Saturday, September 29, 2007

Another gem from the onion............

No Police Report Can Truly Capture My Love Of Drunk Driving
By Keith Pauls September 26, 2007 Issue 43•39


If you were to go by the public records alone, you'd get the wrong impression of me. You'd think that I was some kind of common lawbreaker who's had multiple run-ins with the authorities for operating motor vehicles under the influence of alcohol. You'd think I'm just some guy who goes out, gets plastered, stumbles to his car, and drives home like it's no big deal. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. No matter what the police reports say, I don't drive drunk. I love to drive drunk. I live to drive drunk. It's my passion.
Fact is, mere words could never describe the sheer exuberance I experience when I climb behind the wheel of the first car I find when I'm deeply intoxicated. Take this report, dated Oct. 31, 2003. It says they clocked me at 70 miles per hour in a residential zone on that chilly Halloween night. Well, from where I was sitting, it felt more like I was going 120, and it was awesome. I felt as free and full of life as those kids in their Frankenstein costumes.
It was one of those moments where it's you and two open roads, and you don't know which one to take, so you just let it all happen. Sure, I ran a few stop signs and clipped a few mirrors, but what good is paying for all that insurance if you never use it? The police may have gotten all the facts right, but where was the heart?
After they administered my Breathalyzer, they determined that I was drunk. They didn't need a test for that. When they came up to my window and asked me if I had been drinking, I said "Yes!" and pounded the steering wheel while howling at the moon to show them how alive I felt. And I meant it!
There are some emotions no police report could ever capture.
Oh yeah, how about July 2004, when they said I "failed to maintain lane position and crossed the yellow line before skidding along the guardrail to a complete standstill." Well, sure, that's the sterile way of saying it. What they didn't mention was the jolt of adrenaline that rushes through you as you wake up and see two bright headlights coming at you and you move at just the right moment, straddling that knife's edge between here and the hereafter. They also fail to mention how much I was cracking up when they finally got to me.
Or from May 2005: The report makes such a big deal over how I refused to take a field sobriety test, you'd think that I was Public Enemy No. 1. But why waste taxpayer money on proving that a man who just a minute earlier was singing, "I am so fucking drunk, and I love it!" to the tune of Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It" is intoxicated? They had me recite the alphabet, and noted that I was unable to get beyond "G." Well, I didn't get to where I am today knowing what comes after G backwards. I got here by pounding three of anything over 60-proof and doing doughnuts in the state police headquarters parking lot.
They should have put down that the reason I was so mad was because they made me stop what was probably the best drive of my life. It was so invigorating! But instead they put it down as "attempted assault." No way. That police officer and I had a gentleman's disagreement over whether or not I would drive home. Nothing more. To insinuate otherwise is not only irresponsible, but fucking lame.
Report after report, it's all the same: "Subject was swerving this or striking oncoming that and was belligerent and uncooperative when pulled over." Taken together, all you get is a man who endangers people's lives and should have his license revoked. But even if you added up all seven to nine reports, you'd never get close to the sheer, unparalleled ecstasy of throwing MGD cans out the window of a speeding vehicle as the stars and police helicopters streak overhead. I hope the next time they pull me over, the police get it right, so I can actually remember the details of another fantastic ride, and, God willing, one day share them with my children.
Should I drive drunk again? No. Will I drive drunk again? Of course. When drunk driving gets in your blood, you just have to heed the call.

Cheerleading Academy Owner Arrested in Sex Probe

VANCOUVER, Wash. — A cheerleading school owner has been arrested for investigation of having sex with an underage student.
Neil A. Finger, 28, owner of the Vancouver Cheer Academy, was arrested late Tuesday for investigation of sexual misconduct with a minor, a Class C felony, but was released after posting $10,000 bond, police and Clark County officials said.
On Wednesday, county Superior Court Judge Robert L. Harris set arraignment for Oct. 9 and barred Finger from having any contact with minors. Finger said his staff could keep the academy open, but he added that he might close it.
Operating in leased space in a business park, the academy offers cheerleading classes for competitions from the local to the national levels, as well as private lessons, tumbling classes, a gymnasium open to the public and a "parents night out" for children ages 5 to 18, according to an article in The Columbian newspaper in April 2006.
According to an affidavit filed by prosecutors, a 17-year-old girl told Cindy Bull, an investigator from the Child Abuse Intervention Center, that the two had sex at Finger's apartment. "Each time he told her not to tell because he would get in trouble," Bull wrote.
The girl's mother read about the matter in her daughter's diary, Bull wrote.



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hold on here...can this be true? a 28 year old guy opening a cheerleader academy so he can hit on little girls? who could imagine such a thing? well i can and thats why i would never send my daughter to a school like that run by a guy. what were those parents thinking? apparently they were wanting some free time away from the kid, well congrats, you got it. he thinks he may have to close the business? i hope his death shuts it down.

I love this guy.....



OKLAHOMA CITY -- An Oklahoma City hockey coach bit the ear of a horse to stop a potentially dangerous stampede during the recent Oklahoma State Fair.
Doug Sauter, head coach of the Oklahoma City Blazers, told Eyewitness News 5 that he bit a Belgian horse's ear after it broke free at a state fair horse show.
Sauter is a horse lover and said his instinct took over, and his mouth went to work.
"If you bite a horse's ear, he's not going to move anywhere. He is going to stand still, lay still, and everybody did what they had to do," he said.
A woman is in serious condition, authorities said, after one of the horse wagons in the vicinity fell on top of her.
Fans and friends of the Central Hockey League coach are having fun with Sauter's biting experience. On Tuesday, he said he found a note on his car that read: "Stand Back: Person May Bite."
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now thats a real man. who even knows to do that kind of thing? who of us will ever forget this little trick? i know i wont.

Now this guy got it "go'in on"...........

London, England (CNS) - There is one scientist who is using his knowledge of anatomy to help Hollywood look even more perfect.
Patrick Mallucci has thoroughly researched pictures of celebrity women to compile images of the best looking breasts. His work is supposed to help plastic surgeons create the perfect looking breasts when clients request some work done on their natural assets.
According to Mallucci, British model Caprice has the best chest in the business. Mallucci has declared the posers props to be the best artificial boobs in the business. But there was one girl who wasn't so lucky.
Posh Spice, otherwise known as Victoria Beckham, loves to flaunt her lady lumps around Hollywood and Fashion Week in figure hugging outfits but there may be some people - especially doctors - who would prefer her not to. Her boobs have been labeled the worst boob job by Mallucci.
The scientist presented his findings at the Breast Enlargement Conference in London.
He told the Daily Mail newspaper, "The ideal is a 45 to 55 per cent proportion - that is the nipple sits not at the half-way mark down the breast, but at least 45 per cent from the top."
According to Mallucci, Beckham's boobs are "unnaturally round".
The new research is sure to be useful in Hollywood, where starlets are constantly on a mission to improve their physical appearance in any way they can.



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dont be a scientist. thats a boring job. you spend all day in a lab.

why did i listen to the voices in my head....again? why didnt i think this up? theres some nerdy guy and now hes attending Breast Enlargement Conferences in london. i would have liked to have been his research assistant.

Friday, September 28, 2007

C'mon guys

at least leave a comment

I guess it could be................



