Saturday, March 24, 2007

The circus of heaven.......

let me give you some pittsburgh facts. pittsburgh is an old market. we have an older demographic in this county than any county in the country with the exception of dade county in florida (dade county being the worlds largest outdoor mortuary). we also are something like the fourth largest catholic diocese in the country. i guess those facts go hand in hand. old people are scared of dying so the pray to an imaginary man in the sky. ok, i'm cool with that. whatever allows you to sleep through the night is fine (i , myself, prefer guiness). the problem is that those people rarely allow you to go about your life without worrying about the imaginary guy in the sky. they so want to impose their beliefs on all of us....regardless of if we want them or not. this is where religion and i butt heads. pray to whoever you want just keep that shit at your home. stay out of the schools , workplace.....etc. you see what i'm saying.

this goes to my story for today. duquesne university is holding a conference today called "a meeting of catholic men". notice that it doesnt say "christian men" or "religious men" no, its just for the catholics. good for them. i was riding by the university on my way to work when i saw the freak show. there are cops there..naturally...along with the circus. heres are some things i saw......
1. an old lady holding a sign board that is 6' high by 3' wide. that in and of itself isnt odd but whats on the board is. a giant picture of an aborted fetus. oh, its bloody and graphic alright perfect for the family riding by with children. i'm guessing she is on the anti side of that arguement.
2. a man who looked to be in his sixties carrying a sign. whats so odd about that you ask? the sign says ..and i quote "real women wear dresses and babushkas". for those of you who are not polish a babushka is a scarf you wear on your head. only satan would want a woman running around in slacks and teasing men with their...dare i say.....hair. you wonder how that rule started? i'm guessing men started it because it was easier to rape women in dresses. just my guess there. but only at a mens conference could a man get away with carrying that sign.
3. anoth sixty year old man with a 10' high cross with a sign on it that stated that real catholics reject the vatican 2 mass. hey that asshole was forced to learn latin and hes going to goddamn well get some use out of it.
4. a man holding a placard that read "catholic men stop abortions". you get the feeling that catholics are really against abortion dont you. its funny that someone who cant give birth is concerned about what another person is doing with their own body. judging them if you will. as a woman said to me "when you can birth them, then you get a say in it".
and to top it all off
5. a guy in a motorized wheelchair with a headband that has a pointer attached to it.

the only thing missing is a big top, some elephants and a ringleader. the clowns are already there. it is true that men go crazy in congregations. this is not something that is strictly catholic by the way. its true of any organized religion. any time someone thinks their god is the right one and yours isnt...well...its ripe for trouble (hence the reason the cops were there). at least the promise keepers allowed anyone to come to their rallies who had recieved a bible at their AA meeting.

i so wanted to stop and ask these people some questions. i wanted to ask the old lady if she had the abortion pictures in wallet size. or one suitable for framing. or if it was a warhol (he being from pittsburgh). i wanted to ask the old guy if it would be acceptable for women to wear slacks if they pulled them up around their nipples like he was doing. i wanted to get a full size picture of the guy with the anti- abortion placard and stand right next to him with an arrow pointing at him and a a caption that read " look at this guy. think about your decision". a wanted to ask the wheelchair guy for a ride. actually when you look around at these people they are like a commercial for the pro-abortion lobby.

the reality is that i wouldnt go to this conference if the super glued my testicles to a cannon ball and shot it through the door of the auditorium. i will believe in my god and what that is is none of your business. rest assured that i will pick a god based solely upon looks. a happy god like buddha plaeses me. a religion that has a guy nailed to a cross as a symbol..does not.

get on with your day. this is shoes...over and out

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

An amusing anecdote........

a friend of mine was at a party on st patricks day and there was a gentleman from ireland there. no my buddy didnt try to find his pot 'o ' gold. they got into a drunken conversation and he told my buddy this story. the irishman swears he overheard this.....

an irish woman is at an outdoor market full of tourists and gives her child, who is acting up, a good whack. a german tourist approaches her and hilarity ensues.....

german tourist: you know, in germany we dont spank hit our children.

irish woman: well in ireland we dont gas our jews.

touche'. its short , sweet and right to the point. i'd love to hang with that woman with a couple of pints of guiness in her and a soccer game on the tv at the pub. i can only imagine the trouble she could get you into.

Oh the hypocrisy........

A brazen upstate Army chaplain made a British woman his sex toy to "spice" up his boring marriage and threatened to kill her when she wanted to break away, officials said yesterday.
Capt. John Lau, 50, told a military court he took Amanda Tyler into his Fort Drum home, turned her into his "second wife," "married" her in a mock Niagara Falls service, and took her to live with his real wife and family. At his court-martial Thursday, Lau was convicted of adultery and making a threat. But Tyler, 34, described the ordained Southern Baptist minister as a sexual sadist who controlled and terrified her. She charged he even wanted her to work as a prostitute to pay for schooling.
He was sentenced to 14 months in military prison, but under the terms of his plea bargain, he will serve only five months.
Lau was also stripped of his rank and dismissed from the Army, with all pay and allowances forfeited.
Ironically, Lau was featured in the base newspaper last June in an article about the virtues of a marriage retreat arranged by the Army at Lake Placid.
"It is important to help them ease marital issues so they can better focus on the mission," he told The Fort Drum Blizzard.

do as i say not as i do. i believe thats the 14th commandment. its right after #13 dont swim for an hour after eating and #15 always wipe front to back. i'm sure the southeren baptists will be glad to have him back in their fold. wouldnt this guy make a great politcian. he could rail against the sins like adultery and gays while buggering his teen male intern. hes almost a perfect christian. maybe he interpreted jesus as pimping out mary magdalene to pay for schooling. you know you can read alot into those bible verses. maybe we all missed it.

well i have to run. i need to go give some money to the church to bail out some more priests

Monday, March 19, 2007

Women are falling for me left and right......


another woman who cannot get enough of misterpissed is gina. gina is a hot little number with an interesting blog. catch it at www.ginas-big-adventure.blogspot.com. this is a good read on top of her being rather easy on the eyes (if you catch my drift) and who could resist a liberal who lives in the south and hooks you up with the phrase "embace the suck" which is now the phrase of the week.

My plan.......

well its official. more americans have been killed in the war in iraq than were killed on 9-11. thats really a poor analogy but i dont have another so i will go with it. i am proud to say that i was against this war from the beginning. there was never any good evidence against saddam except that he was horrible to most iraqis. if we had gone in to get him for that reason i would have said ok but i knew we were getting smoke blown up our asses. if i wanted smoke blown up my ass i would stay at home with a cigar and a short length of hose.

now the question is how to get out. this isnt going to be pretty. we need to get out without leaving a vacuum there. we need to win over the youth so that they wont blow us up. i know the administration is saying to just stay the course but that only gets more americans killed. i think they lack creativity and thats where someone like me needs to step up. i'm nothing if not creative. heres my plan.....

1. just pack up and leave. apologize profusely while doing so. sure we lose some face and they will have demostrations saying how the beat the imperialist running dogs but i will make this work to our advantage........
2. leave behind a huge amount of pepsi, x-boxes, twinkies, computers and internet hookups. this will take about five years to turn their kids into our kids.....fat and lazy with no inclination to hard work.

nobody blows themself up when they can be jerking off to internet porn. nobody wears a burka on the internet. they dont even make explosive belts to fit fat american kids so after a diet of twinkies and pepsi they wont fit their kids either. this is a perfect plan. no need to use a million dollar bomb to do $30 worth of damage...we can destroy them genetically. this is so black ops its scary. you cant place bombs when your out of breath. nobody wants to train in the desert with high blood pressure.

i have mentioned this plan before but it needs to be brought up again. they muslims would be laughing at us at first but whos laughing when thewir kids cant get up off the couch. the answer is us.

over and out kids....now back to work

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Man of the year........


