Thursday, June 09, 2005

Hes back..............

apparently god, in his 2005 redemption and damnation tour of the red states, has appeared again. seems an image of jesus has shown up in a lays sour cream and onion potato chip. the chip measuring 11 1/2 " in diameter is now the proud property of rosalie and jerry lawson of st. petersburg , fla. they couldnt bring themselves to eat it but you just know that this thing will show up on e-bay soon. so folks be on the lookout for god appearing in a food or window or wall or a mirror........well you get the story. i myself am waiting for god to be booked at the improv before i go see him.

in fredricksburg , virginia a 14 year old student was charged with assault and battery and indecent exposure after another student complained that he fondled himself in class and rubbed something on her face afterward. school deputy jesse mcclannahan interviewed the three girls and one said the biy had "wiped a white, wet substance across her face". what kind of kid jerks off in class then wipes it on someone. this is a rapist just waiting to get started. lock him up now before he hurts someone. we wont though, we'll let this misguided youth run free because hes misunderstood or some such nonsense until he rapes or kills someone. again i will say its time to thin the herd.

in darbang village, nepal 100 women danced naked to appease the god mahadev. seems mahadev was holding back on the rain and the only way he would give it up was by seeing these woman naked. i hope these arent the same broads you see in national geographic. those broads couldnt give me a hardon when i was 13 and a stiff breeze gave me a hardon. mahadev apparently isnt one of your classier gods. i cant believe what men will think up to see naked women....and what women will believe. what kind of sales job was that? "cmon honey, just get naked. you want to eat this year dont you"? thats not third world thats at least a fifth world country.

and on a last note san franciscos center for sex and culture played host to the annual masturbate-a-thon. this was done to raise money for the center but theere was a competetive side to this. a new york man showed up after 5pm seeking to break the endurance record of 6 and 1/2 hours. now how come i'm only finding out about this now. i could have been a winner there. we had a masturbating contest in my neighborhood and i finished first and third. i know i could have won something. its really the only thing i've ever done very well and i cant figure out how to get paid for doing it. its the story of my life.

ok its thursday, your weeks almost over. try to make it through the day


Chick said...

What a cool neighborhood you must live in...

...funny how you came in first...& third.

shoes said...

as i said its the one thing i am great at. i think of it as a gift from god

gabsmash said...

shoes i *have* to remember not to drink my java while reading your blog...projectile laughing

musalia said...

nothing wrong with doing that :) congratulations for doing it so well!

curmudgeon said...

Now see? You're being too hard on (pun?) the 14-year old student. He was only preparing for the jack-o-thon to be held (another pun?) in San Francisco.

11 1/2 " potato chip? It must be authentic. I've never see one that big.
Why do we never see any pictures of mahadev on food or overpasses? He doesn't exist! A bunch of swell-nutted tribal elders convinced the women that was the cure to the dry spell.
Unlike heysoos. Since there are plenty of those images all over the place how can anyone deny his existence?

As always... Rachael said...

Do potatoes get that big... and how did it not break... Lays did that shit on purpose! I've been needing something new to boycott... thanks shoes!

"not the classiest god" LMFAO!

And the kid... yeah, he's gonna have to burn. I'm all for helping anyone who CAN be rehabilitated... but let's not be so stupid we fail to recognize that it just ain't always possible.

Right on the money, man... as usual!

x said...

It's really cool that god is trying to connect with real people by pimping his son out for potato chip and dripping wall appearances. Now if only Mary and Jesus could make a joint showing. That would really bring the house down.

Some kids need an old fashioned ass kicking.

Thanks for the link! You rock! And your blog is great. Love it! (in a not ass kissing sort of way) Bring on the beer belly competition.