Annie get your gun.......

daylight savings has moved up three weeks this year. i didnt realize this until a couple of days ago. as i sat around last weekend pondering how this will affect me i couldnt come up with one damn thing. i relaxed but alas i relaxed too early. i should have asked the experts. who are the experts? well the same experts that brought you the y2k scare. you think they crawled away with their tails (tales) between their legs? think again. their baaaaaccckkkkkk.

what are they spewing? just take all of the y2k stories and replace y2k with early daylight savings. chicken little and friends are saying this could be worse than the y2k. seeing that y2k did absolutely nothing anything would be worse. computers and pda's will all go crazy. it will be anarchy. people in the streets, dogs and cats living together....you get it. anything that doesnt get the time from a sattelite isnt worth worrying about. i imagine your alarm clock wont blow up.

i wouldnt panic if i were you. after i bought the plastic and tape for my windows, seven years worth of bottled water, a gun, bars for my doors and windows and a lead suit this doesnt bother me at all.

Thought for the Day.......

" The American Indians found out what happens when you don't control immigration "


i stole this from the scottsdale princess. hope she doesnt mind me looking stealing it from her. i'm sure she stole it fair and square herself. look into my good reads and check out her blog

Regional differences?.........

a couple of weeks ago my son and daughter were being harrassed on the bus. i personally went up to the school and dealt with it. sure, because schools are so screwed up it took me a week to get it taken care of but regardless, its done. to give you an idea of how screwed up they are a boy threw a punch at my son. thanks to a year and a half of karate he caught the boys fist in his hand and pushed him away. the next day two boys got him from behind. he showed great restraint not kicking their asses all over the bus stop in my opinion but the school was going to suspend him for one day because he initiated contact by catching the fist before it hit his face. they relented when i said i would pull both of my children out that day and put them in private school. my kids are geniuses and a city school cannot afford to lose them.

where was i going with this. it seems its handled a little differently in tampa. a mother stormed onto a bus and asked who was the girl who slapped her 9 year old daughter. when a girl raised her hand the mother took her daughters coat and told her to take care of business. this is how animals are raised. apparently the camera has film of the girl beating the other girl with her closed fist. well the school isnt sure what they are going to do with the two young girls ..but the mother was arrested. she was charged with battery, contributing to the deliquency of a minor and trespassing.

the shocking thing is that this is the 15th arrest for the mother since 1996. her record, which includes some juvenile arrests, is peppered with aggravated battery, armed burglary and drug possesion charges. alot of the charges were dropped including one for 3rd degree murder. take some time to soak that in....murder. is this the mom whos door you want to knock on. i think not.

if you wonder how criminals start just watch this little girl. with such a sterling role model shes well on her way to a life of crime. i just hope she makes court tv.

this is shoes...over and out

My newest friend........

just thought that i would turn everyone on to a young lady from dublin ireland (aye and the land of me ancestors). she has fallen hopelessly in love with me (and honestly , i cant blame her). if she were in the states, or better yet i was in ireland, i'm sure she wouldnt be able to keep her hands off of me but alas we are now blog buddies. heres some funny stuff i stole off of her blog and i know she stole from someone else.........

Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways. Have lots of long lie-ins. Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and, if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction. Tell people you're ninety-seven and they'll think you look f*cking great. Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away. Never eat food that comes in a bucket. If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting. Boo joggers. Don't work out, work in. Play the banjo. Sleep with somebody you like. Eat plenty of liquorice Allsorts. Try to live in a place you like. Marry somebody you like. Try to do a job you like. Never turn down an opportunity to shout "F*ck them all!" at the top of your voice. Avoid bigots of all descriptions. Let your own bed become to you what the Pole Star was to sailors of old.....look forward to it. Don't wear tight underwear on aeroplanes. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. Clean your teeth and keep the company of people who will tell you when there's spinach on them. Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. Don't pat animals with sneaky eyes. If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one. Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words. If you write a book, be sure it has exactly seventy-six "f*cks" in it. Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs. Don't be talked into wearing a uniform. Salute nobody. Never run with scissors or other pointy objects. Campaign against blue Smarties. Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say: It's good to be alive."

give her a look at judithsramblings.blogspot.com. i'm sure you'll find something you like.

