Saturday, March 24, 2007
this goes to my story for today. duquesne university is holding a conference today called "a meeting of catholic men". notice that it doesnt say "christian men" or "religious men" no, its just for the catholics. good for them. i was riding by the university on my way to work when i saw the freak show. there are cops there..naturally...along with the circus. heres are some things i saw......
1. an old lady holding a sign board that is 6' high by 3' wide. that in and of itself isnt odd but whats on the board is. a giant picture of an aborted fetus. oh, its bloody and graphic alright perfect for the family riding by with children. i'm guessing she is on the anti side of that arguement.
2. a man who looked to be in his sixties carrying a sign. whats so odd about that you ask? the sign says ..and i quote "real women wear dresses and babushkas". for those of you who are not polish a babushka is a scarf you wear on your head. only satan would want a woman running around in slacks and teasing men with their...dare i say.....hair. you wonder how that rule started? i'm guessing men started it because it was easier to rape women in dresses. just my guess there. but only at a mens conference could a man get away with carrying that sign.
3. anoth sixty year old man with a 10' high cross with a sign on it that stated that real catholics reject the vatican 2 mass. hey that asshole was forced to learn latin and hes going to goddamn well get some use out of it.
4. a man holding a placard that read "catholic men stop abortions". you get the feeling that catholics are really against abortion dont you. its funny that someone who cant give birth is concerned about what another person is doing with their own body. judging them if you will. as a woman said to me "when you can birth them, then you get a say in it".
and to top it all off
5. a guy in a motorized wheelchair with a headband that has a pointer attached to it.
the only thing missing is a big top, some elephants and a ringleader. the clowns are already there. it is true that men go crazy in congregations. this is not something that is strictly catholic by the way. its true of any organized religion. any time someone thinks their god is the right one and yours isnt...well...its ripe for trouble (hence the reason the cops were there). at least the promise keepers allowed anyone to come to their rallies who had recieved a bible at their AA meeting.
i so wanted to stop and ask these people some questions. i wanted to ask the old lady if she had the abortion pictures in wallet size. or one suitable for framing. or if it was a warhol (he being from pittsburgh). i wanted to ask the old guy if it would be acceptable for women to wear slacks if they pulled them up around their nipples like he was doing. i wanted to get a full size picture of the guy with the anti- abortion placard and stand right next to him with an arrow pointing at him and a a caption that read " look at this guy. think about your decision". a wanted to ask the wheelchair guy for a ride. actually when you look around at these people they are like a commercial for the pro-abortion lobby.
the reality is that i wouldnt go to this conference if the super glued my testicles to a cannon ball and shot it through the door of the auditorium. i will believe in my god and what that is is none of your business. rest assured that i will pick a god based solely upon looks. a happy god like buddha plaeses me. a religion that has a guy nailed to a cross as a symbol..does not.
get on with your day. this is shoes...over and out
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
an irish woman is at an outdoor market full of tourists and gives her child, who is acting up, a good whack. a german tourist approaches her and hilarity ensues.....
german tourist: you know, in germany we dont spank hit our children.
irish woman: well in ireland we dont gas our jews.
touche'. its short , sweet and right to the point. i'd love to hang with that woman with a couple of pints of guiness in her and a soccer game on the tv at the pub. i can only imagine the trouble she could get you into.
Capt. John Lau, 50, told a military court he took Amanda Tyler into his Fort Drum home, turned her into his "second wife," "married" her in a mock Niagara Falls service, and took her to live with his real wife and family. At his court-martial Thursday, Lau was convicted of adultery and making a threat. But Tyler, 34, described the ordained Southern Baptist minister as a sexual sadist who controlled and terrified her. She charged he even wanted her to work as a prostitute to pay for schooling.
He was sentenced to 14 months in military prison, but under the terms of his plea bargain, he will serve only five months.
Lau was also stripped of his rank and dismissed from the Army, with all pay and allowances forfeited.
