Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sundays truths.........

in an incredible turn of events i am posting on a sunday. i have come to a decision that i will not be attending church on sundays for the forseeable future. my wife isnt thrilled with my decision but i have to be true to myself. i have given this alot of thought for along time and it just feels like the right thing to do. its not that i dont believe in god....i do, its just that organized religion offers nothing to me at all anymore. i was raised catholic. i didnt get a choice thats just it. it was picked for me. i never got to look at other religions i was just told that this religion was the right one. isnt it funny how sure some people are that their religion is the one true religion when they have never looked at anything else? anyway as i got older i looked at alot of other religions and even though all had some things i liked alot they all had one underlying theme....they wanted to make people feel bad. when you put someone up whos perfect how can one live up to that and everytime you dont you guilty. hell, catholics have original sin. you have sin on you as soon as you are born. i really dont think god is like that. i hope that god would judge a man on what he did. i think this is just a way for religions to keep you coming back. the only way you can get into "heaven" is to come back to church......oh, and give money. thats why they send out envelopes. its not for your convenience, its to track how much your giving. being a catholic i'm harder on the church than other religions but basically they are the same. i used to argue with my father when he said that catholics are right and i would point out what a shame for the billion hindus that are going to hell only because they werent born to catholic parents. the nuns in my grade school didnt like that either. i understand that religion is a leap of faith, you cant look at it logically, but i did. all through catholic grade school. i was the only child to flunk religion in eighth grade (thank god they couldnt hold me back). it all came to a head when it came time for confirmation. i didnt know what thaqt even meant in eighth grade, we all just did it. i didnt realize that i was confirming my faith,m which i didnt have much use for even then. i wouldnt go to confession because, as i was taught, god is everywhere. if i was truly sorry wouldnt he forgive me....and i could cut out the middle man. they threatened me with not being able to attend confirmation to which i said ok. they threatened to tell my father but then i explained that he would ground me but he couldnt drag me to the altar and force me to say anything and that my grounding would eventually end....surely in time for summer. the nuns relented. then you had to pick a name. a saints name. you were supposed to read up on saints and pick one you thought you would like to be like. seeing there was no saint satan and all my friends called me barney (as in barney rubble) i chose saint barnabas. the nuns seeing through this thinly veiled plot and vetoed my choice. my second option was my first name again...james. i went by my second name as everyone did in my family, a little prank my parents played on all their kids. the nuns said no to that one too. i asked to see hte rule book but was never shown one so i told them its their call, barnabas , james or i dont do it. after going through their threats and me explaining it all again they relented and the nuns chose james. i cant understand why the nuns disliked me. actually i can, i was a smartass and if they said two and two was four i'd say five and argue the point. if i was my own father i would have beat myself to death. the church has let me down since then. i'm divorced and remarried outside the church. i cant recieve the sacraments nor can my wife. shes a good catholic and suffers because of me. so the church is punishing her because of me. that seems logical. i've also dodged my childrens questions as to why i cant go to communion. my wife would prefer it if i didnt explain the inequities of catholicism to them at such a young age. so i guess what this long winded speech is all about is that i cant be that much of a hypocrite anymore. i wont say that i will never be back in church because i'm sure i will be at a wedding or a christening or some such thing but i wont be going back to have my soul cleansed. god and i will work that out between ourselves......as i think everyone should.

ok go watch your game....its sunday

3 comments:

As always... Rachael said...

I am a catholic... the kind of catholic girl frank zappa sings about. I played that song at my wedding reception, just to soak up all the approving glances!

I was a trrible catholic kid. I'm actually surprised you've gone to church this long. Your posts about organized religion have been consistent as long as I've been reading... and I'm guessing they've been pretty conaistent considerably longer.

BAC said...

Shoes,
It's amazing, but I can to the same conclusion as you this week! I too was raised Catholic, but since I divorced my 1st wife I was excommunicated when I remarried. I have been a Lutheran for many years, but I have been growing more & more critical of organized religion & the Lutheran church in recent years. I haven't been to church in several weeks and this week I decided to make it official and quit going altogether.

shoes said...

the hardest part is explaining that you still believe in god...he just happens to be a caring, forgiving god.