A follow up to a previous post.....

Only a week into training and Vincent Pastore has left “Dancing with the Stars.” Vincent is leaving because his 60-year-old ass can’t handle it. He said, “When I initially committed to joining ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ I didn’t realize just how physically demanding it would be for me. Unable to put forth my best effort, I felt it appropriate to step aside and give someone else the opportunity. I’d like to thank ABC and the show’s producers for inviting me to participate. I wish my partner, Edyta, and the other dancers the best of luck.”‘

just as well actually, i really didnt want to see that fatone kid give him mouth to mouth on national tv while heather mills mccartney pushes on his chest. i knew his old, fat , overweight ass wouldnt be able to take it. i said that before it started but this guy cant turn down any shitty reality show...no matter what.

Crime and punishment........

this young lady needs to be slapped as hard as a person can swing their arm. no , its not because shes sticking her tongue out (though i'd like to slap her for that). this 14 year old girl was arrested for grand theft auto.......for the fifth time.......in five months. take a little time and absorb that. lets put that in perspective...during this school year she has stolen 5 cars. since october she has stolen 5 cars. let me put this another way....i've only stolen 2 cars in that time. now you get it? thought you might. the authorities say the problem isnt putting them in jail its keeping them there. when do we consider this little bitch an adult and lock her up.

this harkens back to the old days of my childhood when if you did something like this the owner of the car might just grab you and kick the living shit out of you. a good "old fashioned" beat down is just what the doctor (re: psychiatrist) ordered. where are the parents. i'd love to see their take on their lovely young daughter. i remember my buddy getting in trouble when he was 16 and his parents going to court and asking that he be put in a detention center. he was and he calmed down alot after that. ok, he doesnt talk at all and just sits in the corner and shakes but nothing is perfect. i wouldnt mind seeing this girl shaking in a corner...at least she wouldnt be behind the wheel of my car.

she should thank god shes not in iraq where they would just cut off her hands and feet. maybe the muslims are right in this case. and remember as always....please leave you opinion but understand that if it differs from mine i'll label you a kook. over and out kids.

Dancing with the .......

stars. i guess you can call it that but i think even they would admit its a bit of a stretch. these really arent stars. stars wouldnt be caught dead doing this piece of shit. this is like american idol for people who arent even that talented. lets look at the new lineup......

1. laila ali. famous for being muhammed alis daughter. she has fought in what is the equivalent of foxy boxing. an early out.
2. billy ray cyrus. achy breaky heart...need to hear more. another early out
3. clyde drexler. former nba star. will ride the black vote deep into this contest
4. joey fatone. formerly of nsync (he was the untalented and ugly one). should win this contest based on his dance background
5. shandi finnessy. miss usa 2004. might last awhile in this lackluster group
6. leeza gibbons. talk show to dancing? might last awhile (see above)
7. apollo anton ohno. olympic speed skater. bye bye early
8. vincent pastore. big pussy from the sopranos. last time anyone saw him was on the show where people try to lose weight. never turns down a shit show...ever. heart attack and dies in the early rounds
9. paulina porizkova. super model. ric ocasek of the cars wife. is he out of money? this is a suprise. might last but might be voted out early because she is so hot.
10. ian ziering. 90210 has been. middle round out.
and my personal favorite.......
11. heather mills mccartney. of course shes leaving mccartney off her name but lets be honest its her only claim to fame. she has a leg up on the competition in this one ...literally. will get voted out first because she is so widly hated. people hate her so bad that she has a wooden leg and still cant garner any sympathy. i hope she beats the english judge to death with her wooden leg after being voted out.

thats my take. love it or hate it just remember that i dont give a shit about your opinion.