MIAMI, Fla. - Hundreds of faithful people lined up at a South Florida church on Thursday and Friday nights, claiming to see visions of the Virgin Mary and Jesus in a cloth tapestry.
The apparition is said to be appearing on the altar of St. Brendan's Catholic Church in Miami. Some people stood in line for more than an hour to see the image. "I heard it on the news this morning that there was a silhouette of the holy family," Maria Anduiza said. "So we're here to see." Inside the Chapel of the Blessed Sacrament where the Holy Eucharist is exposed, church officials said shadows appeared along the bottom of the altar cloth. The shadows have been drawing crowds of believers since Thursday. Students in South Florida also went to see the alleged apparition. "I felt like the presence of Jesus was in front of me," Michael Valerias of Palmetto Middle School said. "My grandfather just passed away, so I felt his presence also." "I believe that this has a meaning that we have to have more faith in God," teacher Maggie Falla said. Technology made it possible to capture and keep the unusual images. "When I came yesterday, I saw an image of Mary and Joseph," Falla said. "I saw a little shadow in the middle, but I wasn't sure." Falla returned to the chapel with her iPhone on Friday. A photo taken from her iPhone shows a darker shadow between two clearly defined silhouettes that appears different than it does in person. "I see the face of Jesus Christ in between Mary and Joseph, an adult version," she said. "It's not what I see inside." Her iPhone became another sight to see for those drawn to the apparition. "That's awesome," Anduiza said. "You could see the face of Jesus in between the Blessed Mother's silhouette." Is this an actual apparition? St. Brendan's pastor father Fernando Heria said faith is in the eyes of the beholder. "I have seen the shadows," he said. "What the shadows mean I think is very subjective. Each person experiences religion in a very personal way because God talks to us individually. God comes to our level of spirituality." Before the hierarchy of the Catholic Church officially recognizes any apparition, there is a lengthy investigation. "Private apparitions are very subjective," Heria said. "The church takes a long time. It must analyze. Because there can be a human explanation for any event that we perceive as supernatural. Obviously we have to account for that."
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could it also be that you have a leak and it looks like a water stain, or barney, or the blob. this is by far the most far fetched of all the holy faces that appear. it really doesnt look like anything. of course hundreds of faithful rubes will run to that church and throw money at it in the hopes of getting straight into heaven upon the rapture. me, well i'll be doing two shows a night at the improv in center city hell (come for the second show...i work a little blue).

Who'd have guessed..............


A group founded after a woman claimed to have seen apparitions of the Virgin Mary in a pine tree has been refused recognition by the Vatican.
The Family of the Divine Innocence has no recognition from the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Southwark or the Holy See, a Vatican statement said.
The Community was founded by Patricia de Menezes, 67, in 1984.
She developed a large following after the alleged visions near her Surbiton home in south-west London.
The Catholic convert and freelance jewellery designer claimed to have seen the Virgin Mary in a pine tree. The vision has been nicknamed Our Lady of Surbiton.
'Not convinced'
An inquiry into the group was launched by the Vatican watchdog for doctrinal orthodoxy, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.
It concluded it was "not convinced" by the "substantial" content of the messages allegedly communicated to Mrs de Menezes.
But the Family of the Divine Innocence disagreed with the findings and said: "As loyal Catholics we will do all we can to communicate accurately the way of Christ's Divine Innocence to the authorities of the Catholic church."
The messages included a "questionable" demand that the Roman Catholic Church should proclaim aborted babies as martyrs, the congregation said.
The Most Rev Kevin McDonald, Archbishop of Southwark, said: "In view of the very serious concerns raised by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, it must be clearly stated that the Divine Innocence has no recognition or approval whatsoever either from the diocese of Southwark or the Holy See and that there is no ecclesiastical approbation for Catholics to meet as the group known as Divine Innocence."



i once saw buddha in a maple tree. of course i was doing mushrooms at the time and the other trees pointed it out to me but that doesnt take away from the heavenly feeling that overcame me and the devout hope for a tax free enterprise that would have rubes giving me money that i felt that day. being an internet reverend like i am now has given me a whole new outlook on these types of ventures. first, dont try and pull one over on us. we see through all your bullshit. you didnt see anything in that tree. secondly, and this might be just for me, dont do mushrooms while walking through the woods.

Nice parents................

BEAVER COUNTY, Pa. -- Two mobile homes were badly damaged by fire in Center Township, Beaver County, and a couple who lived in one of the trailers is facing charges Tuesday -- even though they are also victims of the fire.
Crystal Adams, 31, and James Chandler, 33, are accused of reckless endangerment, because police say the two grabbed their pet dogs and fled the fire at Center Manor Court but left Chandler's young son behind on Friday night.
The 4-year-old boy was treated for smoke inhalation after a firefighter ran inside and pulled him out, township Fire Chief Bill Brucker said.

Police said the firefighters learned that the boy was still inside the burning mobile home about 20 minutes after Chandler and Adams had already gotten out, when the two allegedly told firefighters that they had forgotten the child.
"They were asked numerous times by law enforcement -- I overheard at least once or twice -- 'Is there anyone else in these trailers?' Brucker told WTAE Channel 4's Sheldon Ingram.
The boy was conscious when a firefighter found him in a bedroom, Brucker said.
"You tuck your kid in bed, you should remember that he's still in there," Brucker said.
The cause of the fire is still under investigation.



to say that this kid is going to have some issues down the road with his parents would be a grotesque understatement. i can only imagine that conversation years from now....

son: so dad , just for my edification, why did you grab the dog and not me?
dad: well you hadnt been doin your chores and that dor always brought me the paper
mom: and we hadnt put any money away for your college. the dog we didnt worry so much about.

if i was this kid i wouldnt be waiting for any money in the will. on the other hand i dont think they should wait for the son to put them in the really good nursing home

Another smart move...............



Ignoring warnings from the United States government, Mel Gibson is moving his family to an isolated part of Costa Rica. IMDB says:
The Mad Max actor, 51, plans to move his wife Robyn and seven children 3,000 miles away from their home in California to a $26 million ranch in a rural area that is known as “bandit territory”. Ignoring official US government warnings, Gibson has put two properties in California and Connecticut on the market to finance his move to the densely wooded estate in the Guanacaste province on Costa Rica’s northern Pacific coast. A State Department briefing warns that all American visitors there are “potential targets for criminals and kidnappers” and should never travel alone. It adds, “Local law enforcement agencies have limited capabilities and do not operate according to US standards
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hey, lets make a movie and blame the jews for killing christ. hey, lets support my dad who says the holocaust never happened. hey, lets quit making action movies and make romantic comedies.
just wanted to prove that this move is not mels worst move. this is a good way to get rid of your family though. i guess mel wants his life to actually be an action movie. .” What’s not mentioned in the article is exactly why Gibson is moving his family thousands of miles away. The lack of roads maybe? No roads equals no DUIs. It’s simple logic folks. There’s a reason why Costa Rica probably has more alcoholics per square mile than any other country in the world. I think I heard that somewhere one time.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The thought police are alive and well and living in Iowa.

Steve Bitterman, a teacher at Southwestern Community College, Red Oak, Iowa, was fired yesterday after he urged his pupils not to take the story of Adam and Eve too literally. Bitterman was teaching a western civilisation course and often used extracts from the Old Testament as part of his lessons, but urged students to look beyond a literal interpretation of what he views as an "extremely meaningful story", believing such a reading would miss much of the poetic, metaphoric and symbolic content. After class, he also made the mistake of referring to the story as a "fairy tale" during a conversation with a student.The class was being broadcast to a second college in Osceola, Iowa, and it was a group of students from this class that reported Bitterman for "denigrating their religion". Bitterman's college has refused to comment on his dismissal, which it described as a "personnel matter".Speaking to Iowa newspaper the Des Moines Register, Bitterman said: "I'm just a little bit shocked that a college in good standing would back up students who insist that people have to teach that there were such things as talking snakes or lose their job."Clearly endorsing the good work of his former employers, he concluded: ""From my point of view, what they're doing is essentially teaching their students to function in the eighth century."


is there anything that needs to be said here. he wasnt denigrating anything. i thought college was supposed to get you away from your parents and surround you with new people who might have some different thoughts and who might actually get you to see something in a different way. you just have to give it some thought, you dont have to change your belief system. of course, iowa, being a red state is in the dark ages. they are right there with kansas. those students who reported him are very close to the taliban.

By the way, you're not safer. Violent crime is going up.