Ironically, Lau was featured in the base newspaper last June in an article about the virtues of a marriage retreat arranged by the Army at Lake Placid.
"It is important to help them ease marital issues so they can better focus on the mission," he told The Fort Drum Blizzard.
do as i say not as i do. i believe thats the 14th commandment. its right after #13 dont swim for an hour after eating and #15 always wipe front to back. i'm sure the southeren baptists will be glad to have him back in their fold. wouldnt this guy make a great politcian. he could rail against the sins like adultery and gays while buggering his teen male intern. hes almost a perfect christian. maybe he interpreted jesus as pimping out mary magdalene to pay for schooling. you know you can read alot into those bible verses. maybe we all missed it.
well i have to run. i need to go give some money to the church to bail out some more priests
Monday, March 19, 2007
now the question is how to get out. this isnt going to be pretty. we need to get out without leaving a vacuum there. we need to win over the youth so that they wont blow us up. i know the administration is saying to just stay the course but that only gets more americans killed. i think they lack creativity and thats where someone like me needs to step up. i'm nothing if not creative. heres my plan.....
1. just pack up and leave. apologize profusely while doing so. sure we lose some face and they will have demostrations saying how the beat the imperialist running dogs but i will make this work to our advantage........
2. leave behind a huge amount of pepsi, x-boxes, twinkies, computers and internet hookups. this will take about five years to turn their kids into our kids.....fat and lazy with no inclination to hard work.
nobody blows themself up when they can be jerking off to internet porn. nobody wears a burka on the internet. they dont even make explosive belts to fit fat american kids so after a diet of twinkies and pepsi they wont fit their kids either. this is a perfect plan. no need to use a million dollar bomb to do $30 worth of damage...we can destroy them genetically. this is so black ops its scary. you cant place bombs when your out of breath. nobody wants to train in the desert with high blood pressure.
i have mentioned this plan before but it needs to be brought up again. they muslims would be laughing at us at first but whos laughing when thewir kids cant get up off the couch. the answer is us.
over and out kids....now back to work
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Don't call them sextuplets - they're each with different women.
When Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge Melba Marsh asked Lackey during sentencing Friday on a charge of attempted theft how many children he had, the 25-year-old said, "None, but I have six on the way."
A stunned Marsh tried to clarify. "Are you marrying a woman with six children?" she asked.
"No, I be concubining," he said.
Prosecutors said Lackey is the expectant father of six children with six different women. The women all are expected to deliver in August, September and October.
Lackey's lawyer, Stephen Wenke, stopped his client from saying more.
Marsh said she wasn't sure how to respond, so she let the issue drop since it wasn't relevant to the proceedings.
"No, I be concubining," he said. i be concubining.......i just love it. i may start using that myself.
Monday, March 12, 2007
The men managed to sever three of their arms about six inches above the wrist, he said.
The two men — ages 40 and 41 — left a suicide note with the manager of their Atlanta apartment building saying they were committing suicide because their business had failed and they were recently diagnosed with HIV, Hagin said.
are they getting stupider or am i just hearing about them more. i like that they severed three of their arms. i guess there was no thought about at all about how they were going to get that last arm off. its a bummer of a way to commit suicide. its like crucifying yourself....you can never pound that last nail in. i have never heard of someone trying to kill themselves with a circular saw.
on a sad note richard jenni , the comedian , killed himself this weekend. he shot himself in the face....and lived.....for awhile. he died at the hospital. there are rumors that he had an illness and the pictures i have seen of him look like he might have something. just a rule of thumb...if your going to shoot yourself in the face use a large caliber gun. you want to be done in instantly. you dont want to live with that........ or without your arms.
way to start the week on a high note...but this matches my depression, so tough.
Friday, March 09, 2007
nobody saw this coming huh? i dont think we need nostradamus to forsee this happening. you dont need edgar cayce just ask either of their parole officers. these two were more familiar with the jail than that drunk from mayberry. i am going to assume that they had consumated this marriage beforehand and that he wasnt as anxious to get to a hotel room as some newlyweds. i guess its true that once your getting the milk for free you can run the cow over. anyone else get the feeling we will be hearing from this couple again soon? stay tuned.
