Monday, December 31, 2007


enjoy yourselves but dont overdo it. i dont have many readers and i cant afford to lose any

Friday, December 07, 2007

Tipsy moose beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Bull moose strung with lights and tipsy on crab apples

What do you call a bull moose tangled in Christmas lights and drunk on fermented crab apples, standing glassy-eyed and dizzy in the front yard of a downtown bar?
(answer at the end)

But seriously, the juiced moose had certainly seen better days than Tuesday, when he became a bewildered tourist attraction, parked in the courtyard of Bernie's Bungalow Lounge as shoppers clicked by with their Nordstrom bags.

After Town Square Park, the moose squeezed into the courtyard at Bernie's, where he settled in a pile of crab apples and eventually assumed a disoriented stance, staring into space, snorting steam. What was on his moose mind? Was he dreaming of chewing spring buds or sleeping in the tall summer grass? Was he filled with crab-appletini regret? Hard to say.
"He's just been in the same spot since I got here," said Gina Senior, a bartender at Bernie's. "He's not really doing much except standing there."
You can't do much for a drunk moose except wait for him to sober up, Sinnott said. And he's in a pretty good place -- among Bernie's fountains and yard sculptures, behind a hedge, safe from passing traffic.

this reminds me of my friends dad. at christmas he would get all pissed drunk and stagger around outdoors. maybe he was reincarnated.....

btw the answer is buzzwinkle............

Police: Woman made up sex assault

A woman who said she was sexually assaulted by a robber in Little Havana in October made up the story because she ''was undergoing marital problems,'' police said Wednesday.
Adriana Velasquez, 28, who had recounted her story in a teary press conference last month, was charged with filing a false report with law enforcement.
Velasquez had claimed that on Oct. 28, as she opened up the family's Little Havana business, two men robbed her. One cut off her clothes and sexually assaulted her -- stopping only because she had pressed an alarm, she claimed.
She had even given detectives a detailed description of the attacker: He had a dime-size mole over the left side of his mouth and a tattoo on his forearm that read ``Love Mom.''
Detectives began realizing that the story didn't add up when they failed to get tips after the press conference. They had also rushed DNA swabs to the lab. Samples came back negative.
''It seems to be a cry for attention. But her cry for attention violated the trust of the police, the media and the public,'' Miami police spokesman Bill Schwartz said.
She admitted to making up the story about the sexual assault, even though she insisted she had been robbed. Detectives don't believe her.

does that mugshot say it all?

Police: Pantsless man found smoking crack in vehicle

WESTMINSTER -- Police arrested a man Monday afternoon who they found sitting in his car by the side of the road with his pants down on the bitterly cold and stormy day, according to Police Chief Sam Albert.
"He was pulled over at the side of the road with his pants down around his ankles and smoking crack," Albert said.
Michael P. O'Rourke, 55, of 268 Central St., in Gardner, is charged with indecent exposure and possession of a Class B drug, Albert said.
Albert said the case is unusual for Westminster.
"That's a first time," he said about the incident.
Police got a call Monday afternoon from a driver who passed O'Rourke's car and saw he was not wearing pants.
Police went to Town Farm Road and found O'Rourke sitting in his parked car, Albert said. O'Rourke told police he has a substance-abuse problem, Albert said.
"He admitted he was a crack addict," Albert said.
There was a smoldering crack pipe in the car and eight more unopened baggies each with a crack rock on the car seat, according to Albert.
O'Rourke declined to explain to police why he had his pants pulled down, Albert said.
"He didn't want to talk about that," he said.
O'Rourke is being held on $2,000 cash bail following his arraignment in Gardner District Court, Albert said.
O'Rourke did not tell officers where he bought the crack or where he was going Monday afternoon, Albert said. He told police he spent $40 on crack on Monday, Albert said.

pants off? what kind of crack is he smoking?