Yes, the President who told you he'd make you safer, well he lied. Violent crime is on the rise again. This is another one of those areas where Republicans talk tough, but don't really do anything. Crime decreased dramatically during the Clinton administration. Under Bush, we're in more danger in our cities and towns. This shouldn't come as a surprise considering our top law enforcement official for the past couple years was Alberto Gonzales. Heckuva job, Bushie:
The number of violent crimes increased by a larger amount than expected last year, extending the first significant rise in murders and robberies in a dozen years, according to an FBI report released today.The FBI's Uniform Crime Reporting Program shows that robberies surged by 7.2 percent and murders rose 1.8 percent from 2005 to 2006. Violent crime overall rose 1.9 percent, notably more than an increase of 1.3 percent estimated in a preliminary FBI report in June.The increase was the second in two years, following a 2.3 percent jump in 2005. Taken together, the two years comprise the first steady increase in violent crimes since 1993.The FBI report presents a significant political challenge for the Bush administration, which has faced growing criticism from congressional Democrats, big-city mayors and police chiefs for presiding over cuts in federal assistance to local law enforcement agencies over the last six years. Of course this is a significant political challenge for Bush. Every single issue is a significant political challenge for Bush. We need the Bush team to actually focus on the policy, not the politics.





http://www.americablog.com/ is a good site. you should go check it out. we need to question all of our politicians....not just the republicans...all of them

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Another winner from "the onion"..


Bush Makes Surprise Visit To Work

WASHINGTON, DC—In an unexpected move that shocked White House staff and stunned the nation, President George W. Bush arrived unannounced at the Oval Office Monday.
President Bush exits Marine One at the start of his four-hour visit to Washington's White House.
Bush, who flew in from his home in Texas, was greeted by security forces upon landing outside the White House, and quickly escorted through the building's back entrance. Wearing a special suit-and-tie uniform intended to boost morale and show support for men and women serving in the Beltway, Bush entered the East Room at about 3:30 p.m. and addressed a bewildered but enthusiastic crowd of staff members.
"Am I late?" Bush joked to the group of approximately 200, who were led to believe they would be attending a ceremony to honor Secretary of Transportation Mary Peters. Bush's entrance received a standing ovation.
"It is incredible to see firsthand what you brave men and women do every day," Bush said to rousing applause. "You are all heroes."
Telling the group he wished he had the time to work alongside each and every one of them, Bush made general inquiries about conditions at the executive mansion, recruitment of new personnel, and where everyone was eating for lunch.
According to sources close to the president, Bush barely had time to rest during the four-hour visit. He first met face-to-face with several high-ranking U.S. officials, who briefed him on the situation in Washington. Bush then signed a number of documents, took a guided tour of the facilities, and in a symbolic show of support for the current administration, shook hands with the vice president.

Bush poses with a White House official during his brief stopover.
Bush was also granted permission to sit in on an important Cabinet meeting concerning U.S. counterterrorism efforts. Those who were present said the president mostly observed, but noted that he did ask "a lot" of questions. Afterward, Bush sat behind the Oval Office desk and shuffled papers for 15 minutes while news photographers snapped photographs.
For most members of the White House staff, it was their first chance to meet the president. Many said they were "overcome" with excitement.
"When I was getting ready for work this morning, the last person I ever thought I'd see was the president of the United States," said Alexander Mistri, special assistant to the president for legislative affairs.
"I actually got to shake hands with the president," Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao said. "He seems like a very nice man in person."
While Bush made surprise trips to work in August 2004 and stopped by in July 2005 to pick up a paycheck, Monday's visit marked his first extended stay since last December.
For security reasons, the trip was shrouded in secrecy. Sources say the president was ushered out of his Crawford, TX home just before noon Monday, while his family and closest friends were under the assumption that he was sleeping in, per normal vacation protocol. Only a few officials were informed of the trip, including his chief of staff Joshua Bolten, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, and Bush's fishing buddy Dale.
Many claim the trip was staged as a "media ploy" intended to convince the public that the administration's occupation of Washington, D.C. is not a lost cause.
"President Bush wants us to believe that he is in touch with the Bush administration," political analyst Garry Wills said. "But this is too little, too late. Mr. Bush has staked his legacy on the success of the work being done in the White House, but if I were him, I'd be thinking more about an exit strategy than rallying the grunts on the ground."
Despite such criticisms, Bush's visit ended on a positive note. At 4:55 p.m. Monday, he gave a parting speech to staff, thanking them for their hard work, explaining that the future of the country rests in their hands, and promising that they would all be sent home to their families "very soon."

Another george bush jr?..........




Speaking at the NRA yesterday, Rudy Giuliani said that the MoveOn ad smearing General Petraeus "passed a line that we should not allow American political organizations to pass":
Whether you agree with the war in Iraq or you don't; whether you agree with the surge or you don't; Democrats even came back from Iraq and said that he's having more success than anybody had thought.
So to attack the man's integrity, and honesty, and decency, is in my view indecent. It passed a line that we should not allow American political organizations to pass.
This statement (which his campaign declined to disavow) echoes Giuliani's little-noticed statement to Sean Hannity that criticism of Petraues "should not be allowed":
This is being done purely for political campaign strategy. It's a calculated political campaign strategy. You should not be allowed to malign someone's reputation unfairly just because you think it's good for your campaign.
As I wrote before, Giuliani's ugly history on free speech issues makes this rhetoric especially troubling. He owes voters an explanation.



he is famous for doing what a mayor should have done. i think hes scary and dont like the thought that he could be at the controls. sure he made new york livable by throwing the homeless out of town but i think he would find alot of americans not to his liking.....like me. this si a man who doesnt like the constitution. the bill of rights are just a vague guideline to this man. this country was based on free speech and the fact that moveon .org is questioning the war isnt bad. what is bad was when the republicans went after max cleeland and compared him to bin laden (if you dont know max cleeland he lost his legs in the vietnam war). see going after a war hero is ok with rudy but going after this war isnt.



this is a bad man......

Ohio , the new hotspot.....for stupidity

After a 4:00 a.m. blackout, electrical systemworkers went to a substation in Youngstown, Ohio, to diagnose theproblem. They found it: a man had cut through the security fence,climbed up a ladder, and cut a 23,000-volt line to steal the copperwire. The surge through his body quick-fried him, and he then fell 20-25 feet, investigators say. His body was still smoking when it wasfound; a pair of bolt cutters was welded to his neck by the shock.Police identified the man as James Leach, 50, and said that he had beenarrested in an electrical substation last month, and had been releasedfrom custody the two days before on another theft charge. DetectiveKenneth Centorame found the death surprising. "He ought to know betterthan that," he said. (Warren Tribune Chronicle) .



"From what I understand, two guys were out fishingon Friday night," reported Massillon (Ohio) Police Sgt. J.J. DiLoreto.But instead of catching a fish, they caught a snapping turtle. "I thinkthey were planning to eat it," he said, so the fishermen decided toshoot the turtle. But "his foot got in the way," DiLoreto said. "He shot himself in the foot" with a 9mm pistol. The unnamed victim mayface a misdemeanor charge of illegal firearms discharge. And in all theresulting confusion, "I think the turtle got away." (MassilonIndependent)



i love the stupid. they make life just a little more special. i do think these people should be taken out of the gene pool though........

Stupidity rears its really ugly head.......



“The View” co-host doesn’t know if the world is round or flat




I can’t believe this. One of the co-hosts of The View, Sherri Sheppherd, said she didn’t believe in evolution so co-host Whoopi Goldberg asked her if she believed the world was flat or round. She wasn’t able to answer, using the excuse that she was too busy being a good little housewife to think about complicated things like matters that science settled hundreds of years ago. Amazing.
Partial transcript:
WHOOPI GOLDBERG: Is the world flat?
SHERRI SHEPHERD: Is the world flat? (laughter)
GOLDBERG: Yes.
SHEPHERD: …I Don’t know.
GOLDBERG: What do you think?
SHEPHERD: I… I never thought about it, Whoopi. Is the world flat? I never thought about it.
BARBARA WALTERS: You’ve never thought about whether the world was round or flat?
SHEPHERD: I tell you what I’ve thought about. How I’m going to feed my child–
WALTERS: Well you can do both.
SHEPERD: …how I’m going to take care of my family. The world, is the world flat has never entered into, like that has not been an important thing to me.
ELIZABETH HASSELBECK: You’ll teach your son, Jeffery, right?
SHEPHERD: If my son, Jeffery, asks me ‘is the world flat,’ I guess I would go…
JOY BEHAR: You know, didn’t some person already work this question out? I mean, why are we doing this again? (laughter, applause)




didnt like rosie? at least she was educated. this is an insult to everyone who watches this show, the other hosts, our sensiblilities, our national pride......etc.




is this woman retarded? who doesnt know thwe world is round? she didnt think about it? then why is she on a show called "the view" giving her views. even the idiot hasselback is smarter than this dope. it makes me wonder if barbara picks the stupidest right wingers or are all the right wingers this stupid. she doesnt believe in evolution (keep your ape jokes to yourselves) , she doesnt know if the world is round or flat? chris rock might have it right.....nothing a black person likes more than not knowing.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

From the onion..............


