Friday, August 25, 2006

Random thoughts............

pluto will always be a planet to me. i grew up knowing that there was nine planets and i'm not going to change because some eggheads dont like the size of the ninth. planet, dwarf planet, asteroid....who cares. why dont the scientists get together and cure cancer. the world isnt as bad as we think when this is the burning question of the day. and isnt this just like bullies....always picking on the smallest one. that little planet has heart. well to hell with them lets all get together and just keep refering to the solar system (which is still the best solar system and to say otherwise would be anti american) as having nine planets. lets not lose pluto.

debra lafave is going to be interviewed by matt lauer. you might remember her as the incredibly hot teacher who slept with an underage student. i cant think of too many teachers i would have liked to sleep with but she would have been one. this kid wasnt traumatized...hes still bragging about tapping her. you just know matt lauer will screw this up. he wont ask good questions. let me interview this broad and we would get a great story.

john mark karr (how come all these psychos have three names) says hes a "sex freak". i dont know if he killed jon benet but i know one thing.....hes guilty of something. he has that look about him. lets just fry him up quick and get past this. hes getting his fifteen minutes and thats more than he deserves.

in louisiana a bus driver made black students sit on the back of the bus while he reserved the choice front seats for white kids. this understandably upset some people. let me now explain the only times that racism is ok. blacks cant swim. i only had to watch joe frazier try to swim during a superstars competition in 1973 to realize that. stick to running and jumping. white kids shouldnt rap. millions try and only one is good...eminem. vanilla ice , k-fed......they suck. you know it, i know it, now everyone knows it. pull your pants up, turn your ball cap around and stop rapping. the world will be a better place.

ok, i need to start working now. have a good weekend everyone. hey, and while your here...leave a message. i like to hear from everyone.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

catholics have nothing on baptists.........

WATERTOWN, N.Y. Aug 21, 2006 (AP)— The minister of a church that dismissed a female Sunday School teacher after adopting what it called a literal interpretation of the Bible says a woman can perform any job outside of the church.
The First Baptist Church dismissed Mary Lambert on Aug. 9 with a letter explaining that the church had adopted an interpretation that prohibits women from teaching men. She had taught there for 54 years.
The letter quoted the first epistle to Timothy: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent."
The Rev. Timothy LaBouf, who also serves on the Watertown City Council, issued a statement saying his stance against women teaching men in Sunday school would not affect his decisions as a city leader in Watertown, where all five members of the council are men but the city manager who runs the city's day-to-day operations is a woman.
"I believe that a woman can perform any job and fulfill any responsibility that she desires to" outside of the church, LaBouf wrote Saturday.
Mayor Jeffrey Graham, however, was bothered by the reasons given Lambert's dismissal.
"If what's said in that letter reflects the councilman's views, those are disturbing remarks in this day and age," Graham said. "Maybe they wouldn't have been disturbing 500 years ago, but they are now."
Lambert has publicly criticized the decision, but the church did not publicly address the matter until Saturday, a day after its board met.
In a statement, the board said other issues were behind Lambert's dismissal, but it did not say what they were.

ok ladies, when are you going to get it. they dont like you. the bible (which was written and edited by men) is against you. all the christians want is for you to donate money and bake a cake when the bake sale comes along. you cant be a priest but you can work that booth at festival time. this is ridiculous. how did this guy get to be a councilman. i understand that woman make up 51% of the population but i guarantee that this asswipe will get elected again. some women will vote for this clown because he has "good christian values" thereby throwing all other women under the bus. quit going to the church and start raising your daughters differently and you will be doing them a great favor. i think of all the dogma and guilt laid on me during eight years of catholic school (where incidentally, i got my ass kicked for questioning everything....suprise) and i wont have that done to my kids. religious training is the worst training a child can get.

sorry i had to vent like this but it just pisses me off. i hope this woman sues this church for all its worth. i guess it took 54 years to find this passage.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

What is wrong with us.......