Ricky Lackey has six children on the way.
Don't call them sextuplets - they're each with different women.
When Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge Melba Marsh asked Lackey during sentencing Friday on a charge of attempted theft how many children he had, the 25-year-old said, "None, but I have six on the way."
A stunned Marsh tried to clarify. "Are you marrying a woman with six children?" she asked.
"No, I be concubining," he said.
Prosecutors said Lackey is the expectant father of six children with six different women. The women all are expected to deliver in August, September and October.
Lackey's lawyer, Stephen Wenke, stopped his client from saying more.
Marsh said she wasn't sure how to respond, so she let the issue drop since it wasn't relevant to the proceedings.
ricky, you the man. all we need now is a picture of the six stupidest women on the planet. any bets on him being involved in the lives of those children? him being involved in their welfare? him taking care of them financially? ricky told the court that he is on the cusp of a 2 million dollar record deal. he was in court because he defrauded a bank by placing empty envelopes in the atm and the withdrawing cash on those amounts. this doesnt sound like the actions of a music producer on the cusp of a big record deal. i do hope that if he gets the money he spends some on a vasectomy.
this may be the quote of the year..........A stunned Marsh tried to clarify. "Are you marrying a woman with six children?" she asked.
"No, I be concubining," he said. i be concubining.......i just love it. i may start using that myself.
what a way to start a rainy thursday in the burg.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Another woman ........

yes another woman has read my blog and fallen head over heels in love with me. i cant really blame her. her blog can be found at www.tkwhite.blogspot.com. its a good read and she has pictures of herself too. she isnt mom the minx for nothing. wortht looking for just the pictures.

More stupid people.......

Two Atlanta men survived an attempt to kill themselves Friday by cutting off their arms with a circular saw, according to Atlanta Police Major Lane Hagin.
The men managed to sever three of their arms about six inches above the wrist, he said.
The two men — ages 40 and 41 — left a suicide note with the manager of their Atlanta apartment building saying they were committing suicide because their business had failed and they were recently diagnosed with HIV, Hagin said.

are they getting stupider or am i just hearing about them more. i like that they severed three of their arms. i guess there was no thought about at all about how they were going to get that last arm off. its a bummer of a way to commit suicide. its like crucifying yourself....you can never pound that last nail in. i have never heard of someone trying to kill themselves with a circular saw.

on a sad note richard jenni , the comedian , killed himself this weekend. he shot himself in the face....and lived.....for awhile. he died at the hospital. there are rumors that he had an illness and the pictures i have seen of him look like he might have something. just a rule of thumb...if your going to shoot yourself in the face use a large caliber gun. you want to be done in instantly. you dont want to live with that........ or without your arms.

way to start the week on a high note...but this matches my depression, so tough.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Well this is going to end poorly.......

They were married Sunday, but the honeymoon apparently didn't last too long. A man was arrested by Salt Lake County sheriff's deputies Monday after witnesses said he tried to run over his new bride. The man, 33 and woman, 29, headed to Las Vegas to get married Sunday. On Monday, they apparently got into some kind of argument while driving in Salt Lake County, Salt Lake County Sheriff's Lt. Paul Jaroscak said. About 10:40 a.m., the argument reached the point where both people got out of the car near 6800 South Highland Drive, he said. After they argued some more, the woman started walking away and her new husband got back into his vehicle. But rather than drive off, he drove his car at her, Jaroscak said. The car's front panel on the driver's side bumped the woman, pushing her into the snow, Jaroscak said. Although the man said he didn't intentionally hit her, several witnesses reported otherwise to deputies. He was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail for investigation of aggravated assault. Neither of the pair is a stranger to the jail, having been booked in several times on a variety of charges. She was released from jail just a week ago, Jaroscak said. Her husband, meanwhile, was arrested exactly one month after his latest release from jail. He has been in the Salt Lake County Jail more than 50 times, Jaroscak said, mostly on misdemeanor charges.

nobody saw this coming huh? i dont think we need nostradamus to forsee this happening. you dont need edgar cayce just ask either of their parole officers. these two were more familiar with the jail than that drunk from mayberry. i am going to assume that they had consumated this marriage beforehand and that he wasnt as anxious to get to a hotel room as some newlyweds. i guess its true that once your getting the milk for free you can run the cow over. anyone else get the feeling we will be hearing from this couple again soon? stay tuned.

Leave it to france...........

Exactly 16 years after Los Angeles police officers beating Rodney King were filmed by bystander, George Holliday, the French Constitutional Council has approved a law that criminalises the filming or broadcasting of acts of violence by people other than professional journalists. The law could lead to up to five years in prison and a fine of €75,000 (£51,000) for eyewitnesses who film acts of police violence, or operators of websites publishing the images.
The law, proposed by Minister of the Interior Nicolas Sarkozy, is intended to clamp down on a wide range of public order offences - and is aimed at the practice of ‘happy slapping’ - but is drafted so broadly as to criminalise the activities of citizen journalists unrelated to the perpetrators of violent acts. This, according to Pascal Cohet, a spokesman for French online civil liberties group Odebi, is not accidental but a deliberate decision by the authorities. He is concerned that this law, and others still being debated, will lead to the creation of a parallel judicial system controlling the publication of information on the internet.
The government has also proposed a certification system for websites, blog hosts, mobile-phone operators and internet service providers, identifying them as government-approved sources of information if they adhere to certain rules. Press freedom campaigners, Reporters Without Borders, has warned that such a system could lead to excessive self censorship as organisations worried about losing their certification suppress certain stories.

if the law is aimed at happy slapping then aim better and hit the bullseye. why paint it so broad that it covers everything. you think their government saw an opportunity to get rid of something that has been troubling all governments since people started to own hand held video cameras. do you think our government would love to have banned this before kennedy was shot or rodney king got whooped. dont worry america...you wont fall behind. this right will be taken from you here soon. why not, our rights are disappearing faster and faster every day. i would love to see what the certification for websites is. i'll bet you cant show alot of things.....not just happy slapping.

get back to work

Did i say fourth world..............

what i meant was these countries are fifth world. this story is from one of the more forward thinking muslim countries so imagine what would happen in a strict one........

Saudi Kidnap, Rape Victim Faces Lashing for 'Crime' of Being Alone With Man Not Related to Her
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
A 19-year-old Saudi woman who was kidnapped, beaten and gang raped by seven men who then took photos of their victim and threatened to kill her, was sentenced under the country's Islamic-based law to 90 lashes for the "crime" of being alone with a man not related to her.
The woman is appealing to Saudi King Abdullah to intervene in the controversial case.
"I ask the king to consider me as one of his own daughters and have mercy on me and set me free from the 90 lashes," the woman said in an emotional interview published Monday in the Saudi Gazette.
Lashes are usually spread over several days. About 50 lashes are given at a time.
The woman's ordeal began a year ago when she was blackmailed into meeting a man who threatened to tell her family they were having a relationship outside wedlock, which is illegal in the desert kingdom, according to a report in The Scotsman newspaper.
She met the man at a shopping mall and, after driving off together, the blackmailer's car was stopped by two other cars bearing men wielding knives and meat cleavers.
During the next three hours, the woman was raped 14 times by her seven captors.
One of the men took pictures of her naked with his mobile phone and threatened to blackmail her with them.
Back at home in a town near the eastern city of Qatif, the young woman did not tell her family of her ordeal. Nor did she inform the authorities, fearing the rapist would circulate the pictures of her naked. She also attempted suicide.
Five of the rapists were arrested and given jail terms ranging from 10 months to five years. The prosecutor had asked for the death penalty for the men.
The Saudi justice ministry, however, said rape could not be proved because there were no witnesses and the men had recanted confessions they made during interrogation.
The judges, basing their decision on Islamic law, also decided to sentence the woman and her original blackmailer to lashes for being alone together in his car.

well lets make no mistake that islamic law is for animals. she tried to do the right thing by their standards....she tried suicide, but it didnt take. how can these animals allow this to happen. in this day and age how can it be allowed. these are our friends in the mid-east. the really suprising thing is that this is from fox news. i wonder if they cleared this story with the rnc.

by the way if the religious right controlled this country this would be happening here too. the inquisition could start right back up. how dare those sluts get raped.

well its friday everyone so lets just get through the day and party hard this weekend.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Stupidity in america.......