The law, proposed by Minister of the Interior Nicolas Sarkozy, is intended to clamp down on a wide range of public order offences - and is aimed at the practice of ‘happy slapping’ - but is drafted so broadly as to criminalise the activities of citizen journalists unrelated to the perpetrators of violent acts. This, according to Pascal Cohet, a spokesman for French online civil liberties group Odebi, is not accidental but a deliberate decision by the authorities. He is concerned that this law, and others still being debated, will lead to the creation of a parallel judicial system controlling the publication of information on the internet.
The government has also proposed a certification system for websites, blog hosts, mobile-phone operators and internet service providers, identifying them as government-approved sources of information if they adhere to certain rules. Press freedom campaigners, Reporters Without Borders, has warned that such a system could lead to excessive self censorship as organisations worried about losing their certification suppress certain stories.
if the law is aimed at happy slapping then aim better and hit the bullseye. why paint it so broad that it covers everything. you think their government saw an opportunity to get rid of something that has been troubling all governments since people started to own hand held video cameras. do you think our government would love to have banned this before kennedy was shot or rodney king got whooped. dont worry america...you wont fall behind. this right will be taken from you here soon. why not, our rights are disappearing faster and faster every day. i would love to see what the certification for websites is. i'll bet you cant show alot of things.....not just happy slapping.
get back to work
Saudi Kidnap, Rape Victim Faces Lashing for 'Crime' of Being Alone With Man Not Related to Her
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
A 19-year-old Saudi woman who was kidnapped, beaten and gang raped by seven men who then took photos of their victim and threatened to kill her, was sentenced under the country's Islamic-based law to 90 lashes for the "crime" of being alone with a man not related to her.
The woman is appealing to Saudi King Abdullah to intervene in the controversial case.
"I ask the king to consider me as one of his own daughters and have mercy on me and set me free from the 90 lashes," the woman said in an emotional interview published Monday in the Saudi Gazette.
Lashes are usually spread over several days. About 50 lashes are given at a time.
The woman's ordeal began a year ago when she was blackmailed into meeting a man who threatened to tell her family they were having a relationship outside wedlock, which is illegal in the desert kingdom, according to a report in The Scotsman newspaper.
She met the man at a shopping mall and, after driving off together, the blackmailer's car was stopped by two other cars bearing men wielding knives and meat cleavers.
During the next three hours, the woman was raped 14 times by her seven captors.
One of the men took pictures of her naked with his mobile phone and threatened to blackmail her with them.
Back at home in a town near the eastern city of Qatif, the young woman did not tell her family of her ordeal. Nor did she inform the authorities, fearing the rapist would circulate the pictures of her naked. She also attempted suicide.
Five of the rapists were arrested and given jail terms ranging from 10 months to five years. The prosecutor had asked for the death penalty for the men.
The Saudi justice ministry, however, said rape could not be proved because there were no witnesses and the men had recanted confessions they made during interrogation.
The judges, basing their decision on Islamic law, also decided to sentence the woman and her original blackmailer to lashes for being alone together in his car.
well lets make no mistake that islamic law is for animals. she tried to do the right thing by their standards....she tried suicide, but it didnt take. how can these animals allow this to happen. in this day and age how can it be allowed. these are our friends in the mid-east. the really suprising thing is that this is from fox news. i wonder if they cleared this story with the rnc.
by the way if the religious right controlled this country this would be happening here too. the inquisition could start right back up. how dare those sluts get raped.
well its friday everyone so lets just get through the day and party hard this weekend.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Jared W. Anderson, 20, suffered serious burns to his hands and genitals, according to the criminal complaint. Randell D. Peterson, 43, who sprayed lighter fluid on Anderson and lit him on fire, was charged with felony battery and first-degree reckless endangerment Tuesday in Eau Claire County Court.
