty years that democrats and republicans were on tv together. that terrible incident actually unified our country. well i guess its time for karl and the republican spin machine to polarize the nation a little more. cmon karl, you can do better. you hardly pandered to the religious right at all with this statement. i cant believe people listen to anything that comes out of that mans mouth. its time for this country to get together and start thinking. common sense needs to rule....not religious fear. the democrats and the republicans are all becoming jokes.

hey, after a brief hiatus god is back on tour. in miramar florida (another red state) jeff berman was getting ready to throw away a broken chip clip but lo and behold he spied an image of jesus in the broken clip. berman said hes not sure of what hes going to do with the broken chip clip but that an online auction will be considered.
along the same vein jeffrey rigo from pittsburgh pa (its so nice to see a hometown boy do well) sold a water stained piece of plaster from his bathroom wall to for $1999.00. it is said to hold the image of jesus which jeff noticed as he got out of the shower prompting him to cut out the piece of plaster and put it up for sale on ebay. now i must tell you do to my complete inability to hit the toilet with any regularity i had a good stain going behind my toilet. when i went to look at it a face was stareing back at me. god? jesus? actually it looks more like erik estrada. i wonder what that will get me on ebay?

and finally , as japan is catching some hell regarding its whaling a fast food chain there has rolled out its newest thing.....THE WHALEBURGER. the chain ,lucky pierrot, is serving a burgeer with minke whale meat and lettuce topped with mayo for 380 yen or $3.50 american. well as long as it doesnt have tuna i'm cool with that. its about time for an earthquake to wipe them off the map.

happy friday everyone....hope your weekend goes well

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Hows your credit

lately people have been stealing credit card info like bush stealing an election. i guess its time to realize that these hackers, when given enough time, can get into anywhere. its time we all realize that your personal info is never really secure. this new age bank robbery takes no balls really. you dont have to have a gun or cunning or watch a place closely...all you have to do is sit in the privacy of your home and press some keys. i was on a site yesterday in the chat room and one guy was accused of calling another member at home. crank calling if you will. within minutes all this guys personal data was posted in the chat room. not just name and address but ss number, wife's and childrens names, wifes work phone number....etc. someone did a poor check and posted the next door neighbors number and the pissed off party passed it off as collateral damage. i wonder if he would still feel this way if that neighbor was standing there punching him in the face for posting his home address and phone number. the facelessness of the internet gives courage to alot of stupid, mean, cowardly people.

katie couric interviewed the runaway bride last night. all it did was make people realize just how insane this chick is. first off should you see the whites around someones eyes all the time? this chick always looks suprised. she said she was going to kill herself but reconsidered. dont do anything special on account of me. how about the boyfriend. he just sits there while she talks. hes just as crazy as she is. i dont know if i could sit there while she talks about how she fucked me over and made me look like a national fool. her pussy must be made of gold with a velvet lining. there is nothing wrong with that couple that two bullets wouldnt fix.

i never thought that they would find that 11 year old that was lost in nevada. anymore when i hear of a child missing i just assume its going to turn out poorly. then i find out a kid went missing there a year ago and was never found. i just assumed there is some maniac killing kids there. i cant imagine the pain and then the relief his parents must have felt. his parents said he had a poor sense of shit...really? who'd have guessed? the kid saw people on horseback searching for him but was too afraid to come out of the brush. it was really a miracle that this kid was found. finally one of these stories with a happy ending.

middel of the week folks. we are on the downhill side now

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

And now its the first day of summer

you might recall the name cory williamson from a previous post here. he was the young man who molested two young girls last year BUT what really pushed him over the top was that he was caught screwing the neighbors dog. well it seems the charges have been upgraded due to the fact that the dog died. his bond hearing is next week and the neighbors are hoping his bond will be revoked. bill johnson , a neighbor of cory's, said that " as a community we shouldnt have to watch our kids every second they are playing. we want him out of the neighborhood". well bill heres some facts. first off i hope there was this same level of outrage when he molested the two girls. secondly , he will be protected by the law when he comes back. you cant chase him out. there has got to be a way for neighborhoods to protect themselves from these predators. i dont really care where they go live just go somewhere else. by the way cant we just hook this kid up to the lethal injection right now.