EAU CLAIRE, Wis. Mar 8, 2007 (AP)— Attempts to do a movie stunt landed one man in the hospital with burned genitals and another facing criminal charges. The men were trying to do a stunt from one of the "Jackass" movies, in which a character lights his genitals on fire.
Jared W. Anderson, 20, suffered serious burns to his hands and genitals, according to the criminal complaint. Randell D. Peterson, 43, who sprayed lighter fluid on Anderson and lit him on fire, was charged with felony battery and first-degree reckless endangerment Tuesday in Eau Claire County Court.
Witnesses told police that Anderson, who was drunk, volunteered to do the stunt Sunday after watching the movie, the complaint said.
According to the complaint:
Anderson pulled down his pants and let Peterson spray him with lighter fluid. When the fire didn't catch, Peterson sprayed more lighter fluid on Anderson, splashing some on his clothing. He tried again to light the fire, catching Anderson's genitals, hands and clothes.
Anderson ran into the bathroom, jumped into the tub and put the flames out. Other guests took him to Luther Hospital, and eventually he was treated at the Regions Hospital Burn Unit in St. Paul, Minn., for second-degree burns.
Anderson told police who were called to the hospital that he didn't want anyone to get in trouble because of the stunt.
Peterson was freed on a $2,000 signature bond. He has a hearing scheduled April 16. If convicted, he faces up to 10 years in prison.
take one average cock add lighter fluid and a flame and hilarity ensues. remember kids, there were ideas before this that were turned down because....and i'm guessing here....they were too crazy. maybe its just my mind but i cant help but wonder what was considered so bad that this seemed like a good idea. heres some of the thoughts that go through my head......
1. look , just lay on your side and put your dick on the driveway and i'll run it over with my pacer
2. cmon, just put it the vice. how bad can it be?
3. dude i said the hammer not the five pound sledge.
4. try this. it looks like it will fit in the hole.
keep in mind that as you read these i actually visualized them. its kind of funny when you think about it. you imagine kids doing something this stupid but a 20 year old. now keep in mind the other guy was 43. maybe men do mature at a later age. the real regret here is that nobody taped it. thats 10 grand that was flushed. i understand the guys at youtube cried when they heard that.
i may just post one incredibly stupid human every day. god knows there are enough of them.

Try these out...........

40 THINGS YOU’D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK:
1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.3. How about never? Is never good for you?4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a damn word you’re saying.10. Ahhhh .. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn.14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be?24. Do I look like a people person?25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.27. Sarcasm is just one service we offer.28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?36. Chaos, panic and disorder…my work here is done.37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?40. Oh, I get it…like humor…but different.

sure they have been posted before but i never get tired of seeing these....and i do try to use them when i can.

One thing PC users can do that Mac users can't...


Ever notice how most Mac users are skinny? It's because of all the calories they burn because they can't shut the fuck up about how great their Macs are. What is it about Apple that makes its users unable to shut their mouths? Everywhere I go, there's another asshole with a Mac preaching about how much better Macs are than PCs. They regurgitate lines directly from Apple's marketing campaign, like "it just works." I have the following rebuttals to this argument:
1. If everything on a Mac just works, then why does a website called "Mac fix it" exist, assholes? Here are a few choice topics on macfixitforums.com:
-Login window stuck!-lower caSe "S" key not working!!-Menu bar keeps flashing-I can't drag and drop!
Waaaah, boo hoo! I can't drag and drop! Dumbass. Looks like your Macs aren't perfect after all, which leads me to my second point:
2. Fuck you.
I don't know why Mac users get so defensive when you call them idiots. I mean, Apple is a company that has built its entire user base around the fact that its users can't do simple things like turn their computers on. Hell, most Mac users can't even talk without using their hands, which ranks their intelligence somewhere between a simian and hog shit:

Stupid user base aside, I will never own a Mac. It's not so much that I'm a PC loyalist. I'm not. It's that I'm not stylish enough to own one. Most iPod commercials feature guys with long hair, chicks roller skating, and guys wearing fedoras. I have dandruff, and I buy most of my jeans from a grocery store. I feel like in order to have a Mac, I need to be:
An artist.
In a band.
Unemployed (see above).
After the recent Apple conference, Mac fans were elated. One person was quoted as saying "I've had a Macintosh now for a total of 35 days, and I'm really excited to be part of the Mac community." Part of the Mac community? It's a computer, not a social movement, asshole! I feel like Apple is not just selling computers, they're selling a way of life, and I'm not ready to be that heavily invested in a product.


i took this from the site www.maddox.xmission.com. maddox is a funny guy. dont go here with a thin skin. i guarantee there is something there to offend everyone. it is a good read. i posted this because i do find those commercials annoying. congrats mac users. you cam is built right in. now you can show your naked body to everyone.....easily. and i must say they sure do come in some pretty colors. that being said the world runs on pc's.


this is shoes, over and out.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Stupidest man of the day.......


ORANGEBURG, S.C. - It might have been one of the easiest drug busts in the history of the South Carolina Highway Patrol: A car with 43 pounds of marijuana crashed into a trooper’s cruiser, authorities said.
The easy bust happened after two patrolmen parked their cars in each lane of northbound Interstate 95 near Santee early Sunday morning following a series of wrecks that had tied up traffic, Highway Patrol Capt. Chris Williamson said.
A Chevrolet Malibu going about 70 mph hit one of the cruisers, causing minor injuries to the trooper behind the wheel, Williamson said.
Officers found two large duffel bags in the trunk with 43 pounds of marijuana in plastic bags, worth more than $150,000, Orangeburg County deputy Warren Pendry said.
They also found a few marijuana cigarettes and cocaine, Pendry said.
The 54-year-old driver from Daytona Beach Shores, Fla., was charged with driving under the influence, possession of cocaine and trafficking marijuana, authorities said.
this may be the stupidest drug dealer ever. heres some rules for anyone who is going to mule some pot around the states. slow down. when traveling around with 43 pounds of marijuana in your trunk its probably a good idea to obey the speed limit. actually go just under the speed limit. cops love to search a car. doesnt anyone watch cops on fox. reminds me of one of the steelers running backs cruising through texas with 6 pounds of dope in his car. he gets pulled over for speeding. oh well, your cut. or the dallas cowboy who got caught with something like 68 pounds of dope in a van and then, while awaiting his court date, gets pulled over with 120 pounds of dope in his van. i'm sure he was on his way to a party at michael irvins house. its a wonder he wasnt caught with a half dozen illegal immigrant hookers too.

a special congratulations goes out to scooter libby who will find out what inside secrets really mean in his next home. nothing a guy named bubba likes more than a guy named scooter.

back to work kids its only hump day.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Please shut up..............


ann coulter is a bitch. is there really anyone (no matter what your political beliefs) that disagrees with that. cmon republicans let me here you. really let me ask...if you are a republican do you really think the democrats are out to screw you and that the republicans have your best interests in mind? let me also ask the same of the democrats. do you really think the democrats arent out to screw you? kramer said nigger and we vilified him. the black guy from greys anatomy said fag a couple of times and he was sent to rehab. ann coulter calls john edwards a fag and nobody is alarmed at all. shes a good example of why america is all off track. instead of looking at every politician (republican or democrat) and calling them what they are (liars and criminals) we call them ridiculous things and everyone laughs at the partisanship of it all. instead of everyone looking at this war as a bad move (and i think we all can see that now) for whatever reason your called anti-american if you question it at all. as long as we allow people like ann coulter and others like her to use smoke and mirrors to hide these politicians and split america up we will never get this government on track......no matter whos in charge.


lets not forget that this isnt only a republican thing. bill maher said that he was sorry that the attempt on our vice president failed. though i wholeheartedly agree with bill i cant hammer ann coulter and not say something about bill maher. now its been argued that bill was giving his opinion and ann was just making a slur but we might be cutting it close there.


i guess the bottom line here is that ann coulter is a bitch and i can only hope that if there is another attempt on cheneys life that he uses her as a shield. over and out kids

More stolen material.........

Here's the deal, Britney. I don't blame you. It's not your fault you had terrible parents that pushed you into show business. It's not your fault that we bought all of your shitty music. It's not your fault we kept talking about you and snapping pictures of you even after you stopped making albums. It's really not even your fault that you were a bad mother. I mean, you don't get mad at a retard for dry-humping a watermelon and taking a dump in the middle of Wal-Mart.
This is all on us, the American public. With every abortion of an album that we bought and with every magazine we purchased just because you were slapped on the cover, we helped ensure that you would eventually become the mayor of Crazy Skanksville. This is all our fault, and I would like to apologize on behalf of the entire country.
Having said all of that...PLEASE kill yourself. As I have already clearly stated, you didn't get yourself into this mess. But you're the only one who can get you out of this mess. If you leave us to our own devices, we're just going to keep discussing you for no good reason. Every time you eat a Starburst or paint your toenails a new color, we'll be there to take pictures and turn it into a weeklong gab session.
So, to repeat, PLEASE kill yourself. It's clear that none of us are going to help you. Because the only way we can help you is to leave you alone, and as I'm sure you're already aware, we're incapable of that.
But I'm not asking this of you for your own sake. I'm asking you to do this for the sake of the entire nation. We're slowly being crushed to death under the weight of our own ignorance and stupidity, and it's up to you to save us. I mean, I can't tell you the name of my state's congressman, but I know virtually everything you've done for the past five years. In short, help us help ourselves. The only way you can get us to move on to more important things is to get rid of yourself. Sometimes even that doesn't help, as Anna Nicole's corpse can attest to, but you should at least try.
How you do it is up to you. Hang yourself, jump off a building, take an entire bottle of pills, divorce an ex-football player. I don't care how you do it, just get it done.
And don't mistake this for pity. I'm not trying to say 'Oh, leave the poor girl alone.' Not only do you not deserve pity, it also wouldn't do you any good. If anything, pity would just get you addicted to a different form of attention. Right now you're being barraged with mockery and scorn. And throwing pity into that mix would be like trying to get someone off of heroin by getting them hooked on crack. So don't confuse my request as pity. This is simply a plea for you to do what's best for everyone involved.
And that goes for all of you starlets, not just Britney. Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, the Olsen twins and all the rest. As is the case with Britney, none of you are responsible for this. You're just young, dumb people doing what any young, dumb people would do if they had fame and fortune. When you get right down to it, WE are the problem, but YOU can be the solution. So grab a razor and get to slashing...for a brighter tomorrow.