Where else but this country........

yesterday in pakistan 11 people were killed and over 100 injured. "big deal shoes" you say. "this happens there all the time" you say. "whats so special" you ask. i'll tell you what the big deal is. this didnt happen in a war or because someone had on a cross or there was a stampede towards mecca. no, this happened during the celebration of basant. whats the basant festival you ask. well, its not what you think. your probably imagining that its a celebration to lop off the hands of a young boy who stole something or the hanging of a woman who cheated on her husband but no alas its a kite flying festival. most were killed in the usual basant way.....stray bullets, electrocution, falling off of buildings or my personal favorite....sharpened kite strings.
my point here is that this is a fourth world country. that right, you heard me, a fourth world country. they can only aspire to third world status. pakistan makes india look modern. if what i am pointing out offends you (and it probably should) then get over it. if you disagree with my take then show me where i am wrong.... or we can ask the young girl whos going to be stoned because she got raped what she thinks.

thats my challenge to pakistan ....prove me wrong guys.

Hes bbbaaaaacccccckkkkkk........

ok so jesus is back. again. you would think that finding the grave of jesus would be front page material. lets be honest if its true wouldnt this be the most important news in like...ever. actually this isnt new news. the bbc did a report on this in 1996. the didnt find conclusive evidence of it actually being the grave of jesus christ. apparently jesus and joseph are names as common as bob and mike are today. according to the reports the graves are titled jesus son of joseph and mary magdalene. like all good catholics every girl is named mary.

this seems to have catholics in this country in an uproar. wasnt the davinci code enough? how can you compare the davinci code to the bible? one was a book written by a mortal man that has become a best seller and has been turned into a movie and the other ......well......ok, maybe this wasnt such a good comparison but you understand. every good catholic knows that jesus was crucified on good friday and rose from his tomb on easter sunday......where he then saw his shadow and announced six more weeks of winter. i must admit that my work closes on good friday so i have changed that day to great friday. its only fitting to give that praise to the guy that got me a day off of work. sure martin luther king was a good guy but i still have to work his day. the bottom line .......catholics hate things that shake their faith..........like facts. get over this. it is going to blow over before you know it then you can go back to giving your money to hate spewing pedophiles in the church.

over and out everyone. enjoy your tuesday.

Hes healed.........

ted haggard is healed. thats right kids he no longer wants to have sex with men and do drugs. prayer has healed him of this terrible affliction. see ted was a big deal in colorado springs and actually across the u.s. he ran a huge church. he could be seen on tv. he met weekly with our president. he preached vehemently against gays and communists and everything that is destroying america. he wanted to protect you from all these horrible things. the only thing ted couldnt do was to protect himself. see while ted was telling what to avoid and what not to do he was having homosexual sex and doing drugs. when his dealer/lover ratted him out he apologized and went away but alas the lure of big religious money couldnt be snuffed and he is back....kinda.
see ted wants to evangelize and prove that hes cured but it seems he did his job too well. after years of preaching hate and homophobia from the pulpit it seems his old congregation is practising it on him. ouch. the biter, bit. seems his deal with the church is that he stays away from them. the deal even includes him having to leave colorado springs. they dont even want him near the church. gay germs might rub off.

well ted you live by the sword...you die by it too. let me just end with the fact that it couldnt happen to a nicer guy.......and he was spiritually advising our president

happy monday everyone....now back to work

When funny really isnt.......

when i heard that anna nichole smith was taken to the hospital i didnt even read the news story. i just figured it was another publicity stunt. wow , was i wrong. after i read about her dying i began to think about her life. she didnt take the easy road nor did she take the safe one. there was no ending it with a pristine body that never tried anything. that wasnt her. from someone who started in a trailer in texas to ending up as headline news (and incidentally the rosetta stone of comedy for many) she worked her way to the front page. she married that old coot and inherited a bazillion dollars when he croaked then ended up sueing his family and being sued by them. she posed in playbot...alot. her first layout in playboy was outstanding. she may have been (with the exception of the lovely, vivacious and full chested mrs pissed) the sexiest woman i had ever seen. her breasts , even though fake, were magnificent. as fake breasts go they may have been the best set of fakes ever...and credit must be given for getting that job done right. she had her reality show where every sign of trouble was there but nobody would throw in the towel while she was the cash cow. saturday night live did and animation of the smurfs with her as smurfette. smurfette was fat and drugged up and it was one of smigels best. then came trim spa and she slimmed down and looked great again. alas the last year wasnt good for her. she lost her son even as she had another child. the paternity of the new child is up in the air. shew got married to her gold digging lawyer. she got evicted from an island and now shes dead. i suspect your going to see its some kind of overdose. sometmes the fight isnt worth it. she had all the money in the world and still couldnt be happy. did the press hound her to her death...yes.....and no. sure they never let her catch a breath without a picture but she courted alot of that. she is not without blame in this.

so with all that said let me say that i will miss her. she was incredible eye candy along with being god comedy fodder. i hope she gets some rest now.