Man sentenced in bizarre satellite diagnosing scam

A man was sentenced to more than four years in prison for bilking friends and family out of more than $800,000 by convincing them that his wife was a government agent who could arrange to have their medical problems diagnosed by satellite imaging.
Brent Eric Finley, 38, of Rayville, was sentenced in federal court in Monroe to serve 51 months in prison followed by three years of supervised release. His wife, Stacey Finley, was sentenced in August to spend 63 months in prison and both are ordered to jointly pay restitution in the amount of $873,786.94.
The Finleys pleaded guilty in August to wire fraud, according to court records.
U.S. Attorney Donald W. Washington said in a news release following Monday's sentencing of Brent Finley that the couple convinced numerous people that Stacey Finley was a CIA agent and with her contacts she could schedule a medical scan of the victims' bodies by satellite imaging that would detect any hidden medical problems.
The Finley's convinced their victims that, if any medical problems were found, secret agents would administer medicine to them as they slept in exchange for payment, according to a bill of information filed when the Finleys were charged in May.
"These audacious criminals should remind all of us that scam artists will go to great lengths to take our life's savings," Washington said.

actually these audacious criminals should serve to remind us that there are some real rubes living in fort wayne.

Cops use department helichopter for a doughnut run.

No one begrudges a cop his or her doughnuts, but questions are being asked in Albuquerque about one recent case in which a pair of the city's finest dropped in for a box of Krispy Kremes in a police helicopter.

Eyewitnesses said a Kiowa OH-58 chopper owned by the Albuquerque Police Department -- which reportedly costs taxpayers about $80 an hour to fuel and fly, not including salaries and benefits for two crew members -- came swooping in out of the night sky one recent evening. It circled several times around its intended target, then alighted in a nearby lot while a passenger went in for a box of doughnuts. Mission accomplished, the chopper buzzed off, sounding the siren by way of bidding onlookers adieu.

While most observers seemed to take the sighting in stride, a doughnutshop employee who watched the scene unfold wasn't so amused. "I was angry, and I'm still a little angry," the witness told the Albuquerque Journal. "That's my tax dollars, your tax dollars. You've got no business flying in to get doughnuts."
Naturally, such complaints have led to a police investigation. "Between the two of them, I don't know how they decided that was a good idea," a police-department official told the newspaper. "If they violated policy or procedure, they're going to get disciplined for it. We've worked too hard to make this a professional unit to let lack of common sense tear us down."

Thats some fine police work there Lou.

Motorcyclist riding with rattler critcally injured in crash

A motorcyclist was critically injured Wednesday afternoon when twine that secured an apparently dead 5-foot rattlesnake to the back of the bike he was riding may have come loose and distracted him as he entered a curve on Almonaster Avenue, police said.
Police accident investigators don't know how, when or where the cyclist had gotten the rattlesnake, and where he was taking it or why. But they said they believed the presence of the snake and the possibility that the driver was trying to keep it from falling off the bike while heading into a right-hand bend in the eastern New Orleans road caused the accident.

"It was one of the strangest accidents I've responded to in my 37 years on the New Orleans Police Department," said Lt. Melvin Howard, assistant commander of the Traffic Division.
The man lost control of his 650 cc BMW motorcycle and struck a curb as he headed west in the 5900 block of Almonaster Avenue about 1:15 p.m., police said. The impact threw the driver across the median and into the eastbound lanes where he came to rest, his yellow helmet left in the westbound lanes as was his motorcycle, police and a witness said.
He was taken to a local hospital in "very critical" condition, police said.
The lone witness to the accident, Matt Rutan, said the motorcyclist sped past his truck as he was driving back from the landfill.
"At first I thought it was a piece of rope dragging behind the motorcycle," Rutan said, referring to what later turned out to be a 5-foot canebrake rattlesnake secured by twine to the motorcycle.
The motorcycle got at most a half-mile ahead of Rutan, he said, when he saw the cyclist "lift up a little and twist around in his seat like he was attending to something on the back of his bike."
In doing so, the driver failed to negotiate a right-hand curve in the road and struck what Rutan judged to be an eight-inch concrete curb. The driver was ejected from the motorcycle and came to rest about 150 feet down the road, on the opposite side of a grassy median, Rutan said. He said the motorcycle flipped many times and ended up in the westbound lanes more than 200 feet down the road.
Rutan stopped his truck and called 911 as he ran to the driver and saw he was apparently unconscious, he said.
An ambulance responded within 10 minutes, he said.
Rutan discovered that what he had thought was a rope was really
you know i was just thinking that it would be a good idea to tie a snake to my bike and ride around . thank god i saw this story and saw the error of my ways.................