i stole this fair and square from tshirthell. please check them out at www.tshirthell.com. bring your sense of humor because these shirts may be the most offensive ever. i personally love them.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Annie get your gun.......


daylight savings has moved up three weeks this year. i didnt realize this until a couple of days ago. as i sat around last weekend pondering how this will affect me i couldnt come up with one damn thing. i relaxed but alas i relaxed too early. i should have asked the experts. who are the experts? well the same experts that brought you the y2k scare. you think they crawled away with their tails (tales) between their legs? think again. their baaaaaccckkkkkk.


what are they spewing? just take all of the y2k stories and replace y2k with early daylight savings. chicken little and friends are saying this could be worse than the y2k. seeing that y2k did absolutely nothing anything would be worse. computers and pda's will all go crazy. it will be anarchy. people in the streets, dogs and cats living together....you get it. anything that doesnt get the time from a sattelite isnt worth worrying about. i imagine your alarm clock wont blow up.


i wouldnt panic if i were you. after i bought the plastic and tape for my windows, seven years worth of bottled water, a gun, bars for my doors and windows and a lead suit this doesnt bother me at all.

Thought for the Day.......

" The American Indians found out what happens when you don't control immigration "


i stole this from the scottsdale princess. hope she doesnt mind me looking stealing it from her. i'm sure she stole it fair and square herself. look into my good reads and check out her blog

Regional differences?.........

a couple of weeks ago my son and daughter were being harrassed on the bus. i personally went up to the school and dealt with it. sure, because schools are so screwed up it took me a week to get it taken care of but regardless, its done. to give you an idea of how screwed up they are a boy threw a punch at my son. thanks to a year and a half of karate he caught the boys fist in his hand and pushed him away. the next day two boys got him from behind. he showed great restraint not kicking their asses all over the bus stop in my opinion but the school was going to suspend him for one day because he initiated contact by catching the fist before it hit his face. they relented when i said i would pull both of my children out that day and put them in private school. my kids are geniuses and a city school cannot afford to lose them.

where was i going with this. it seems its handled a little differently in tampa. a mother stormed onto a bus and asked who was the girl who slapped her 9 year old daughter. when a girl raised her hand the mother took her daughters coat and told her to take care of business. this is how animals are raised. apparently the camera has film of the girl beating the other girl with her closed fist. well the school isnt sure what they are going to do with the two young girls ..but the mother was arrested. she was charged with battery, contributing to the deliquency of a minor and trespassing.

the shocking thing is that this is the 15th arrest for the mother since 1996. her record, which includes some juvenile arrests, is peppered with aggravated battery, armed burglary and drug possesion charges. alot of the charges were dropped including one for 3rd degree murder. take some time to soak that in....murder. is this the mom whos door you want to knock on. i think not.

if you wonder how criminals start just watch this little girl. with such a sterling role model shes well on her way to a life of crime. i just hope she makes court tv.

this is shoes...over and out

Friday, March 02, 2007

My newest friend........

just thought that i would turn everyone on to a young lady from dublin ireland (aye and the land of me ancestors). she has fallen hopelessly in love with me (and honestly , i cant blame her). if she were in the states, or better yet i was in ireland, i'm sure she wouldnt be able to keep her hands off of me but alas we are now blog buddies. heres some funny stuff i stole off of her blog and i know she stole from someone else.........

Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways. Have lots of long lie-ins. Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and, if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction. Tell people you're ninety-seven and they'll think you look f*cking great. Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away. Never eat food that comes in a bucket. If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting. Boo joggers. Don't work out, work in. Play the banjo. Sleep with somebody you like. Eat plenty of liquorice Allsorts. Try to live in a place you like. Marry somebody you like. Try to do a job you like. Never turn down an opportunity to shout "F*ck them all!" at the top of your voice. Avoid bigots of all descriptions. Let your own bed become to you what the Pole Star was to sailors of old.....look forward to it. Don't wear tight underwear on aeroplanes. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. Clean your teeth and keep the company of people who will tell you when there's spinach on them. Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. Don't pat animals with sneaky eyes. If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one. Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words. If you write a book, be sure it has exactly seventy-six "f*cks" in it. Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs. Don't be talked into wearing a uniform. Salute nobody. Never run with scissors or other pointy objects. Campaign against blue Smarties. Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say: It's good to be alive."

give her a look at judithsramblings.blogspot.com. i'm sure you'll find something you like.

A follow up to a previous post.....



Only a week into training and Vincent Pastore has left “Dancing with the Stars.” Vincent is leaving because his 60-year-old ass can’t handle it. He said, “When I initially committed to joining ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ I didn’t realize just how physically demanding it would be for me. Unable to put forth my best effort, I felt it appropriate to step aside and give someone else the opportunity. I’d like to thank ABC and the show’s producers for inviting me to participate. I wish my partner, Edyta, and the other dancers the best of luck.”‘

just as well actually, i really didnt want to see that fatone kid give him mouth to mouth on national tv while heather mills mccartney pushes on his chest. i knew his old, fat , overweight ass wouldnt be able to take it. i said that before it started but this guy cant turn down any shitty reality show...no matter what.

Crime and punishment........




this young lady needs to be slapped as hard as a person can swing their arm. no , its not because shes sticking her tongue out (though i'd like to slap her for that). this 14 year old girl was arrested for grand theft auto.......for the fifth time.......in five months. take a little time and absorb that. lets put that in perspective...during this school year she has stolen 5 cars. since october she has stolen 5 cars. let me put this another way....i've only stolen 2 cars in that time. now you get it? thought you might. the authorities say the problem isnt putting them in jail its keeping them there. when do we consider this little bitch an adult and lock her up.


this harkens back to the old days of my childhood when if you did something like this the owner of the car might just grab you and kick the living shit out of you. a good "old fashioned" beat down is just what the doctor (re: psychiatrist) ordered. where are the parents. i'd love to see their take on their lovely young daughter. i remember my buddy getting in trouble when he was 16 and his parents going to court and asking that he be put in a detention center. he was and he calmed down alot after that. ok, he doesnt talk at all and just sits in the corner and shakes but nothing is perfect. i wouldnt mind seeing this girl shaking in a corner...at least she wouldnt be behind the wheel of my car.


she should thank god shes not in iraq where they would just cut off her hands and feet. maybe the muslims are right in this case. and remember as always....please leave you opinion but understand that if it differs from mine i'll label you a kook. over and out kids.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Dancing with the .......


stars. i guess you can call it that but i think even they would admit its a bit of a stretch. these really arent stars. stars wouldnt be caught dead doing this piece of shit. this is like american idol for people who arent even that talented. lets look at the new lineup......

1. laila ali. famous for being muhammed alis daughter. she has fought in what is the equivalent of foxy boxing. an early out.
2. billy ray cyrus. achy breaky heart...need to hear more. another early out
3. clyde drexler. former nba star. will ride the black vote deep into this contest
4. joey fatone. formerly of nsync (he was the untalented and ugly one). should win this contest based on his dance background
5. shandi finnessy. miss usa 2004. might last awhile in this lackluster group
6. leeza gibbons. talk show to dancing? might last awhile (see above)
7. apollo anton ohno. olympic speed skater. bye bye early
8. vincent pastore. big pussy from the sopranos. last time anyone saw him was on the show where people try to lose weight. never turns down a shit show...ever. heart attack and dies in the early rounds
9. paulina porizkova. super model. ric ocasek of the cars wife. is he out of money? this is a suprise. might last but might be voted out early because she is so hot.
10. ian ziering. 90210 has been. middle round out.
and my personal favorite.......
11. heather mills mccartney. of course shes leaving mccartney off her name but lets be honest its her only claim to fame. she has a leg up on the competition in this one ...literally. will get voted out first because she is so widly hated. people hate her so bad that she has a wooden leg and still cant garner any sympathy. i hope she beats the english judge to death with her wooden leg after being voted out.

thats my take. love it or hate it just remember that i dont give a shit about your opinion.