marcus wesson , the psycho who lead a large incestuous clan in california, was convicted of murdering nine of jis children. let me say again "NINE OF HIS CHILDREN". wesson could get the death penalty. that bears repeating also. COULD get the death penalty. what do you mean could. how many do you have to kill before we say we dont need this jackoff around anymore. the world really does have too many people and this guy wouldnt be missed. if they have a problem finding someone to pull the me. i have some free time. we need to fry this guy. its about time that we say this guy isnt worth rehabing and he needs to go.

i have also told you in a previous post about the doning street memos where our president is shown to be trying to pull the wool over our eyes regarding the war in iraq. now karl rove and the republican spin machine is trying to blow this over by saying its a forgery. this is typical of this administration. now they are running out picture of people in azerbijan (i didnt spell it right so dont bust my balls over it) with pictures of bush demonstrating against their government. mr bush , these people want freedom too....but alas they arent sitting on a shitload of oil so tough luck kids. we cant help you. i mean ...we'd like to....but.....theres no way to profit off of your country....and we already have one non profit war in afghanistan. now if you had oil we wouldnt even be having this talk....but you dont so run around with your signs but we cant help. you can only be free if you bring something to the table. why do you think we dont care about countries performing genocide and training terrorists in africa. thanks red states.

well have fun on this first day of summer. hope theres a.c. where you work

Monday, June 20, 2005

It's the last day of spring

from a geophysical point of view it seems things are starting to heat up on the west coast. seems that on sunday california had another earthquake. now granted, i dont live there and i'm not used to the earth shaking like michael jacksons hands as he drives through boys town but i think i would be looking to move east. LIKE TODAY. how many time do all your knick knacks have to fall off of your shelves before living near the pacific seem like a bad idea. not to mention sunami's. i really dont want to go to sleep at night wearing a life vest. on the other hand could california being gone be that bad for the country. vegas would be a hell of alot closer to the shore now. hollywood would be gone but what has come out of there lately thats worth anything anyway. oh well, i guess i'll just stay in pittsburgh a little while longer.

why are most little league parents a bunch of assholes. i sit through my sons games just to watch and listen to them. no offense but those games arent worth watching. baseball is a tedious sport to watch at best (unless you love the game) and when its played by 9 and 10 year olds ....well, it only gets worse. why does every parent think a call against their child is a personal affront to them. hey, your kid struck out. its not the umpire's fault. maybe the reason is he didnt swing is because hes paralyzed with fear because your screaming at him from the bleachers. believe me i've witnessed this. our coach showed up for the last two innings and almost got thrown out for arguing with the umpire. what stellar role models for the kids. as i sit 50 yards from the dugout listening to every word of a conversation between one of the coaches and his son as he berates him loudly for striking out i realize how lucky i am that my father didnt act like that and why no matter what my son does i tell him i'm proud of him.

michael jacksons lawyer said last tuesday that the pop star is going to to be more careful from now on and NOT let children into his bed anymore because "it makes him vulnerable to false charges". that quote is from an interview with the ap. his lawyer is as warped as jacko is. maybe jacko should never have let kids into bed. maybe , just maybe, if kids are in your bed the charges arent false. what grown man wants to be around kids all the time. he should be trying to get laid like a normal guy. but dont make the mistake of thinking jacko's normal. that asshole is almost white now. he says he hasnt had any surgery but he doesnt look anything like that kids that sang with the jackson five (hell he doesnt look anything like the guy who made off the wall). he should be in jail right now. he's a pedophile and it just shows how the judicial system has been ruined in this society.

well, i've bitched its your turn

Friday, June 17, 2005

Can we finally stop talking about terry schiavo

ok the autopsy is over...plant her and lets move on. proving once again how the religious right is almost always wrong the autopsy of terry schiavo proved that she was beyond treatment. though i did find starving her to death to be barbaric i find what the religious right did to be worse. after being told how horrible we all are and how we are all going to burn in hell i wonder now if we will get an apology. senators frist and santorum made a big deal about all this nows the time for them to eat some crow. they wont though. see the very religious never admit their mistakes...only your mistakes. thats why the running of this country should be left to common sense and not to religious fundamentalists. oh how wonderful the world would be without any religion to seperate us.

a suspended florida state university quarterback was was doused with pepper spray and taken to the hospital for laying in the stret with only shorts on and identifying himself as god. i take offense to that. i think god would have started all four years at fsu and wouldnt have to compete in the fall against two redshirt freshmen. apparently when pepper sprayed he gave up his real name pretty quick (again not a godly thing to do). its going to be a tough year at fsu when you suspend god.....its going to make the pregame prayer interesting.