i'm watching tv when it occurs to me that all there is to watch now is sports and reality shows. people used to say that shows like nypd blue and the west wing were too smart for america....and they may be right. the flavor of love is just some whores humiliating themselves trying to get a retarded midget with a huge clock on a chain to pick them so there fifteen minutes arent up. celebrity fat club is just some out of work d listers who put on some tonage while they havent been working humiliating themselves just trying to get fifteen more minutes. whats the common denominator.....people willing to humilate themselves to get fifteen more minutes. the term celebreality has been coined. if your on one of those shows you are not a celebrity. the one that got my goat right now is america got talent. i think that it should be retitled "america doesnt have near as much talent as it thinks" but someone pointed out to me that it might be better titled america got talent with a question mark. "america got talent?". its very good but i'm sure thats way too subtle for most people. anyway this show is akin to the gong show (which suprisingly didnt take itself as seriously) in that it rolls out half assed acts and then rates them. the judges fit the mold that all these shows use now. it has one mean spirited english guy, one woman that loves everyone (no matter how inane the act is) and another retarded guy. in this case its the hoff. by the hoff i am refering to david hasselhoff. my apologies to retards everywhere. as i watched the show i saw them actually hammer a few acts that were remotely talented but the fawned over .......rappin granny. rappin granny is an old black woman that wears an old granny dress and tries to rap. she is to rap what the hoff is to pop music (by that i mean that the germans would love her but she sucks). she keeps getting passed through and at first i said that if she wasnt black she wouldnt have made it at all....but i am reconsidering that. i think any old crone they would have tossed up there with that act would have made it. suffice to say she wouldnt have won on the old gong show. shes in the finals and dont be suprised if she wins. what does this say about america. it says that "america got talent?".

enjoy your monday. i think i'll go to the mens room now and masturbate while thinking about winning the lottery.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

And now the rest of the story.......

i'm going paul harvey on your asses today. today i'm going to tell you a story about a young man who had the world by the ass and was too stupid to grab a piece. this young man was the star of the 2002 ohio state football team. a freshman who led the team to the national championship. he scored the winning touchdown and the future looked rosy. he went afoul of some of the rules and decided to quit the team before being thrown off of it. he then decided to go into the nfl draft but due to the fact that they had a rule against someone that young being in the nfl he couldnt. he then took the nfl to court but due to the fact that he was one young man and the nfl has f you money he didnt win. he sat out a year in which he was arrested and and had some other troubles. he was so talented that an nfl team took a chance on him on the first day of the draft and even though he knew he was on shaky ground he showed up fat and out of shape and was cut. having some children he needed to support he had to work so he went and got on an indoor football team of some sort. just two nights ago he ran afould of the law once again. after making an illegal u-turn he tried to outrun the cops. he crossed the median and kept going. he the pulled into the parking lot of a store and wouldnt get out of the car. the cops pulled him out and when he became unruly they tasered him. it didnt work due to the fact that he was wearing a bullet proof vest. they then pepper sprayed him and after a struggle cuffed him. he continued to struggle up to and including being put into the paddy wagon. in the automobile was found

a. one half empty bottle of vodka
b. a pistol
c. a semi automatic handgun
d. an assault rifle
e. another assault rifle
f. a hatchet

the police never checked him for drunk driving so bad were the other offences. who is this young man you ask? the answer is maurice claret. this may be the largest case of wasted potential ever. coming to his defense was his coach who said hes seen players do worse. worse? did one of his players have a rocket launcher? how could anyone defend that? believe me there are cases where the cops have made mistakes with people but this aint one of them (before anyone gives me any shit i defend the cops and are thrilled that someone would risk his life to defend us so get off my back already). this loser has used up all his chances. he should be locked up now. if it wasnt for being able to run a good forty time he would be already. you and i would be for sure. and whats up with the hatchet. the assault rifles werent enough. was he afraid he might be attacked by a tree? dude, when your pulling all this shit together to put in the car, after putting on the bullet proof vest and getting four guns just leave the hatchet at home. do you think he passed up other vests to get to the bullet proof one. denim? no. leather? no. hey this kevlar matches my shoes. just for the record any time you leave the house with a bullet proof vest on......the night isnt going to end well. thats just a good rule of thumb. anyone think that the cincinnati bengals are reading the police report and thinking it took several cops to bring him down. we need someone like that for our goal line offense...and he fits our player profile. i stole those last lines but they are so goddamn funny i had to.

so heres to you maurice. i nominate him as the asshole of the year....until someone better comes along that is.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Conflicts between faith and reason.....