Arby's CEO Arrested With Trunk Full Of Stolen Horsey Sauce
ATLANTA—Arby's CEO Roland Smith was arrested and charged with unlawful possession of a controlled condiment Tuesday when a Georgia state trooper found 40 kilos of stolen Horsey Sauce in the trunk of Smith's car after pulling him over for erratic driving.
"When the arresting officer approached the car, Mr. Smith was behaving strangely and the officer detected a strong, spicy odor," said Georgia State Patrol spokesperson Tim Courson. "Upon inspection of the vehicle, the trooper discovered that the trunk contained what appeared to be a large quantity of uncut, pure-grade Horsey Sauce. A subsequent search of the suspect's person revealed several additional ounces of the sauce in large Ziploc bags duct-taped to his legs and chest."
Police estimate the street value of the potent horseradish-and-mayonnaise-based substance at $4.32.


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from the onion. www.theonion.com. it really is a funny site.

In the old days...........

A PENSIONER nearly burned down her old folks’ home — after putting her slippers under the grill to warm them up.
Joan Hiscock, 84, settled down for a nice night of telly but forgot about them — until they caught fire and filled her home with smoke.
That triggered the fire alarms — and nine firefighters raced to the scene.

They were forced to evacuate dozens of other old folk in the sheltered accommodation before getting the blaze under control. They found the smouldering slippers on the grill pan in Stockbridge, Hampshire.
Yesterday horrified Joan said: “I’ve never had an accident like this in my life.
“I put the slippers under the grill to dry them after I had washed them. But I forgot all about them.
“They set fire to the oven and everyone had to be evacuated. When they found out it was my slippers they were laughing. I’ve learned my lesson.”
A spokesman for Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service said: “It was one of our most unusual call-outs.
“We have told her it is quite all right to put kippers under the grill — but not all right for slippers!”


maybe the eskimos had it right. when you started doing things like this they put you out on the ice flow and let the polar bears eat them. anyone this stupid is a danger to everyone who lives there.

Award winning? really, what award..........




SALT LAKE CITY — A man honored as among the best teachers in Utah pleaded guilty Thursday to felony sex charges involving 11 students at his suburban classroom.
Frank Laine Hall, 37, who taught first grade in the Salt Lake City suburb of Riverton until his arrest last March, could get up to 30 years to life in prison, prosecutor Rodwicke Ybarra said.
Hall pleaded guilty to 10 counts of attempted aggravated sex abuse of a child and one count of sex abuse of a child in a plea agreement that dismissed five other counts of aggravated sex abuse of a child, Ybarra said.
The agreement will ensure that he must register as a sex offender for life, Ybarra said.
In court Thursday, Hall admitted he touched the students inappropriately, Ybarra said.
The former teacher didn't respond to an e-mail Thursday sent through his animated class Web site, which is still up but appears dated. His lawyer, David Finlayson, refused to take any calls from The Associated Press.
Hall remains free on $500,000 bail until his sentencing Nov. 14.
Hall was accused of putting his hand inside the pants of three girls at Rosamond Elementary School in Riverton. Then eight other students came forward with similar accounts, Ybarra said.


Authorities were tipped by the parents of one student, and school officials said they immediately barred Hall from the classroom.
Hall received a Huntsman Award for Excellence in Education in 2006, an honor for being one of the best teachers in Utah.
Huntsman Corp., the nation's fifth-biggest chemical manufacturer, earlier this year had a Web page posted with Hall's photograph.
At the time, Huntsman Corp. said it had no immediate plan to rescind Hall's award, but his profile has disappeared from the corporate Web site, replaced by a slate of 2007 winners.
On Thursday, a spokesman for company Chairman Jon Huntsman Sr., Jannie Spader, said nobody at the company was aware of Hall's guilty plea, but that an advisory board probably would revisit Hall's award.
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look at that picture. he looks like a commercial for someone who would molest young girls. maybe he should be castrated.......

This isnt a bad idea............

PANAMA CITY, Fla. — A confessed rapist was sentenced Thursday to 25 years in prison, days after he voluntarily underwent castration as part of a plea deal to avoid a life sentence.
Circuit Judge Michael Overstreet sentenced Bobby James Allen to 25 years in prison followed by 10 years' probation. Allen pleaded guilty this month to three counts of armed sexual battery and other charges involving attacks in 1998 and 1999. Allen requested castration in exchange for a reduced sentence.
The surgical procedure cost about $2,000, and the court system paid for it, public defender Doug White told The News Herald of Panama City. A message left with White after business hours by The Associated Press was not immediately returned.
Overstreet warned Allen to expect hormonal changes that could lead to the breast development, osteoporosis and hot flashes. Castration results in sterility, a decline in sexual interest and erection problems.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Keith Olbermann hits it over the fence...again

In light of President Bush’s disgraceful presser today, Keith Olbermann decided to make a Special Comment on tonight’s Countdown and wow, did he make the most of it. Olbermann blasts the president for his cowardly and un-American behavior of pimping General Petraeus as a political hack and hiding behind him to deflect criticism.
To say that Keith took the president to the woodshed would be an understatement.
heres some excerpts.................
So the President, behaving a little bit more than usual, like we’d all interrupted him while he was watching his favorite cartoons on the DVR, stepped before the press conference microphone and after side-stepping most of the substantive issues like the Israeli raid on Syria in condescending and infuriating fashion, produced a big-wow political finish that indicates, certainly, that if it wasn’t already — the annual Republican witch-hunting season is underway.
“I thought the ad was disgusting. I felt like the ad was an attack not only on General Petraeus, but on the U.S. Military.
“And I was disappointed that not more leaders in the Democrat party spoke out strongly against that kind of ad.
“And that leads me to come to this conclusion: that most Democrats are afraid of irritating a left-wing group like Move-On-Dot-Org — or **more** afraid of irritating them, than they are of irritating the United States military.”
“That was a sorry deal.”
First off, it’s “Democrat-ic” party, sir.
You keep pretending you’re not a politician, so stop using words your party made up. Show a little respect.
Secondly, you could say this seriously after the advertising/mugging of Senator Max Cleland? After the swift-boating of John Kerry?
But most importantly… making that the last question?
So that there was no chance at a follow-up?
So nobody could point out — as Chris Matthews so incisively did, a week ago tonight — that you were the one who inappropriately interjected General Petraeus into the political dialogue of this nation in the first place!
Deliberately, premeditatedly, and virtually without precedent, you shanghaied a military man as your personal spokesman — and now you’re complaining about the outcome, and then running away from the microphone?
Eleven months ago the President’s own party — the Republican National Committee — introduced this very different kind of advertisement, just nineteen days before the mid-term elections.
Bin Laden.
And Zawahiri’s rumored quote of six years ago about having bought “suitcase bombs.”
All set against a ticking clock, and finally a blinding explosion… and the dire announcement:
“These are the stakes - vote, November 7th.”
That one was ok, Mr. Bush?
Terrorizing your own people in hopes of getting them to vote for your own party has never brought as much as a public comment from you?
The Republican Hamstringing of Captain Max Cleeland and lying about Lieutenant John Kerry met with your approval?
But a shot at General Petraeus — about whom you conveniently ignore it is you who reduced him from four-star hero to a political hack — that merits this pissy juvenile blast at the Democrats on national television?
Your hypocrisy is so vast, sir, that if we could somehow use it to fill the ranks in Iraq you could realize your dream — and keep us fighting there until the year 3000.
The line between the military and the civilian government is not to be crossed.
When Douglas MacArthur attempted to make policy for the United States in Korea half a century ago, President Truman moved quickly to fire him, even though Truman knew it meant his own political suicide, and the deification of a General who history suggests had begun to lose his mind.
When George McClellan tried to make policy for the Union in the Civil War, President Lincoln finally fired his chief General, even though he knew McClellan could galvanize political opposition - as he did… when McClellan ran as Lincoln’s presidential opponent in 1864 and nearly defeated our greatest president.
Even when the conduit flowed the other way and Senator Joseph McCarthy tried to smear the Army because it wouldn’t defer the service of one of McCarthy’s staff aides, the entire civilian and Defense Department structures — after four years of fearful servitude — rose up against McCarthy and said “enough” and buried him.
The list is not endless — but it is instructive.
Air Force General LeMay — who broke with Kennedy over the Cuban Missile Crisis — and was retired.
Army General Edwin Anderson Walker — who started passing out John Birch Society leaflets to his soldiers.
Marine General Smedley Butler — who revealed to Congress the makings of a plot to remove FDR as President — and for merely being approached by the plotters, was phased out of the military hierarchy.
These careers were ended because the line between the military and the civilian is… not… to… be… crossed!
Mr. Bush, you had no right to order General Petraeus to become your front man.
And he obviously should have refused that order and resigned rather than ruin his military career.
The upshot is — and contrary it is, to the MoveOn advertisement — he betrayed himself more than he did us.
But there has been in his actions a sort of reflexive courage, some twisted vision of duty at a time of crisis. That the man doesn’t understand that serving officers cannot double as serving political ops, is not so much his fault as it is your good, exploitable, fortune.
But Mr. Bush, you have hidden behind the General’s skirts, and today you have hidden behind the skirts of ‘the planted last question’ at a news conference, to indicate once again that your presidency has been about the tilted playing field, about no rules for your party in terms of character assassination and changing the fabric of our nation, and no right for your opponents or critics to as much as respond.
That, sir, is not only un-American — it is dictatorial.
And in pimping General David Petraeus, sir, in violation of everything this country has been assiduously and vigilantly against for 220 years, you have tried to blur the gleaming radioactive demarcation between the military and the political, and to portray your party as the one associated with the military, and your opponents as the ones somehow antithetical to it.
You did it again today, sir, and you need to know how history will judge the line you just crossed.
It is a line — thankfully only the first of a series — that makes the military political, and the political, military.
It is a line which history shows is always the first one crossed when a democratic government in some other country has started down the long, slippery, suicidal slope towards a military junta.
Get back behind that line, Mr. Bush, before some of your supporters mistake your dangerous transgression, for a call to further politicize our military.