kid rock is being sued by a disc jockey. for what you ask? maybe the shitty tunes have hurt the dj's ears? no. seems kid rock punched this guy in the face at a strip club. he broke this dj's glasses because he thought his friend had been dissed. whats the tally for this.....
cover charge at strip club..................$20
round of watered down drinks..........$60
saving your friends injured pride......$575,000
yeah kids thats what the suit is asking for......more than half a million. on monday kid plaeded no contest on charges of criminal assault and was given a suspended sentence and ordered to complete eight hours of anger management class and pay for the dj's glasses. i dont want to get too technical with you but you can buy a shitload of glasses with half a mill. maybe he can make up the cash by networking during class with russell crowe.

just some light shit to end your week. enjoy the weekend kids

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Bush and his buddy's war

it seems that the democrats are trying to get bush to announce a date for pulling our troops out of iraq. some republicans are jumping ship and joining them. i'd like to think that this is being done for the betterment of the country.... but its not. the democrats are doing it because they have to be opposed to anything republican and the republicans are jumping ship because bush's numbers scare them. the opinion polls are rating bush as low or lower as he has ever been. i guess with over 1700 soldiers dead and the downing street memo...etc americans are starting to pull their heads out of their asses and seeing this war for what it is. we shouldnt have been there in the first place and the only way our soldiers are coming home is when bush's oil buddies tell him they can. bush says that by giving a date we help the insurgents...well....the insurgents seem to be doing ok right now. bush seems to be a great recruiting tool for them. i'm sure our soldiers will come home as soon as the bush family and friends are done raping that country for every penny it has.

in another all-american story about a truly all-american company sams club (a division of wal-mart) in st. petersburg, florida fired an employee named molly beavers (insert joke here) because she didnt smile enough. molly did push food samples and collect grocery carts for what i am sure is a great salary and benefits so i can see why they want her smiling (i mean, with a job like that who wouldnt smile). the rub here is that molly face was partially paralyzed from surgery related to her condition as a achondroplastic dwarf. now i'm all for hiring dwarfs, they make every job more fun, but you think someone would have noticed this problem of hers. maybe they couldnt see her over the carts she was pushing. she wants an apology and compensation for back wages and i hope she gets them. any time you can put it to sam walton and family its a good thing.

oprah winfrey , in a baffling display of her thought process, has claimed to be of zulu ancestry. she did this while speaking to a group in south africa. somehow i get the feeling that if oprah were speaking in dublin she'd be irish. i've seen pictures of those zulu's and she didnt get that coveted thin dna. she looks like she ate a group of zulu's. they would have hunted her down and if lucky enough to kill her had a huge celebration in the village (they would eat for years). oprah sure knows how to play to the crowd. that is one kooky broad.

ok kids have fun, hope your thursday is a good one

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Hump day.....get it

destiny's child is breaking up. they have been together since they were nine and touring since they were 14. in a statement they said "after alot of discussion and deep soul searching we realized that our current tour has given us the opportunity to leave destinys child on a high note united in our friendship........time to pursuepersonal goals, solo efforts.....etc". now leets see what that really means. this is beyonce's way of saying her time in the spotlight is running out and she only has a short time left to make a boatload of cash and she aint splittin it with those other two. solo efforts? you'll never hear of those other two again. frankly in a couple of years beyonce will only be a memory. she will be showing up on the surreal life or the real gilligans island. united in our friendship? i wonder how united the supremes are.

did anyone not se this coming. katie holmes is converting to scientology. l ron hubbard scores another celebrity. now understand that katie professes to still be a virgin and went to a religious school her whole life so technically they stole her from christianity. all this is great for scientology because she will probably give the a crapload of money but on the other hand she lowered the scientology's collective IQ.

in san angelo texas (again the state that brought you our president and a red state) a couple has been indicted on aggravated sexual assault charges after authorities alledged the man raped his 13 year old granddaughter then the granmother told the girl "she got what she deserves". what kind of sick fucks are these two. an examination shows signs of chronic physical and sexual abuse. you think this little girl ever watches grandmothers on tv baking for the kids and being so sweet and wonders why shes being punished. lock these tow sick bastards up and throw away the keys. in this case i would really go old school. sew the two of them into a bag with two bears and throw it in a lake.