Hawaii police dispatcher sues city

A "game" played during work hours by Honolulu Police Department emergency telephone operators resulted in one operator suffering a detached retina after being struck in the eye by a ball thrown by another operator, according to a lawsuit filed in state court this week.
The lawsuit was filed by emergency operator Sally Crowder against the city and co-worker Flossie Leong.
HPD spokeswoman Michelle Yu, responding for the department and for Leong, declined comment, saying the suit had not yet been served on the defendants.
Crowder is a civilian employee in HPD's communications division, handling police radio communications as well as emergency 911 telephone calls.
According to her suit, the game began sometime before May, and players threw a small ball — slightly smaller than a tennis ball — at each other's backs during work.
Some of the players "would attempt to throw the ball with enough force to make the co-worker who was struck by the ball verbally express pain," the suit charged. Crowder alleged she was "repeatedly" struck by the missile in the back of the head and both eyes.
Another co-worker asked a supervisor to stop the game-playing but the supervisor declined because the "game was therapeutic," the suit alleged.
On May 28, a ball allegedly thrown by Leong struck Crowder in the left eye "with such force that her retina was detached, requiring surgery," the lawsuit said.
Crowder's supervisor, unnamed in the lawsuit, did not stop the game-playing after Crowder's injury but did order it discontinued after Crowder filed a workers' compensation claim, according to the suit. Crowder's workers' compensation claim was later denied by the city, the lawsuit said.
Crowder is seeking unspecified damages for what she alleges are "serious and permanent injuries" and mental and emotional distress.

i guess my mom was right. its not a party until someone loses an eye..............

Thursday, December 06, 2007

The spawn of nancy grace

is anyone else suprised that this shark didnt eat these kids as soon as she squeezed them out..............

Britney and Paris top Santa's naughty list: poll

NEW YORK (Reuters) - When Britney Spears and Paris Hilton open their stockings on Christmas Day, they shouldn't be surprised to find a lump of coal.

A poll of American children released on Wednesday found that the two high-profile celebrities should top Santa's naughty list.

The online survey of 1,107 children was conducted by E-Poll Market Research, which specializes in celebrity and brand research, to gauge children's attitudes about nice, naughty, and the seasonal question of who makes Santa's list.
Spears, whose stint in rehabilitation, panty-less pictures, and custody battle for her children has won headlines globally, was awarded top "naughty" honors with younger and older children.
She was followed on the list by Paris Hilton who spent three weeks in jail this year on a driving violation.
The two women beat out Swiper the Fox from the television show Dora the Explorer, the Grinch from the book "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" and Darth Vader from Star Wars among children 2-12.

in defense of paris and britney they also finished behind the grinch and darth vader on my poll of people i'd fuck.

Florida again, why am i not suprised....

Police: 300-Pound Hooker Robs Reluctant Customer

FORT PIERCE, Fla. -- A 300-pound prostitute robbed a man of $100 before pedaling away on a blue bicycle, according to a police report.
The case of the hefty hooker happened about 1:10 a.m. Monday as the 32-year-old man rode his bicycle when the assailant came up to him.
"The female approached asking (the alleged victim) did he want a date, which meant she wanted him to pay for some sex," the report states.
The man told investigators he felt sorry for the woman and pulled $10 from his wallet to give to her. That's when she allegedly pushed him off his bicycle and wrestled him down. She snatched his wallet, stole $100 and then pedaled off.
The alleged victim, who wasn't injured, described his assailant as weighing 300 pounds and clad in blue jeans and a white T-shirt.
An officer searched the area but couldn't find the woman.

ok, calling it the case of the "hefty hooker" is just too much for me. i'm pretty sure i could run down a 300 pound woman on a bike. hell, i think i would have just pedalled away in the first place.