Where else but this country........

yesterday in pakistan 11 people were killed and over 100 injured. "big deal shoes" you say. "this happens there all the time" you say. "whats so special" you ask. i'll tell you what the big deal is. this didnt happen in a war or because someone had on a cross or there was a stampede towards mecca. no, this happened during the celebration of basant. whats the basant festival you ask. well, its not what you think. your probably imagining that its a celebration to lop off the hands of a young boy who stole something or the hanging of a woman who cheated on her husband but no alas its a kite flying festival. most were killed in the usual basant way.....stray bullets, electrocution, falling off of buildings or my personal favorite....sharpened kite strings.
my point here is that this is a fourth world country. that right, you heard me, a fourth world country. they can only aspire to third world status. pakistan makes india look modern. if what i am pointing out offends you (and it probably should) then get over it. if you disagree with my take then show me where i am wrong.... or we can ask the young girl whos going to be stoned because she got raped what she thinks.

thats my challenge to pakistan ....prove me wrong guys.

Hes bbbaaaaacccccckkkkkk........


ok so jesus is back. again. you would think that finding the grave of jesus would be front page material. lets be honest if its true wouldnt this be the most important news in like...ever. actually this isnt new news. the bbc did a report on this in 1996. the didnt find conclusive evidence of it actually being the grave of jesus christ. apparently jesus and joseph are names as common as bob and mike are today. according to the reports the graves are titled jesus son of joseph and mary magdalene. like all good catholics every girl is named mary.

this seems to have catholics in this country in an uproar. wasnt the davinci code enough? how can you compare the davinci code to the bible? one was a book written by a mortal man that has become a best seller and has been turned into a movie and the other ......well......ok, maybe this wasnt such a good comparison but you understand. every good catholic knows that jesus was crucified on good friday and rose from his tomb on easter sunday......where he then saw his shadow and announced six more weeks of winter. i must admit that my work closes on good friday so i have changed that day to great friday. its only fitting to give that praise to the guy that got me a day off of work. sure martin luther king was a good guy but i still have to work his day. the bottom line .......catholics hate things that shake their faith..........like facts. get over this. it is going to blow over before you know it then you can go back to giving your money to hate spewing pedophiles in the church.

over and out everyone. enjoy your tuesday.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Hes healed.........


ted haggard is healed. thats right kids he no longer wants to have sex with men and do drugs. prayer has healed him of this terrible affliction. see ted was a big deal in colorado springs and actually across the u.s. he ran a huge church. he could be seen on tv. he met weekly with our president. he preached vehemently against gays and communists and everything that is destroying america. he wanted to protect you from all these horrible things. the only thing ted couldnt do was to protect himself. see while ted was telling what to avoid and what not to do he was having homosexual sex and doing drugs. when his dealer/lover ratted him out he apologized and went away but alas the lure of big religious money couldnt be snuffed and he is back....kinda.
see ted wants to evangelize and prove that hes cured but it seems he did his job too well. after years of preaching hate and homophobia from the pulpit it seems his old congregation is practising it on him. ouch. the biter, bit. seems his deal with the church is that he stays away from them. the deal even includes him having to leave colorado springs. they dont even want him near the church. gay germs might rub off.

well ted you live by the sword...you die by it too. let me just end with the fact that it couldnt happen to a nicer guy.......and he was spiritually advising our president

happy monday everyone....now back to work

Thursday, February 08, 2007

When funny really isnt.......


when i heard that anna nichole smith was taken to the hospital i didnt even read the news story. i just figured it was another publicity stunt. wow , was i wrong. after i read about her dying i began to think about her life. she didnt take the easy road nor did she take the safe one. there was no ending it with a pristine body that never tried anything. that wasnt her. from someone who started in a trailer in texas to ending up as headline news (and incidentally the rosetta stone of comedy for many) she worked her way to the front page. she married that old coot and inherited a bazillion dollars when he croaked then ended up sueing his family and being sued by them. she posed in playbot...alot. her first layout in playboy was outstanding. she may have been (with the exception of the lovely, vivacious and full chested mrs pissed) the sexiest woman i had ever seen. her breasts , even though fake, were magnificent. as fake breasts go they may have been the best set of fakes ever...and credit must be given for getting that job done right. she had her reality show where every sign of trouble was there but nobody would throw in the towel while she was the cash cow. saturday night live did and animation of the smurfs with her as smurfette. smurfette was fat and drugged up and it was one of smigels best. then came trim spa and she slimmed down and looked great again. alas the last year wasnt good for her. she lost her son even as she had another child. the paternity of the new child is up in the air. shew got married to her gold digging lawyer. she got evicted from an island and now shes dead. i suspect your going to see its some kind of overdose. sometmes the fight isnt worth it. she had all the money in the world and still couldnt be happy. did the press hound her to her death...yes.....and no. sure they never let her catch a breath without a picture but she courted alot of that. she is not without blame in this.

so with all that said let me say that i will miss her. she was incredible eye candy along with being god comedy fodder. i hope she gets some rest now.

Astronut...............


slow down everybody. why is everyone pressing nasa about the psycho astronaut. its not their fault that she slipped a cog. lets be honest if every company checked for mental defects then none of us would have a goddamn job. this is really no concern of nasa. it is in the hands of the law. would we take a good look at something like.....oh say.....congress if one gay politician was hitting on the teen interns. ok, maybe that wasnt a good example but you get my drift. nasa (or anybody) cant possibly check for every mental defect that one has. if you could recognize them there wouldnt be so many divorces in this country. in all its years nasa has had one astronaut go off the deep end and the world is in an uproar...half the goddamn cinncinnati bengals are in jail and you hardly hear a peep. for gods sake one of their players was giving alchohol to underage girls in a hotel room. he got three days in jail. how does that work.

relax everyone , you cant stop the psychos from blowing up like a bomb....you can only hope they arent on your porch when they do.


back to work slackers.....its only thursday.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

I'm laughing at boston.............

Boston Officials Livid Over Ad Stunt.............

yes this is the headline on my computer. seems the cartoon network wanted to advertise their show called aqua teen hunger force. in their attempt to advertise they placed some lite brites around in about nine different cities. ha ha , you got us, what fun. thats what was being said in all the cities.......except boston. boston went insane and just about shut down the city. it seems the marketing company hired to place these is called Interference Inc. and to say the least they lived up to their name. when you hire a company named interference inc. dont be suprised when they interfere. that seems to be what they do best.
in a half assed apology from the cartoon network phil kent, turner chairman, said We apologize to the citizens of Boston that part of a marketing campaign was mistaken for a public danger,". read between the lines everyone. hes saying they are sorry that the officials in boston overreacted. no other city had a problem.
the city of boston wants everyone involved with the hoax to be strung up by their balls. relax boston ....you went into a panic.......you look foolish. get over it. lets be honest , you've done alot of foolish things. boston is kind of known for it. your mayor is a joke. he wants the fcc to pull the license from the cartoon network. oh well......good times

back to work you bums (especially those from boston who screwed off yesterday for no good reason). you dont want the boys from aqua teen hunger force mad at you.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Barbaro gets a job offer......



harry potter grew up and hes naked in a play called equis about some insane kid who masterbates and then abuses the horses because they have seen him do the big tugoff. the only reason i post this is because it would be a good job for barbaro. stuff him and put him on stage.

at least it would pay for the funeral.

Oh well.......

hey , alot of people have died while i couldnt post but the one that seems to be the most annoying is barbaro. lets not lump barbaro in with saddam (even though we sure could use a guy like him in iraq right now). the horse didnt torture and kill thousands of people. it didnt piss off the president. what the horse did do is piss off me and seeing that its my blog thats the opinion that matters. actually the horse didnt piss me off, the people who are mourning the horse ad nauseum are the ones i loathe. look, i felt bad when it broke a leg but you can blame that on the fact that a two year old horses bones arent strong enough yet to take the pounding those horses are put through. i was glad that they didnt put him down immediately. let it heal. let him frolic in a field and get laid like a sports star should. we didnt put down bo jackson when he came up lame ....we put him out to stud. same for the horse but things went wrong. the horse was in pain and the humane thing to do was put the horse down. its sad...now get over it. dont send cards, dont set up a shrine in your house, dont leave a message on a website to the horse. for christs sake i shouldnt even be posting about it.

heres all you need to know. it was a great horse, it broke a leg, it had to be put down. NEXT.

actually i did leave a message on a website for barbaro....