not to be outdone by the catholics the baptists have their own pervert and soon i hope their own lawsuits. in rockville (in what i believe is virginia) a church deacon is under arrest for having little girls pose for pictures in compromising positions. in one incident gerald white took a 10 year old girl to the park and had her pose nude in the other case he had a 12 year old girl over to his home and asked her to wear a negligee. white met the girls through the central baptist church in derwood. folks if you must saddle your children with all the religious dogma then please dont hand them over to church people just because you think a good god fearing person can be trusted. as a matter of fact lets just assume that organized religion breeds these perverts and that nobody at your church should be trusted. in that case lets just not trust any organized religion. problem solved.

cmon folks , you need to work harder. our economy needs your help

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Jacko and the french.....

well michael jackson got off on his trial for child molestation. i could have told you this would be the verdict months ago. this family that accused him might be the single most unsympathetic family ever. everyone in the family was a liar. now i believe that jacko molested children at some point in his life but i dont believe that the prosecution proved it beyond a resonable doubt. the case that should have ben tried was the one years ago but that family was paid off. besides if they werent going to convict robert blake then jacko wasnt going to do any time.

heyjacko should go to france. in a recent survey over 40% of french men said they would like to become pregnant. if they can work that out then jacko is sure to move there quickly. wouldnt it be great to see jacko as a pregnant french white woman. i guess this explains the amazing lack of testicles on most french men. one of the shortest books ever written is "great french war heroes". actually in a poll of the rest of the world 100% of people would like the french to bathe and shave their pits.

hey seems people in russia have had a meltdown just in time for summer. putin got pissed off and insulted a continent by saying everyone knows africans were canibals. actually i applaud a politician who says whats on his mind (even if it is crazy). a 37 year old russian man named yuri dedov heard some voices in his head. were they telling him to go get a job, drink some the voices said hey yuri why dont you take a hammer and pound a nail into your head. seemed like a good idea to yuri so he did it...all the way down to the nail head. dont believe everything you hear yuri. a russian astrologist , marina bai, is suing nasa. seems marina's business will be ruined in nasa is allowed, as planned, to crash a rocket into the tempel 1 comet this year. marina says the collision will "interfere with the natural life of the universe" which will in turn harm her "system of spiritual values". she is sueing for 311 million which is the cost of the entire mission. i guess chernobel was worse than we knew.

well its least you dont live in russia

Monday, June 13, 2005

This post may be a little scattered

we had an odd weekend in the burgh. let me start with the fact that i could save this city and county thousands of dollars by cutting out a few unneeded things like.......... autopsies. we had a young miner killed in a cave in in western pa. and the news said they were awaiting an autopsy. WHY? what are you waiting to find out? here let me clue you in ....he died of rock poisoning. squash syndrome? i mean it was a cave in for christs sake....what did you think he died of? also, this last week we had the senior olympic games here. let me preface this by saying that the last seven days in pittsburgh had a temperature between 85 and 95 degrees and a humdity od say.....162%. no this 77 year old cyclist keeled over while riding his bike. again we are awaiting an autopsyon him. now in their defense the autopsy said he died of a broken neck after having a heart attack and crashing. i think the heart attack was going to get him anyway. these autopsies were unneeded. how much does an autopsy cost anyway? i've never typed the word "autopsy" this may times in my life. how odd is that?

the cost to the catholic church for letting pedophiles run loose and not doing a damn thing about it now tops one billion dollars (thats a 1 with 9 zeros behind it). the figure is guaranteed to rise by hundreds of millions of dollars. most of the problems have to do with the outdated rules the catholic church has and wont do anything about because of the old men who run that group. now when you see a church begging for money dont help them . let the stupid parishoners give them cash. the catholic church has more property than almost any group you know......and they dont pay taxes. my understanding is that the catholic church in the u.s. pulls in 500 million a week in the collection baskets. if they are in that much trouble let the vatican bail them out. the artwork the vatican has alone could cure hunger throughout the world. if people quit giving money to churches they would go away and the world would be better. once the cash cow dies organized religion will follow.

i know we went to war for any number of reasons. saddam was a ruthless man and we had to hel those poor iraqis, iraq was a hotbed of terrorism, the u.s. needs to be the world police force......etc. so someone answer me this. why arent we going into the sudan like we went after iraq. their leader is a despotic man who is performing genocide on a daily basis. they are a training ground for terrorists. the people there are suffering on a level none of us can even begin to comprehend. well? the answer is that the sudan doesnt sit over a large supply of oil. you have no get no help. its pretty simple. by the way the oil war in iraq is going downhill at an alarming rate (no matter what fox news tells you). its going to get much worse before it gets better.