Pastor of Washington County church charged with sex crimes

The pastor of a small Washington County Baptist Church was arrested and charged with second-degree rape and second-degree sodomy in connection with a nearly 10-year-old incident involving a 15-year-old girl, authorities said.
The Rev. Leonard Frazier, 55, of Stonewall Baptist Church near Chatom, was booked into Mobile County Metro Jail on Tuesday on the basis of a grand jury indictment. He was released on bail totaling $15,000, according to jail records.
A phone call made to Frazier's home in Mount Vernon on Tuesday evening resulted in no comment. No one answered the telephone at the church today.
The alleged victim is now in her mid-20s, said Steve Giardini, the Mobile County assistant district attorney who prosecutes child-abuse cases.
"It took a number of years for her to come forward," he said.
There is no statute of limitations in Alabama involving sex crimes against children.
State law holds that second-degree rape happens when someone 16 years old or older engages in sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex who is less than 16 years old and more than 12 years old, provided that the offender is two years older than the victim.
Giardini said he was unsure if the woman has ever been a member of Stonewall Baptist Church. She is not a blood relative to Frazier but did know him through her family, the prosecutor said.

i understand that he did this because he was tired of "the catholics" getting all the good press with them raping altar boys and such". i guess he better retire his wwjd wrist band.

Police: Teen Pulled Heists, Kept Curfew

Police: Indiana Teen Says He Robbed Businesses, but Kept His Curfew and Attended Church

A teenager says he held up a dozen businesses in part to get "gas money" but made sure the heists wouldn't make him miss curfew or church on Sundays with his mom.
Justin T. Veal, 18, was jailed on a felony robbery charge after being arrested last week in a liquor store holdup.

He told detectives he robbed about a dozen businesses of an estimated $10,000 this year for "money to fix his car, to buy jewelry, to keep up with everyone else," Indianapolis police Sgt. Kerry Buckner said.
Veal said in an interview at the Marion County Jail that he watched the clock, making sure he finished the robberies in time to make it home before the 1:30 a.m. curfew set by his mother.
"Curfew is 1:30. Her rules, her house. Make it in by 1:30," Veal told television station WTHR Wednesday.
Police say Veal stayed close to home for several of the robberies and that while he had a weapon in each of the holdups, no one was injured.
"He didn't do a robbery on Thanksgiving and he never did a robbery on Sunday because his mother made him go to church every Sunday," Buckner said.
Veal says he was desperate for extra money.
"I had just got hired to two new jobs and really, I just needed some gas money," he said. "It was the easy way. Sometimes you never think you're going to get caught."

now who says that kids these days arent motivated to do well. thank god that hes a good church going young man...........

Two Pasco men arrested over $12 bar tab

New Port Richey, Florida – Two Pasco county men were arrested Monday night for allegedly refusing to pay a $12.25 bill.
According to police reports, Christopher Herbert of Port Richey and Jerry Campbell of Hudson spent the evening at Jilly’s Tavern on the 5300 block of Main Street in New Port Richey.
Jule Clark, a head bartender at the tavern, says their combined $24.50 bill included a total of eight mixed drinks.
“They were all Rum and Cokes,” Clark said.
When asked to pay, Clark says the men refused. After four opportunities, the bartender decided to call police.
Herbert and Campbell were arrested and booked at the Land O’Lakes jail, each facing a single misdemeanor charge of defrauding an innkeeper.
But apparently, they weren’t completely out of cash. Each came up with $150 to bond out of jail.

why didnt they just pay the bill, they never been in jail? they look like two real classy guys.....