Astronut...............

slow down everybody. why is everyone pressing nasa about the psycho astronaut. its not their fault that she slipped a cog. lets be honest if every company checked for mental defects then none of us would have a goddamn job. this is really no concern of nasa. it is in the hands of the law. would we take a good look at something like.....oh say.....congress if one gay politician was hitting on the teen interns. ok, maybe that wasnt a good example but you get my drift. nasa (or anybody) cant possibly check for every mental defect that one has. if you could recognize them there wouldnt be so many divorces in this country. in all its years nasa has had one astronaut go off the deep end and the world is in an uproar...half the goddamn cinncinnati bengals are in jail and you hardly hear a peep. for gods sake one of their players was giving alchohol to underage girls in a hotel room. he got three days in jail. how does that work.

relax everyone , you cant stop the psychos from blowing up like a bomb....you can only hope they arent on your porch when they do.

back to work slackers.....its only thursday.

I'm laughing at boston.............

Boston Officials Livid Over Ad Stunt.............

yes this is the headline on my computer. seems the cartoon network wanted to advertise their show called aqua teen hunger force. in their attempt to advertise they placed some lite brites around in about nine different cities. ha ha , you got us, what fun. thats what was being said in all the cities.......except boston. boston went insane and just about shut down the city. it seems the marketing company hired to place these is called Interference Inc. and to say the least they lived up to their name. when you hire a company named interference inc. dont be suprised when they interfere. that seems to be what they do best.
in a half assed apology from the cartoon network phil kent, turner chairman, said We apologize to the citizens of Boston that part of a marketing campaign was mistaken for a public danger,". read between the lines everyone. hes saying they are sorry that the officials in boston overreacted. no other city had a problem.
the city of boston wants everyone involved with the hoax to be strung up by their balls. relax boston ....you went into a panic.......you look foolish. get over it. lets be honest , you've done alot of foolish things. boston is kind of known for it. your mayor is a joke. he wants the fcc to pull the license from the cartoon network. oh well......good times

back to work you bums (especially those from boston who screwed off yesterday for no good reason). you dont want the boys from aqua teen hunger force mad at you.

Barbaro gets a job offer......

harry potter grew up and hes naked in a play called equis about some insane kid who masterbates and then abuses the horses because they have seen him do the big tugoff. the only reason i post this is because it would be a good job for barbaro. stuff him and put him on stage.

at least it would pay for the funeral.

Oh well.......

hey , alot of people have died while i couldnt post but the one that seems to be the most annoying is barbaro. lets not lump barbaro in with saddam (even though we sure could use a guy like him in iraq right now). the horse didnt torture and kill thousands of people. it didnt piss off the president. what the horse did do is piss off me and seeing that its my blog thats the opinion that matters. actually the horse didnt piss me off, the people who are mourning the horse ad nauseum are the ones i loathe. look, i felt bad when it broke a leg but you can blame that on the fact that a two year old horses bones arent strong enough yet to take the pounding those horses are put through. i was glad that they didnt put him down immediately. let it heal. let him frolic in a field and get laid like a sports star should. we didnt put down bo jackson when he came up lame ....we put him out to stud. same for the horse but things went wrong. the horse was in pain and the humane thing to do was put the horse down. its sad...now get over it. dont send cards, dont set up a shrine in your house, dont leave a message on a website to the horse. for christs sake i shouldnt even be posting about it.

heres all you need to know. it was a great horse, it broke a leg, it had to be put down. NEXT.

actually i did leave a message on a website for barbaro....