well this should get your week off to a rousing start....have fun

Friday, June 10, 2005

Fridays child

i never know what to believe when it comes to what our government tells us about the oil war in iraq but if this is true make up your mind. seems the insurgents (and by insurgents i mean suicide car guys) might not be all that gung ho to meet allah. seems their leaaders might by tying or binding them into these cars in some manner. in one case the iraqi police found a gas pedal with the foot taped to it (another wonderful use for duct tape). i guess seventy virgins doesnt carry the weight it used to. as one iraqi mother was heard to say about her children "they blow up so fast dont they". maybe some of these guys realize that those virgins are just seventy of the same hairy smelly women the can get right now in iraq and being virgins dont even know what men like. maybe allah needs a better p.r. firm to sell this to the insurgents to be. when it comes to gods i prefer the one from nepal that just makes the women get naked before he sends rain.....hes looking classier by the second.

along that same line t-shirt hell is back. ok the site was never gone but he got rid of his worse than hell section. the gentleman who owns this site says he was poisoned and almost died. well i'm glad he grew his balls back and brought back the really offensive shirts that i so love. this site ( is really worth the visit. now dont be a dick and laugh at the shirts until the one that makes fun of something you love then become pissed. this guy is an equal opportunity hater. its also woth it to sign up for his monthly'll laugh your ass off at the hate mail. my favorite new shirt......."the koran, now in two ply". isnt this also an indictment of where free speech is going in this country. oh , we believe in free speech.......until we dont agree with you.

the news out of topeka , kansas is reporting that a lenexa man named joseph henning who was out on bond for his third dui was arrested for his fourth. seems joey , accidentally of course, ran over a friend outside of a bar and then took off. when the y went to arrest our friend joey he kicked open the door on the police van and struck an officer in the groin. he has been charged with felony battery, dui as well as several misdemeanors including driving with a suspended license. now i dont have to watch too many episodes of cops to realize that smacking a cop in the nuts, probably, is not the best way to get them on your side. want to bet that this guy was either shirtless or wearing a wifebeater. i'm also betting that this guy resisted arrest and the smacked him around a little bit. GOOD. he needs a beating. oh , by the way, his bond was raised from $1500 to $200,000. you can actually buy topeka kansas for $200,000.

not to be outdone by joey , antonio briseno age 42 of (get this) defiance, ohio was arrested for the 18th time for dui. the judge says he doesnt know what to do with this guy. they've fined him, took his license away forever, jailed him.....nothing seems to work. seems antonio , who lives with his parents, took their suv on memorial day without their permission . he picked up some buddies and some beer and went cruising. needing gas antonio pulled in to a station and filled up. his beer addled mind decided that flying under ther radar meant leaving without paying. i have some ideas for the judge....lock him away for life. this guy will never learn. he has nothing important to take away. he's going to keep doing this until he kills someone. in texas they locked a guy up for life after his third dui. if they dont put him away then he should be forced to shuttle the judge and his family around town (the judge would know what to do then wouldnt he).

its friday through the day and hope the weather is good this weekend wherever you are.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Hes back..............

apparently god, in his 2005 redemption and damnation tour of the red states, has appeared again. seems an image of jesus has shown up in a lays sour cream and onion potato chip. the chip measuring 11 1/2 " in diameter is now the proud property of rosalie and jerry lawson of st. petersburg , fla. they couldnt bring themselves to eat it but you just know that this thing will show up on e-bay soon. so folks be on the lookout for god appearing in a food or window or wall or a mirror........well you get the story. i myself am waiting for god to be booked at the improv before i go see him.

in fredricksburg , virginia a 14 year old student was charged with assault and battery and indecent exposure after another student complained that he fondled himself in class and rubbed something on her face afterward. school deputy jesse mcclannahan interviewed the three girls and one said the biy had "wiped a white, wet substance across her face". what kind of kid jerks off in class then wipes it on someone. this is a rapist just waiting to get started. lock him up now before he hurts someone. we wont though, we'll let this misguided youth run free because hes misunderstood or some such nonsense until he rapes or kills someone. again i will say its time to thin the herd.

in darbang village, nepal 100 women danced naked to appease the god mahadev. seems mahadev was holding back on the rain and the only way he would give it up was by seeing these woman naked. i hope these arent the same broads you see in national geographic. those broads couldnt give me a hardon when i was 13 and a stiff breeze gave me a hardon. mahadev apparently isnt one of your classier gods. i cant believe what men will think up to see naked women....and what women will believe. what kind of sales job was that? "cmon honey, just get naked. you want to eat this year dont you"? thats not third world thats at least a fifth world country.