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Lack of Mail From Tila Tequila Prompts Hostility Toward Officer

A 19-year-old Chehalis man who reportedly punched a police officer in the face multiple times Tuesday did so because "Tila Tequila would not respond to his e-mail" and because the officer took the man's nunchaku, according to Bremerton police reports.
Officers were called to a Perry Avenue shopping center shortly after 5 p.m. for a report of shoplifters at a grocery store, reports said. Two men, the 19-year-old and an 18-year-old Mossyrock man, had apparently stuffed items into their clothes but then put them back on the shelves, reports said.
The store's manager and the police still wanted to talk to the pair. After a search of their car, which the 18-year-old consented to, the officer found a nunchaku weapon, which he confiscated as a dangerous weapon.
The 19-year-old, after being patted down by the officer, turned around and punched him in the face, reports said. He and another officer pursued the man on foot, and when they caught up to the man, he punched the same officer again, breaking his glasses, reports said.
The officer delivered several "palm" and "knee strikes" to the 19-year-old's "facial area" before another officer could apply his Taser and place the man into handcuffs.
Both the 19-year-old and officer were treated for injuries.
While driving the man to jail, the officer asked the man why he was mad. The man replied that the MTV reality show star wouldn't reply to his e-mail and that the officer took his nunchaku, reports said.
The man was booked into the Kitsap County jail on suspicion of assault of an officer and possession of a dangerous weapon. His bail was set at $100,000.

lets sum this up. a man who didnt get a reply from a cheap internet whore then smacked a cop and got tasered and went to jail. did i miss anything? good luck in the joint asshole.....

Police: Foiled Birthday Drug Wish Leads To Stabbing

TAMPA - Phil Edward Johnson wanted to celebrate his birthday with $20 worth of cocaine, police say. But when his brother didn't come up with the drugs, a report says, Johnson stabbed him twice in the stomach.
Police arrested Johnson, 54, Tuesday afternoon. He faces one count of attempted first-degree murder.
His brother, John Butler Tyler, told police it was Johnson's birthday and that Johnson gave him $20 to buy cocaine for them, a police report states.
Tyler, 37, told police he gave the money to someone who was supposed to buy the cocaine. When Johnson learned his brother didn't buy the drugs but handed the $20 to someone else, he got angry and pulled a knife from his pocket, according to the report.
Johnson stabbed his brother twice in the stomach and caused defensive wounds on his brother's wrist, police say.
The stabbing occurred near Robles Park. Tyler went to a friend's apartment nearby and banged on the door for help. The friend called 911.
Officers found Tyler barely conscious at that apartment, 311 E. Ohio Ave.
Tyler was taken to St. Joseph's Hospital with injuries that weren't life-threatening. He was listed in stable condition Wednesday.
Tyler couldn't provide an exact location of the stabbing at the park, the police report states.
Johnson, of 2402 E. Fourth Ave., Apt. B, was held Wednesday in Orient Road Jail without bail.

i'll bet he gets all of his gifts, on time , next year...........

Just follow the lightning trail.......

Jefferson County Sheriff’s detectives are investigating a burglary and larceny at a Theresa church.
Rev. Mark R. Reilly, pastor of St. Theresa of Avila Catholic Church, told investigators someone had taken a ciborium from the church sometime between midday on November 20th and midday November 24th.
A ciborium is a metal container with a cover used for the storage of consecrated communion hosts. According to Fr. Reilly, the missing ciborium was filled with consecrated wafers.
The ciborium was removed from a locked tabernacle. The key to the tabernacle was kept in a cupboard in the sacristy, a room near the church altar.
The cupboard was discovered open on Saturday. Nothing else seemed out of order.
The gold plated ciborium is valued at approximately $100.

is this really what you want to be stealing?

Flasher's 'inadequacy' plea fails

A man convicted of being a serial flasher told a court he could not be guilty as his genitals were too small.
Michael Carney, 41, claimed he was too embarrassed about the size of his manhood to expose himself to women and showed the court photographs as proof.
But the jury at Teesside Crown Court convicted the father-of-two, of Stockton, Teesside of seven counts of outraging public decency.
The jury was then told he was earlier found guilty of five sexual assaults.
'Smaller than average'
Carney, of Fleetham Grove, will be sentenced for the flashing and sex assaults next year.
During the three-day trial the defendant told the court: "It causes embarrassment to myself, even to the point where it is with my wife. I wouldn't want myself to be seen in public like that.
"My genitalia are underdeveloped and it is so much smaller than average."
He showed the jury photographs taken by his wife to prove his claims.
Jail 'likely'
But the jury convicted him of flashing in front of six different women over a number of years.
The court heard that on most occasions, he exposed himself to passers-by while standing naked in the front window of his home.
But he was also spotted naked on the driveway of his home.
The court also heard he had already been convicted of sexually assaulting five females in his local area while out jogging.
Judge Brian Forster told Carney he was likely to receive a jail sentence, before granting the quality inspector for a plastics firm bail.