Witnesses told police that Anderson, who was drunk, volunteered to do the stunt Sunday after watching the movie, the complaint said.
According to the complaint:
Anderson pulled down his pants and let Peterson spray him with lighter fluid. When the fire didn't catch, Peterson sprayed more lighter fluid on Anderson, splashing some on his clothing. He tried again to light the fire, catching Anderson's genitals, hands and clothes.
Anderson ran into the bathroom, jumped into the tub and put the flames out. Other guests took him to Luther Hospital, and eventually he was treated at the Regions Hospital Burn Unit in St. Paul, Minn., for second-degree burns.
Anderson told police who were called to the hospital that he didn't want anyone to get in trouble because of the stunt.
Peterson was freed on a $2,000 signature bond. He has a hearing scheduled April 16. If convicted, he faces up to 10 years in prison.
1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.3. How about never? Is never good for you?4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a damn word you’re saying.10. Ahhhh .. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn.14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be?24. Do I look like a people person?25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.27. Sarcasm is just one service we offer.28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?36. Chaos, panic and disorder…my work here is done.37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?40. Oh, I get it…like humor…but different.
sure they have been posted before but i never get tired of seeing these....and i do try to use them when i can.
1. If everything on a Mac just works, then why does a website called "Mac fix it" exist, assholes? Here are a few choice topics on macfixitforums.com:
-Login window stuck!-lower caSe "S" key not working!!-Menu bar keeps flashing-I can't drag and drop!
Waaaah, boo hoo! I can't drag and drop! Dumbass. Looks like your Macs aren't perfect after all, which leads me to my second point:
2. Fuck you.
I don't know why Mac users get so defensive when you call them idiots. I mean, Apple is a company that has built its entire user base around the fact that its users can't do simple things like turn their computers on. Hell, most Mac users can't even talk without using their hands, which ranks their intelligence somewhere between a simian and hog shit:
In a band.
Unemployed (see above).
After the recent Apple conference, Mac fans were elated. One person was quoted as saying "I've had a Macintosh now for a total of 35 days, and I'm really excited to be part of the Mac community." Part of the Mac community? It's a computer, not a social movement, asshole! I feel like Apple is not just selling computers, they're selling a way of life, and I'm not ready to be that heavily invested in a product.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
The easy bust happened after two patrolmen parked their cars in each lane of northbound Interstate 95 near Santee early Sunday morning following a series of wrecks that had tied up traffic, Highway Patrol Capt. Chris Williamson said.
A Chevrolet Malibu going about 70 mph hit one of the cruisers, causing minor injuries to the trooper behind the wheel, Williamson said.
They also found a few marijuana cigarettes and cocaine, Pendry said.
The 54-year-old driver from Daytona Beach Shores, Fla., was charged with driving under the influence, possession of cocaine and trafficking marijuana, authorities said.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
This is all on us, the American public. With every abortion of an album that we bought and with every magazine we purchased just because you were slapped on the cover, we helped ensure that you would eventually become the mayor of Crazy Skanksville. This is all our fault, and I would like to apologize on behalf of the entire country.
Having said all of that...PLEASE kill yourself. As I have already clearly stated, you didn't get yourself into this mess. But you're the only one who can get you out of this mess. If you leave us to our own devices, we're just going to keep discussing you for no good reason. Every time you eat a Starburst or paint your toenails a new color, we'll be there to take pictures and turn it into a weeklong gab session.
So, to repeat, PLEASE kill yourself. It's clear that none of us are going to help you. Because the only way we can help you is to leave you alone, and as I'm sure you're already aware, we're incapable of that.
But I'm not asking this of you for your own sake. I'm asking you to do this for the sake of the entire nation. We're slowly being crushed to death under the weight of our own ignorance and stupidity, and it's up to you to save us. I mean, I can't tell you the name of my state's congressman, but I know virtually everything you've done for the past five years. In short, help us help ourselves. The only way you can get us to move on to more important things is to get rid of yourself. Sometimes even that doesn't help, as Anna Nicole's corpse can attest to, but you should at least try.