Dear Barbaro,
we will miss you. You were a fine animal and its a shame what happened to you. See you in my dogs alpo.

Sincerely,
Shoes

back to work kids....your not barabaro.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I'm back................

i'm back you bastards. thats right...you heard me. thank you verizon for keeping me off of the blog for so long. see it goes like this.......
we had a problem with our phone line. we could hear our neighbors conversations and they could hear ours. we didnt even need to dial. just pick up and talk to a neighbor. now since i dont have aparty line and didnt need to speak to mabel down at the general store i called verizon. they said it was probably a problem with the line inside my house and they would charge me to come out. i explained that it never happened before and it would also mean that my lines are connected to the neighbor. she didnt seem impressed by my deduction. she then directed me to go outside to the box on the side of my house, open it up, disconnect the phone line and plug one of my phones in there and see if its still happening. i asked how much they would pay me to do their job then went and did it. same problem. i called them back and they asked if i would try it with a different phone (in the event the first phone was the problem). i refused and requested that they come out to the house. they did and , to nobodys suprise, it was their problem. they fixed it. you would think it would have ended there but.........
alas it did not. on new years eve we left the house to go to dinner. the verizon guy was up on the pole across from our house and yelled that he was fixing our dsl problem. we explained that we didnt have verizon dsl nor did we have a problem. he fixed that. that was the last time we were able to go online. when i called verizon to explain they said they only guarantee their own dsl. even after i explained that we didnt have a problem until their man worked on it but it fell on deaf ears. everyone confirmed that it was verizons problem but being a monopoly they didnt care so we now have verizon fiber optic internet.
i am convinced that this is the way they get people onto their service. oh well, i'm back just the same and trying to organize everything that went on while i was away. this may take a while to catch up but i'll do my best.

back to work everyone. time isnt going to waste itself you know

Monday, December 18, 2006

The closet is emptying.......

In a tearful videotaped message Sunday to his congregation, the senior pastor of a thriving evangelical megachurch in south metro Denver confessed to sexual relations with other men and announced he had voluntarily resigned his pulpit.
A month ago, the Rev. Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel in Doug las County preached to his 2,100-member congregation about integrity and grace in the aftermath of the Ted Haggard drugs-and-gay-sex scandal.
Now, the 54-year-old Barnes joins Haggard as a fallen evangelical minister who preached that homosexuality was a sin but grappled with a hidden life. "I
Discuss
The second evangelical church leader has stepped down in as many months. i have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy," Barnes said in the 32- minute video, which church leaders permitted The Denver Post to view. "... I can't tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep, begging God to take this away." Sitting cross-legged in jeans and an open-collar shirt, Barnes spoke in his video about evolving feelings growing up in a firm moral family: from confused little boy to adolescent racked with self-loathing and guilt.
In their only talk about sex, Barnes said his father took him on a drive and talked about what he would do if a "fag" approached him.
Barnes thought, "'Is that how you'd feel about me?' It was like a knife in my heart, and it made me feel even more closed." Barnes expressed hope for a future where one can "be who you are" and be accepted and loved in the Christian community and also spoke about "separating some of the teachings from Scripture" from Jesus Christ.
Palmer said he wasn't sure what Barnes meant, but Barnes told him that he believes God views homosexuality as a sin.

wow any more preachers come out of the closet and they will outnumber gay congressmen. i'm sure he preached the sins of gayiety from the pulpit. oh to be a self loathing gay man of the cloth. instead reverend shoes has chosen to be a self loathing straight man of the cloth. he struggles since he was 5? hhmmmmm. could this mean he was BORN gay? that god MADE him that way? sure his dad badmouthed gays but that was after he realized that he was. he was raised in a moral home. what could have turned him? nothing , he was born that way. nice to know his parents wouldnt accept him and from the comments his friends at the church wont either. i guess when he turned the other cheek he shouldnt have used those cheeks. i guess that whole praying to god to help you doesnt work. if a preacher like this cant get a message through then what hope does anyone else have. maybe god was really busy on those days this being the xmas season and all. maybe he should try humming a hymn.....oh, thats right...humming is what got him in trouble in the first place.

happy monday everyone. a week from now we will all be opening gifts. for now, back to work.

Friday, December 15, 2006

What..............




A PRIMARY school sacked a woman teacher for telling heartbroken nine-year-olds there is no Father Christmas.
Parents were furious when tearful youngsters went home saying they had also been taught elves and fairies did not exist either.
The supply teacher, in her 30s, had her contract terminated after complaints to the head. Mum Amanda Piovesana, 30, said her daughter was shocked to be told: “You are old enough to know there is no Santa or fairies. If you ask your parents they will also say there is no such thing.”

i know everyone. i just found out. how long was everyone going to let me go on believing. say it aint so santa, say it aint so. i still believe (unless i dont get the playstation 3 i asked for). and whos lap have i been sitting on all these years. i just thought santa smelled like jack daniels and hot dogs (my mom did).
ok, i quit believing the day i came home from school in the second grade. there i am walking down the alley sing rudolph the red nosed reindeer when i turn into my yard and lo and behold there were three deer hanging there....gutted. seems my dad and brothers were hunting that day and ...well.....sometimes rudolph needs to be whacked. sure the venison was tasty but i still couldnt get a straight answer on how santas sled was going to be pulled. thats when my brother scott told me the truth. guess what? it wasnt a trauma. all it really did was get me to stop pestering santa for gifts ..and started pestering my poor father. i think he was more mad at my brother for sicking me on him than he was about "ruining the magic" so to speak.
ok, all that being said this teacher should be fired. its not her job to break the news. that job goes to disgruntled parent or a pissed off sibling though i do wonder if those parents are mad at her for the same reason my brother got grounded.


by the way elves and fairies are real.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I didnt know he was lost.......

CHICAGO, Dec 11 (Reuters Life!) - He murdered 17 young men and boys in a sexually driven orgy of necrophilia and cannibalism. Then, in prison, Jeffrey Dahmer found God.
Now the minister who presided over his jailhouse baptism and conversion says Dahmer's 1994 beating death at the hands of a fellow inmate while serving multiple life sentences cut short a faith-spreading mission Dahmer would have carried to others behind bars had he lived.
"He was growing (in faith) and he would have been a great influence on other inmates. He would have had a tremendous impact," said the Rev. Roy Ratcliff, a Church of Christ minister who baptized Dahmer in a prison whirlpool tub in May 1994. The baptism took place about five months before Dahmer and another inmate were killed at the Columbia Correctional Institution in Wisconsin by a third prisoner who clubbed them to death while they were on a bathroom cleaning detail.He didn't see himself as being hated by other inmates the way he was hated in the world."


wow, he couldnt have been more wrong about that last sentence. apparently he wasnt very good at reading people. evangelizing, yes...reading people, not so much. why is it that everyone who finds god only finds him when no one else will reach out a hand for them. you never see a internet millionaire or a playboy bunny or an actor (not counting l ron hubbard as a god) find god while they are popular. no its only after they have fallen on bad times, used up all the good will of family and friends and are one step from the gutter that they find god. hell, i didnt even know he was missing. i bet all those guys he killed and ate wished he had found god before he did that. where was god then. he might actually have been good at evangelizing but i guess he wasnt as good at cleaning bathrooms. had he been better at that he might be alive today. he was baptized in a prison whirlpool? i knew a guy who baptized strippers in a hottub. some of the strippers said they saw god and he said that more than one yelled his name over and over. "oh god , oh god" could be heard echoing from his hottub on many a night. he was a man of god. in defense of dahmer though, the rev. roy radcliffe said he never saw anyone so anxious to take communion......something about the body of christ is my guess.
born again? thank god i was born right the first time.


a funny little story to make your holdays better. now get to work.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

I been tagged.......



as i have been tagged by maricopa mark i will post this picture of my devilishly handsome self. mark had mentioned in his blog that it would be nice if people posted a picture of themselves so that you could put a face to the blog (also in the event you wanted to hunt them down for a beating.....you dont want to beat down the wrong person). great idea mark so here i am. i am the handsome lad on the right.

for those who would like to know more about the brilliant mind behind this idea look at the bottom here and click on maricopa mark...its good reading.

Muslim stupidity on parade..........