is this really the plea you want to use in court? is this how you want the world to see you? even if it worked (and it didnt) how could you ever go back to the corner pub again? imagine what the guys would say to you /how could you ever chat up a broad again?

these are questions i need answers to.............

Stupidest man ever................

Naked woman discovered in apartment

A Chandler resident discovered a naked woman sleeping in an apartment early Tuesday morning, but it's unclear how she got there. Police were called to an apartment in the 100 block of South Alma School Road about 4 a.m. Tuesday after the resident discovered an unknown woman sleeping au natural in a bedroom. The naked woman, Jacquelyn M. Pearson, 25, told police she did not remember entering the apartment and that her last memory was that of getting ready for work, according to a police report. Her boyfriend told police Pearson dropped him off at work, said she felt ill and needed to head home. Pearson told police she was not intoxicated, injured or using any type of drug, and that she had no legitimate reason for being in the apartment - but could not explain how she ended up there, the report stated.

shouldnt he have questioned her at length? gave her a cavity search? anything? why does this never happen to me............................

Assist. Band Director accused of having student audition for 1st chair skin flute.

Assist. Band Director Accused Of Sex With Band Member

WEST MILTON, Ohio -- Investigators in Miami County said the assistant band director of Milton-Union High School is in jail, accused of having sex with a band member.
Anthony Spahr, 28, was indicted on one count of sexual battery.
Superintendent Ginny Rammel said that Spahr had just begun his third year at the school. She said that on Oct. 5, the school received an anonymous tip that Spahr was involved in inappropriate behavior.
Rammel said she is very angry and upset about what has happened.
Capt. Dave Duchek said that during the first investigation, they found out about a possible second victim, and they are looking into that.
School officials said after conducting an internal investigation, Spahr was immediately dismissed.
Deputies in Miami County issued an arrest warrant for Spahr and he was taken into custody on Tuesday at his home in Troy.
He is being held in the Miami County Jail.

female teachers and male band directors seem to be the rosetta stone of school molestations. this one is brought to you by the state of ohio.....

Prostitute auctions sex for charity

SANTIAGO (Reuters) - A Chilean prostitute has auctioned 27 hours of sex to raise money for the country's largest charity during an annual fund-raising campaign.
Maria Carolina became an overnight celebrity in the conservative Roman Catholic country, making news headlines and appearing on talk shows since she made her unusual donation to the televised charity event, which runs for 27 hours starting on Friday evening.
"I've already auctioned off the 27 hours of love," Maria Carolina told Reuters on Wednesday, saying she had raised about $4,000. "One of my clients already paid. It seemed like a good deed to him."
Adult prostitution is legal in Chile. Chile's two-day Teleton fundraiser is endorsed by television stars and aims to raise funds for poor, disabled children.
Speaking about Maria Carolina's unusual donation, campaign organizer Mario Kreutzberger said he would not encourage "immoral" activities, but said he would accept her pledge.
"Everyone can do what they want, but if someone tells me that they'll do something immoral ... I'm not going to encourage it," Kreutzberger, who as "Don Francisco" hosts the long-running "Sabado Gigante" program on the U.S. Spanish-language Univision network, told local media.
But Maria Carolina, who advertises her services on the Internet, defended her money-raising scheme.
"There are people who are going to be donating money that's a lot more questionable than mine," she said. "The only thing I did was publicize it."

what are the odds that jerry lewis is using this technique next year. you have to admit that this young lady gives and gives.............