and on a last note san franciscos center for sex and culture played host to the annual masturbate-a-thon. this was done to raise money for the center but theere was a competetive side to this. a new york man showed up after 5pm seeking to break the endurance record of 6 and 1/2 hours. now how come i'm only finding out about this now. i could have been a winner there. we had a masturbating contest in my neighborhood and i finished first and third. i know i could have won something. its really the only thing i've ever done very well and i cant figure out how to get paid for doing it. its the story of my life.

ok its thursday, your weeks almost over. try to make it through the day

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

You can start feeling safer now.....

on april 25th gregory despres shows up at the border in maine...thats not so odd. the odd thing was he was carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chainsaw stained with what appeared to be blood. now understand, he wasnt wering a turban so we really had no reason to be alarmed. sure, we confiscated his belongings, even though he was coming from canada and could say he was a lumberjack and those were the tools of his trade. we took his picture and fingerprints and told him come on in, enjoy yourself. apparently he enjoyed himself in canada the previous day buy killing a couple of his neighbors in minto, new brunswick. seems americas friend gregory decapitated his 74 year old neighbor and stabbed his common law wife to death. i understand that you just cant grab up everybody and hold them at the border just because they might seem odd but common sense says that maybe, just maybe, a red flag should have gone up here. why have the patriot act if not to prevent this...what?...oh thats right, the patriot act only takes away americans rights. sorry , what was i thinking.

oh it gets worse......federal authorities have arrested 26 illegal immigrants working for a subcontractor at northrop gruman ship systems. agents searched the pascagoula facility for suspected undocumented workers identified through northrop gruman records. northrop gruman has procedures to verify the citizenship or immigration status of individuals seeking work at its facilities, the company said in a prepared statement. well if northrop gruman has procedures how did they get hired in the first place. why dont we hear more about this? you want to bet that northrop gruman donated a ton of money to the republican party. you want to bet that northrop gruman is making some good cash because of the oil war in iraq. i guarantee the republicans are pushing this story under the carpet.

congress voted that medicinal marijuana is illegal. what a shame for some very sick people who live in constant pain. you might say that congress did that because marijuana might be abused by someone for whom it is not prescribed, that its a gateway drug. the real reason is that the pharmaceutical companies give a shitload (sorry i hate to use real technical terms with everyone) of money to congressmen (and women). the congresspeople need this money for their campaigns and to line their pockets. you see, you probably cant make....lets say ... paxil in your home so you need the drug companies for those drugs. you can, on the other hand , grow marijuana in your home, thereby cutting out the drug companies. the drug companies cant gouge you , pricewise, on something you grow at home. as for marijuana being abused...prescription drugs are abused everyday. hell the mouthpiece of the right, rush limbaugh, was caught redhanded and has asked his republican buddies to help him out. is it a gateway drug? no....and yes. having partaken in a little as a youth (i actually inhaled....but hell i'm not running for president) i found it no worse than than beer. i know many more people that are alcoholics than junkies. of course thats never brought up because the alcohol industry also gives alot of cash to congresspeople. the marijuana industry needs to start giving money to congresspeople...that will really help their cause.

well the week is halfway done.........try to accomplish something

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Its tuesday......what a joy

courtney love's pill box from 15 years ago is being sold on ebay. the small plastic container labeled with her name once held her vicodan. seems an old roommate who lived with courtney when she was a stripper is selling this (probably to buy more crack). you know this roommate has run out of really worthwhile shit to sell. is it any wonder kurt killed himself. heres hoping that daughter can get out soon and get as far away from her mother as she can. save your pennies kid your mom will be living with you in the future. by the way i'm sure courtney licked that thing clean before getting rid of it.

seems poor little kelly osborne is back in rehab. an anonymous source said she slipped back into some of her old problems and is not doing so well. she is currently residing at promises in malibu. shouldnt the osbornes have their own private wing there by now. kelly said she was high during the whole last season of the osbornes (as was anyone who watched that piece of shit) and when they cleaned her room they found something like 500 pills. anyone who has seen pictures of her lately would just assume shes in for her addiction to twinkies and bad makeup. theres a chick who could use heroin. why is that she and her brother are the only to junkies to gain weight. congrats and sharon sold your kids out to make a buck showing your disfunctional family. when do you think one of the osborne kids will kill somone.