Dear Barbaro,
we will miss you. You were a fine animal and its a shame what happened to you. See you in my dogs alpo.

Sincerely,
Shoes

back to work kids....your not barabaro.

I'm back................

i'm back you bastards. thats right...you heard me. thank you verizon for keeping me off of the blog for so long. see it goes like this.......
we had a problem with our phone line. we could hear our neighbors conversations and they could hear ours. we didnt even need to dial. just pick up and talk to a neighbor. now since i dont have aparty line and didnt need to speak to mabel down at the general store i called verizon. they said it was probably a problem with the line inside my house and they would charge me to come out. i explained that it never happened before and it would also mean that my lines are connected to the neighbor. she didnt seem impressed by my deduction. she then directed me to go outside to the box on the side of my house, open it up, disconnect the phone line and plug one of my phones in there and see if its still happening. i asked how much they would pay me to do their job then went and did it. same problem. i called them back and they asked if i would try it with a different phone (in the event the first phone was the problem). i refused and requested that they come out to the house. they did and , to nobodys suprise, it was their problem. they fixed it. you would think it would have ended there but.........
alas it did not. on new years eve we left the house to go to dinner. the verizon guy was up on the pole across from our house and yelled that he was fixing our dsl problem. we explained that we didnt have verizon dsl nor did we have a problem. he fixed that. that was the last time we were able to go online. when i called verizon to explain they said they only guarantee their own dsl. even after i explained that we didnt have a problem until their man worked on it but it fell on deaf ears. everyone confirmed that it was verizons problem but being a monopoly they didnt care so we now have verizon fiber optic internet.
i am convinced that this is the way they get people onto their service. oh well, i'm back just the same and trying to organize everything that went on while i was away. this may take a while to catch up but i'll do my best.

back to work everyone. time isnt going to waste itself you know

The closet is emptying.......

In a tearful videotaped message Sunday to his congregation, the senior pastor of a thriving evangelical megachurch in south metro Denver confessed to sexual relations with other men and announced he had voluntarily resigned his pulpit.
A month ago, the Rev. Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel in Doug las County preached to his 2,100-member congregation about integrity and grace in the aftermath of the Ted Haggard drugs-and-gay-sex scandal.
Now, the 54-year-old Barnes joins Haggard as a fallen evangelical minister who preached that homosexuality was a sin but grappled with a hidden life. "I
Discuss
The second evangelical church leader has stepped down in as many months. i have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy," Barnes said in the 32- minute video, which church leaders permitted The Denver Post to view. "... I can't tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep, begging God to take this away." Sitting cross-legged in jeans and an open-collar shirt, Barnes spoke in his video about evolving feelings growing up in a firm moral family: from confused little boy to adolescent racked with self-loathing and guilt.
In their only talk about sex, Barnes said his father took him on a drive and talked about what he would do if a "fag" approached him.
Barnes thought, "'Is that how you'd feel about me?' It was like a knife in my heart, and it made me feel even more closed." Barnes expressed hope for a future where one can "be who you are" and be accepted and loved in the Christian community and also spoke about "separating some of the teachings from Scripture" from Jesus Christ.
Palmer said he wasn't sure what Barnes meant, but Barnes told him that he believes God views homosexuality as a sin.

wow any more preachers come out of the closet and they will outnumber gay congressmen. i'm sure he preached the sins of gayiety from the pulpit. oh to be a self loathing gay man of the cloth. instead reverend shoes has chosen to be a self loathing straight man of the cloth. he struggles since he was 5? hhmmmmm. could this mean he was BORN gay? that god MADE him that way? sure his dad badmouthed gays but that was after he realized that he was. he was raised in a moral home. what could have turned him? nothing , he was born that way. nice to know his parents wouldnt accept him and from the comments his friends at the church wont either. i guess when he turned the other cheek he shouldnt have used those cheeks. i guess that whole praying to god to help you doesnt work. if a preacher like this cant get a message through then what hope does anyone else have. maybe god was really busy on those days this being the xmas season and all. maybe he should try humming a hymn.....oh, thats right...humming is what got him in trouble in the first place.

happy monday everyone. a week from now we will all be opening gifts. for now, back to work.