Good night, and good luck.

So Long Marcel Marceau!



he is just as entertaining now as he was alive. i dont get mimes and, with that in mind, wish death upon them. i find them annoying and am totally bothered whenever and wherever i see them. he was the "VOICE" of an entire generation of useless mimes.



on his deathbed he said "---------------------------- ".

(insert joke here)

How bad are things in alabama...........



These two gorgeous ladies are a mother and daughter hooker team. 62-year-old Mary Clark Duncan and her daughter, Theresa, were arrested in Fort Payne, Alabama after they were caught allegedly soliciting sex to an undercover cop.

They agreed to have sex with the officer for $30 for both of them. That's $15 each.

The two are now sitting in jail. Shame! How are lonely men in Alabama getting their discount cooze?

Canada isnt pulling its punches.....






Friday, September 21, 2007

It should be worse.....

HOBBS, N.M. (AP) - Some Lea County inmates set fires and broke toilets and windows after being told they would be allowed only one sausage at dinner. Jail officials said the inmates began yelling and banging on their doors in what they described in a news release as a "temper tantrum."
Officers from the Lea County Sheriff's and Hobbs Police departments were called in to restore control, and the jail was locked down after Tuesday night's incident.
Some 33 prisoners were involved, Warden Jann Gartman said.
The remaining 300-plus prisoners at the jail accepted the meal without incident, authorities said.
The damage to the jail was light, with some smoke damage and broken toilets and windows, the warden said.





these people should be given one sausage per man in a pail in the courtyard. let them fight for their meal. its called prison not happy fun place. you did something bad to get in there. you shouldnt like it. you should want to be good and get out. you shouldnt want to go back.

jail should be bad..............

Teach him.............

In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from North Western University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Obviously wasn't the same elephant.

Maybe if you won a game.........



PHILADELPHIA (AP) -Donovan McNabb smiled when a reporter asked for his opinion on the upcoming opponent and pumped his fist when the next question was about his poor start.
Once the topic switched to McNabb's comment about black quarterbacks, his mood changed quickly.
In a bizarre interview that ended with McNabb walking off the podium at the Philadelphia Eagles practice facility Wednesday, the five-time Pro Bowl quarterback reiterated his statement on HBO that black QBs face greater scrutiny than their white counterparts.
"It's just reality," McNabb said. "It's something that I've been a part of and other quarterbacks before and after me have been a part of. Did I expect any backlash? Yeah. Everything I say, I expect backlash from it."
McNabb displayed a variety of emotions while getting peppered with questions on the race issue. He was perplexed and defensive - and looked more uncomfortable than he does standing in the pocket on his surgically repaired knee under a heavy rush.


"People are trying to dig too deep in this whole situation," he said. "I wasn't pinpointing particular people. What I said was the fact that we (black QBs) have to do a little extra. No matter the style of play you're displaying, there's always going to be criticism."
Asked if any quarterback was criticized more than Chicago's Rex Grossman last year, McNabb said: "I wouldn't know."
He then mentioned Peyton Manning, Carson Palmer, Tom Brady, Hall of Famer Steve Young and Jake Plummer.
"I never said Peyton doesn't get criticized. I never said Carson doesn't get criticized. I never said Tom doesn't get criticized, because they do," McNabb said. "They talked about Peyton not winning the big game. They talked about Tom Brady and his baby and girlfriend. We get criticized a little differently."


In a blog posting Wednesday night, McNabb referred to criticism levied on him by the president of the Philadelphia branch of the NAACP in December 2005 for scrambling less as his career progressed.
"I bet Fran Tarkenton, Steve Young, Jake Plummer, and Doug Flutie have never been told by a member of any racial consciousness organization that they don't play the quarterback position white enough," McNabb wrote.
J. Whyatt Mondesire, the publisher of the Philadelphia Sunday Sun, a black newspaper, wrote in a column that McNabb was "mediocre" and that he found it insulting that McNabb had "concocted reasoning that African American quarterbacks who can scramble and who can run the ball are somehow lesser field generals."
--------------------------------------------------------------
does anyone really care if a quarterback is black or not. you know what matters....winning. you dont want to be criticized? start winning. why does he even respond to a guy from the naacp criticizing him. this guy never played pro ball. he never got his knee injured. and that guy from the "black paper" called him mediocre....well if your writing for a "black paper" then you are mediocre. you want to help donovan? get him some recievers who can get open.
in the meantime....shut up donovan...........

Thank you president bush...............

Canadian Dollar Trades Equal to U.S. for First Time Since 1976
By Haris Anwar and Theophilos Argitis