How you do it is up to you. Hang yourself, jump off a building, take an entire bottle of pills, divorce an ex-football player. I don't care how you do it, just get it done.
And don't mistake this for pity. I'm not trying to say 'Oh, leave the poor girl alone.' Not only do you not deserve pity, it also wouldn't do you any good. If anything, pity would just get you addicted to a different form of attention. Right now you're being barraged with mockery and scorn. And throwing pity into that mix would be like trying to get someone off of heroin by getting them hooked on crack. So don't confuse my request as pity. This is simply a plea for you to do what's best for everyone involved.
And that goes for all of you starlets, not just Britney. Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, the Olsen twins and all the rest. As is the case with Britney, none of you are responsible for this. You're just young, dumb people doing what any young, dumb people would do if they had fame and fortune. When you get right down to it, WE are the problem, but YOU can be the solution. So grab a razor and get to slashing...for a brighter tomorrow.
i stole this fair and square from tshirthell. please check them out at www.tshirthell.com. bring your sense of humor because these shirts may be the most offensive ever. i personally love them.
Monday, March 05, 2007
i stole this from the scottsdale princess. hope she doesnt mind me looking stealing it from her. i'm sure she stole it fair and square herself. look into my good reads and check out her blog
where was i going with this. it seems its handled a little differently in tampa. a mother stormed onto a bus and asked who was the girl who slapped her 9 year old daughter. when a girl raised her hand the mother took her daughters coat and told her to take care of business. this is how animals are raised. apparently the camera has film of the girl beating the other girl with her closed fist. well the school isnt sure what they are going to do with the two young girls ..but the mother was arrested. she was charged with battery, contributing to the deliquency of a minor and trespassing.
the shocking thing is that this is the 15th arrest for the mother since 1996. her record, which includes some juvenile arrests, is peppered with aggravated battery, armed burglary and drug possesion charges. alot of the charges were dropped including one for 3rd degree murder. take some time to soak that in....murder. is this the mom whos door you want to knock on. i think not.
if you wonder how criminals start just watch this little girl. with such a sterling role model shes well on her way to a life of crime. i just hope she makes court tv.
this is shoes...over and out
Friday, March 02, 2007
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways. Have lots of long lie-ins. Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and, if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction. Tell people you're ninety-seven and they'll think you look f*cking great. Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away. Never eat food that comes in a bucket. If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting. Boo joggers. Don't work out, work in. Play the banjo. Sleep with somebody you like. Eat plenty of liquorice Allsorts. Try to live in a place you like. Marry somebody you like. Try to do a job you like. Never turn down an opportunity to shout "F*ck them all!" at the top of your voice. Avoid bigots of all descriptions. Let your own bed become to you what the Pole Star was to sailors of old.....look forward to it. Don't wear tight underwear on aeroplanes. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. Clean your teeth and keep the company of people who will tell you when there's spinach on them. Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. Don't pat animals with sneaky eyes. If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one. Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words. If you write a book, be sure it has exactly seventy-six "f*cks" in it. Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs. Don't be talked into wearing a uniform. Salute nobody. Never run with scissors or other pointy objects. Campaign against blue Smarties. Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say: It's good to be alive."
give her a look at judithsramblings.blogspot.com. i'm sure you'll find something you like.
Only a week into training and Vincent Pastore has left “Dancing with the Stars.” Vincent is leaving because his 60-year-old ass can’t handle it. He said, “When I initially committed to joining ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ I didn’t realize just how physically demanding it would be for me. Unable to put forth my best effort, I felt it appropriate to step aside and give someone else the opportunity. I’d like to thank ABC and the show’s producers for inviting me to participate. I wish my partner, Edyta, and the other dancers the best of luck.”‘
just as well actually, i really didnt want to see that fatone kid give him mouth to mouth on national tv while heather mills mccartney pushes on his chest. i knew his old, fat , overweight ass wouldnt be able to take it. i said that before it started but this guy cant turn down any shitty reality show...no matter what.