KARACHI, Pakistan Dec 11, 2006 (AP)— More than 20,000 supporters of an Islamic alliance rallied Sunday, demanding the government withdraw changes to a controversial rape statute that they say go against Islam. Musharraf last week signed into law some amendments to the Hudood Ordinance, a 1979 law against rape that human rights activists said punished rape victims while providing legal safeguards for their attackers.
The ordinance required a rape victim to produce four witnesses in court to prove her assault claim. Under the new amendment, judges can choose whether a rape case should be tried in a criminal court where the four-witness rule does not apply or under the Islamic ordinance.
The new law also drops the death penalty for sex outside of marriage. The offense now would be punishable with five years in prison or a fine of $165. Human rights groups have hailed the amendments but Muslim groups claim the changes go against Islam. Opposition Islamic groups have held a series of protests against the new law since it was passed by Parliament last month.

i know that rape is no laughing matter (unless your raping a clown) but this story got to make you laugh. if this doesnt make you laugh at the islamic faith then nothing else will. what this boils down to is that these people are protesting to regain their right to rape women. bottom line thats all it is. i'll debate any muslim on this . i dont think i would rape someone in front of four witnesses unless i could count on them to back my story. about dropping the death penalty for sex outside marriage...well , do you realize how many camels would be killed each year. $165 or five years in jail? that amounts to $33 per year. can you pay $99 and go to jail for two years? no wonder these countries arent third world....they're fourth world. all the women should just get up and leave. imagine a country full of just men. gayiety would ensue for sure. you think they're pissed off now? imagine the possibilities then. the best thing the united states could do is give them free internet. nobody has a jihad when they can rub one out to good old red, white and blue american porn. it is the one thing we do better than anyone (including the japs and germans). we may not be able to build a really good car anymore but we will always have that.

11 shopping days to xmas. get to work. the economy needs your cash.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Justice peeked from beneath the blindfold....

BALTIMORE -- A Kansas church has been ordered to pay $3,150 for costs and fees associated with a summons and complaint filed by the father of a Marine whose funeral was picketed by the extremist group.
Albert Snyder, of York, Pa., is suing the Rev. Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist Church after church members demonstrated at the funeral of Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder, of Westminster, and posted pictures of the protest on their Web site.
Lance Snyder was killed in Iraq in March. Members of the Topeka church claim U.S. soldiers are killed as God's punishment for America's tolerance of homosexuality.His father's federal lawsuit, filed June 5, alleges church members violated the family's right to privacy and defamed the Marine and his family at the funeral and on the church's Web site.
Phelps and the church refused to grant a waiver in the serving of summonses in connection with the federal lawsuit, making the church liable for those costs.
Court documents say the church has 30 days to make the payment to Snyder.

if this doesnt make you feel good then nothing will. dont get me wrong i wouldnt mind seeing someone punch the living shit out of one of the phelps family but it wouldnt do any good. a punch to the wallet will be what stops this insane family. if this is the kind of people god would want in heaven then hell looks better every day. i can only hope god in his infinite wisdom calls the whole congregation to him soon. wow i would hate to be in line at the pearly gates behind these asswipes. please do not make the payments in 30 days. please throw fred phelps in federal prison. wow. that couldnt be better

a little extra smile in your day.

Monday, December 11, 2006

This sounds just right........

JONESBORO, Ga. -- A middle school security officer used a Taser on a sixth-grade boy to break up his fight with a girl Wednesday, school officials said.
Officials said the 11-year-old shocked twice with the device at Jonesboro Middle School weighs 200 pounds and refused to obey orders to stop attacking the girl, also 11, and the Taser was used as a last resort to prevent her from being seriously injured.
The two had been taken to the office to resolve an argument that started during lunch and spilled into a classroom.
"The male student literally jumped on the girl and started hitting her about the face and head," school district spokesman Charles White said. "He did not comply with directions to stop, and physical efforts to pull him off the girl were unsuccessful."
Both students were treated for injuries, none of them serious, White said. The boy was charged with assault and battery and was taken to a juvenile detention center, and later was released to the custody of his mother.
The officer is a city of Jonesboro police officer who carries the standard equipment of a pistol and a Taser, according to Jonesboro Police Sgt. Brad Johnson.

a 200 lb 11 year old. tasered? what happened to the old days when you would just beat him with a night stick. i long for those days. i guess making him write something 100 times is out of the question now. thank god the nuns were not allowed to use tasers when i was in school. those sadistic nuns would have run up one hell of an electric bill on me. i wonder when his parents will sue the school and police over their "out of control" child getting zapped. thank god someone was there because the little girl he was beating probably stood no chance against this animal. let him be home schooled. if it was my daughter i would be kicking the shit out of an 11 year old as we speak.


December 1, 2006 -- Long Island cops got a real high when a man phoned because his pot had been pilfered.
Suffolk Detective Sgt. Darrell Dabe said officers responded to the man's Bellport home on Wednesday to investigate a robbery report.
Michael Omelchunk, 27, vanished when the cops arrived but returned to say armed thugs had "made off with most of" his weed, authorities said.
"He admitted he was packaging the marijuana when the men with guns came in," Dabe said.
The crooks left with their arms full - but they left behind 71/2 pounds of the stash.
"The place reeked of it," Dabe said.
Omelchunk was busted and charged with drug possession

sure, smoking dope doesnt affect your judgement at all. i wonder if your homeowners will cover the loss of dope. how much would you be laughing if you were the cop who got this call. at least the cops can say an arrest was made on this case. and what self respecting drug dealer calls the police...use a machine gun like every other good drug dealer does. god helps those who help themselves. this just shows that smoking dope makes you lazy too. theres nothing i hate more than a lazy, cowardly drug dealer.



A man has been arrested after allegedly trying to force his estranged wife into an oven on Thanksgiving in front of their five children.
Martin Luther Jackson, 31, of Decatur, has been charged with aggravated assault, aggravated battery, cruelty to children and possession of marijuana after the Nov. 23 incident, said Sgt. Jodi Shupe of the Rockdale County Sheriff's Office.
Jackson and his 29-year-old wife, who have been separated since July, have five children ranging in age from 1 to 13 years old, Shupe said. Jackson apparently started fighting with his wife after she and the children returned to their Conyers home on Thanksgiving.
At one point during the fight, Jackson allegedly attempted to stuff his wife inside the kitchen oven, which had been left on to heat the house, Shupe said. The woman escaped and went to the sheriff's office with visible head injuries, Shupe said.
Investigators found Jackson hiding under a bed at his mother's house in Decatur, where he had been living since the separation, Shupe said.


who hasnt wanted to shove their wife into an oven over the holidays. maybe he was just trying to show her the self cleaning feature of the oven or how easily the racks slide in and out. maybe after smoking some dope he got hungry and she reminded him of a ham....a screaming , kicking ham. and what a way to impress the children. i'm sure the father of the year people will be wanting to speak to him .......right after the state is done with him. and again, what self respecting criminal runs home to mommy. i'd rather get caught in a whorehouse than hiding under my old bed at mommies house. you know mommy never took down the posters and little league trophies from his childhood. hes going to do well in the joint.

well kids hope your monday is going well. mine isnt but thats not your problem. now get to work

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Stupid is as stupid does......

SCOTTSDALE - A gunman who allegedly held up a bank was arrested minutes into his getaway attempt after he unwittingly tried to drive into Scottsdale police headquarters.Randall Todd Wagner is suspected of handing a demand note to a teller at Bank of America, 3123 N. Scottsdale Road around 10 a.m., shortly before fleeing onto Indian School Road,police said. Wagner, 39, was arrested after he momentarily tried to turn his Ford Taurus into Scottsdale's Witzeman Public Safety Building, at Indian School and Granite Reef roads - a building swarming with uniformed police and fire personnel for a public dedication ceremony.
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Wagner was pulled over near Indian School and 87th Place, two blocks from headquarters, by Scottsdale police Lt. Steve Yturralde."The guy looked like he was going to turn into the ceremony, and I think he changed his mind," Scottsdale police Sgt. Mark Clark said.It took less than 10 minutes to find and catch Wagner, Clark said. He was taken into custody without incident. A handgun and cash were found inside the Taurus."He knew he was caught," Clark said. "He made the smart decision and just gave up."

he made a smart decision? must of been his first that day. apparently it not like the movies where the criminal plans out every step of the heist, taking into account any variables, then pulls it off without a hitch. he wont be in oceans 13 if you get my drift but he will have a really funny story to tell in prison during the almost continuous anal rapes.

