Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy valentines day.........

is there a day on the calendar that strikes more fear into men than this day. some guys start preparing for this the day after xmas. young men everywhere think that this is the key to getting laid. everything has to be just right. you have to do something different than any other guy shes ever been with has done yet it cant be overproduced....it has to seem like you just whipped this up for her. oh, and by the way, everything has tripled in price. roses that are still going to die in less than a week will cost you a weeks pay. the table you like at that resteraunt (you know, the one with the view) well, you better be prepared to tip mighty high to get it....oh, and book it weeks in advance. better have some balloons too...and maybe a teddy bear. now remember that you are going to have to outdo this next year....so keep that in mind. better get a couple of hallmark cards too. and candles. and now you can start praying that its not that time of the month....thats a deal killer. dont drink too much at dinner...nothing kills a mood like a puking girlfriend. i , on the other hand, have been married 16 years. i'll pick up the kids from school and the baby from the sitter. when my wife walks through the door, tired from work, i'll be sitting there in my sweats and t-shirt (baby puke drying in a nice pattern). i'll hand off the baby on my way out the door to take my son to karate class...leaving her to share a romantic meal of mac and cheese with my daughter. i'll have lit a candle but its really just to hide the stench of dirty diapers. its a fun night all around.

so happy valentines young men. remember that after everything you do you probably wont get laid. i, on the other hand, will. now get to work.

2 comments:

Danny said...

I wish things were going as well for me as they are for you

As always... Rachael said...

flowers - fuck em - i can find dying foliage in my yard.

balloons - fuck em - I'll just pop em and throw them away in a day or so... I outgrew sucking helium to sound like a munchkin after I saw the dead guy hanging on the way to the emerald city.

Dinner out - Shaving my legs and putting on lipstick sounds like a chore to me. Just bring me back something!

Poetry - Unless you're James Earl Jones and you're reading The Raven.. shut the fuck up!

How about this? Buy some beer/wina/tequila... let me hold the remote for a change... and tell me I look great in an old sports jersey and granny panties. I'm all yours babe!