Thursday, June 02, 2005

Storytime thursday is here.......

in a follow up to my tuesday post jesus is continuing his "redemption and damnation" tour of the red states by appearing in an ultrasound in toledo, ohio. to anyone who has never seen an ultrasound you can say it looks like anything. to say they are a little blurry would be a gross understatement. having just went through the birth of my third child i can honestly say that i cannot make heads or tails of any ultrasound i have ever seen regardless of the nurse standing there telling me what things are ("alright lady you see a child , i see a dinosaur"). i am still counting on god showing up in kentucky and new mexico.......stay tuned.

there are at least four pieces of toast on sale on e-bay with faces on them. whos the lucky face you ask? god? sorry his tour hasnt stopped there yet. its worse than god its........carrie underwood. who would buy these. your not even going to know this no talent hacks name in a year and then its just uncomfortable trying to explain whos face is on the toast on your mantle and why you spent money on it.

in the greatest act of irony david baron , 58, was found dead by his wife. this isnt the funny part yet. he was found hooked up to a tank of laughing gas (start giggling....but it gets better). he was also found wearing a skirt and bra. anyone else think the afterlife will be slightly uncomfortable for david. seems thew machine was feeding him straight nitrous without any oxygen. the only thing that might, and i stress might , have made this funnier is if he was wearing star wars regalia. i must admit in my advancing years that i do worry about croaking in front of the computer with my pants around my ankles looking at donkey porn or some other such filth. i dont want to end up as blog material for someone else.

and lastly , in a wonderful draining of the gene pool martyn filder, 22 , was out with some friends. maybe they had a libation or two when they came across a shopping cart. deciding that climbing in and riding it down the hill would be a great idea all four climbed in and went on the ride of their lives (or in martyn's case ...the last ride of his life). at speeds of over twenty mph they were enjoying the wind in there hair when it hit the curb throwing all of them out. martyn flew into a curb which killed him. you might say this is a tragedy...i say its darwinism at its finest. natural selection on display. when the cave men were around they went down to the watering hole for a drink. the one who drank from the tar pit didnt make it and stupidity wasnt passed along. this is the same thing. at least martyn wasnt wearing a skirt and bra.

weeks almost over kids......lets just get through today

9 comments:

carrie said...

yup

madison's favorite son said...

today's gm- "croaking in front of the computer with my pants around my ankles looking at donkey porn or some other such filth"

i too love donkey porn!!

vjack said...

I just took a shit that looks like Jesus. I bet I can sell it on eBay. Stupid Christians!

Betty said...

lol, great post!

ccw said...

A dinosaur, fabulous!

We here in District 2 of Ohio are having a summer election for a new congressman, I expect God to stop by soon. If you hear anything, let mw know!

As always... Rachael said...

Natural selection is important... 3rd kid huh? So yu think your'e pretty smart or what? lol! Or at least smart enough to not die in a shopping cart, or covered in donkey porn! You crack me up man!

shoes said...

in my defense the third kid was a mistake. believe me my gene pool isnt one you really want to go off the high dive into.

halcyon67 said...

I am going to make a grilled cheese and etch Bush's face on it and have "I lied" underneath it.

Do you think it would sell?

Anonymous said...

My name is Chris Knight. I am close friend of Martyn Filder, the guy mentioned falling out of a "shopping cart" in this piece.

If you had ever been affected by the loss of someone close to you, it would be apparent in your approach to this subject.

As it is it seems that your attempts at satire are in fact the ramblings of someone who is extremely diassociated with whats happening around them. This satire is met with praise from people who have an equally underwhelming level of intelligence.

I have no problem with feedback, as I am willing to continue this as long as necessary.

Regards.