Sept. 20 (Bloomberg) -- Canada's dollar traded equal to the U.S. currency for the first time in three decades, capping a five-year run on the back of booming demand for the nation's commodities.
The Canadian dollar rose as high as $1.0008, before retreating to 99.87 U.S. cents at 4:16 p.m. in New York. It has soared 62 percent from a record low of 61.76 U.S. cents in 2002. The U.S. dollar fell as low as 99.93 Canadian cents today. The Canadian currency last closed above $1 on Nov. 25, 1976, when Pierre Trudeau was Canada's prime minister.
The move to parity marks a milestone for a currency dubbed the loonie for the bird that adorns the nation's one-dollar coin. Parity also symbolizes Canada's emerging clout in a world economy increasingly short of the energy, grains and metals the country produces.
``It's a long time since those heady days,'' said Frank McKenna, 59, deputy chairman of Toronto-Dominion Bank, the country's third-biggest lender, and a former ambassador to the U.S. ``Canadians should understand that this is a badge of confidence in our country.''
Canada, the world's eighth-biggest economy, has benefited from rising demand for copper, gold, wheat and oil from neighboring U.S. and emerging economies such as India and China. The country is the world's largest producer of uranium, the second-biggest exporter of natural gas, and sits on the largest pool of oil reserves outside the Middle East. Canada is also the world's second-largest exporter of wheat, which rose to a record this month.
Commodities Soar
The Reuters/Jefferies CRB Index of global commodities has risen 69 percent since January 2002 on growing demand from China and other Asian economies, boosting the value of Canadian exports and triggering investment in new mines and other resource projects. Canada's economy will be the fastest-growing among the Group of Seven nations in 2008, with an expected pace of 2.9 percent, the International Monetary Fund estimated in April.
Foreign investors are rushing into the country to tap into the boom, boosting demand for the Canadian currency. Canadian companies have been involved in announced takeovers worth $287 billion this year, surpassing the record $275 billion for all of 2006, according to data compiled by Bloomberg. The dollar almost gained a full cent on July 12, the day Rio Tinto Group offered $38.1 billion for Montreal-based Alcan Inc., the world's No. 2 aluminum producer.
Canada, which has run 10 consecutive annual budget surpluses, is using the world's growing reliance on its commodities to bolster its stature globally.
Energy Power
Prime Minister Stephen Harper has called the North American country an ``energy superpower,'' and asserted sovereignty in the Arctic, pitting Canada's claims against Russia and the U.S. Harper also has sought to increase Canada's influence in Latin America by signing trade deals and touting the country as an alternative energy source to Venezuela.
``Parity heralds Canada's reemergence on the world's economic stage,'' said Michael Gregory, a senior economist at BMO Capital Markets in Toronto.
To be sure, the stronger Canadian currency comes at a cost to some areas of the economy, from lumber producers in British Columbia to carmakers in Ontario. The stronger dollar makes their products more expensive abroad.
``We've got a speculative bubble in the Canadian dollar,'' said Stephen Jarislowsky, chief executive officer of Montreal- based Jarislowsky Fraser Ltd., which manages about $62.6 billion. ``Parity will be an unmitigated disaster for Canada. It spells -- in the not too distant future -- a major recession, at least in eastern Canada if not the rest of the country.''
Job Cuts
The Forest Products Association of Canada, an Ottawa-based lobby group, estimates 110,000 jobs have been lost in the manufacturing industry since 2002, almost a third of them in the forest sector.
The surging currency also reflects U.S. dollar weakness against all major currencies. The U.S. dollar has posted losses over the past five years against all but one of the 16 major currencies tracked by Bloomberg on concern about the nation's budget and trade imbalances, and a housing slump.
``We are going to feel the effects of the downturn in the U.S. housing market, because we are an exporter of housing materials,'' Finance Minister Jim Flaherty said in an interview in Ottawa. ``But overall we have a strong Canadian economy, our economic fundamentals are the strongest in the G-7. So we are well positioned to weather this storm.''
Offset Slump
So far, growing demand for commodities and other industrial goods produced in Canada is more than offsetting the slump in manufacturing. Canada has generated 32 consecutive quarters of current account surpluses, with receipts from outside Canada exceeding payments sent abroad by C$187 billion ($187 billion) over the period. The jobless rate remains at a 33-year low of 6 percent.
``In a resource economy, and Canada is still largely a resource economy, you'll find the exchange rate will move up and down with commodities,'' said Neil Camarta, senior vice president of oil sands at Petro-Canada, the country's third-biggest oil and gas producer.
The country is also lessening its dependence on the slowing U.S. economy, with U.S. shipments accounting for 76 percent of exports in July, down from 85 percent in 2002. Exports to the U.S. fell 3.3 percent in July, yet were up 29 percent to the European Union and 65 percent to China.
And while the U.S. Federal Reserve cut interest rates on Sept. 18 to revive growth, Canada's central bank raised rates in July and may increase them again this year to stem inflation, futures contracts show.
Good Indication
``Currency markets are a good indication relative to the country,'' said Richard Waugh, chief executive officer of Toronto-based Bank of Nova Scotia, the No. 2 bank. Waugh predicted in a March interview that the currency would reach parity.
For McKenna, the move to parity reminds him of a time when he was a boy in the 1960s, selling strawberries to U.S. tourists on the roadside in his native New Brunswick. Back then, the Canadian dollar was worth more than American money.
``It was difficult to make change,'' he recalled. ``So we used to give them a break (and) treat the currencies at par.''

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Yyyeeeeeoooowwwwwwwwww..........



LAKE ELSINORE - Three men have been charged with kidnapping and assault in a case worthy of a cult movie plot.
A 48-year-old Lake Elsinore woman has accused the three of abducting, beating and dumping her in Mexico late last month.
The accused are the 45-year-old man the woman had been living with and two of his friends, said Detective Joe Greco of the Lake Elsinore Police Department. Greco said one of the men is nicknamed "No Nose" because his face is disfigured from a gunshot wound suffered years ago.


Hours after being left battered and bruised, the woman reappeared on her boyfriend's Lake Elsinore doorstep demanding that he pay her $300 fare for a cab ride from the U.S-Mexico border.
"It's like something out of a Quentin Tarantino movie," Greco said. "The whole thing is just bizarre."
The woman, whose name was not disclosed, told police that her live-in boyfriend of about three years, Donald Darcy Turk, 45, and two of his friends abducted her Aug. 25, Greco said.
"He's been violent toward her in the past," Greco said of Turk, adding that police had been called to the couple's home before on reports of domestic violence.
"They hatched this plan to get rid of her because she's a pain to the boyfriend," Greco said. "They all just said she was a nag."


The woman told investigators that her boyfriend, along with Robert Wayne "No Nose" Gardner, 47, and Robert Paul McCabe, 38, a man who had been doing work around the couple's house, kidnapped her from the garage on a Saturday morning. They used duct tape and handcuffs to restrain her, Greco said.
The woman was driven across the border, and when she was crying at one point, one of the men stomped on her head, Greco said.
The men threatened to kill her, Greco said, but instead beat her up and dumped her near a Rosarito Beach motel.
Apparently, Greco said, the woman was able to connect with the Mexican federal police, who gave her a ride to the border, and there she persuaded a taxi driver to take her to Lake Elsinore.
When the woman got home, she confronted Turk.


"She made him write a check for the cab," Greco said. Turk then left for his ex-wife's house in Redondo Beach, where a birthday party for one of his children was planned.
The next day, the girlfriend reported the incident to police, and investigators arrested Turk at the party, Greco said. McCabe and Gardner were also arrested Aug. 27.
McCabe confessed, Greco said, but Gardner denied kidnapping and beating the woman, saying they were all drinking at the beach in Mexico together and just left her there.
Both men have pleaded not guilty to all charges, court records show.
Turk's arraignment is scheduled for next week.
Neighbors told investigators that they heard a lot of noise coming from the house the morning of the abduction. When a neighbor later asked Turk about his girlfriend, Greco said, "He said he got rid of her in Mexico, and that she wouldn't be coming back."
Turk posted $50,000 bond and was released Aug. 27, jail records show. McCabe and Gardner were still in jail Monday.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok, again we come across a story that just writes itself.
they live together and hes hit her before. now i know there is a pathology there that i cant understand but still, its time to move. sure , shes a nag, but do you drive her to florida and leave her there? and saying that you were partying there and just left her isnt much better. he sounds like a real keeper. any bets on wether these people live in a trailer park or not? after all that she comes back to him and he writes out a check for the cab...so he is a romantic.
but thats not even the oddest thing in this story. ol' no nose is. check out that picture. i couldnt even hang with a guy that freaky looking (even if he would help me dump a chick in mexico). he lost his nose in a shotgun accident.
that bears repeating..........a shotgun accident. we should hook him up with the carnival guy and he can have sex in the back of his suv............

Fundamentalists = fun + mental....