i was flipping through some tv shows the other night when i came acrosssomething new to me. the colbert report had on bill donohue. if you are not familiar with bill donohue (and i wasnt) hes the mouthpiece for the catholic league. if you arent familiar with the catholic league (and i wasnt) you should be. the catholic league is to catholics what the jewish defense league is to jews. or it should be. the catholic league promotes itself as being for "religious and civil rights". being a catholic (albeit not a very good one) i'm suprised i never heard of it. maybe this group is only for the very devout of the faith (of which i am not). actually what it seems to me they are for is to stop anyone from putting down the catholic church and to go after the competition (ie: other religions).
their website has alot of interesting articles. one of my favorites is the many stories that point out what a great pope pius the twelth was. for those who dont remember history he was the pope who turned a blind eye towards the nazis as they exterminated jews (or as the church likes to call them ...the competition). they also have a very nice tirade against the tv show south park. apparently those guys showed an episode that showed a statue of the virgin mary spraying blood from her vagina onto a picture of pope benedict the sixteenth...or as i like to call him poep nazi. they are mad because the guy that they had cowed at comedy central, who had promised not to show it ever again, left and the new guy is beholden to the catholic league. i guess being for civil rights doesnt apply to free speech.
my favorite though is their outright forgiveness and ability to stand behind mel gibson. you might remember mel as americas favorite drunk driver and anti-semite. sure his apology (which was written for him by his publicist) was, as they state, "a model of contrition". they point out that mels enemies lack forgiveness. i cant understand those people. mel put out a movie where it shows the jews killing christ, he has said in an interview that the holocaust is a numbers game, his father spews hate and says the holocaust never happened...etc. why wont they forgive him?
in retrospect the catholic league isnt for justice and understanding and civil rights its about a very wealthy institution trying to intimidate people. i do encourage everyone to go to their site and see what they spew though. its

please allow me to keep everyone straight on these things. i do so enjoy pointing out bullshit on this level. and as always remember ...hes your god, they are your rules, you burn in hell.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Office obsevations..........

i stopped as i usually do at the bp station first thing in the morning for my paper and morning fill of sarcasm from the manager. she pointed out ,sarcastically i might add, how she loves her job. then another customer laughed and said she "really" loved her job. it occurred to me that nobody i know really loves their job. i dont know anyone who wakes up and says "wow, i cant wait to get to work today". i know i dont. every day its harder and harder for me to pull my tired ass out of bed and crawl into this swirling, sucking eddy of despair that i call a job. this place sucks more than a stripper in the champagne room trying for a big tip. my boss is the cowardly lion, our bookkeeper is like dustin hoffman in rainman...only hes not good with numbers, the sales manager is just biding his time to retirement.....well you get the story. i look forward to my boss going on vacation so i can malign my own work for a week. so as i sit in my office, waiting for the warm embrace of deaths steely grip, i wonder if anyone loves their job. i start to think of the perfect job and how those people hate it. you know there is some baseball player who is thinking that he cant believe hes playing a kids game for 200k a week. he cant believe that that he walks out onto the grass under the sun for less than 400k a week. you know the photographer from playboy is trouble getting motivated to snap pictures of gorgeous naked women. "if i have to put rouge on one more set of light pink nipples i'm going to shit" he would say. or maybe not. i wouldnt. at least i have a office and i'm not stuck in a cubicle. i was trying to explain to my genius 10 year old son what prarie dogging is. i thought it would be nice to scare him about work at an early age. this should hopefully inspire him to do well in school and own his own business. at least then the retarded rules would be his own.

well enjoy your day in your office/cubicle/desk in the middle of the fucking room. the weekend will soon be here and the drinking can begin.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

I'm so smart........

two years ago i mentioned that mel gibson was , just maybe, an anti-semite. people got mad at me. they told me he was just devout in his faith. they told me he wasnt like his father. well look how right i was. seems mel really is an antisemitic jackass afterall. apparently the acorn doesnt fall far from the tree. in this case mels dad (who seems to be an adolph hitler jr.) probably read mein kampe to mel as a child. and please dont even try to bring up that its the jack daniels talking....thats a bullshit excuse. in vino veritas. liquor doesnt bring out your magnifies them. like him or not mel gibson is just another racist piece of shit.

the pittsburgh nine (also known as the pirates) have once again been sellers at the trading deadline instead of buyers. thirteen losing seasons in a row will do that to you. the trades have turned this team from a really bad team to a .....well, really bad team. nothing has changed. the owners are making some bread from this pathetic team and really dont care to spend enough to make it a winner. what a waste of the finest baseball park in the game. the best thing people in pittsburgh can do is to quit going to the games and maybe the owners will get the message.

we also ordained eight women as priests here in the burg. the catholic church is up in arms. they say that christ didnt want women to be priests. who knows what christ wanted. the church has screwed around with the bible so much that it only states what they want it to say. this is a case of the old boys wanting to keep women out of the club which really doesnt make sense considering the shortage of priests. i still cant understand why any woman with a brain would go within thirty feet of a catholic church. its apparent that they dont like women. hell the bible blames everything on women. lets just hope that the catholic church runs out of priests and just dries up and blows away.

happy tuesday everyone. i'll leave the mideast for the next post.