in a story that has been pushed right under the rug is something called the downing street memo. seemd this document contains meeting minutes transcribed during the british prime ministers meeting on july 23rd, 2002 (a full 8 months before the invasion of iraq). the contents of the memo detail how our government did NOT believe iraq was a greater threat than other countries, how intelligence was fixed to sell this war to the american public, and that when our president said "war was a last resort" he knew it wasnt true. british officials do not dispute the document authenticityand a senior american official has desscribed it as "absolutely accurate". if this is true then everything said about this war being fought to help bush's oil buddies is true. our politcians are not looking out for us folks.....better learn that quick. this war is being fought over oil and the wheels of our war machine are greased with the blood of the poor soldiers that are sent over there without the proper equipment so that bush family friends can make huge profits. for more information please go to

well kids summer showed up in the burg with a vengence and my a.c. at home isnt working. i'm going to go dip my balls in ice.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Happy monday everyone

it looks like summer has actually arrived in the burgh so lets get started

in tucson arizona a teenager was upset because his family was going to move. he went to a construction site and stole a 40 ton earth mover (a giant bulldozer). he was driving down streets knocking down utility poles when the police caught up with him. he led them on a 15 mile chase when they decided that was enough and shot him. the teen is in critical condition. GOOD. this little shit should have been shot. they should have shot him earlier. i'm sorry he was upset...wahh wahhh wahhhhh. get over it kid. people move everyday. most dont want to do it. they dont go ruining peoples lives. i hope these cops dont get into trouble.....they did the right thing.

along that same line the runaway bride will pay back $13,205.00 for leading authorities on a wild goose chase after she got cold feet. it should have been more. the city will write off another $30,000.00. shouldnt she have to pay it all. throw her skinny running ass in jail. teach some people a lesson. shes going to make some lucky guy very unhappy someday.

lyle simpson was out hiking with a group when a grizzly bear attacked. everyone ran except lyle who tripped and fell. bye bye lyle....NO. lyle used his martial arts training and beat the bear. now i know when your in a group you dont have to outrun the bear only the slowest guy in your group but how bad is lyle. what kind of belt do you get for beating up a bear. or more to the point....what kind of pussy was that bear. you think the other bears make fun of him. you know the next bear from that group that runs across a human is going to eat that one alive just to prove to the other bears hes no wimp.

and lastly in a story that is both funny, sad and scary all at the same bozeman (i think thats montana) a high school hired an abstinence speaker to speak to the seniors at a time of the year when they may need some advice (graduation, summer, prom...etc). tina marie holewinski (no lewinski jokes please) age 27 was invited. she spoke about not drinking and driving and other such things and then as superintendent mike redburn said "she went off message". seems tina told them that among other things condoms lead to cancer, birth control pills are only 20% effective, sexually transmitted diseases are spread through skin contact alone, video games lead to homicide and tthat teens can acheive a second virginity through abstinence. you wonder if tina actaully believes these things. who taught her this bullshit. one students parent want the school to bring in a rebuttal speaker to talk to the seniors. i hope this isnt needed. lets hope the seniors are smarter than we are giving them credit for.

turn your brains on kids. you'll need them.......most of us dont have government jobs

Friday, June 03, 2005

Deep throat.....oh you mean the guy

w. mark felt has come forward and said hes the deep troat that brought down the nixon administration. i'm kind of torn by this guy. first let me say that what he did was great. nixon was a bad man and didnt care who's rights he ran over to get what he wanted. actually what we need is a guy like this in the bush administration right now. lets not forget though that the only reason this guy gave it up was because nixon passed him over in picking the new head of the fbi. if nixon would have picked felt then felt would have had no problem with what was going on. so on one hand hes a great american....but for all the wrong reasons. makes it hard to like him.

apparently scientology makes you smarter. tom cruise said brooke shields shouldnt have taken medication for post partum depression. according to scientology (and dr. cruise) all she needed to do was exercise and take some vitamins. if anyone has ever looked through the book dianetics that is scientology in a nutshell. depressed...start exercising. unwed mothers......suck dick next time. the funniest part is that brooke shot back at dr. cruise and said he should stick to saving the world. do you think she knows that he only does that in movies? that movies are make believe? hey brooke, theres the real world and then theres movie world.......dont mix them up.