LEWISTON - A Lewiston woman who was upset by the content of an acclaimed sex education book published 14 years ago has checked out copies from two libraries and refuses to give them back.
"Since I have been sufficiently horrified of the illustrations and the sexually graphic, amoral abnormal contents, I will not be returning the books," JoAn Karkos wrote the Lewiston and Auburn public libraries last month.
Each letter was accompanied by a check for $20.95 to cover the cost of the book, "It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex & Sexual Health."
"This has never happened before," said Rick Speer, director of the Lewiston Public Library. "It is clearly theft."
Speer returned the check, along with a form Karkos could use to request that the book be removed from library shelves. But he said he may seek help from police if she doesn't return what she borrowed.
"That's really what we want," Speer said. "We want the book back."
Written by Robie H. Harris and illustrated by Michael Emberley, the book features frank but cartoon-like illustrations of naked people in chapters on topics that include abstinence, masturbation and sexually transmitted diseases.
The publisher, Massachusetts-based Candlewick Press, said "It's Perfectly Normal" has been sold in 25 countries and translated into 21 languages.
Karkos, 64, said in an interview Tuesday that she first heard of the book from the American Life League, an anti-abortion group. She felt compelled to act after she checked out the book and found it to be "pornographic" and worse than she originally feared.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
can we please just throw people like this in jail? i hate when people are going to tell me what i can and cannot read based on their beliefs. because an imaginary guy in the sky has made this woman ashamed of her body shes going to be the moral compass for all of us. i just say that we should send the swat team over to her house, break down the door and get the two books back....and while they are there they can staple her check to her forehead....

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

So much wrong with this story............

MOSCOW, Idaho — A 22-year-old carnival worker blames two friends having sexual intercourse in the back seat of his car for an accident in which his Chevrolet S-10 Blazer struck a telephone pole.
Joshua D. Frank, who is living in a trailer parked on the Latah County Fairgrounds, pleaded guilty Monday to a misdemeanor charge of failing to notify a police officer of a traffic accident. That's after he left the vehicle at the site of the mishap. He was fined $188.
Frank told Moscow Police Department officers that he was driving the vehicle near downtown early Saturday while a man and woman were having sex in the rear of the vehicle.
According to a probable cause affidavit, Frank told authorities that the actions of the pair in the back caused the Blazer, which "was top heavy anyway," to become "tippy" and lose control.
Frank left the accident scene with a minor head wound and returned to his trailer.
The other two occupants of the vehicle were treated for injuries, according to the affidavit, though further information on their condition wasn't available.



do i even have to make up jokes here? does this story just write itself?

first, hes a carnival worker. would you ever use this as a job description? wouldnt just saying your unemployed be the classier thing?
second, he lives in a trailer park. how formulaic
third, what kind od sex are you having that you can tipover a trailblazer? now mrs pissed and i have been known to get wild but i dont think we could tip over an suv.....we may have to try.

if you look up trailer trash in the dictionary it shows these people

And this is going to help, how?



OMAHA, Neb -- State Senator Ernie Chambers is suing God. He says it to prove a point about frivolous lawsuits.
Chambers says senators periodically have offered bills prohibiting the filing of certain types of suits. He says his main objection is the constitution requires that the doors to the courthouse be open to all. Chambers said, "Thus anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody - even God."
Chambers said he decided to file this lawsuit after a suit was filed in early September in federal court against Lancaster County Judge Jeffre Cheuvront. He's the judge who was hearing a sexual assault case, where the woman wants to use the words "rape and victim" during her testimony.


Chambers lawsuit, which was filed on Friday in Douglas County Court, seeks a permanent injunction ordering God to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats.
The lawsuit admits God goes by all sorts of alias, names, titles and designations and it also recognizes the fact that the defendant is “Omnipresent”.
In the lawsuit Chambers says he’s tried to contact God numerous times, “Plaintiff, despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service upon Defendant (“Come out, come out, wherever you are”) has been unable to do so.”
The suit also requests that the court given the “peculiar circumstances” of this case waive personal service. It says being Omniscient, the plaintiff assumes God will have actual knowledge of the action.
The lawsuit accuses God “of making and continuing to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons, including constituents of Plaintiff who Plaintiff has the duty to represent.”
It says God has caused, “fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like.”
The suit also says God has caused, “calamitous catastrophes resulting in the wide-spread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants including innocent babes, infants, children, the aged and infirm without mercy or distinction.”
Chambers also says God “has manifested neither compassion nor remorse, proclaiming that Defendant “will laugh” when calamity comes.
Chambers asks for the court to grant him a summary judgment. He says as an alternative, he wants the judge to set a date for a hearing as “expeditiously” as possible and enter a permanent injunction enjoining God from engaging in the types of deleterious actions and the making of terroristic threats described in the lawsuit.
somebodies mommy didnt give him enough attention. at least hes only sueing god and not propositioning guys in an airport mens room.
this reminds me of the time i sued the makers of the never ending story for false advertising.

Just thoroughly unbelievable...........



DETROIT (AP) - An assistant U.S. attorney from Florida was arrested in an Internet sting operation after flying to Michigan to have sex with a 5-year-old girl, authorities said Monday.
John D.R. Atchison, 53, was arrested Sunday at Detroit Metropolitan Airport after several weeks of Internet conversations between the prosecutor and a detective posing as the mother of a 5-year-old girl, authorities say.
"There wasn't much reaction from him at all," Macomb County Sheriff Mark Hackel said. Atchison was cooperative with authorities, he said.
He was charged with using interstate communication to entice a minor to have sexual contact and traveling across state lines with the intent of engaging in illicit sexual contact. If convicted of both charges, he faces up to 40 years in prison.
According to court records, Atchison initiated an online chat Aug. 29 with an undercover officer posing as a mother interested in letting men have sex with her daughter.
At one point, Atchison said: "I'm always gentle and loving; not to worry; no damage ever; no rough stuff ever ever," according to an affidavit filed in court.
Atchison, of Gulf Breeze, Fla., is a prosecutor for the U.S. attorney's office for northern Florida, based in Tallahassee. He requested a court-appointed lawyer at his hearing Monday.




you have got to be kidding me. hes always gentle and loving? not to worry? he should worry about what happens to white guys who are into kids in the slammer. just give this guy a gun with one bullet and hope that he does the" right thing" this time.

Should i have a problem with this......

BEIJING — A man in southern China appears to have died of exhaustion after a three-day Internet gaming binge, state media said Monday.
The 30-year-old man fainted at a cybercafé in the city of Guangzhou on Saturday afternoon after he had been playing games online for three days, the Beijing News reported.
Paramedics tried to revive him but failed and he was declared dead at the cafe, it said. The paper said that he may have died from exhaustion brought on by too many hours on the Internet.
The report did not say what the man, whose name was not given, was playing.The report said that about 100 other Web surfers "left the cafe in fear after witnessing the man's death."
China has 140 million Internet users, second only to the United States. It is one of the world's biggest markets for online games, with tens of millions of players, many of whom hunker down for hours in front of PCs in public Internet cafes.
Several cities have clinics to treat what psychiatrists have dubbed "Internet addiction" in users, many of them children and teenagers, who play online games or surf the Web for days at a time.


i know a couple of people that i wish this would happen to. apparently these cafes never close. you think someone would have noticed that he hadnt left for three days. this will definlitely affect the tip........

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Madonna: I'm an 'Ambassador for Judaism'



did anyone tell the jews? they got to be shitting. cant they find someone better? you would think that with them controlling all of hollywood and the media they could find a more.....appropriate representitive



just sayin' is all.............




by the way....isnt she named after the virgin mary.......

A once great country...........



MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. (AP) - When tourists ask for the bathroom in the Minneapolis airport lately, it's usually not because they have to go.
It's because they want to see the stall made famous by U.S. Sen. Larry Craig's arrest in a sex sting.
"It's become a tourist attraction," said Karen Evans, information specialist at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. "People are taking pictures."
Craig was arrested June 11 by a Minneapolis airport police officer. The Idaho Republican pleaded guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct.
Craig has since said his guilty plea was a mistake. His request to withdraw the guilty plea will be heard Sept. 26, just four days before he has said he will step down from his Senate seat.
Just 15 minutes into her shift on Friday, Evans said she had been asked directions to the new tourist attraction four times. Other airport workers field the same question.
"It's by the Lottery shop, right next to the shoeshine shop," said newsstand worker Abdalla Said, adding he gets the question daily.
The Royal Zino Shoeshine shop owner's grandson, Royal Zino, said it has been hectic.
"People have been going inside, taking pictures of the stall, taking pictures outside the bathroom door - man, it's been crazy," he said.
On their way to Guatemala, Jon and Sally Westby of Minneapolis made a visit.
"We had to just stop and check out the bathroom," Sally said. "In fact, it's Jon's second time - he was here last week already."






is this a sad commentary on america? is this what we lowered ourselves to? does jon westby need to get a life? these are questions we need to ask ourselves these days in america. our congress is a cesspool of corruption and privilege. if he doesnt resign and those people vote him in then they get what they deserve.






oh, and who in there right mind would go visit an airport bathroom...much less twice, and by the way i'm moving my muffin stand closer to the bathroom in that airport......