BARBERTON, Ohio -- A Barberton man with 18 DUI convictions could be on his way to becoming Ohio's worst drunken driving offender.
NewsChannel5's Jonathan Costen reported that the number of convictions against 51-year-old Jess Brown could go up with pending cases in Akron and Barberton.Brown was arraigned Wednesday on charges stemming from the collision in Barberton.Police said Brown was drunk at the time of the collision. In fact, authorities said that if he's convicted on the Akron case, a Barberton DUI would make 20 convictions, a state record.
Barberton Police Chief Michael Kallai said Brown simply has no regard for others.Brown is being held on a $50,000 bond. His next hearing is set for December.
Kallai said he suspects that once a judge sees Brown's record, he will be kept in jail for a long time.

lets see what record do i want to set. you think as a small boy this was his dream. i'm sure its a proud moment for his family. see and you thought jess would never accomplish anything. he showed them. lock him up and throw away the key. only through incredibly dumd luck haas he not killed anyone ....yet. i guess he will need to wipe out a family before hes put away.

LORAIN, Ohio (AP) - A former Roman Catholic school principal accused of kissing three male students' feet has pleaded not guilty to misdemeanour charges of sexual imposition.
Robert Holloway, the former principal at St. Anthony of Padua School in Lorain, entered the plea Monday. He also pleaded not guilty to charges of unauthorized use of public property.
Police Sgt. Mark Carpentiere said foot fetish material was found on two school computers seized from Holloway's office, despite the educator's claims he did not have a foot fetish.
Holloway, 50, resigned as principal in the spring after the 14-year-old students and their parents reported the foot-kissing to police.
The principal told authorities that the kissing was pay-up for a bet over a student-teacher volleyball game. He paid each student $15 and kissed their feet 50 times in the school's library and gym.
Holloway's lawyer, Carmen Roberto, would not allow his client to speak to reporters after the hearing.

what was the bet. how many times he could blow a 14 year old? and he lost? is this something you want out in public . shouldnt he just do the honorable thing and kill himself. and what kind of kid would let the principal kiss his feet 50 times. ok, sure i would have let some principal/teacher kiss my feet just to humiliate them but 50 times.....i dont think so. and you just know tongue was involved. in defense of the students i'm sure the $15 went towards the keg party that weekend.

some funnies to get you through thursday...i know i need it. now get to work.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

And i only thought it would make you go blind.....

BEIJING (Reuters) - A 14-year old Chinese boy killed himself after running up a bill of 1,800 yuan ($230) calling phone sex numbers, the official Xinhua news agency said on Saturday. Li Hongbin, from a village in poor northwestern Gansu province, dropped out of school last year and began calling the expensive hotlines in August.
He committed suicide by drinking pesticide after a telephone company clerk called at the family home asking for payment.
The longest conversation listed in a 16-page phone bill went on for over four hours, Xinhua said.
Calls cost three yuan a minute, Xinhua cited the head of one service as saying. The average monthly cash income of Chinese farmers is just 300 yuan.
Phone sex services have been proliferating in recent years, with adverts in local telephone directories and newspapers, but Beijing is also attempting to crack down on pornography with a campaign that includes monitoring phone sex lines.

a woman that works with me had a son that ran up $900 in phone sex charges......on her credit card. she defended him saying that he wouldnt do that. the correct answer is "sure he would". ladies just assume that when your not around we are masturbating. its one of the few things we dont have to look our best to do. if god didnt want you to masturbate he would have made a computer mouse that needed to be used with two hands. its what we , as men, do best. and dont pretend you ladies dont do it either. i've seen the ads where the woman is holding this vibrator to her shoulder trying in vain to convince us that shes using it on her shoulder. yeah right. i'm not falling for it. that thing is shaped like a penis for one reason...to go where a penis should go. you virgins can think of it as captain kirk (you'll get that one soon or have someone explain it to you). is a $230 bill reason enough to kill yourself. in a word...no. sure your ashamed of it (by it i mean getting caught, not the act) but you'll get over it. so will the folks. kick them your next paycheck and get on the internet like everyone else. internet access is cheaper than the phone sex service that kid was using.

well kids i need to run. i;m going to call my answering machine and leave a filthy message for myself. the rest of you....get to work.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Does anyone have a goddamn comb......


TMZ has learned that actor Rip Torn was arrested in North Salem, New York and charged with Driving While Intoxicated (DWI).We're told Torn, who is 75-years-old, refused to cooperate with the cops and would not submit to a blood-alcohol test.Torn, who has starred in numerous movies including "Men in Black" and "Dodgeball," was arrested after his car was involved in an accident and police were called. At the time of publication, Torn was still in police custody.In January, 2004, Torn was arrested in New York City after crashing his car into a taxi, and charged with DWI. Even though Torn launched into an epic and vulgar rant at the police station, the actor was found not guilty. His lawyers were Judge Judy's two sons.
cant the police just hook these guys up with a comb before the mug shot. is the goal here to make as an embarrassing photo as possible. i've gone out drinking and have come home in some horrible shape and i have never looked like this. he looks like a drunken irish pirate. all he needs is an eyepatch and a hook for a hand. and dont think the chicks fare any better. you would think the cops would want the photo to come out nice before sending right to tmz or one of the other celeb sites that must pay the cops for these wonderful shots. buy a comb. let these guys use the bathroom. whatever it takes. isnt it bad enough to get arrested and have your mugshot all over the net.
ok, i admit it, i love these shots......thank you rip, glen campbell....etc, etc, etc

Why not me.......

LOS ANGELES - The nation's largest Roman Catholic archdiocese said Friday it will pay $60 million to settle 45 sex abuse lawsuits, the largest payout yet by the Archdiocese of Los Angeles and among the biggest resulting from the molestation crisis that's plagued the church. The cases were among more than 500 abuse claims pending against the Los Angeles Archdiocese.
The claims settled Friday involve 22 priests and include allegations from two periods when the archdiocese had limited or no insurance against sexual abuse claims — prior to the mid-1950s and after 1987.
Mahony said $40 million of the payment would come from the archdiocese, while $20 million would be from religious orders plus a small amount of independent insurance coverage.
Friday's settlement was the largest in California since 2004, when the Diocese of Orange agreed to spend $100 million to settle 90 abuse claims. It was also the fourth-largest in the nation since the clergy abuse crisis erupted in the Archdiocese of Boston in 2002, according to an AP review of settlements.

why couldnt i have cashed in on this payday? was i so hideous as a child? didnt they like me at all? i was always dressed nice, combed hair.........why couldnt i have been taken advantage of. i wouldnt have liked it then but the payoff now is sweet. i have a dream that the catholic church will have to start selling things to pay for all these lawsuits. alot of people think this is due to the fact that priests cant marry but as you will read below this isnt always the case. if only the church wouldnt have hid this problem. if they would have taken the first priest and threw him to the wolves then alot of other priests wouldnt have pulled out the willies for the flock....so to speak.



AND IN A RELATED STORY

A Maryland rabbi caught in a television sting operation was sentenced to 6 1/2 years in prison yesterday for trying to solicit sex from a 13-year-old boy over the Internet.
David A. Kaye, 56, told the judge that he traveled to Herndon for what he thought would be sex with a boy "as a cry out for help to fight my personal demons." Sobbing as he acknowledged his father, who sat in the courtroom in a wheelchair, Kaye said his conviction had made him face "the reality of who I am. . . . I know I need help. I pray that God allows me to get that help."
Kaye's attorney, Peter D. Greenspun, said the rabbi, who was featured last year on the "To Catch a Predator" series on "Dateline NBC," kept his sexuality secret and spent thousands of hours chatting online in search of liaisons.
Kaye thought that he was chatting online with a young adult, Greenspun said. He said Kaye, who is divorced, is in therapy, and he urged a sentence on the low end of federal guidelines, which recommended a term of 63 to 78 months in prison.
"There is a very decent core to this man," Greenspun said.
But U.S. District Judge James C. Cacheris in Alexandria settled on 78 months and said Kaye would then face 10 years of supervised release. The judge said that during that time, Kaye will be forbidden to accept any job involving children, and he ordered him to never be around children younger than 18 without an adult present.

dont think the catholics have a lock on the whole gay/pedophile thing. in defense of the priests never has one been caught on a national tv show. a decent core to this man? i guess he was going to ...very decently...screw a 13 year old boy. i saw this episode and there is no way hes going to make 78 months in the joint. hes an odds on favorite to get shivved in the laundry. guess what dave there arent any 13 year old boys in prison and the guys there dont like men who prey on 13 year old boys. they are going to slice him up for xmas. his best bet is to take a swing at a guard on the very first day and getting thrown into solitary. its his only chance.

only 20 more shopping days til xmas kids. dont spend more than say......$500 on my gift. thats an arbitrary figure by the way