What..............

A PRIMARY school sacked a woman teacher for telling heartbroken nine-year-olds there is no Father Christmas.
Parents were furious when tearful youngsters went home saying they had also been taught elves and fairies did not exist either.
The supply teacher, in her 30s, had her contract terminated after complaints to the head. Mum Amanda Piovesana, 30, said her daughter was shocked to be told: “You are old enough to know there is no Santa or fairies. If you ask your parents they will also say there is no such thing.”

i know everyone. i just found out. how long was everyone going to let me go on believing. say it aint so santa, say it aint so. i still believe (unless i dont get the playstation 3 i asked for). and whos lap have i been sitting on all these years. i just thought santa smelled like jack daniels and hot dogs (my mom did).
ok, i quit believing the day i came home from school in the second grade. there i am walking down the alley sing rudolph the red nosed reindeer when i turn into my yard and lo and behold there were three deer hanging there....gutted. seems my dad and brothers were hunting that day and ...well.....sometimes rudolph needs to be whacked. sure the venison was tasty but i still couldnt get a straight answer on how santas sled was going to be pulled. thats when my brother scott told me the truth. guess what? it wasnt a trauma. all it really did was get me to stop pestering santa for gifts ..and started pestering my poor father. i think he was more mad at my brother for sicking me on him than he was about "ruining the magic" so to speak.
ok, all that being said this teacher should be fired. its not her job to break the news. that job goes to disgruntled parent or a pissed off sibling though i do wonder if those parents are mad at her for the same reason my brother got grounded.


by the way elves and fairies are real.

I didnt know he was lost.......

CHICAGO, Dec 11 (Reuters Life!) - He murdered 17 young men and boys in a sexually driven orgy of necrophilia and cannibalism. Then, in prison, Jeffrey Dahmer found God.
Now the minister who presided over his jailhouse baptism and conversion says Dahmer's 1994 beating death at the hands of a fellow inmate while serving multiple life sentences cut short a faith-spreading mission Dahmer would have carried to others behind bars had he lived.
"He was growing (in faith) and he would have been a great influence on other inmates. He would have had a tremendous impact," said the Rev. Roy Ratcliff, a Church of Christ minister who baptized Dahmer in a prison whirlpool tub in May 1994. The baptism took place about five months before Dahmer and another inmate were killed at the Columbia Correctional Institution in Wisconsin by a third prisoner who clubbed them to death while they were on a bathroom cleaning detail.He didn't see himself as being hated by other inmates the way he was hated in the world."


wow, he couldnt have been more wrong about that last sentence. apparently he wasnt very good at reading people. evangelizing, yes...reading people, not so much. why is it that everyone who finds god only finds him when no one else will reach out a hand for them. you never see a internet millionaire or a playboy bunny or an actor (not counting l ron hubbard as a god) find god while they are popular. no its only after they have fallen on bad times, used up all the good will of family and friends and are one step from the gutter that they find god. hell, i didnt even know he was missing. i bet all those guys he killed and ate wished he had found god before he did that. where was god then. he might actually have been good at evangelizing but i guess he wasnt as good at cleaning bathrooms. had he been better at that he might be alive today. he was baptized in a prison whirlpool? i knew a guy who baptized strippers in a hottub. some of the strippers said they saw god and he said that more than one yelled his name over and over. "oh god , oh god" could be heard echoing from his hottub on many a night. he was a man of god. in defense of dahmer though, the rev. roy radcliffe said he never saw anyone so anxious to take communion......something about the body of christ is my guess.
born again? thank god i was born right the first time.


a funny little story to make your holdays better. now get to work.

I been tagged.......

as i have been tagged by maricopa mark i will post this picture of my devilishly handsome self. mark had mentioned in his blog that it would be nice if people posted a picture of themselves so that you could put a face to the blog (also in the event you wanted to hunt them down for a beating.....you dont want to beat down the wrong person). great idea mark so here i am. i am the handsome lad on the right.

for those who would like to know more about the brilliant mind behind this idea look at the bottom here and click on maricopa mark...its good reading.