Ha ha....................



PITTSBURGH (AP) - A 17-year-old boy accidentally shot himself in the leg while standing in line at a McDonald's restaurant and now he faces an illegal weapons charge.
The boy was fiddling with the .25-caliber pistol tucked in his waistband when it fired, wounding him in the upper thigh shortly before 9 p.m. Wednesday, city police Sgt. William Gorman said.
"Some days you deal with a victim, some days you deal with an actor," Gorman said. "But it's a strange day when the actor is the victim."
The boy was in good condition at Mercy Hospital. He was to be charged with illegal possession of a firearm, because he is not old enough to lawfully have a gun, police said.
Police were also trying to determine if the gun was stolen.
The boy was not identified because he is a juvenile. No one else was hurt.









what an asshole this kid is. lets hope it i vital organ that doesnt allow him to reproduce.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Maybe the people are right here.......

The United States promised in the 1994 North American Free Trade Agreement to allow trucks from Mexico to carry goods directly to any destination in the country. But opposition from labor and environmental groups kept the program on hold until Monday, when the first Mexican truck crossed the border bound for North Carolina.
Both the House and Senate have passed by overwhelming margins legislation that would kill a Transportation Department trial granting access to up to 100 Mexican trucking companies. (Canadian trucks have enjoyed the run of the country since 1982.) The 75-23 Senate vote, on an amendment to a transportation funding bill by Sen. Byron Dorgan, D-N.D., came late Tuesday night. The House passed a similar measure 411-3 in May.

"We don't have equivalent standards and most especially enforcement of these standards. … To allow long-haul Mexican trucks under these circumstances would cause safety questions on American roads," Dorgan said in an interview.
Program supporters say safety is a smoke screen for protectionism. In 2006, 23.3% of American trucks flunked U.S. roadside inspections vs. 21.2% of Mexican trucks. "This reeks of protectionism," says economist Barbara Kotschwar of the Peterson Institute for International Economics.





sounds like sour grapes on americas part......until you read this



(CBS/AP) A truck carrying mining explosives blew up after colliding with another vehicle in northern Mexico, killing at least 37 people, including three reporters who had come to the scene, state and federal officials said. Soldiers, police, emergency officials, nearby residents and reporters were on the scene Sunday night when the a fire broke out and the truck filled with explosives went off, according to Luis Horacio de Hoyos of the Coahuila state Attorney General's Office. The explosion occurred near the town of Sacramento. Maximo Alberto Neri Lopez, a federal police official, said 37 people were killed and 150 were injured. He said the explosion left a 10-by-40 foot crater in the concrete.





maybe the truckers have a point here

Lucky little kids........


GLENN DALE, Md. — Some fifth-graders at Glenn Dale Elementary School in Prince George's County thought they were going to watch "Star Wars" on DVD, but instead, they got a glimpse of a pornographic movie.
County schools spokesman John White says a music teacher put the "Star Wars" DVD in a laptop Monday morning, but the projector showed a clip from an adult film. The teacher immediately ejected the DVD, but the image of two naked adults remained frozen on the screen for about 10 seconds until the projector was switched off.
A letter was sent to the parents of all fifth-graders at the school.
The teacher wasn't identified. White says the DVD appears to be a legitimate copy of "Star Wars," and the school-issued laptop was apparently tampered with.
Investigators don't believe any students were involved.



i was thinking how i wish this would have happened to me then i got to thinking about a nun lying dead on the floor and then it wasnt such a good thought.............

Wow.........


if this is a real book i'm gooing to shit......
the title is "thank you for dying jesus, this candy is awesome"

Friday, September 14, 2007

Good for kathy.......




Kathy Griffin decided the joke was on Jesus when she accepted her Outstanding Reality Program Award at The Emmys Saturday.In her acceptance speech, Griffin said, "A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. Suck it, Jesus. This award is my god now." Oh my word. When asked about her speech, an "unrepentant" Griffin added, "I hope I offended some people. I didn't want to win the Emmy for nothing." Uhh, Overkill. Just when she was moving on up.Griffin's comments did not sit well with Sherri Shepherd, who is also a stand-up comic. On The View yesterday, Shepherd said, "I love Kathy but I was trying to text her, 'Girl, you know you ain't supposed to be saying no mess like that.' There's just a line that you shouldn't cross, there's a reverence for God that we should have." An Academy spokeswoman said Griffin's taped acceptance speech will be "heavily censored when it airs at the official Emmy Awards on Sunday." Awww. After all of those desperate comments. Bummer.



ok, lets get this straight, jesus will not be hurt by this. trust me.


dont compare this to making imus or michael richards or anyone making sport of a group of real people. there are not a group of jesuses (is that how you pluralize that) that will be protesting. blacks are real, gays are real, jews are real, jesus.......not so quick churchy. theres a debate there.


let me also add that if you are bothered by this then it might be time to look into getting a sense of humor. she was making fun of all the people who thank god when they win. do those people get mad at god when they lose? i mean if he helped them win this year didnt he help the person who beat them last year? people thank god when the weather is nice , should we get mad when the weather is shitty?


on a lighter note, nobody would laugh harder than jesus at this. hes omnipotent. i'm pretty sure he has the bet sense of humor ever. so everyone relax and laugh along with jesus (wwjd) he wants it that way......

The clampetts get caught...............





remember these six. soon , if there is a god, they will all be in prison for a very long time. these six took a 20 year old black girl and held her for a week while they sexuall assaulted her, poured hot water on her, cut her with a knife, chocked her with a cable , made her eat rat and dog feces...etc.


this classy little group resides in the lovely mountains of west virginia where deliverance isnt just a film but a way of life.


The suspects in the case have previous arrest records going back several years, according to records from Logan County Magistrate Court, and Abraham said he had "some familiarity with all those individuals."
Since 1991, police have filed 108 criminal charges against the six.
Brewster's mother, Frankie Brewster(upper left hand picture), 49, faced the most serious charges among them. She was charged in 1994 with first-degree murder, but pleaded guilty to lesser charges of manslaughter and wanton endangerment. She was released from prison in 2000 after serving five years in the death of 84-year-old Polly T. Ferrell, court records show.


In Williams' case, Frankie Brewster is charged with kidnapping, sexual assault, malicious wounding and giving false information during a felony investigation.


Bobby Brewster, 24, also of Big Creek, is charged with kidnapping, sexual assault, malicious wounding and assault during the commission of a felony.
In March, Brewster was accused in criminal complaints of attacking his mother with a machete at her home, according to court records.


Danny J. Combs, 20, of Harts, is charged with sexual assault and malicious wounding.
Karen Burton, 46, of Chapmanville was charged with malicious wounding, battery and assault during the commission of a felony.
Burton's daughter, Alisha Burton, 23, and George A. Messer, 27, both of Chapmanville, are charged with assault during the commission of a felony and battery. She previously faced charges of assault during the commission of a felony and battery; in May, she was accused of striking Messer with a shovel and smashing the window of a woman's car. The charges are pending.


Public Defender Dwyane Adkins, appointed to represent Bobby Brewster, and Public Defender Betty Gregory, appointed to represent Karen Burton, declined to comment on the case. The other defendants' court-appointed lawyers were either in hearings or did not immediately return telephone calls Wednesday.



you read it right...108 criminal charges since 1981. heres my plan. you get a back hoe, dig a giant hole, dump these illiterate cretins in and cover with dirt. theres your jail cell losers. based on the pictures hygene is just something you say to a guy named gene. how much meth do you have to do to look like those people. they make the mutants in the movie "the hills have eyes" look like the mensa members from the college debate team.


the world would be a better place without them.....