a judge issued a warrant for the arrest of bobby brown (i know, i was shocked it wasnt whitney too) for failure to appear at a child support hearing. in his defense i'm sure child support hearings take up a large portion of his time but they could just go outside and get him? doesnt he and whitney just camp out at the courthouse now to save time? does a week go by that one of them isnt getting arrested? their kids must call thew cops by their first names now. "look mommy uncle officer joe has come over to visit again. will he be making you wear those shiny metal bracelets again". what ever happened to the reality show about them? i would have to watch that.

well lets send this week off in a flurry. try to kill someone at your job.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Storytime thursday is here.......

in a follow up to my tuesday post jesus is continuing his "redemption and damnation" tour of the red states by appearing in an ultrasound in toledo, ohio. to anyone who has never seen an ultrasound you can say it looks like anything. to say they are a little blurry would be a gross understatement. having just went through the birth of my third child i can honestly say that i cannot make heads or tails of any ultrasound i have ever seen regardless of the nurse standing there telling me what things are ("alright lady you see a child , i see a dinosaur"). i am still counting on god showing up in kentucky and new mexico.......stay tuned.

there are at least four pieces of toast on sale on e-bay with faces on them. whos the lucky face you ask? god? sorry his tour hasnt stopped there yet. its worse than god its........carrie underwood. who would buy these. your not even going to know this no talent hacks name in a year and then its just uncomfortable trying to explain whos face is on the toast on your mantle and why you spent money on it.

in the greatest act of irony david baron , 58, was found dead by his wife. this isnt the funny part yet. he was found hooked up to a tank of laughing gas (start giggling....but it gets better). he was also found wearing a skirt and bra. anyone else think the afterlife will be slightly uncomfortable for david. seems thew machine was feeding him straight nitrous without any oxygen. the only thing that might, and i stress might , have made this funnier is if he was wearing star wars regalia. i must admit in my advancing years that i do worry about croaking in front of the computer with my pants around my ankles looking at donkey porn or some other such filth. i dont want to end up as blog material for someone else.

and lastly , in a wonderful draining of the gene pool martyn filder, 22 , was out with some friends. maybe they had a libation or two when they came across a shopping cart. deciding that climbing in and riding it down the hill would be a great idea all four climbed in and went on the ride of their lives (or in martyn's case ...the last ride of his life). at speeds of over twenty mph they were enjoying the wind in there hair when it hit the curb throwing all of them out. martyn flew into a curb which killed him. you might say this is a tragedy...i say its darwinism at its finest. natural selection on display. when the cave men were around they went down to the watering hole for a drink. the one who drank from the tar pit didnt make it and stupidity wasnt passed along. this is the same thing. at least martyn wasnt wearing a skirt and bra.

weeks almost over kids......lets just get through today

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Geeks, freaks and the religious right

could there possibly be a funnier story than the two geeks who got burnt in england pretending to be jedi knights. seems these two einsteins filled flourescent lights with gasoline and lit them. nice light sabers jackass. they were in the hospital with burns over large portions of their bodies. i wonder who these two are going to sue. i think anyone who wears star wars outfits, sleeps outside theaters to be the first to see a movie, fill lights with gas....etc should have to be sterilized. do we really want these people filling the gene pool. in their defense they didnt get a complete dip in the pool to start with. you can also add star trek people to that list. if you have enough time to learn klingon then you shouldnt procreate.

the backstreet boys comeback tour got off to a rocky start. seems that on their lone european date in germany their bus ran over a fan named julia wagner 19. it seems that after they flew into germany they had trouble getting their bus through the airport crowd. at least nick and kevin went to visit her in the hospital. now therre are alot of odd things in this story. why would you start your comeback tour with only one european stop? why would you do that stop first? why did you need a tour bus when you flew in and had only one date? why was there a crowd for the back street boys anyway? well that last one can be explained . german think david hasselhoff is a great singer too. but the biggest question is who knew the back street boys still had a career?

the american family association is run by a man called donald e. wildmon. at first glance you would think this is a wonderful group......and you would be wrong. this idiot has tried to jam religious fundamentalism down peoples throats for years. hes gone after people like howard stern and anyone who doesnt say exactly what he likes. his group has aimed their useless little heads at ford. seems like those ignorant bastards at ford have decided to give benefits to same sex couples. you can see where this will lead to the downfall of america. congrats to ford....they havent buckled under. you know the afa loves wal-mart....a good all-american company. not only wouldnt wal-mart offer same sex benefits they wont offer them to anyone. as i have said before if you dont give money to these crackpots they would just go away. cmon america ....lets make donald wildmon get a real job.

its hump day and i feel like i've already been humped